""By thunder!" he growls, standin" up, "I"ll show you--"
"I stood up, too. He was fat and flabby and I was thin and wiry. We looked each other over.
""I wouldn"t," says I. "You"re under the doctor"s care, you know."
"So he set down again, not havin" strength even to swear, and watched me eat my breakfast. And I ate it slow.
""Say," he says, finally, "you think you"re mighty smart, don"t you.
Well, I"m It, I guess, for this time. I suppose you"ll have no objection to SELLIN" me a breakfast?"
""No--o," says I, "not a mite of objection. I"ll sell you a couple of slices of pork for five dollars a slice and--"
""FIVE DOLLARS a--!" His mouth dropped open like a main hatch.
""Sartin," I says. "And two slabs of johnnycake at five dollars a slab.
And a cup of coffee at five dollars a cup. And--"
""You"re crazy!" he sputters, jumpin" up.
""Not much, I ain"t. I"ve been settin" at your feet larnin" high finance, that"s all. You don"t seem to be onto the real inwardness of this deal. I"ve got the grub market cornered, that"s all. The market price of necessaries is five dollars each now; it"s likely to rise at any time, but now it"s five."
"He looked at me steady for at least two more minutes. Then he got up and banged out of that shanty. A little later I see him down at the end of the sand spit starin" out into the fog; lookin" for a sail, I presume likely.
"I finished my breakfast and washed up the dishes. He come in by and by.
He hadn"t had no dinner nor supper, you see, and the salt air gives most folks an almighty appet.i.te.
""Say," he says, "I"ve been thinkin". It"s usual in the stock and provision market to deal on a margin. Suppose I pay you a one per cent margin now and--"
""All right," says I, cheerful. "Then I"ll give you a slip of paper sayin" that you"ve bought such and such slices of pork and hunks of johnnycake and I"m carryin" "em for you on a margin. Of course there ain"t no delivery of the goods now because--"
""Humph!" he interrupts, sour. "You seem to know more"n I thought you did. Now are you goin" to be decent and make me a fair price or ain"t you?"
""Can"t sell under the latest quotations," says I. "That"s five now; and spot cash."
""But hang it all!" he says, "I haven"t got money enough with me. Think I carry a national bank around in my clothes?"
""You carry a Wellmouth Bank check book," says I, "because I see it in your jacket pocket last night when I was dryin" your duds. I"ll take a check."
"He started to say somethin" and then stopped. After a spell he seemed to give in all to once.
""Very good," he says. "You get my breakfast ready and I"ll make out the check."
"That breakfast cost him twenty-five dollars; thirty really, because he added another five for an extry cup of coffee. I told him to make the check payable to "Bearer," as "twas quicker to write than "Solomon."
"He had two more meals that day and at bedtime I had his checks amountin" to ninety-five dollars. The fog stayed with us all the time and n.o.body come to pick us up. And the next mornin"s outlook was just as bad, bein" a drizzlin" rain and a high wind. The mainland beach was in sight but that"s all except salt water and rain.
"He was surprisin"ly cheerful all that day, eatin" like a horse and givin" up his meal checks without a whimper. If things had been different from what they was I"d have felt like a mean sneak thief.
BEIN" as they was, I counted up the hundred and ten I"d made that day without a pinch of conscience.
"This was a Wednesday. On Thursday, the third day of our Robinson Crusoe business, the weather was still thick, though there was signs of clearin". Fatty come to me after breakfast--which cost him thirty-five, payable, as usual, to "Bearer"--with almost a grin on his big face.
""Berry," he says, "I owe you an apology. I thought you was a green Rube, like the rest down here, but you"re as sharp as they make "em. I ain"t the man to squeal when I get let in on a bad deal, and the chap who can work me for a sucker is ent.i.tled to all he can make. But this pay-as-you-go business is too slow and troublesome. What"ll you take for the rest of the grub in the locker there, spot cash? Be white, and make a fair price."
"I"d been expectin" somethin" like this, and I was ready for him.
""Two hundred and sixty-five dollars," says I, prompt.
"He done a little figgerin". "Well, allowin" that I have to put up on this heap of desolation for the better part of four days more, that"s cheap, accordin" to your former rates," he says. "I"ll go you. But why not make it two fifty, even?"
""Two hundred and sixty-five"s my price," says I. So he handed over another "Bearer" check, and his board bill was paid for a week.
"Friday was a fine day, clear as a bell. Me and Williams had a real picnicky, sociable time. Livin" outdoor this way had made him forget his diseases and the doctor, and he showed signs of bein" ha"fway decent. We loafed around and talked and dug clams to help out the pork--that is, I dug "em and Fatty superintended. We see no less"n three sailin" craft go by down the bay and tried our best to signal "em, but they didn"t pay attention--thought we was gunners or somethin", I presume likely.
"At breakfast on Sat.u.r.day, Williams begun to ask questions again.
""Sol," says he, "it surprised me to find that you knew what a "margin"
was. You didn"t get that from anything I said. Where did you get it?"
"I leaned back on my box seat.
""Mr. Williams," says I, "I cal"late I"ll tell you a little story, if you want to hear it. "Tain"t much of a yarn, as yarns go, but maybe it"ll interest you. The start of it goes back to consider"ble many year ago, when I was poorer"n I be now, and a mighty sight younger. At that time me and another feller, a partner of mine, had a fish weir out in the bay here. The mackerel struck in and we done well, unusual well.
At the end of the season, not countin" what we"d spent for livin" and expenses, we had a balance owin" us at our fish dealer"s up to Boston of five hundred dollars--two fifty apiece. My partner was goin" to be married in the spring and was cal"latin" to use his share to buy furniture for the new house with. So we decided we"d take a trip up to Boston and collect the money, stick it into some savin"s bank where "twould draw interest until spring and then haul it out and use it.
"Twas about every cent we had in the world.
""So to Boston we went, collected our money, got the address of a safe bank and started out to find it. But on the way my partner"s hat blowed off and the bank address, which was on a slip of paper inside of it, got lost. So we see a sign on a buildin", along with a lot of others, that kind of suggested bankin", and so we stepped into the buildin" and went upstairs to ask the way again.
""The place wa"n"t very big, but "twas fixed up fancy and there was a kind of blackboard along the end of the room where a boy was markin" up figgers in chalk. A nice, smilin" lookin" man met us and, when we told him what we wanted, he asked us to set down. Then, afore we knowed it almost, we"d told him the whole story--about the five hundred and all.
The feller said to hold on a spell and he"d go along with us and show us where the savin"s bank was himself.
""So we waited and all the time the figgers kept goin" up on the board, under signs of "Pork" and "Wheat" and "Cotton" and such, and we"d hear how so and so"s account was makin" a thousand a day, and the like of that. After a while the nice man, who it turned out was one of the bosses of the concern, told us what it meant. Seemed there was a big "rise" in the market and them that bought now was bound to get rich quick. Consequent we said we wished we could buy and get rich, too. And the smilin" chap says, "Let"s go have some lunch.""
"Williams laughed. "Ho, ho!" says he. "Expensive lunch, was it?"
""Most extravagant meal of vittles ever I got away with," I says. "Cost me and my partner two hundred and fifty apiece, that lunch did. We stayed in Boston two days, and on the afternoon of the second day we was on our way back totin" a couple of neat but expensive slips of paper signifyin" that we"d bought December and May wheat on a one per cent margin. We was a hundred ahead already, "cordin" to the blackboard, and was figgerin" what sort of palaces we"d build when we cashed in."
""Ain"t no use preachin" a long sermon over the remains. "Twas a simple funeral and n.o.body sent flowers. Inside of a month we was cleaned out and the wheat place had gone out of business--failed, busted, you understand. Our fish dealer friend asked some questions, and found out the shebang wa"n"t a real stock dealer"s at all. "Twas what they call a "bucket shop," and we"d bought nothin" but air, and paid a commission for buyin" it. And the smilin", nice man that run the swindle had been hangin" on the edge of bust for a long while and knowed "twas comin".
Our five hundred had helped pay his way to a healthier climate, that"s all."
""Hold on a minute," says Fatty, lookin" more interested. "What was the name of the firm that took you greenhorns in?"
"""Twas the Empire Bond, Stock and Grain Exchange," says I. "And "twas on Derbyshire Street."
"He give a little jump. Then he says, slow, Hu-u-m! I--see."
""Yes," says I. "I thought you would. You had a mustache then and your name was diff"rent, but you seemed familiar just the same. When your false hair got washed off I knew you right away."
"He took out his pocket pen and his check book and done a little figgerin".