Violet targets a death glare at me. "I don"t need you to stick up for me."
"Yes, you do," I a.s.sure her, which is clearly the wrong thing to say. Her eyes darken and Greyson gets a little worried, leaning back like Violet"s about to attack us all.
Seth unfortunately doesn"t pick up on the vibe, though, walking out from under Greyson"s arm and crowding Violet. "Yep, you don"t need anyone, right? You"re perfectly fine bossing people around."
She unfolds her arms and steps forward, decreasing the s.p.a.ce between them even more. I want to believe that she won"t do anything, but I"ve seen her do too many crazy things to make any a.s.sumptions about Violet Hayes. I decided to step forward and again I mentally curse myself for being so drawn to her.
"Hey." I position myself between the two of them and look at Violet. "Let"s go get some coffee and get down to the apartment."
"You"re f.u.c.king crazy if you"re going to live with her," Seth says loudly and seconds later I hear a slap, probably from Greyson slapping him on the arm or something.
Violet stares up at me without so much as blinking and her lips are set together in a firm line. I can hear the soft intakes of each uneven breath as she fights to breathe soundlessly.
"Get out of my way," she says evenly.
"Why?" I ask. "Are you going to go after Seth or try to leave?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes."
She blinks, speechless, but then shakes her head. "I"m going to leave."
I shake my head and keep my feet planted. "Then I"m not moving."
"Okay, then I"m going after Seth," she says with a mocking att.i.tude as she shuffles to the side. "Now please move out of my way."
I mimic her move and she glowers at me through her thick eyelashes. "Luke..."
I lean in, lowering my voice. "I"m not going to let you out of here when you"re obviously upset and irrational."
"I"m not irrational," she argues and then swallows hard. "And what does it matter if I am?"
"Hitchhiking." I count down my fingers the many reckless things I"ve seen her do over the few weeks I"ve known her. "Stepping into a bar fight, dealing drugs, jumping out of windows, letting some dude get rough with you."
"I do those things when I"m rational," she mutters.
"What? That doesn"t make any sense."
She glances over my shoulder at Seth and Greyson. "Yes it does... now let me go."
"Were you having a bad dream?" I whisper. "Is that why you woke up panicked?"
"I"m fine," she hisses back, sucking in a slow breath. Her eyes water over and I get lost in her emotion, my hand drifting to her cheekbone to stroke her skin. She flinches against the contact as I spread my fingers over her cheek. "Please, just let me leave." She begs. "Please, I just need a moment."
f.u.c.k. I want to kiss her so badly right now, pull her against me and just hold her. I could try and blame it on the fact that she looks so vulnerable and I just want to seize the opportunity to touch her when her guard is down, but it"s not like that. I know it the moment I step back and let her go by simply because she said it was what she needed at the moment. Nothing else.
She doesn"t thank me as she hurries by me and I don"t turn around to watch her go. I just did something solely for someone else, tossing all of my own needs aside, and I have no idea what to do with it.
Once I hear the door shut, I pull myself together before I turn around, pretending like nothing happened.
Seth immediately shakes his head at me, flabbergasted. "What the h.e.l.l was that about?"
"Nothing." I head over to my desk to clear it out. With each item I put in the box, the lighter I feel because soon I"ll have some place to live and it"s not back home. "She just needed a place to crash for the night."
He strolls up and leans over to catch my eye. "Not that. That weird little moment you two just shared."
"I don"t share moments with anyone." I glance out the window, keeping an eye on the yard in front of the building for her to step outside.
"So you say," Seth says. "And I"ve never seen you do anything that would contradict that, until just now."
"Seth, maybe we should just let him be," Greyson says, leaning against the door.
I gather my pens and notebook out of the desk, along with the leather case that carries my insulin and needles and place it into a box. I relax when I spot a girl with dark hair and red streaks hiking across the gra.s.s down below. "Yeah, please drop it. I don"t have enough alcohol in my system just yet." I back away from the desk toward the mini fridge. "Speaking of which." I bend down and open the fridge, taking out a bottle of vodka, hoping it"ll drown out what I just did.
Greyson sits down on the bed and shakes his head disapprovingly as I tip back my head and down a much-needed shot. Seth s.n.a.t.c.hes the bottle from my hand and takes a large gulp himself.
"You two are such alcoholics," Greyson says. "Seriously, this isn"t normal."
"Normal is overrated," Seth jokes, handing me the bottle.
I put it back in the fridge and shut the door. "So not that I"m not super thrilled you guys randomly showed up way too early in the morning, but why are you here? I thought you were headed to your house," I say to Seth.
"Well, we were," he replies, sitting down beside Greyson. "But then I got a lovely call from dear old ma a few days ago, saying that she"d changed her mind and that she wasn"t comfortable with Greyson and me staying with her, so now we"re crashing in town for the summer."
"Why don"t you just go to Greyson"s?" I ask, crossing the room to the closet.
"Because his parents live all the way over in Florida," he tells me. "And we don"t want to drive that far. Besides, I got an offer to work at the clinic and I really want to do it, being a Psychology major and all."
"You"re a Psychology major?" I question. "When did that happen?"
"When I registered for fall cla.s.ses and my counselor suggested I declare something other than undecided," he says, with a grin. "And since I"m so smart in the human psyche department, I thought I"d give psychology a go. And Greyson got a new part-time job as a bartender down at Moonlight Dining and Drinks. He starts in a few days."
I grab all my shirts off the hangers and put them in the box, keeping a gray one out to put on now. I don"t like how unorganized I"m being, but I"m in a hurry to get down to the apartments, just to have peace of mind that I have a roof over my head. "So then where are you two living? Because getting an apartment around here on short notice is pretty much a lost cause."
"We just got a place up on Elm yesterday," Seth tells me, getting up from the bed. "Which is why we stopped by... it"s got an extra room and we were wondering if you wanted to stay with us, since you don"t have place to stay."
I glance up as I fold the top of the box shut. "How did you know I didn"t have a place?"
Seth grabs the tape from the dresser and hands it to me. "You told us the other night at Red Ink."
Me and my drunken mouth. "Well, I"m good now." I pull a piece of tape off and stretch it out over the box.
"Good living with Violet?" He exchanges a disbelieving look with Greyson and Greyson sighs. "Come on, you seriously want to live with her?"
"Maybe." My chest constricts as I say it because I do. "I can"t just leave her with nowhere to go and she"s got a job and everything so she can pay half the rent."
"She can get her own place," Seth says as I tug the gray shirt over my head.
"No, she can"t," I reply, running my hand over my hair. "She needs help."
"Obviously." Seth rolls his eyes. "She"s scary as h.e.l.l."
"I"m scary as h.e.l.l." I pick up my cologne off the desk and spray a little on me before adding it to another box. It seemed so hard to pack before, but it seems easy now that I know I"m not going back home.
"No, you just think you are." Seth roams around my room, collecting my watches and sungla.s.ses I have lying around, along with loose change. He hands them to me and I add them to another box I have open next to the foot of the bed. "Just crash with us. We can split the rent three ways and Greyson knows the guy running the place and he gave us one of the furnished apartments for cheap."
"How cheap?" I clasp a leather band on my wrist that says redemption on it.
"Six hundred bucks for a two-bedroom and you"ll get your own room." He smiles like it"s the best deal ever.
It"s about the same price as the Oak Section, yet much nicer and it has furniture. s.h.i.t, it"s tempting. Way too tempting. Plus the bills would be split three ways. I fold my arms, my jaw set tight as I dig out my old self that"s been hiding for days, the one that thinks of himself first because no one else ever has.
"All right I"m in."
Violet I"m trying to keep it together and not run out into that road. Cars crawl by at a snail"s pace so it wouldn"t do much good throwing myself in front of them anyway. But everything"s crashing over me; opening my eyes to an unfamiliar room, Luke witnessing me spastically waking up, and the fact I"m officially alone in the world. I don"t even have Preston anymore. The one person I could ever consider family is gone and now I"m standing out in front of a building, not a single person in sight. All I want to do is pick a fight, stand on the ledge of a tall building, drown in a dark pool of water. Push myself to the brink of death and maybe this time just let it take me over. Maybe it"s time. To let go. Give up. Because I"m so G.o.d d.a.m.n tired of struggling to hold onto life.
I tug my hands through my tangled hair and glance around the gra.s.sy area surrounded by trees, searching for something dangerous that might give me the numbness I so desperately need. My gaze scales up to the roof of the loft dorm building, and I angle my chin up. The sun stings at my eyes but I don"t blink as I observe the thin trim of the roof. How do I get up to it?
"Violet." Luke"s voice flickers the tension inside me down a notch, enough for me to stop thinking about the roof.
I lower my eyes to see him walking across the gra.s.s and the tension pretty much fades away. He"s wearing black shorts and he"s got a shirt on, covering up his chest and tattoos and he has that leather band on his wrist that he always wears, the one that says "redemption." I open my mouth to say something to him that will maybe put an end to this little attachment I"m developing toward him, but for once I can"t find anything to say.
"Hey," he says when he reaches me beneath the canopy of the trees.
"That"s three "heys" in the last twenty minutes." I force a smile, but it hurts.
He smiles, but his looks strained, too. "I guess that"s my go-to word."
"I guess so."
The dorm building"s doors swing open, the windows reflecting in the sunlight. Seth and I think his name is Greyson walk out, laughing about something. Seth narrows his eyes at me and shoots me a dirty look.
Luke stuffs his hands into the pockets of his shorts. "So, I have to tell you something."
"Okay..." I try not to get nervous, but I do, which makes me want to run, but I don"t because I want to be near him.
"It"s about the apartment." He pulls his hand out of his pocket and ma.s.sages the back of his neck tensely. "Seth and Greyson were going to go to Seth"s place for the summer, but some stuff happened and now they"re going to stay here... and they want me to share a place with them on Elm." His arm falls to the side as he waits for me to respond.
As it clicks, my face falls, but I quickly pick myself up and my fake smile that hides the crushing disappointment rises up right on cue. "Elm"s a nice place."
"Yeah, it is and I think Greyson knows the dude who owns it so he"s giving them a furnished one for cheap."
"Sounds awesome." Still smiling, all rainbows and sunshine even though I feel like a f.u.c.king rain cloud on the inside.
"Yeah." He glances over at the parking lot where Seth and Greyson are climbing into a sleek black car parked near the front door. "So I was thinking," he looks back at me, "That you could stay with us, too."
My heart skips a beat, but I shove it down. "That"s the most ridiculous thing I"ve ever heard, but thanks for the offer."
"More ridiculous than panda bears giving you drugs," he jokes but then sighs. "Look, I know Seth"s a little intense, but I asked him and he said he was okay with it."
"I don"t care if he"s okay with it," I tell him, backing across the gra.s.s. "I"m not a charity case. I can find my own place to live." I spin on my heels and start walking across the gra.s.s, my blood pressure rising with each step. Stop it. Stop. This isn"t right. I shouldn"t be feeling this upset over the fact that I"m walking away from some guy or that he just ruined our plan to live together. I never wanted to in the first place, yet my inner voice is laughing at me, loud and shrill. I feel like running, but I don"t. I take even strides, one by one, like I"m in no hurry to get anywhere.
"Violet wait." Luke chases after me and grabs my arm, jerking me to a stop. "I know you"re upset but-"
"I"m not upset." I laugh, but it sounds sharp and off pitch. "I just need to figure out where I"m going to stay."
He reels me in toward him by the arm. "Just stay with us."
"I"m good, but thanks." I tug back, but not hard enough to get me anywhere. Instead I"m drawn closer and closer to him, his brown eyes blazing like embers beneath the sunlight.
"Stay." Is all he says as the s.p.a.ce between us disappears. I can feel the heat from his body and maybe my own as he lures me closer until our chests brush. Jesus, I think my nipples just got hard. "It"ll work out... we can share a room and I-"
"You"re going to share a room with me? Seriously." I shake my head. "Didn"t you get enough of that this morning?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean my crazy wake-up ritual. I wake up like that every morning."
He scans my face for something, but he"s not going to find it, whatever it is. "I can handle a cranky Violet. I"ve been doing it for weeks."
"Yeah, but you get breaks," I say, confused. I don"t get why he"s being so nice and determined to help me. It doesn"t make sense, not unless he wants something. "This time you wouldn"t. I"d be there twenty-four/seven, while you"re sleeping, eating, taking a shower."
He stifles a grin as his hand slides up my arm to my shoulder. "If you get too bad, then I"ll leave the house for a while," he says and I get a whiff of vodka on his breath.
"You"re drunk." It"s making sense now, why he wants to help me. "I get it now."
"First off, I"m not drunk. I barely took a swallow and trust me I have a high f.u.c.king tolerance for alcohol," he tells me. "And second, what do you get?"
"Why you"re determined to help me."
"I"m not determined to help you. I just want you to come live with me... us." He winces at his own words, but doesn"t look away from me, our eyes bond. "Come live with me."
"I don"t think that"s a good idea," I say as his gaze flicks to my mouth.
"Why not?" He rubs his lips together as he moves his hand from my shoulder and his thumb grazes my bottom lip.
"Because I"m crazy and intense." I swallow the lump in my throat as my stomach flutters. "You"ll get sick of me. I promise."
"So am I." He"s fixated with my lips, tracing his thumb back and forth across them and it feels weird and wonderful and thrilling. "Jesus..." he breathes, seeming torn, an array of emotions flashing across his face, but in the end there"s only conquest and confusion, a strange combination.
Before I can even take my next breath, he"s leaning in and his lips are brushing mine. My breath is stolen and tossed aside somewhere, my legs instantly turning to rubber. I"ve been kissed plenty of times by people I hate, dislike, felt no connection with at all. This is different... even more so than in his truck... this is... stimulating. Slow and sensual... everything is slow, even my heart rate. I feel a sinking feeling drift through my body down to my toes as I slide my hands up his lean arms and grip into his shoulders to keep from collapsing to the ground. He holds my weight in his arms, again making me feel safe. I open my mouth and let his tongue slide in deeply as I press my chest against his.
"This is so much better sober..." he mumbles and I realize he does remember the kiss in his truck. He lets out a throaty groan, his grasp on my shoulder tightening as his other hand tugs at my waist, crushing me against him. Our chests collide, our body heat mixing. Everything that I"d been feeling when I walked out here is gone and is replaced by this slow burn. It only amplifies when his hand glides up my back and tangles through my hair. I hate my hair played with, but as he tugs on it roughly, it makes me want to cry out in pleasure. The idea that he could do anything to me at the moment feels so G.o.d d.a.m.n invigorating. That he could keep kissing me like he is. Devour me. Have s.e.x with me. Whatever he wants and I don"t know him enough to know what that is. It"s terrifying and thrilling and it"s making me crave more.
I slip my hand up his back and push my palm against him, forcing him closer to me.
"Violet," he groans, dragging his teeth across his my bottom lip and gently nibbling on it. "I think... I think..." He starts to pull away.