"Well, that"s what the Grimes and the Dwyers and all them calls me, anyhow," she argued, with a perfectly placid countenance.
"What does your father call you?" cousin Bessie asked.
"Sometimes he says "little "un," and more times it"s "girly." I ain"t particular about names, ma"am, suit yourself," she said, without a change of expression, which was one of stolid earnestness.
"Well, then, we"ll call you "Girly" for the time being," cousin Bessie interposed, smiling and directing a glance of sly amus.e.m.e.nt at me.
"I hope you will be a very good little girl while you are in my house and we shall all be very good to you," Cousin Bessie began in a premonitory tone. "You must give up your old friends now and listen to us instead and--" here she paused, as if the next sacrifice had to be delicately proposed. "I don"t like to see those ear-rings nor that ring with you, they are not becoming to a poor little girl."
Up went the two small hands to the ear-rings, which were hurriedly dragged out, she pulled the tight bra.s.s ring from her finger, revealing a dark blue circle where it had lain, and gathering them together in her little palm she looked us straight in the face and said with great earnestness
"D"ye suppose I care a continental for finery?" Then curling her red lips as if she had discovered that we so misjudged her, she shook her bushy head sideways with an emphatic gesture and said with a fiery indignation, which amused us intensely
"Not I! I hate it! I wore it for spite. I"ll give this to either of you ladies now, and I"ll never ask to lay eyes on it again."
Cousin Bessie took them from her saying,
"You look better without them, Girly," then changing her tone to one of gentle, solicitous enquiry, she asked the pert little stranger,
"Do you ever go to church, Girly, or say any prayers?"
The child"s face became shadowed for a moment and her lips quivered.
When she spoke, her voice had lost its bright carelessness, it was low and broken.
"I"ll tell you the truth ma"am, if I died for it. P"raps you"ll think me awful wicked but I"ll tell you, now you asked me. One Sunday morning I was walking past the big church in the far end of the town, an" the bells began to ring and ring, an" says I, "I think I"ll just go in an" watch them prayin" but when I peeped in no one was inside. I turned to the man that pulled the ropes an" asked him when it "ud begin. "In fifteen minutes" says he, like a growl, "this is the first bell." So I ran back to our house, for father and I had a room then with the Grimes, an" I got some water in the little basin an" washed my face an" hands good an" clean. I brushed my hair down an" took out my green shawl that I keep clean an" whole for sometimes, an" put it on. I got back in lots of time to the church an" crep" into one of the big seats, waitin" for the music to begin. In a few minutes, along came a grand little lady, all dressed in velvet, with yellow hair and a big bonnet, an" a gentleman with her, an" she stood at the door of the pew an" beckoned me out. "There"s room enough for us all, Miss," I whispered, pushing farther down the seat, but here the gentleman rapped his stick on the wood an" said so cross "Hurry out, hurry out there.""
Here her voice broke into a sob which, however, she swallowed bravely, and went on after a moment"s pause "So I went then to another, a little one with no cushings on it, "cause I thought grand people didn"t own that, but I was only there a little while when a fat woman came rollin" up to me an" catchin" me by the arm said, "Here, I am not payin" for this pew for other people to sit in, this is my pew." I was mad then, I knew she wasn"t a lady, an" I made a face when I was gettin" out, an" says I, "Oh, dear" Missis Porpoise, who said it wasn"t your pew, you want a whole pew to yourself anyhow." The aisles was all wet, for "twas a rainy mornin", an" I wasn"t goin" to kneel there with my green shawl on, so I made a bold stroke and darted into another pew. This time "twas alright: this was a kept one for strangers, an" I had it all to myself. The music began, an" oh! it was so nice! I was quite gettin" over all my temper when such a swell of a lady came up the aisle with such a swell of a gentleman, an" landed in beside me. They didn"t turn me out, "cause they"d no right to, but they did worse. She looked at me an" turned such a mouth on her, then gathered up her fine flounces as if I was goin" to eat "em, an" looked at the gentleman so complainin"-like. Then she pulled out a little bit of a red and white handkerchief, an" hides her nose in it. I knew well enough what she was up to, an" didn"t mind her at first, but it ain"t pleasant havin" people makin" faces an" stuffin" their noses before you, an" so I got up an" asked "em to let me out. When I was pa.s.sin"
her I gathered in my rags tight an" held my shawl up to my nose just like she had done, an" says I, in a whisper, as if to myself, "oh, you dirty beggars, let me get away from you." The people in the next pew looked back an" laughed, an" I saw the color risin" up in her face as I turned away. I left the church after that, an" says I, "there"s no room for the poor to be good, I guess I won"t try it again; an" you can bet I didn"t," she added, with an emphatic nod of her bushy head, and a sparkling wrath in her black eyes.
"But that wasn"t right, Girly," said cousin Bessie, "it is not that way in every church, nor is everybody like those three persons you happened to come across."
"It"s equal to me, ma"am; I got enough of it," she retorted, quickly, "when its fine on a Sunday now, I go to the grave-yard, my mother is there an" it"s a big place, there"s room for all kinds in it. I sit down an" cry a bit, an" ask her to pray for the poor, for they have a hard time of it here, but I don"t think she can hear me, for I"m not much the better of my prayers."
Cousin Bessie and I here exchanged glances again. Such a hardened little heart as this was in one so young. We did not remonstrate with her then, but attended to her more immediate physical wants, there was something worth caring for in the little waif, and we determined to do it slowly and surely.
Before the week expired we had initiated her into the ways of the house, and transformed her exterior, to begin with, into that of a civilized and respectable member of the great human family.
CHAPTER XIII.
The winter was coming on, as Cousin Bessie had said every leaf was blown from its bough, and the Autumn sky was grayer and cloudier than ever.
It was a lonely season, especially for one with such a heart full of memories as mine, the wind spoke to me in the most plaintive of whispers, now with the voice of one absent friend, now with that of another. I had no definite grief at this period under the safe protecting roof of my good, kind relatives, only that there was an emptiness about my comfort, which made it incomplete and not quite as satisfactory as it should have been.
Something was stirring in my breast as if with fluttering wings against these fetters of the flesh! Something was always asking, always wishing, always urging me, to do I knew not what "_Taedium vitae_." It is the merciless enemy of mortal man! the robber of our peace, the skeleton in the closet, the dreg in our pleasure-cup, the ruthless spoiler of our fancy-woven webs! It is the separate sorrow of men and women, and is the summing up of the stones of all human lives.
Some have grown weary of idleness, pleasure and wealth, and some are more weary of cold and starvation, and toil, the student is weary of study, and the artist is weary of art, the vicious grow weary of vice, and great men grow weary of fame; old men grow tired on their journey, and children get tired at their play, it is one of those "touches of nature" that makes our world become "kin." For a sigh is a whisper of sorrow, no matter what breast may have heaved it, and pain is a pall, thick and heavy, laid over hopes that are dead.
Some of us have strange lives! secrets, known only to ourselves, that change the face of all nature before our eyes, we are sent adrift on every pa.s.sing current, to explore the truths of experience for ourselves, and sad lessons some of them are, which we read through our gathering tears, and learn with a beating heart!
As the autumn months drifted on towards a bleak November, I became more and more absorbed, looking wistfully out of the windows, or sitting dreamily before the fire. I often thought of that better land, whither my angel-mother had flown years ago, my father had gone there now, too. Would it not be well if I were with them? Only one more little mound of earth, rising beside theirs, one solitary little mortal falling back from the weary pilgrimage, and lying down to rest by the roadside, one heavy heart less among that throbbing mult.i.tude, one faint toiler more, borne from the crowded vineyard.
With my elbows resting on my knees and my face buried in my palms, I sat and thought of all such weird possibilities, as I looked vacantly into the fire. There are times when the world, with its exuberance of pleasure and wealth, is powerless to tempt or cheer us, when its most splendid pageantry is vapid and shallow to our tired gaze, when its laughter and song are a noisy discord, that deafens and distracts us!
when its pledges and promises are instruments of selfish purposes and hidden cunning, and its policy, the exponent of a rabid and far-reaching materialism. These are moments, when our pa.s.sions are at high tide, with our conscience riding on the topmost surface-waves, they are propitious intervals, if we choose to make the best of them, or they may only be fitful breaks in the glad monotony of our sensual, easy-going lives--breaks, that our evil tendencies most often survive, seeing them rise, and surge, and ebb, in fearless defiance, and then quietly resuming their old sway, when the moral struggle has subsided!
One afternoon, I made an effort to rouse myself from this growing lethargy, which had begun to undermine the whole tenor of my character. Zita and Louis were away, at their schools, and cousin Bessie was busy as usual over household duties, Girly was frying meat in the kitchen, and the frizzling, seething noises had almost sent me to sleep in my chair, where I sat sewing. It wanted a half hour yet of dinner-time, so I put on my hat and jacket and sauntered out into the open air.
It was a bracing November day, the dead leaves lay crisp and trodden by the roadside, and the gray clouds flitted in their solemn silence across the low-leaden sky, a light wind swayed the naked tree-tops, and tinged the beaming faces of pedestrians with a healthy roseate hue. This was a happy contrast to my cheerless mood, and with a quickened step, I overtook the stream of gayer people that thronged the lively thoroughfare, and gave myself wholly up to every pa.s.sing distraction.
I had no particular business to discharge, except to run away from myself, and therefore every little peculiarity, every minute feature of men, women, or things, that suggested themselves to my aimless scrutiny were carefully reviewed and criticized. I went placidly on now casting a pa.s.sing glance on exhibitions of stale confectionery, now on a display of attractive millinery, again it was a "ten cent"
establishment, offering such bargains as might puzzle the most economical house-wife, and finally my attention was caught by a succession of dazzling windows, with their bewildering panorama of j.a.panese figures and coloured _bric-a-brac_, windows crowded with fans and parasols, and variegated lamp-shades, oriental trays and glove-boxes, pieces of ware, from whose dirty green surface emptily peered the pale faces of native j.a.panese, there were whisk-holders, and wall-baskets, and all sorts of ornaments trimmed in j.a.panese fabrics, looking coaxingly out at the public.
Scrolls and mats, panels and firescreens, whereon the hand of art had caused to spring and flourish these slender Eastern stalks, which sprout in drooping foliage, at the summit of their lanky height. There was an endless variety gathered into this limited s.p.a.ce, it was a scene which should provoke a regretful tear, for memory"s sake, from the patriotic oblong eye of any exiled j.a.panese.
My eyes still wandered over these many-hued trifles, and my mind was still busy with its vagrant reflections, when a gruff voice said in my ear:
"Move on there--do you hear."
I started, and saw Zita on one side and Louis on the other; they were returning from their day"s mental toil, and had spied me loitering by the shop windows. I joined them, and in happy, careless concourse, we trod our way towards our home. When we reached the house the lamps had been lighted and the curtains drawn, dinner steamed upon the table.
Feeling better for my walk, I sat down with rosy cheeks and sharpened appet.i.te to my evening meal. As I was about to begin Mr. Nyle handed me a letter, which had arrived during my absence. I took it up and looked at it curiously, a smile broke over my countenance as I did so, for I recognized Hortense"s delicate handwriting.
All during dinner this welcome little letter lay in my lap. Every now and then I touched it caressingly, as if trying to read it with my finger-tips, and wondered how long it would be before cousin Bessie would move her chair away from the table, that I might retire and gratify myself with its contents.
So much for human foresight and wisdom! We hold our misery in our own hand, and we do not know it, we look with impatient smiles and longing, upon that whose fruit is sorrow for our hearts, and we cannot see it or realize it.
Dinner was over at last, and I glided away from the happy circle to the quietude of my own quarters I lit the lamp, and seating myself comfortably in a rocking chair, tore open my friend"s letter, and read as follows:
"My dearest Amey
"I have looked forward with such impatient eagerness to this pleasure of answering your last dear letter, and now that an opportunity occurs, I hardly know what to say to you.
"Perhaps it is because there is so much I _might_ tell, if it were only time, when the time comes you, and only you, shall know all, you must not blame me for my present reserve, for at best, I could but half tell it now, any way.
"It is something that has lain on my heart, day and night, for some years, and that is likely at last to make me happier than I have been for many a day. You will be glad of it, because it will have made your poor Hortense so happy. It concerns some one else, about whom, you must have made many strange conjectures, since your recent visit to me, I was doubtful then, or I would have told you a little, but now I feel more sure, and see my way better.
"However, I must not bewilder you with words in the beginning. I shall only repeat that I see much happiness in the near distance for Hortense de Beaumont. Heaven grant that nothing shall now come between me and this long-looked for realization. Mamma sends you her fondest love, and so does your own HORTENSE."
"_You will be glad, because it will have made your poor Hortense so happy_!" These words seemed to stand out from all the rest, and attract my attention more forcibly. "_Some one about whom you must have made many strange conjectures since your recent visit to me._"
Ah! it was clear enough to me now. She may as well have written her story through; but, was it not what I had expected? What I had prepared for? Why should the announcement of its accomplishment shock or surprise me now? He was nothing to _me_,--but a friend! as friends we had parted, and if we ever met again, it should only be as friends--perhaps not even as the friends we were then, if he were Hortense de Beaumont"s husband.
I folded her letter slowly and quietly, and put it safely away; I wanted never to see it, or read it again, it was the story of my dear friend"s happiness, and it should not bring sorrow, or disappointment to me, so long as I professed to love her, or sympathize with her. So kind, so thoughtful, so affectionate a little creature as she had ever shown herself to me. How many of her heart"s treasures she had freely lavished upon me during the course of our eventful friendship!
If she had had the better fortune of the two, it was her luck, and she deserved it. "_Heaven grant that nothing now shall come between me and this long-looked for realization_!" Poor child! how fond she was of him, could any one cast an impediment between such loves as these?