"I said sure thing I would. I"d found out that the best way to keep Effie"s talk shop runnin" was to agree with her. And I liked to hear her talk.
""Yup," she went on, "I give right in then. I"d traveled same as the fortune teller said, and I"d got more money"n I ever expected to see, let alone own. And ever sence I"ve been sartin as I"m alive that the feller I marry will be of a rank higher"n mine and dark complected and good-lookin" and distinguished, and that he"ll be name of Butler."
""Butler?" says I. "What will he be named Butler for?"
"""Cause the Seer critter said so. He said he could see the word Butler printed out over the top of my head in flamin" letters. Pa used to say "twas a wonder it never set fire to my crimps, but he was only foolin".
I know that it"s all comin" out true. You ain"t acquaintanced to any Butlers, are you?"
""No," says I. "I heard Ben Butler make a speech once when he was gov"nor, but he"s dead now. There ain"t no Butlers on the Old Home shippin" lists."
""Oh, I know that!" she says. "And everybody round here is homelier"n a moultin" pullet. There now! I didn"t mean exactly EVERYbody, of course.
But you ain"t dark complected, you know, nor--"
""No," says I, "nor rank nor distinguished neither. Course the handsome part might fit me, but I"d have to pa.s.s on the rest of the hand. That"s all right, Effie; my feelin"s have got fire-proofed sence I"ve been in the summer hotel business. Now you"d better run along and report to Susannah. I hear her whoopin" for you, and she don"t light like a canary bird on the party she"s mad with."
"She didn"t, that was a fact. Susannah Debs, who was housekeeper for us that year, was middlin" young and middlin" good-lookin", and couldn"t forget it. Also and likewise, she had a suit for damages against the railroad, which she had hopes would fetch her money some day or other, and she couldn"t forget that neither. She was skipper of all the hired hands and, bein" as Effie was prettier than she was, never lost a chance to lay the poor girl out. She put the other help up to pokin" fun at Effie"s green ways and high-toned notions, and "twas her that started "em callin" her "Lady Evelyn" in the fo"castle--servants" quarters, I mean.
""I"m a-comin", "screams Effie, startin" for the door. "Susannah"s in a tearin" hurry to get through early to-day," she adds to me. "She"s got the afternoon off, and her beau"s comin" to take her buggy ridin".
He"s from over Harniss way somewheres and they say he"s just lovely. My sakes! I wisht somebody"d take ME to ride. Ah hum! cal"late I"ll have to wait for my Butler man. Say, Mr. Wingate, you won"t mention my fortune to a soul, will you? I never told anybody but you."
"I promised to keep mum and she cleared out. After dinner, as I was smokin", along with Cap"n Jonadab, on the side piazza, a horse and buggy drove in at the back gate. A young chap with black curly hair was pilotin" the craft. He was a stranger to me, wore a checkerboard suit and a bonfire necktie, and had his hat twisted over one ear. Altogether he looked some like a sunflower goin" to seed.
""Who"s that barber"s sign when it"s to home?" says I to Jonadab. He snorted contemptuous.
""That?" he says. "Don"t you know the cut of that critter"s jib? He plays pool "for the house" in Web Saunders"s place over to Orham. He"s the housekeeper"s steady comp"ny--steady by spells, if all I hear"s true. Good-for-nothin" cub, I call him. Wisht I"d had him aboard a vessel of mine; I"d "a" squared his yards for him. Look how he cants his hat to starboard so"s to show them lovelocks. Bah!"
""What"s his name?" I asks.
""Name? Name"s Butler--Simeon Butler. Don"t you remember . . . Hey? What in tunket . . .?"
"Both of us had jumped as if somebody"d touched off a bombsh.e.l.l under our main hatches. The windows of the dining room was right astern of us.
We whirled round, and there was Effie. She"d been clearin" off one of the tables and there she stood, with the smashed pieces of an ice-cream platter in front of her, the melted cream sloppin" over her shoes, and her face lookin" like the picture of Lot"s wife just turnin" to salt.
Only Effie looked as if she enjoyed the turnin". She never spoke nor moved, just stared after that buggy with her black eyes sparklin" like burnt holes in a blanket.
"I was too astonished to say anything, but Jonadab had his eye on that smashed platter and HE had things to say, plenty of "em. I walked off and left Effie playin" congregation to a sermon on the text "Crockery costs money." You"d think that ice-cream dish was a genuine ugly, nicked "antique" wuth any city loon"s ten dollars, instead of bein" only new and pretty fifty-cent china. I felt real sorry for the poor girl.
"But I needn"t have been. That evenin" I found her on the back steps, all Sunday duds and airs. Her hair had a wire friz on it, and her dress had Joseph"s coat in Scriptur" lookin" like a mournin" rig. She"d have been real handsome--to a body that was color blind.
""My, Effie!" says I, "you sartin do look fine to-night."
""Yup," she says, contented, "I guess likely I do. Hope so, "cause I"m wearin" all I"ve got. Say, Mr. Wingate," says she, excited as a cat in a fit, "did you see him?"
""Him?" says I. "Who"s him?"
""Why, HIM! The one the Seer said was comin". The handsome, dark-complected feller I"m goin" to marry. The Butler one. That was him in the buggy this afternoon."
"I looked at her. I"d forgot all about the fool prophecy.
""Good land of love!" I says. "You don"t cal"late he"s comin" to marry YOU, do you, just "cause his name"s Butler? There"s ten thousand Butlers in the world. Besides, your particular one was slated to be high ranked and distinguished, and this specimen scrubs up the billiard-room floor and ain"t no more distinguished than a poorhouse pig."
""Ain"t?" she sings out. "Ain"t distinguished? With all them beautiful curls, and rings on his fingers, and--"
""Bells on his toes? No!" says I, emphatic. "Anyhow, he"s signed for the v"yage already. He"s Susannah Debs"s steady, and they"re off buggy ridin" together right now. And if she catches you makin" eyes at her best feller--Whew!"
"Didn"t make no difference. He was her Butler, sure. "Twas Fate--that"s what "twas--Fate, just the same as in storybooks. She was sorry for poor Susannah and she wouldn"t do nothin" mean nor underhanded; but couldn"t I understand that "twas all planned out for her by Providence and that everlastin" Seer? Just let me watch and see, that"s all.
"What can you do with an idiot like that? I walked off disgusted and left her. But I cal"lated to watch. I judged "twould be more fun than any "play-actin" show ever I took in.
"And "twas, in a way. Don"t ask me how they got acquainted, "cause I can"t tell you for sartin. Nigh"s I can learn, Susannah and Sim had some sort of lover"s row durin" their buggy ride, and when they got back to the hotel they was scurcely on speakin" terms. And Sim, who always had a watch out for"ard for pretty girls, see Effie standin" on the servants"
porch all togged up regardless and gay as a tea-store chromo, and nothin" to do but he must be introduced. One of the stable hands done the introducin", I b"lieve, and if he"d have been hung afterwards "twould have sarved him right.
"Anyhow, inside of a week Butler come round again to take a lady friend drivin", but this time "twas Effie, not the housekeeper, that was pa.s.senger. And Susannah glared after "em like a cat after a sparrow, and the very next day she was for havin" Effie discharged for incompetentiveness. I give Jonadab the tip, though, so that didn"t go through. But I cal"late there was a parrot and monkey time among the help from then on.
"They all sided with Susannah, of course. She was their boss, for one thing, and "Lady Evelyn"s" high-minded notions wa"n"t popular, for another. But Effie didn"t care--bless you, no! She and that Butler sport was together more and more, and the next thing I heard was that they was engaged. I snum, if it didn"t look as if the Oriental man knew his job after all.
"I spoke to the stable hand about it.
""Look here," says I, "is this business betwixt that pool player and our Effie serious?"
"He laughed. "Serious enough, I guess," he says. "They"re goin" to be married pretty soon, I hear. It"s all "cordin" to the law and the prophets. Ain"t you heard about the fortune tellin" and how "twas foretold she"d marry a Butler?"
"I"d heard, but I didn"t s"pose he had. However, it seemed that Effie hadn"t been able to keep it to herself no longer. Soon as she"d hooked her man she"d blabbed the whole thing. The fo"mast hands wa"n"t talkin"
of nothin" else, so this feller said.
""Humph!" says I. "Is it the prophecy that Butler"s bankin" on?"
"He laughed again. "Not so much as on Lady Evelyn"s nine hundred, I cal"late," says he. Sim likes Susannah the best of the two, so we all reckon, but she ain"t rich and Effie is. And yet, if the Debs woman should win that lawsuit of hers against the railroad she"d have pretty nigh twice as much. Butler"s a fool not to wait, I think," he says.
"This was of a Monday. On Friday evenin" Effie comes around to see me. I was alone in the office.
""Mr. Wingate," she says, "I"m goin" to leave to-morrer night. I"m goin"
to be married on Sunday."
"I"d been expecting it, but I couldn"t help feelin" sorry for her.
""Don"t do nothin" rash, Effie," I told her. "Are you sure that Butler critter cares anything about you and not your money?"
"She flared up like a tar barrel. "The idea!" she says, turnin" red. "I just come in to give you warnin". Good-by."
""Hold on," I sung out to her. "Effie, I"ve thought consider"ble about you lately. I"ve been tryin" to help you a little on the sly. I realized that "twa"n"t pleasant for you workin" here under Susannah Debs, and I"ve been tryin" to find a nice place for you. I wrote about you to Bob Van Wedderburn; he"s the rich banker chap who stopped here one summer.
"Jonesy," we used to call him. I know him and his wife fust rate, and he"d do "most anything as a favor to me. I told him what a neat, handy girl you was, and he writes that he"ll give you the job of second girl at his swell New York house, if you want it. Now you just hand that Sim Butler his clearance papers and go work for Bob"s wife. The wages are double what you get here, and--"
"She didn"t wait to hear the rest. Just sailed out of the room with her nose in the air. In a minute, though, back she come and just put her head in the door.
""I"m much obliged to you, Mr. Wingate," says she. "I know you mean well. But you ain"t had your fate foretold, same"s I have. It"s all been arranged for me, and I couldn"t stop it no more"n Jonah could help swallerin" the whale. I--I kind of wish you"d be on hand at the back door on Sunday mornin" when Simeon comes to take me away. You--you"re about the only real friend I"ve got," she says.
"And off she went, for good this time. I pitied her, in spite of her bein" such a dough head. I knew what sort of a husband that pool-room shark would make. However, there wa"n"t nothin" to be done. And next day Cap"n Jonadab was round, madder"n a licked pup. Seems Susannah"s lawyer at Orham had sent for her to come right off and see him. Somethin" about the suit, it was. And she was goin" in spite of everything. And with Effie"s leavin" at the same time, what was we goin" to do over Sunday?
and so forth and so on.