""You can"t," I told him. "One time, when Peter T. Brown was away, me and Cap"n Jonadab cal"lated that a poetry advertis.e.m.e.nt would be a good idee and we managed to shake out ten lines or so. It begun:
"When you"re feelin" tired and pale To the Old Home House you ought to come without fail."
""We thought "twas pretty slick, but we never got but one answer, and that was a circular from one of them correspondence schools of authors, sayin" they"d let us in on a course at cut rates. And the next thing we knew we see that poem in the joke page of a Boston paper. I never--"
"He laughed, quiet and sorrowful. He had the quietest way of speakin", anyhow, and his voice was a lovely tenor. To hear it purrin" out of his big, tall body was as unexpected as a hymn tune in a cent-in-the-slot talkin" machine.
""Too bad," he says. "As a waiter, I"m afraid--"
"Just then the door of one of the Annex houses opened sudden, and there stood Grace Robinson. The light behind her showed her up plain as could be. I heard Fred Bea.r.s.e make a kind of gaspin" noise in his throat.
""What a lovely night!" she says, half to herself. Then she calls: "Papa, dear, you really ought to see the stars."
"Old man Robinson, who I judged was in the settin" room, snarled out somethin" which wa"n"t no compliment to the stars. Then he ordered her to come in afore she catched cold. She sighed and obeyed orders, shuttin" the door astern of her. Next thing I knew that literary tenor grabbed my arm--"twa"n"t no canary-bird grip, neither.
""Who was that?" he whispers, eager.
"I told him. "That"s the name they give," says I, "but we have doubts about its bein" the real one. You see, there"s some mystery about them Robinsons, and--"
""I"ll take that waiter"s place," he says, quick. "Shall I go right in and begin now? Don"t stop to argue, man; I say I"ll take it."
"And he did take it by main strength, pretty nigh. Every time I"d open my mouth he"d shut it up, and at last I give in, and showed him where he could sleep.
""You turn out at five sharp," I told him. "And you needn"t bother to write no poems while you"re dressin", neither."
""Good night," he answers, brisk. "Go, will you, please? I want to think."
"I went. "Tain"t until an hour later that I remembered he hadn"t asked one word concernin" the wages. And next mornin" he comes to me and suggests that perhaps "twould be as well if I didn"t tell his real name.
He was pretty sure he"d been away schoolin" so long that he wouldn"t be recognized. "And incognitos seem to be fashionable here," he purrs, soft and gentle.
"I wouldn"t know an incognito if I stepped on one, but the tenor voice of him kind of made me sick.
""All right," I snaps, sarcastic. "Suppose I call you "Willie." How"ll that do?"
""Do as well as anything, I guess," he says. Didn"t make no odds to him.
If I"d have called him "Maud," he"d have been satisfied.
"He waited in Annex Number Two, which was skippered by Cap"n Jonadab.
And, for a poet, he done pretty well, so the Cap"n said.
""But say, Barzilla," asks Jonadab, "does that Willie thing know the Robinsons?"
""Guess not," I says. But, thinkin" of the way he"d acted when the girl come to the door: "Why?"
""Oh, nothin" much. Only when he come in with the doughnuts the fust mornin" at breakfast, I thought Grace sort of jumped and looked funny.
Anyhow, she didn"t eat nothin" after that. P"r"aps that was on account of her bein" out sailin" the day afore, though."
"I said I cal"lated that was it, but all the same I was interested.
And when, a day or so later, I see Grace and Willie talkin" together earnest, out back of the kitchen, I was more so. But I never said nothin". I"ve been seafarin" long enough to know when to keep my main hatch closed.
"The supplementary season dragged along, but it wa"n"t quite the success it looked like at the start. The gunnin" that year was even worse than usual, and excursions and picnics in late September ain"t all joy, by no manner of means. We shut up the second Annex at the end of the month, and transferred the help to Number One. Precious few new boarders come, and a good many of the old ones quit. Them that did stay, stayed on account of the football. We was edgin" up toward the end of the series, and our team and the Wapatomac crowd was neck and neck. It looked as if the final game between them and us, over on their grounds, would settle who"d have the soup tureen.
"Pa Robinson and Parker had been quite interested in Willie when he fust come. They thought he might play with the eleven, you see. But he wouldn"t. Set his foot right down.
""I don"t care for athletics," he says, mild but firm. "They used to interest me somewhat, but not now."
"The old man was crazy. He"d heard about Willie"s literature leanin"s, and he give out that he"d never see a writer yet that wa"n"t a "sissy."
Wanted us to fire Bea.r.s.e right off, but we kept him, thanks to me. If he"d seen the "sissy" kick the ball once, same as I did, it might have changed his mind some. He was pa.s.sin" along the end of the field when the gang was practicin", and the ball come his way. He caught it on the fly, and sent it back with his toe. It went a mile, seemed so, whirlin"
and whizzin". Willie never even looked to see where it went; just kept on his course for the kitchen.
"The big sensation hit us on the fifth of October, right after supper.
Me and Peter T. and Jonadab was in the office, when down comes Henry, old Robinson"s man servant, white as a sheet and wringin" his hands distracted.
""Oh, I say, Mr. Brown!" says he, shakin" all over like a quicksand.
"Oh, Mr. Brown, sir! Will you come right up to Mr. Sterz--I mean Mr.
Robinson"s room, please, sir! "E wants to see you gentlemen special.
"Urry, please! "Urry!"
"So we ""urried," wonderin" what on earth was the matter. And when we got to the Robinson rooms, there was Grace, lookin" awful pale, and the old man himself ragin" up and down like a horse mack"rel in a fish weir.
"Soon as papa sees us, he jumped up in the air, so"s to speak, and when he lit "twas right on our necks. His daughter, who seemed to be the sanest one in the lot, run and shut the door.
""Look here, you!" raved the old gent, shakin" both fists under Peter T."s nose. "Didn"t you tell me this was a respectable hotel? And ain"t we payin" for respectability?"
"Peter admitted it, bein" too much set back to argue, I cal"late.
""Yes!" rages Robinson. "We pay enough for all the respectability in this state. And yet, by the livin" Moses! I can"t go out of my room to spoil my digestion with your cussed dried-apple pie, but what I"m robbed!"
""Robbed!" the three of us gurgles in chorus.
""Yes, sir! Robbed! Robbed! ROBBED! What do you think I came here for?
And why do I stay here all this time? "Cause I LIKE it? "Cause I can"t afford a better place? No, sir! By the great horn spoon! I come here because I thought in this forsaken hole I could get lost and be safe.
And now--"
"He tore around like a water spout, Grace trying to calm him, and Henry and Suzette, the maid, groanin" and sobbin" accompaniments in the corner. I looked at the dresser. There was silver-backed brushes and all sorts of expensive doodads spread out loose, and Miss Robinson"s watch and a di"mond ring, and a few other knickknacks. I couldn"t imagine a thief"s leavin" all that truck, and I said so.
""Them?" sputters Pa, frantic. "What the brimstone blazes do you think I care for them? I could buy that sort of stuff by the car-load, if I wanted to. But what"s been stole is--Oh, get out and leave me alone!
You"re no good, the lot of you!"
""Father has had a valuable paper stolen from him," explains Grace. "A very valuable paper."
""Valuable!" howls her dad. "VALUABLE! Why, if Gordon and his gang get that paper, they"ve got ME, that"s all. Their suit"s as good as won, and I know it. And to think that I"ve kept it safe up to within a month of the trial, and now--Grace Sterzer, you stop pattin" my head. I"m no p.u.s.s.y-cat! By the--" And so on, indefinite.
"When he called his daughter Sterzer, instead of Robinson, I cal"lated he was loony, sure enough. But Peter T. slapped his leg.
""Oh!" he says, as if he"d seen a light all to once. "Ah, NOW I begin to get wise. I knew your face was--See here, Mr. Sterzer--Mr. Gabriel Sterzer--don"t you think we"d better have a real, plain talk on this matter? Let"s get down to tacks. Was the paper you lost something to do with the Sterzer-Gordon lawsuit? The Aluminum Trust case, you know?"
"The old man stopped dancin", stared at him hard, and then set down and wiped his forehead.