I could not help saying rather faintly, "Has he?"
Not faintly he answered, "He has!--but not the world alone, even his friends, are apt to misjudge him. What he enters upon, however with earnestness, YOU will commonly find turn out as he represents it."
His genius, his mental faculties, and the natural goodness of his heart, I then praised as warmly as Mr. Windham could have praised them himself; but the subject ran me aground a second time, as, quite undesignedly, I concluded my panegyric with declaring that I found it impossible not to admire,--nay, love him, through all his wrong. Ending another total silence and averted head, I started something more general upon the trial.
His openness then returned, with all its customary vivacity, and he expressed himself extremely irritated upon various matters which had been carried against the managers by the judges.
"But, Mr. Windham!" exclaimed I, "the judges!--is it possible you can enter into such a notion as to suppose Mr. Hastings capable of bribing them?"
"O, for capable," cried he, "I don"t know--"
"Well, leave that word out, and suppose him even willing--can you imagine all the judges and all the lords--for they must concur-- disposed to be bribed?"
"No; but I see them all determined to acquit Mr. Hastings."
"Determined?--nay, that indeed is doing him very little honour."
"O, for honour!--if he is acquitted--" He stopped,--as if that were sufficient.
I ventured to ask why the judges and the lords-should make such a determination.
"From the general knavery and villainy of mankind." was his hard answer, "which always wishes to abet successful guilt."
"Well!" cried I, shaking my head, "you have not,
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relinquished your speech from having nothing to say. But I am glad you have relinquished it, for I have always been most afraid of you ; and the reason is, those who know how to hold back will not for nothing come forward. There is one down there, who, if he knew how ever to hold back, would be great indeed!"
He could not deny this, but would not affirm it. Poor Mr.
Burke!--so near to being wholly right, while yet wholly wrong!
When Mr. Burke mounted the rostrum, Mr. Windham stopped short, saying, "I won"t interrupt you-" and, in a moment, glided back to the managers" box; where he stood behind Mr. Burke, evidently at hand to a.s.sist in any difficulty. His affection for him seems to amount to fondness. This is not for me to wonder at. Who was so captivated as myself by that extraordinary man, till he would no longer suffer me to reverence the talents I must still ever admire?
A GLIMPSE OF MRS. PIOZZI.
Sunday, May 2.-This morning, in my way to church, just as I arrived at the iron gate of our courtyard, a well-known voice called out, "Ah, there"s Miss Burney!"
I started, and looked round--and saw--Mrs. Piozzi! I hastened up to her; she met my held-out hand with both hers: Mr. Piozzi an Cecilia(329) were with her--all smiling and good-humoured.
"You are going," she cried, "to church?--so, am I. I must run first to the inn: I suppose one--may sit--anywhere one pleases?"
"Yes," I cried, "but you must be quick, or you will sit nowhere, there will be such a throng." This was all;--she hurried on,--so did I.
I received exceeding great satisfaction in this little and unexpected meeting. She had been upon the Terrace, and was going to change her hat, and haste on both sides prevented awkwardness on either.
Yet I saw she had taken in good part my concluding hand- presentation at my dear Mr. Locke"s:(330) she met me no more
356 with that fiert"e of defiance: it was not-nor can it ever be with her old cordiality, but it was with some degree of pleasure, and that species of readiness which evinces a consciousness of meeting with a good reception.
CAPTAIN BURNEY WANTS A SHIP AND TO GO TO COURT.
May 6.-This being the last Pantheon, I put in my long intended claim; and it was greatly facilitated by the circ.u.mstance of a new singer, Madame Benda, making her first appearance. My dearest father fetched me from the Queen"s house. Esther and Marianne kept me places between them. Marianne never looked so pretty; I saw not a face there I thought equally lovely. And, oh, how Pacchierotti sung!--How -with what exquisite feeling, what penetrating pathos! I could almost have cried the whole time, that this one short song was all I should be able to hear !
At the beginning of the second act I was obliged to decamp.
James, who had just found me out, was my esquire. "Well," he cried, in our way to the chair, "will there be war with Spain?"
I a.s.sured him I thought not.
"So I am afraid!" answered the true English tar. " "However, if there is, I should be glad of a frigate of thirty-two guns. Now, if you ask for it, don"t say a frigate, and get me one of twenty-eight!"
Good heaven!--poor innocent James!--
And just as I reached the chair--"But how shall you feel," he cried, "when I ask you to desire a guard-ship for me, in about two years" time?"
I could make no precise answer to that! He then added that he intended coming to Court! Very much frightened, I besought him first to come and drink tea with me--which he promised.
In my way home, as I went ruminating upon this apparently but just, though really impracticable demand, I weighed well certain thoughts long revolving, and of late nearly bursting forth and the result was this--to try all, while yet there is time.
Reproach else may aver, when too late, greater courage Would have had greater success. This idea settled my resolutions, and they all bent to one point, risking all risks.
Page 357 May 10.-This evening, by appointment came our good James and his wife, and soon afterwards, to my great pleasure, Captain Phillips joined us. I take it, therefore, for granted, he will have told all that pa.s.sed in the business way. I was very anxious to gather more intelligibly the wishes and requests of poor James, and to put a stop to his coming to Court without taking such previous steps as are customary. I prevailed, and promised, in return, to make known his pretensions.
You may believe, my dear friends, this promise was the result of the same wish of experiment, and sense of claim upon me of my family to make it while I may, that I have mentioned. I did-- this very evening. I did it gaily, and in relating such anecdotes as were amusingly characteristic of a sailor"s honest but singular notions of things: yet I have done it completely; his wishes and his claims are now laid open--Heaven knows to what effect! The Court scheme I have also told; and my royal mistress very graciously informed me, that if presented by some superior officer there could be no objection; but otherwise, unless he had some promotion, it was not quite usual.
CAPTAIN BURNEY AND MR. WINDHAM.
May 11.-This morning my royal mistress had previously arranged for me that I should go to the trial, and had given me a ticket for my little Sarah(331) to accompany me; and late last night, I believe after twelve o"clock, she most graciously gave me another for James. just at this time she could not more have gratified me than by a condescension to my dear brother. Poor Columb was sent with the intelligence, and directions for our meeting at seven o"clock this morning, to Norton-street.
Sarah came early; but James was so late we were obliged to leave word for him to follow us. He did,--two hours afterwards! by way of being our esquire; and then told me he knew it would be in good time, and so he had stopped to breakfast at Sir Joseph Banks"s. I suppose the truth is, it saved him a fresh puff of powder for some other day.
We talked over all affairs, naval and national, very comfortably.
The trial is my only place for long dialogues! I gave him a new and earnest charge that he would not speak home concerning the prosecution to Mr. Winndham, should he join
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us. He made me a less reluctant promise than heretofore, for when last with Charlotte at Aylsham he had frequently visited Mr.
Windham, and had several battles at draughts or backgammon with him; and there is no Such good security against giving offence as seeing ourselves that our opponents are worth pleasing. Here, too, as I told James, however we might think all the managers in the wrong, they were at least open enemies, and acting a public part, and therefore they must fight it Out, as he would do with the Spaniards, if, after all negotiation, they came to battle.
He allowed this; and promised to leave him to the attacks of the little privateer, without falling foul of him with a broadside.
Soon after the trial began Mr. Windham came up to us, and after a few minutes" chat with me addressed himself to James about the approaching war. "Are you preparing," he cried, "for a campaign?"