Her lover. She had thought she would grow old and silver-haired without experiencing what that meant. But the morning"s pa.s.sion and her unbridled response to him only left her with more questions. She couldn"t be fooled by kindness. And the rapture between a man and a woman was natural. There was nothing special about these feelings. Nothing.
The sc.r.a.pe and shuffle of movement in the house meant it was past the quiet stir of the morning. Everyone would be up and completing their ch.o.r.es. Li Tao would be long gone to some unnamed duty that needed his attention.
She couldn"t stay here, hiding away until he returned. Sitting up, she scanned the bed chamber, the contents pristine and unadorned. They belied his enigmatic nature. He should have at least woken her. It took some time to search out her clothes among the tangled sheets and even longer to arrange all the different layers into some semblance of presentability. Her hair was beyond repair. She smoothed down the length with her palms and tied it back. Let the servants whisper. They were all certain that their master had brought her there as his mistress anyway.
She pushed the door open and stepped into the corridor. Though it was unlikely he was still there, she paused at the entrance to Li Tao"s study to listen for some sign of movement. The thought of seeing him again kept her on a keen edge of antic.i.p.ation. What had she promised with her body? What had he? Her awareness reached out with tiny threads to search for him, only to be left to languish.
Beyond the front parlour, Auntie stood with her head bowed at the altar. The raised table held an urn of smouldering incense and took up a tidy compartment near the kitchen. Offerings of tea, rice and fruit had been arranged before a single thin plaque. For the first time, Suyin noticed the name carved into the wood. Lei Hunhua-Spring Flower. A woman"s name with no accompanying plaque bearing other names, a father, grandfather or great-grandfather to head the ancestral line.
Auntie bowed reverently before turning around. The deep lines around her mouth creased into a smile.
"Lady Ling, Master has spared Ru Shan and sent him away." Auntie came forwards to take her arm, crowding close in confidence. "Auntie sent special thanks to Master Li"s ancestors for this mercy."
Suyin breathed easier. "Thank the heavens."
She had known Li Tao wouldn"t kill Ru Shan. Her instincts told her he was more than a senseless butcher, yet she was more confused than ever. Last night by the gorge, Li Tao had dragged her into his embrace with an almost fearful protectiveness. Then he"d waited until morning to seduce her with irresistible skill. The memories were both sensual and devastating.
Why did he want more time now? He didn"t strike her as a man who was prey to his own indulgences. He didn"t strike her as a man who was prey to anything.
"Do you know where Governor Li has gone?" she asked.
Auntie shook her head. No one ever seemed to ask where he went.
"You haven"t eaten," Auntie scolded gently. "Let us go to your room. Auntie will bring you something."
Suyin smoothed her hands over her robe and tucked her hair back nervously. The old woman said nothing about the scandalous way she had emerged from Li Tao"s wing of the house so late in the day. She wondered if Li Tao had ever kept any mistresses. And there it was. The sting of jealousy.
She and Auntie made their way back to her apartments, while the other servants darted like fish at the edges of her vision, moving silently to their duties, but the atmosphere had changed around them. Soldiers were now stationed inside the mansion in addition to the patrols outside.
Suyin glanced back at the armed guards by the entrance to the garden. "Auntie, what happened yesterday...I"m sorry for the pain I caused everyone."
Auntie hushed her. "Master Li, he worries too much." Her voice dropped so low, Suyin had to strain to catch the words. "Always watching his back. All this time."
Suyin slowed her pace as they started up the stairs. "You called him something yesterday."
Tao-Tao. It had been so unexpected. A sentimental nickname someone would call a child.
Auntie chuckled and patted her hand. "Would the lady believe he was such a skinny boy? His ribs used to stick out from him like the spokes of a wheel."
"So Auntie knew the Governor from back in Luoyang."
"Luoyang, yes. Dirty city. Smelly. He would run through the streets with his sleeves frayed and holes at his knees and Auntie would mend them up. Now see what he has become?"
There was pride there and, surprisingly, unbridled affection. She could hardly picture Li Tao as a lanky urchin wandering through the gutters. So he had risen from low birth. It wasn"t unheard of in these times when the empire valued talent almost as much as it valued n.o.ble blood.
"Then you really are family?"
"No, no. Tao lived with his mother in the house next to Auntie. Such sadness."
The more she learned about Li Tao, the more the mystery deepened. It was all in fragments, the streets of Luoyang, the daggers on display in his study. The hint of tragedy chased her away from prying any further. She had no business seeking out such personal details of Li Tao"s life.
In the seclusion of her apartments, Auntie combed out her hair and helped her dress while deliberately avoiding any more talk of the previous day"s confrontation. The silence tormented Suyin, leaving her vulnerable to thoughts of Li Tao and his unseemly proposal. For the first time in a long while, she wished for guidance from someone knowledgeable like Madame Ling. She had nothing to follow but her own instincts, which were suddenly murky and fragmented, and she certainly couldn"t confide in Auntie.
Courtesans didn"t enter into arrangements purely for pleasure. They vied for security, comfort and wealth. Li Tao had asked for a month. The scant number of days between one full moon and the next. Hardly the request of a man enchanted.
Li Tao was going to war. He wanted a brief, tidy affair and she-she didn"t know what she wanted any more.
Auntie had a tray of food brought to her and Suyin saw with a wisp of tenderness that Cook had put a plate of steamed dumplings on it, another of her favourites. She finished the meal so as not to hurt Cook"s feelings, and then carried her qin out to the garden for some distraction. Time was pa.s.sing with painful slowness that day and it would be easier to detect anyone returning to the mansion when she was outside.
She seated herself in the pavilion and lifted the instrument from its case, pausing to run her fingers along the lacquered base. This was the first gift Li Tao had given her. It was one of the few belongings she"d have, when she left.
"Are you well, Lady Ling?"
She glanced up to see Jun standing before her with a canvas sack cradled in one arm.
"Yes, quite well."
"You were sitting there a long time."
Her fingertips rested against the strings, but she hadn"t played a single note or noticed his approach. The youth continued to watch her with an inquisitive look.
"I knew Master Li would never harm the lady," he said, surprising her with his directness. The last time Jun had seen her was after Li Tao had dragged her away.
"Thank you for your concern, young Jun."
"Master Li has not gone far, in case the lady is wondering."
"Pardon?"
"He did not ride beyond the bamboo forest today. Everyone thinks that Jun has one arm so everything must take him twice as long. I have time to explore the surrounding forest most days."
For once, she found herself unsettled by the boy. He was staring at her with an intensity that transformed his usually gentle features into an uncustomary scowl, but a moment later it was gone.
"What sort of things do you see?" she asked.
"There are trails that lead up the mountainside. There is a lake where we catch fish for dinner."
"How wonderful."
Jun blushed and she wondered how old he must be. Perhaps only a bit older than she had been when she entered the Emperor"s court. Jun simply longed for company, she reasoned. He was the youngest one in the household, with no one else to speak to and understandably awkward around women.
"Lady Ling."
She waited so long for the next part that she had to urge him to continue. "Yes?"
Lowering the sack, he shifted the weight of it against his hip. "Master Li trusts very few people."
"I suppose he has his reasons."
"You affect him like nothing else. It is...unexpected."
Strange conversation. Jun looked so anxious that she struggled to think of something to add.
"Everyone that we meet in our lives changes us," she said. Had Li Tao changed in their short time together? Had she?
Jun nodded into the gap of silence. "Take care, Lady Ling."
"I will, Jun."
The youth hefted the sack on to his lanky shoulders and turned to go. The off-centred nature of the conversation lingered once he disappeared into the kitchen. His words had a muddled sense of warning that she couldn"t escape. She tried to chase it away with the first strum of her fingers over the strings.
Chapter Eleven.
A sliver of peach silk fluttered just beyond the stone lions as Li Tao approached the mansion. A hint of movement and nothing more, but enough to awaken his pulse. He pulled the horse to a halt at the end of the dirt road, right before the walkway to the house, and dismounted. The rest of his escort continued to the stables. By then, Suyin had emerged, her hand perched tentatively against the statue"s paw. The guard patrol tensed as she stepped past them, but they stood back after meeting his eyes for confirmation. The show of will was unmistakable. Suyin tested the boundaries at every opportunity.
She came down the steps, but stopped wide to stare uncertainly at his steed. Her dress smoothed over her elegant figure in the warm colours of a sunrise. The sight of her was always a new start, breaking the monotony of dirt roads, forest green and colourless sky.
"Lady Ling," he greeted.
She cast her eyes downwards. "Governor Li."
The formal address hid a secret intimacy. That, and the way she had obviously been waiting for him, made his body tighten with antic.i.p.ation.
On a whim, Li Tao beckoned her forwards. "Don"t be afraid."
He held on to the reins with one hand and reached the other out to her. She hesitated before stepping towards him, staring warily at the horse the entire time. The animal let out a snort as she neared.
"He doesn"t like me," she complained.
"Come, I"ll show you how. You can"t be carried around in a palanquin all the time."
Their eyes met and there could be no mistake about the thought that pa.s.sed between them. She"d clung to him as their bodies joined. They had found release in each other"s arms, skin to skin. The rest of this was merely distraction.
Her fingers remained stiff in his grasp as he lifted them towards the horse"s neck. Suddenly the animal tossed his head in a violent motion. She gave a little shriek and fell back against him. He laughed as he held her and she curved into the contours of his body as if she belonged there.
"Black demon," she cursed.
He didn"t know if she was referring to him or the horse. "He can sense your fear. If you remain calm, he"ll remain calm."
She looked up in awe. "We didn"t have horses in the village where I came from."
"I was fifteen before I ever rode a horse or lifted a sword."
Or learned to read and write. Lao Sou, lord of the a.s.sa.s.sins, had insisted he would need those skills if he were ever to be anything more than a gutter rat. He hadn"t been born to the life of the warrior cla.s.s, but he had adapted, much as Suyin had. They"d become what they needed to.
He pressed her fingers against the horse"s neck again; this time the animal accepted the touch, his muscles straining beneath the sleek coat. Unaided, she stroked her fingers over the horse once more. Li Tao had thought of those hands often during the day, as well as her perfect mouth and the way she had been curled up asleep in his bed when he"d left.
The stable boy came to take the reins and they were finally alone together.
"Auntie didn"t know if you would return today," she said.
"Did you consider my proposal?"
Her lips curved slightly. "You don"t waste any words."
"I don"t have the time."
"Only a month."
She pulled away from him, her eyes growing sharp with challenge. This was the Lady Ling he"d come to know, always planning. It would be crude to remind her of how her nails had dug into his back as she shuddered beneath him. She was at once the innocent and the seductress, and both held him captive.
One month would hardly be enough, but even these moments were an extravagance he could barely afford.
"Walk with me." She turned towards the path leading into the bamboo groves without waiting for his reply. "I hear there is a lake nearby."
Obligingly, he waved his men back. The area surrounding the compound was secure enough for them to take this short distance in private. Her arm brushed against his and she shifted away awkwardly, aware of every touch. The careless banter that always rolled effortlessly from her lips no longer served her.
"Auntie told me you spared Ru Shan"s life," she said after a pause.
"I didn"t do it for you."
"Still, I thank you."
"Do not speak of him again," he said stiffly.
They continued the rest of the way in silence. If Ru Shan ever came near her again, Li Tao wouldn"t be so merciful. The need to stake his claim to her overpowered him, but he forced it back, remembering the dangers he faced.
Suyin hadn"t given herself to Ru Shan or any other man, but that didn"t mean she belonged to him. Not when he had no hope of holding on to her.
Li Tao walked beside her like a predator through the forest, no wasted movement, with a silence that unnerved her. This is how he chose to convince her to stay? She searched his stony profile for any sign of the pa.s.sionate lover of that morning. They could spend a hundred years together and she still wouldn"t be able to read him.
A boulder set beside the path marked the turn to the lake. A rough trail had been cut through the bamboo to the water, and she paused at the end of it to take in her first sight of the lake. Speckled light rippled along the surface as the sun dipped low in the sky. Soon it would be evening. Li Tao always seemed more comfortable in the night.
Her gaze rounded the sh.o.r.e and found a patch of gra.s.s. She went to it and he followed her there, seating himself beside her. She smoothed her skirt over her knees and looked out over the water. The silence had continued for too long.
"So your answer is no, then," he said tonelessly.
Her throat grew tight. "What would you do if I refused to stay?"
"I would send you home tomorrow."