She did them, too. While one half of her brain had slackened its grip of the world, the other half retained the most perfect grasp of certain necessary details. She spent the morning with her father"s solicitor, while he explained to her the first principles of finance, and the inner meaning of mortgages and bills of sale. She understood clearly that the things which would naturally have come to her on her father"s death belonged in a certain sense to Mr. Richard Pilkington of Shaftesbury Avenue. Mr. Schofield, poor man, had approached this branch of his subject gently and gingerly, with every delicacy of phrasing that his fancy could suggest. He leaned back in his chair and looked at her through half-closed eyes, respectfully veiling the shrewdness of his gaze. Lucia had at first displayed so little interest and intelligence that he felt himself compelled to a broader and simpler statement of the facts. With the exception of her own personal possessions, nothing in Court House remained to her, nothing, not a book, not a solitary piece of drawing-room furniture. Mr.
Pilkington"s bill of sale was, he grieved to say, inclusive of everything, from the Harden library and the great gallery of portraits, to the gla.s.s and china in the pantry, and the blankets on the beds. "Not even," he had said, "that little paper weight that you have in your hand, Miss Harden." And Lucia had examined the paper weight as if she saw it for the first time; she put it down and smiled. It struck her as incomprehensible, ludicrous almost that any one could spend so much pa.s.sion and solemnity on things so unimportant, so irrelevant; she was not in the least surprised to hear that they did not belong to her; the inconceivable thing was that they ever had belonged to her.
And as the solicitor looked at her the corners of his mouth twitched with a little spasm of pity; his eyes lost their veiled shrewdness, and when she smiled they stared in frankest fright. For a moment he supposed that the shock of his announcement had turned her brain. It never occurred to that astute intelligence that she was smiling at his own simplicity.
When he had left she returned to the writing-table; she sorted and arranged a disordered heap of business letters, letters of condolence and tradesmen"s bills. She pushed aside the letters of condolence--Kitty would answer those. She unlocked a drawer and took from it two open envelopes scored with many postmarks and addressed to Harmouth, to Cannes and to Harmouth again; these she scrutinized anxiously, as if they disclosed some secret guarded by their contents. Then she read the letters carefully all over again.
One was from her cousin Edith Jewdwine. Edith"s sympathy covered two sheets; it flowed from her pen, facile and fluent. Edith had had the influenza, otherwise Edith would have come to Lucia at once. Could not Lucia come to her instead? Edith could not bear to think of Lucia alone there in her trouble, in that great big house. She was glad that Kitty Palliser was with her. If only she had not been so unfortunate as to catch influenza, and so on!
Lucia was sorry that Edith had influenza, but she was not sorry that she had not come. She did not want Edith with her.
The other letter was from Horace. Horace had refined his expressions of condolence into one faultless phrase. The rest of his letter consisted of apologies and offers of service. These his close cramped handwriting confined to the centre of the sheet, leaving a broad and decent margin to suggest the inexpressible. He had heard of his uncle"s death indirectly; why had she not sent for him? If she had wired to him at once he could have made arrangements to meet and take her to Cannes, or he could have joined her there and brought her home.
At present he was overwhelmed with business; but he hoped to run down to Harmouth at the end of the week, and travel up to town with her. He understood that she was going to stay with Edith. Busy as he was, he would come now, at any minute, if he could be of any immediate use.
She had only to wire if she wanted him.
She laid down that letter, pushed it aside, took it up again, and read it a second time, as if to satisfy herself as to the writer"s meaning. She was not sure as to what Horace was or was not willing to do, but there could be no doubt that he was deeply sorry for her. Why had she not sent for him? Why indeed? Her first instinct had been to send for him. She had only to let him know that she was in trouble, and he would have come to her at any inconvenience to himself. And that, of course, was why she had not sent. It would have been so impossible for him to refuse.
And now she was thankful that she had spared him, and that he had not followed her to those terrible rooms in the Villa des Palmes, that he knew nothing of those seven days. She would have endured any suffering, paid any price to obliterate the memory of them. It was horrible to think how nearly Horace had been there. Horace of all people--the fastidious, the immaculate, the merciless. If she had found it hard to judge her dead father tenderly, she knew what Horace"s judgement would have been.
She had "only to wire if she wanted him." Oh no; he was the last person that she wanted now.
Those two letters she answered without more delay. To Horace she wrote in a rea.s.suring manner, so as to absolve him from any sense of obligation he might happen to feel. She would rather he came down a little later than he proposed. Meanwhile he was not to be anxious, for Mr. Schofield was managing her affairs extremely well. She admitted that when those wonderful affairs were settled her income would be but small (she considered that this was a thing Horace ought to be told before--before he wrote any more letters). She added that the library, the pictures and the furniture would have to be sold. And Court House, too, she was afraid. (That also was a fact that must not be concealed from him for a moment. It seemed to concern Horace so much more than it did her.) These things, which it was her duty to tell him, she told simply and plainly. But she omitted to mention that two men in possession were sitting in the housekeeper"s room, in att.i.tudes of more or less constraint. She ended by a.s.suring Horace of her grat.i.tude, with a fervency which suggested that he had some cause to doubt it. And indeed, at the moment, she could hardly tell whether she were more grateful to him for offering to come to her or for having stopped away.
All this necessary business Lucia transacted with one half of her mind; while the other stood far off, possessed by its sense of unreality, of illusion.
Next she went through the tradesmen"s bills. There were a great many people to be paid, and unless Court House were sold there would be nothing to pay them with. It was at this point that Robert came in with the announcement that Mr. Rickman had called and wished to see her.
At first (the active intelligence being busy with accounts), her only idea was that she owed Mr. Rickman fifteen pounds and that when all debts were paid fifteen pounds would represent a very solid portion of her income. Then her dreaming self awoke to the memory of something unachieved, an obligation rashly incurred, a promise that could never be fulfilled.
Yes. She would see Mr. Rickman.
CHAPTER x.x.x
Lucia had risen and was standing in the embrasure of the south window.
She had her back to the door, so that she could not see him as he came in.
He wondered how on earth he was going to get over the s.p.a.ce between the window and the door. A sudden wave of weakness went through his body; he had horrible sensations of sinking at the middle and of giving way altogether at the knees. He had been afraid of seeing her suffer; now he knew that what he was really afraid of was her fear of seeing him. He expected to see her face set in abhorrence of his sympathy, her body shrink in antic.i.p.ation of a touch on her pain.
Lucia spared him all the embarra.s.sments of that approach As if she had divined his feeling, she turned, she came forward to meet him, she held out her hand and smiled as she would have smiled if nothing had happened.
His hand trembled visibly as it dropped from hers. He hid it in his breast pocket, where it pretended to be looking for things.
"Miss Palliser said she thought you would see me--"
"Yes, I wanted to see you; I would have sent for you if you had not come. Sit down, please."
She sat down herself, in her old place at the writing table.
He took the chair beside her and leaned back, resting his arm on the table. She turned so as to face him.
She was not so changed but that his hungry and unhappy eyes could rest on her, appeased and comforted. And yet she _was_ changed, too. Her girlhood, with all its innocence of suffering, had died in her. But the touch of that death was masterly, it had redeemed her beauty from the vagueness of its youth. Grief, that drags or sharpens or deforms the faces of older women, had given to hers the precision that it lacked. There was a faint sallow tinge in the whiteness of her skin, and her eyelids drooped as if she were tired to the point of exhaustion. He noticed, too, the pathetic tension that restrained the quivering of her mouth. It was the upper lip that trembled.
"You have been ill?" she said.
And as he answered that, "Oh, it was nothing," he was aware for the first time how very much it had been. She too was aware of it.
She expressed her concern; she hoped that they had looked after him well at the hotel.
Decidedly she had grown older and her manner had grown older too. It suggested that it was she who was the protector; that she wished, as far as possible, to spare him in an interview which must necessarily be painful. It was as if she remembered that he at any rate was young, and that these gloomy circ.u.mstances must be highly distasteful to his youth. In that she was the same as ever; every nerve in her shrank from the pain of giving pain.
At least that was his first impression. And then (no consoling view being really open to him) he told himself he was a fool to suppose that in the circ.u.mstances she could think of him at all. He had nothing tangible to go upon. He could see through it. He could see perfectly through the smile, the self-possession, even the air of polite and leisurely interest in his illness. She dwelt on him because he was of all themes the one most indifferent to her. She was simply holding herself in, according to the indestructible instincts of her race.
He need not have been afraid of seeing her suffer; that, at any rate, he would not see. To let him see it would have been to her an extreme personal degradation, an offence against the decencies of her cla.s.s.
This sorrow of hers, this invisible, yet implacable sorrow, stood between them, waving him away. It opened up again the impa.s.sable gulf.
He felt himself not only a stranger, but an inferior, separated from her beyond all possibility of approach. She had not changed. She had simply reverted to her type.
Her eyes waited for him to speak. But they were not the eyes he knew, the eyes that had drawn him to confession. It was borne in upon him that this (though it might be his last moment with her) was not the moment to confess. There was a positive grossness in the idea of unburdening himself in the presence of this incommunicable grief. It was like putting in a claim for consideration as an equal sufferer. He had no right to obtrude himself upon her at all. In her calm-eyed attention there was a hint--a very delicate and gentle one--that he would do well to be impersonal, business-like, and, above all, brief.
"It was about the library that I wanted to see you, Miss Harden."
"Was it? I was just going to ask you not to do anything more to the catalogue if you have not finished it."
"I finished it ten days ago--before the twenty-seventh."
She smiled faintly. "Then you kept your promise. It doesn"t matter.
What I most wanted to speak to you about was the secretaryship I offered you. I"m afraid we must give it up."
"Oh--Miss Harden--" his tone expressed that he had always given it up, that it was not to be thought of for an instant. But evidently she was possessed with the idea that he had a claim upon her.
"I"m very sorry, but as things have turned out I shan"t be able to keep a secretary. In fact, as you may have heard, I"m not able to keep anything hardly--not even my promises."
"Please--please don"t think of it--"
"There is no use thinking of it. Still, I wanted you to know that I really meant it--I believed it could be done. Of course I don"t know how much you really wanted it."
"Wanted it? I"d "ave given half my life for a year of it."
Lucia"s hand, laid lightly on the table"s edge, felt a strong vibration communicated to it from Mr. Rickman"s arm. She looked up, in time to see his white face quiver before he hid it with his hand.
"I"m so sorry. Did it mean so much to you?"
He smiled through his agony at the cause a.s.signed to it. "I"m not thinking of that. What it means to me--what it always will mean is your goodness--in thinking of it. In thinking of it now."
It was his nearest approach to a sympathetic allusion.
She did not wince (perceptibly), but she ignored the allusion.