"How exciting to know you"re in town." she said when he identified himself. "Can you come over now? I have some people here but they"re just leaving. This decision about my equipment, this is something I want to do slowly and carefully. What time is it now? I just got here from California."
"It"s 7 P.M. New York time," he said.
"Have you had dinner?"
"No," he said. It was like a fantasy; he felt as if he was in a dream world, a kingdom of the divine. He felt-like a child, he thought. Reading my Silver Pennies book of poems. Apparently I found a silver penny, and made my way there. Where I have always yearned to be. Home is the sailor home from the sea, he thought. And the hunter... He could not remember how the verse went. Well, in any case it was appropriate; he was home at last. And there is no one here to tell me she looks like a pizza waitress, he informed himself. So I can forget that.
"I"ve got some food here in my apartment; I"m into health foods. If you want some ... I have actual orange juice, soybean curd, organic foods. I don"t believe in slaughtering animals."
"Fine," he said. "Sure; anything. You name it."
When he reached her apartment-in an outstandingly lovely building-he found her wearing a cap, a turtleneck sweater and white duck shorts; barefoot, she welcomed him into the living room. No furniture at all; she hadn"t moved in yet. In the bed- room a sleeping bag and an open suitcase. The rooms were large and the picture window gave her a view of Central Park.
"h.e.l.lo," she said. "I"m Linda." She extended her hand. "It"s nice to meet you, Mr. Asher."
"Call me Herb," he said.
"On the Coast, the West Coast, everyone introduces people by their first names only; I"m trying to train myself away from that, but I can"t. I was raised in Southern California, in River- side." She shut the door after him. "It"s ghastly without any furniture, isn"t it? My manager is picking it out; it"ll be here the day after tomorrow. Well, he"s not picking it out alone; I"m helping him. Let"s see your brochures." She had noticed his briefcase and her eyes sparkled with antic.i.p.ation.
She does look a little like a pizza waitress, he thought. But that"s okay. Her complexion, up close, in the glare of the over- head lighting, was not as clear as he had thought; in fact, he noticed, she had a little acne.
"We can sit on the floor," she said; she threw herself down, bare knees raised, her back against the wall. "Let"s see. I"m relying on you entirely."
He began, "I a.s.sume you want studio quality items. What we call professional components. Not what the ordinary person has in his home."
"What"s that?" She pointed to a picture of huge speakers. "They look like refrigerators."
"That"s an old design," he said, turning to the next page. "Those work by means of a plasma. Derived from helium. You have to keep buying tanks of helium. They look good, though, because the helium plasma glows. It"s produced by extremely high voltage. Here, let me show you something more recent; helium plasma transduction is obsolete or soon will be."
Why do I have the feeling I"m imagining all this? he asked himself. Maybe because it"s so wonderful. But still . For a couple of hours the two of them sat together leaning against the wall going through his literature. Her enthusiasm was enormous, but, eventually, she began to tire.
"I am hungry," she said. "I don"t really have the right clothes with me to go to a restaurant; you have to dress up back here- it"s not like Southern California where you can wear anything. Where are you staying?"
"The Ess.e.x House."
Standing, stretching, Linda Fox said, "Let"s go back to your suite and order room service. Okay?"
"Outstanding," he said, getting up.
After they had eaten dinner together in his room at the hotel Linda Fox paced about, her arms folded. "You know some- thing?" she said. "I keep having this recurring dream that I"m the most famous singer in the galaxy. It"s exactly like what you said on the fone. My fantasy life in my subconscious, I guess. But I keep dreaming these production scenes where I"m record- ing tape after tape and giving concerts, and I have all this money. Do you believe in astrology?"
"I guess I do," he said.
"And places I"ve never been to; I dream about that. And people I"ve never seen before, important people. People big in the entertainment field. And we"re always rushing around from place to place. Order some wine, would you? I don"t know anything about French wine; you decide. But don"t make it too dry."
He knew nothing about French wine either, but he got the wine list from the hotel"s main restaurant and, with the help of the wine steward, ordered a bottle of expensive burgundy.
"This tastes great," Linda Fox said, curled up on the couch, her bare legs tucked under her. "Tell me about yourself. How long have you been in retail audio components?"
"A number of years," he said.
"How did you beat the draft?"
That puzzled him. He had the idea that the draft had been abolished years ago.
"It has?" Linda said when he told her. Puzzled, the trace of a frown on her face, she said, "That"s funny. I was sure there was a draft, and a lot of men have migrated out to colony worlds to escape it. Have you ever been off Earth?"
"No," he said. "But I"d like to try interplanetary travel just for the experience of it." Seating himself on the couch beside her he casually put his arm behind her; she did not pull away. "And to touch down on another planet. That must be some sensa- tion.""
"I"m perfectly happy here." She leaned her head back against his arm and shut her eyes. "Rub my back," she said. "I"m stiff from leaning against the wall; it hurts here." She touched a mid- point in her spine, leaning forward. He began to ma.s.sage her neck. "That feels good," she murmured.
"Lie down on the bed," he said. "So I can get more pressure; I can"t do it very well this way.
"Okay." Linda Fox hopped from the couch and padded bare- foot across the room. "What a nice bedroom. I"ve never stayed at the Ess.e.x House. Are you married?"
"No," he said. No point telling her about Rybys. "I was once but I got divorced."
"Isn"t divorce awful?" She lay on the bed, p.r.o.ne, her arms stretched out. Bending over her he kissed the back of her head.
"Don"t," she said.
"Why not?"
"I can"t."
"Can"t what?" he said.
"Make love. I"m having my period."
Period? Linda Fox has periods? He was incredulous. He drew back from her, sitting bolt upright.
"I"m sorry," she said. She seemed relaxed. "Start up around my shoulders," she said. "It"s stiff there. I"m sleepy. The wine, I guess. Such..." She yawned." "Good wine."
"Yes," he said, still sitting away from her. All at once she burped; her hand, then, flew to her mouth. "Pardon me," she said.
He flew back to Washington, D.C. the next morning. She had returned to her barren apartment that night, but the matter was moot anyhow because of her period. A couple of times she men- tioned-he thought unnecessarily-that she always had severe cramps during her period and had them now. On the return trip he felt weary, but he had closed a deal for a rather large sum: Linda Fox had signed the papers ordering a top-of-the-line stereo system, and, later, he would return and supervise the installation of video recording and playback components. All in all it had been a profitable trip. And yet-his ultimate move had fallen through because Linda Fox . . . it had been the wrong time. Her menstrual cycle, he thought. Linda Fox has periods and cramps? he asked himself. I don"t believe it. But I guess it"s true. Could it have been a pre- text? No, it was not a pretext. It was real. When he arrived back home his wife greeted him with a single question. "Did you two fool around?"
"No," he said. Worse luck.
"You look tired," Rybys said.
"Tired but happy." It had been a satisfying and rewarding experience; he and the Fox had sat together talking for hours. An easy person to get to know, he thought. Relaxed, enthusiastic; a good person. Substantial. Not at all affected. I like her, he said to himself. It"ll be good to see her again. And, he thought, I know she"ll go far. It was odd how strong that intuition was inside him, his sense about the Fox"s future success. Well, the explanation was that Linda Fox was just plain good.
"What kind of person is she?" Rybys said. "Nothing but talk about her career, probably."
"She is tender and gentle and modest," he said, "and totally informal. We talked about a lot of things."
"Could I meet her sometime?"
"I don"t see why not," he said. "I"ll be flying up there again. And she said something about flying down here and visiting the store. She goes all over the place; her career is taking off at this point-she"s beginning to get the big breaks she needs and de- serves and I"m glad for her, really glad."
If she only hadn"t been having her period.., but I guess those are the facts of life, he said to himself. That"s what makes up reality. Linda is the same as any other woman in that regard; it comes with the territory. I like her anyhow, he said to himself. Even if we didn"t go to bed. The enjoyment of her company: that was enough.
To Zina Pallas, the boy said, "You have lost."
"Yes, I have lost." She nodded. "You made her real and he still cares for her. The dream for him is no longer a dream; it is true down to the level of disappointments."
"Which is the stamp of authenticity." "Yes," she said. "Congratulations." Zina extended her hand to Emmanuel and they shook. "And now," the boy said, "you will tell me who you are.
CHAPTER 16.
Zina said, "Yes, I will tell you who I am, Emmanuel, but I will not let your world return. Mine is better. Herb Asher leads a much happier life; Rybys is alive . . . Linda Fox is real-"
"But you did not make her real," he said. "I did."
"Do you want back again the world you gave them? With the winter, its ice and snow, over everything? It is I who burst the prison; I brought in the springtime. I deposed the procurator maximus and the chief prelate. Let it stay as it is.", "I will trans.m.u.te your world into the real," he said. "I have already begun. I manifested myself to Herb Asher when you kissed him; I penetrate your world in my true form. I am making it my world, step by step. What the people must do, however, is remember. They may live in your world but they must know that a worse one existed and they were forced to live in it. I restored Herb Asher"s memories, and the others dream dreams."
"That"s fine with me."
"Tell me, now," he said, "who you are.
"Let us go," she said, "hand in hand. Like Beethoven and Goethe: two friends. Take us to Stanley Park in British Columbia and we will observe the animals there, the wolves, the great white wolves. It is a beautiful park, and Lionsgate Bridge is beautiful; Vancouver, British Columbia is the most beautiful city on Earth."
"That is true," he said. "I had forgotten."
"And after you view it I want you to ask yourself if you would destroy it or change it in any way. I want you to inquire of yourself if you would, upon seeing such earthly beauty, bring into existence your great and terrible day in which all the arrogant and evil-doers shall be chaff, set ablaze, leaving them neither root nor branch. OK?"
"OK," Emmanuel said. Zina said: We are spirits of the air Who of human beings take care.
"Are you?" he said. Because, he thought, if that is so then you are an atmospheric spirit, which is to say-an angel. Zina said: Come, all ye songsters of the sky, Wake and a.s.semble in this wood; But no ill-boding bird be nigh, None but the harmless and the good.
"What are you saying?" Emmanuel said.
"Take us to Stanley Park first," Zina said. "Because if you take us there, we shall actually be there; it will be no dream."
He did so.
Together they walked across the verdant ground, among the vast trees. These stands, he knew, had never been logged; this was the primeval forest. "It is exceedingly beautiful," he said to her.
"It is the world," she said.
"Tell me who you are."
Zina said, "I am the Torah."
After a moment Emmanuel said, "Then I can do nothing re- garding the universe without consulting you."
"And you can do nothing regarding the universe that is con- trary to what I say," Zina said, "as you yourself decided, in the beginning, when you created me. You made me alive; I am a living being that thinks. I am the plan of the universe, its blue- print. That is the way you intended it and that is the way it is."
"Hence the slate you gave me," he said.
"Look at me," Zina said. He looked at her-and saw a young woman, wearing a crown, and sitting on a throne. "Malkuth," he said. "The lowest of the ten sefiroth."
"And you are the Eternal Infinite En Sof," Malkuth said. "The first and highest of the sefiroth of the Tree of Life."
"But you said that you are the Torah."
"In the Zohar," Malkuth said, "the Torah is depicted as a beautiful maiden living alone, secluded in a great castle. Her secret lover comes to the castle to see her, but all he can do is wait futilely outside hoping for a glimpse of her. Finally she ap- pears at the window and he is able to catch sight of her, but only for an instant. Later on she lingers at the window and he is able, therefore, to speak with her; yet, still, she hides her face behind a veil . . . and her answers to his questions are evasive. Finally, after a long time, when her lover has become despairing that he will ever get to know her, she permits him to see her face at last."
Emmanuel said, "Thus revealing to her lover all the secrets which she has up to now, throughout the long courtship, kept buried in her heart. I know the Zohar. You are right."
"So you know me now, En Sof," Malkuth said. "Does it please you?"
"It does not," he said, "because although what you say is true, there is one more veil to be removed from your face. There is one more step."
"True." Malkuth, the lovely young woman seated on the throne, wearing a crown, said, "but you will have to find it."
"I will," he said. "I am so close now; only a step, one single step, away."
"You have guessed," she said. "But you must do better than that. Guessing is not enough; you must know."
"How beautiful you are, Malkuth," he said. "And of course you are here in the world and love the world; you are the sefira that represents the Earth. You are the womb containing every- thing, all the other sefiroth that const.i.tute the Tree itself; those other forces, nine of them, are generated by you.
"Even Kether," Malkuth said, calmly. "Who is highest."
"You are Diana, the fairy queen." he said. "You are Pallas Athena, the spirit of righteous war; you are the spring queen, you are Hagia Sophia, Holy Wisdom; you are the Torah which is the formula and blueprint of the universe; you are Malkuth of the Kabala, the lowest of the ten sefiroth of the Tree of Life; and you are my companion and friend, my guide. But what are you ac- tually? Under all the disguises? I know what you are and-" He put his hand on hers. "I am beginning to remember. The Fall, when the G.o.dhead was torn apart."
""Yes,"" she said, nodding. ""You are remembering back to that, now. To the beginning."
"Give me time," he said. "Just a little more time. It is hard. It hurts."
She said, "I will wait." Seated on her throne she waited. She had waited for thousands of years, and, in her face, he could see the patient and placid willingness to wait longer, as long as was necessary. Both of them had known from the beginning that this moment would come. when they would be back together. They were together now, again, as it had been originally. All he had to do was name her. To name is to know, he thought. To know and to summon; to call.