Zhishu He’s heart had been gnawed away at by lies repeatedly told by Wenxu Jiang for these fourteen years. He was tired of lies and didn’t want to waste his mental energy on those lies.
Zhishu He almost fell asleep as Wenxu Jiang was taking a shower. When Wenxu Jiang lay on the bed and scooped Zhishu into his arms from his back, Jiang surprisingly found Zhishu actually skinnier than he looked. Wenxu Jiang was concerned about Zhishu’s condition, but he refrained from showing too much care and only asked, “How much weight did you lose?”
“I don’t eat much as I don’t have a good appet.i.te recently,” Zhishu He replied with coldness, whose eyes were full of faint disappointment.
He didn’t notice Zhishu He’s expression on his face. Wenxu Jiang began to kiss his back along He’s shoulder blade inch by inch, which was obviously one of his flirting skills, trying to s.e.x He up.
“I am so tired, so I didn’t want to make love,” Zhishu He turned to Jiang and softly pushed him away.
Wenxu Jiang didn’t mean to have s.e.x at the moment, because he had a lot of s.e.x with his lovers these days. However, he was disappointed to be turned down by Zhishu He, who had always been compliant and agreeable. His face darkened a little for He’s refusal, “You don’t miss me these days?”
Zhishu He turned his back to him and lay down again. He turned off the lamp on the bedside table, “I’ve got a cold. I feel tired and want to sleep. You’d better not stay up too.”
Wenxu Jiang was not comfortable with abnormal behaviors of Zhishu He, who definitely hid a big secret from him. However, Zhishu He usually didn’t speak much and seldom revealed his feelings, so he was hard to be seen through. What was more, Wenxu Jiang had been out of home for so many days, he knew he didn’t stand a position to accuse He, so he turned his back to Zhishu He and decided to sleep.
The eyes of Zhishu He were wide open in the dark. He was still suffering from the headache because of the insomnia which had lasted for more than ten days. He expected to be comforted a little by Wenxu Jiang’s return; however, it only turned out to be a more torturing situation.
Zhishu He’s mother once doubted whether their relationship could last forever, with no legal protection, no blessing from family and friends, and even no child of their own to bond with each other. How could Zhishu He merely depend on love to sustain their relationship? As Wenxu Jiang’s favorite, He could be easily replaced, since some characteristics which used to attract Jiang could also be owned by others, probably by better ones. People were saying that love would soon come to an end if one party began expecting to maintain the relationship by former affection.
Leaving Jiang was his last choice, He thought, as he gently turned around to look at Wenxu Jiang who was sound asleep. He softly put his arms around Jiang’s waist, whispering, “It’s less than one year... I don’t care that you have other lovers as long as you keep them outside. I just want peace...”
Wenxu Jiang who was still in a deep sleep, instinctively held Zhishu He into his arms at once, and rubbed the soft hair of Zhishu He with his face, murmuring, “...Little Shu...”.
The tears appeared in the eyes of Zhishu He, dropped into the sideburns, and then immediately disappeared. It was too hard to resist Jiang’s gentle love, even if He knew it was just a sleep talk.
It was Zhishu He who was courted in the first place, and over the years it was also Zhishu He who gave most for their relationship. When their business became stable, Zhishu He took Jiang’s advice to retire from work and stay at home to take care of Jiang; in fact, it was because Wenxu Jiang didn’t want Zhishu He to meet other men. Zhishu had no complaint but started to learn to do housework and cook. His shares in the company were also given to Wenxu Jiang. Now Zhishu He was facing to lose his fortune as well as his love.
Zhishu He even didn’t have as much money as Wenxu Jiang’s lovers had. The treatment of his illness costed him a lot. The reason that He asked for more time of consideration was because he was more afraid of revealing his poor financial situation rather than the illness itself.
“You can’t be so cruel to me...I have been never really angry with you... but if you continue to be like this, I would disappear in your life, and never return again...”
After saying that, Zhishu He realized how ridiculous it was to say so. He couldn’t help wondering whether his life would be totally different if he had chosen another way of life, instead of Wenxu Jiang. Otherwise, he would have had his own friends, and a true love for the rest of his life, blessed by his family and friends; he would have had his own happiness as an ordinary person would have.