"You say these words. You insist on these things, but then you-" She struggled for words. "There has to be a way."
He rested his forehead against hers. The way he held her could be so deceptively tender. She still couldn"t catch her breath and she didn"t want to. She knew now, more than ever, that she couldn"t lose him.
He kissed her again; this time his touch was rough and impatient. "These men are more experienced than I at the art of war. At every step, I sense I"m making the wrong move, falling deeper into someone"s plans."
This was how she had felt in the palace, always fighting against the hold of powerful men and feeling that there was nothing she could do to be free of them. She"d felt that way with Gao and his minions. In a way, even Emperor Li Ming had imprisoned her to his will.
"You don"t want to be a part of this," he said.
"But I"m already a part of this."
"No." A single word. It rang as a final declaration. He ran a possessive hand along her spine. "This was not part of our arrangement. I can"t have you here."
His black eyes claimed her completely even as he denied her. She cradled his face in her hands, running her fingers over the rigid line of his jaw, waiting for him to turn away, but he didn"t. Though Li Tao would never admit it, she still had some hold over this indomitable man. For once, she didn"t want to use this power for her own gain. She only wanted to find some way to help him. It wasn"t enough for her to merely survive, to simply exist any longer.
Again she caught the phantom of a dream. The two of them, many years later, walking together. Li Tao was still tall and majestic beside her. His shoulders only bowed slightly with time, his hair grey. He had spoken once, and only briefly, of family, of a future. A legacy. She wished with all her heart those were things she could tempt him with.
"Perhaps the solution is beyond what you and I can accomplish alone," she ventured.
He frowned at her, not comprehending. She was only starting to form the idea herself.
"What if you went directly to Shen? He doesn"t want civil war. Humble yourself before him." She knew nothing about battles and armies, but she knew men like Li Ming and Emperor Shen held themselves to a higher moral standard. "Appear before Shen without your army, one man to another. Lay your sword at his feet and tell him that everything you do is for the sake of the empire."
"Like a dog baring his throat for slaughter," he scoffed.
"A grand gesture," she argued.
"It"s suicide."
He let go of her abruptly, distancing himself from her as well as her counsel. His stark silhouette against the bamboo spoke of isolation and solitude. This was why Gao targeted him, the same reason the crafty governor had been able to use her while she was in the palace.
Li Tao was alone. He had no allies.
She wished she knew what he was thinking, but he had closed himself off. When he turned to tell her that they needed to go back, she had no argument. Suyin walked silently beside him down the trail. Around them, the forest chirped and clacked with life. Li Tao didn"t look at her. He only barely slowed his stride to accommodate her smaller steps. She searched for something to say that wouldn"t reveal her desolation.
He probably thought her mad to suggest he make himself vulnerable to his enemies, or perhaps he was finally convinced she was there to lure him to his death. She had no place preaching honour and sacrifice when she"d done unspeakable things for her own protection in the past. Experience had taught her what she needed to do to survive. That was all she had ever known, but she wanted more now. Even if it wasn"t possible, she wanted.
Suyin didn"t bother him for the rest of the day. To his surprise, she excused herself when they reached the manor. Li Tao returned to his study to wait for more reports. The battle lines were forming, the supply lines were ready. He called for his messengers and issued commands, but it was nothing more than moving pieces aimlessly on the board from one position to another.
War was coming upon him, fast and winding like a viper, but he wasn"t afraid of death. He had bartered away his life long ago when the first knife had been thrust into his hands. As he watched Suyin disappear into the recesses of the house, he wondered what else he had given up.
Suyin continued to haunt him. She was so close. He could go to her at any moment, if he so desired. He stayed shut away on purpose, trying to work while he dreamed of her mouth exploring his skin. His hands fit around her waist so easily. He would lift her on to him. Watch her face as she sank on to him. Over him. It had only been one night without her in his bed. One long, empty night.
It was night once again when he finally extinguished the lanterns to return to his empty chamber. The bedroom door opened only moments after he had shut it. When Suyin stepped into the room, he was flooded with a feeling that bordered on grat.i.tude.
By then, his hunger raged inside him and she looked so magnificent that he wanted to take her, hard against the floorboards as they"d done the first time. Holding back nothing. But she stood with hands clasped, her eyes full of questions.
He led her to the bed and let her hair down, running his fingers through the black silk. With reverent hands, he slid her dress from her shoulders, kissing each spot of smooth skin as it was revealed. Outwardly, he remained gentle. Inwardly, he wanted to devour her.
"You truly can lure a man to his ruin." He let her hands roam over his shoulders. "Seduce him into forgetfulness."
"But that wasn"t me," she protested. "It was all lies."
"No, it wasn"t."
So many poems and paintings centred on Ling Suyin. None of them captured her essence. She could seduce men to madness without ever wielding her body. He brushed his lips over her eyelids, her cheek, and finally found her mouth. For a long, drawn sigh they did nothing but kiss. Her lips parted for him beautifully, allowing him to taste her, to take his fill. The questions were still there, unspoken. She"d withdrawn from him since their morning together. He could sense it in her hesitation now.
She wanted to know if this was the last time.
He had no answer. He stroked the graceful arch of her neck and trailed downwards to run his fingertip over the swell of her nipple. Her flesh peaked beneath his touch. Rewarding him with her response. He lowered her on to the bed, his arousal straining against his trousers.
"I"ll go with you," she offered.
He couldn"t understand her meaning. The blood pulsed hot within him.
"To Emperor Shen," she continued. "We"ll go together."
"You"ll stand by a traitor?" he asked harshly. "That"s senseless."
She shook her head in vehement denial. Her arms curved around his shoulders to hold on to him and her soft b.r.e.a.s.t.s pressed against his chest. She was offering to put herself at risk. For him. He couldn"t understand why, didn"t want to think of what it meant. Not yet. He reached for the ties at his waist.
"This is my burden. There"s nothing for you to do."
Her lips found his throat and she tightened her arms around him. "Please, Tao."
She needed to stop speaking, to stop thinking of what came next. He could make her forget. A few strokes of his fingers against the tender cleft of her s.e.x and she was ready for him. He slid himself into her, welcoming the arch of her body and the sweet sigh of surrender and acceptance he"d come to know so well.
Suyin closed her eyes at his penetration. When she tried to speak he kissed her hard, moving into her until all she could do was moan. He shut his eyes to listen to her impa.s.sioned cries and concentrated on the sweet, wet clasp of her body until he was consumed within it.
Chapter Fifteen.
Suyin woke with a start, cursing at the empty spot beside her in the bed. She dressed in a rush and flew from the chambers to an unusual amount of activity at the front of the house. Her shoulders sank with relief when she saw that Li Tao hadn"t left. He stood beside the stables, overseeing his men as they loaded packs on to their horses.
"Where are you going?" She moved to stand beside him, ignoring the chill of the morning air.
"You and I are going to see Emperor Shen."
Her mouth fell open, unable to find words. She blinked at him as questions filled her mind. He inspected her from head to toe and her skin warmed beneath the thin robe she"d pulled on hastily.
"You"ll need to change your clothing."
Frowning, she folded her arms over her chest. He gave her nothing but a half-smile in grim enjoyment at her confusion. Too many questions hovered on her tongue. When had he decided? What had made him change his mind?
"I"ll never understand you," she said.
He guided her towards the house, keeping her close to his side. His warmth was more than welcome in the cool morning.
"It occurred to me, Lady Ling, that you have a history of surviving the worst of circ.u.mstances. I"d be wise to follow your lead."
He was trying to make light of the situation, which only made her more nervous. "I know Emperor Shen will listen to you. He must. He needs you."
"I should let you speak then, as confident as you are of this plan."
"Tell him everything you"ve done is for the sake of the empire. Don"t be so stubborn. Admit your mistakes..." Her voice trailed off as she realised he was mocking her. "Can"t you pretend to be humble?"
He shook his head. Everything about him was so direct and uncompromising. No wonder Gao could spin his traps so easily. Imperial politics required a delicate balance of persuasion and intimidation. She didn"t know that this was the right thing to do, but it had to be better than staying here to wait for death to march upon them.
They halted at the front hall. Finally alone, he turned to face her, cradling her cheek against his palm. She wanted to close her eyes and savour the caress.
"You know the danger of declaring your allegiance to me," he said.
"I do."
"I will not blindly surrender to Shen."
Her heart plummeted at his warning. "I know that as well."
It was a great concession for him to consider negotiating with the Emperor, but Li Tao would stand behind his principles to the death. It was in his blood and nothing could change that about him. To approach the Emperor was a great risk, but for the first time in a long while, she dared to hope. Li Tao wasn"t resigned to civil war and execution as she had feared. He was considering another way.
His face showed neither hope nor relief as he watched her. If anything, the tension had become more clearly etched in the lines around his eyes.
"See what power you have over me," he said.
She tried not to be wounded by the bite of cynicism. "The Emperor is an honourable man. Shen will be moved by your gesture of compromise."
"I can still fulfil our bargain and relinquish you to Shen, as we agreed." His jaw tightened even as he suggested it. "You can stay clear of this conflict and go free."
Li Tao was in an unpredictable position and his domain was the heart of danger. She would be reckless to stay, she couldn"t ignore that. Survival was a matter she knew more than a little about. She"d always managed to choose the right side whenever the current changed within the imperial palace.
But what life did she have alone, running and hiding? She didn"t have Changan any more or the mansion by the river that the late emperor had built for her. Li Tao, as calculated as he was, was willing to take a chance. She could be his equal beside him. She could try. Wasn"t that what she was asking for, what she hadn"t known how to ask for, just several nights ago?
And delicate politics was also a matter she knew more than a little about.
"Tao, let us be honest." She took his arm. "Our original agreement was an illusion. It means nothing any more."
Li Tao was stepping into the unknown and doing it willingly, but he didn"t like it.
It was like the first time he had taken a knife in his hands. He hadn"t even known how to grip the weapon. It was like his first battle. It was worse. He was no longer a man with only his own life to lose.
If his negotiation with Shen failed, then it meant war for him and for the empire. Imperial and regional armies fighting and killing one another. The neighbouring kingdoms and the barbarian invaders of the west could simply wait for the empire to burn down its own house. Li Tao had come to realise that he didn"t want that either.
Suyin was seated before him in the saddle. She was becoming more accustomed to the ride, no longer digging her nails into his arm. The best swordsmen of the first battalion rode at the flank and rear guard. They were safe within the borders of the province, but he couldn"t guarantee anything beyond the barricades.
He"d been content to take orders under the rule of Emperor Li, but those were different times. The Emperor had given him command of the district and Li Tao had known nothing about how to govern, how to lead men, how to gain respect. He had studied warlords like Shen and Gao, but he"d always known that he couldn"t mimic them. The August Emperor had needed a different sort of force. Li Ming had known about the balance of power and how it was so easily toppled.
They cleared the shade of the forest and Suyin tilted her face up to the sun to soak in the light.
"You look like you"ve been released from prison." His arm tightened around her.
She leaned back against his shoulder and glanced at him through her lashes. "I"ve seen nothing but the same rooms for days and days."
It had been nearly a month since he"d first found her. "You were content to stay by your river and wither away."
"No longer. When we return, you should show me every corner of this province."
Her tone was too bright, lacking in its usual fluid harmony. He"d come to expect more subtlety from Suyin. He moved his focus to the road ahead.
"Be a.s.sured of your success and you cannot fail," she said quietly.
So they had become adept enough at reading each other"s moods. She pressed close and he touched his chin to the top of her head in silent acknowledgement.
This venture was not at all a.s.sured. He would meet Shen face to face, without soldiers and courtiers, if Shen would even allow it. Suyin was asking him to rely on the Emperor"s sense of honour and sentiment. He"d criticised Shen for those very same traits. Honour and sentiment were unpredictable.
Their first stop was an instalment of soldiers positioned at the crossroads. A guard station had been built to provide rudimentary shelter for the men. The structure stood out as an ominous reminder that the roads winding through the province were no longer open to all.
After a short rest, they rode on.
By night-time, they reached an encampment outfitted by a thousand soldiers. A span of tents swept through the clearing and the men milled about around the crackling bonfires. This was the Rising Guard, the specially trained warriors of Li Tao"s first battalion.
Suyin scanned the barracks. "They"re waiting for battle, aren"t they?"
"I need them centralised so they can move quickly."
"There are so many..."
"This is not even a fourth of my army."
She twisted around to face him. "Gao has accused you of raising an army to challenge Changan."
"Half of which is true."
He dismounted, then settled his hands around her waist to lift her from the saddle. He could see her questions taking shape, but he shook his head once, sharply. Suyin clamped her mouth shut.
"Good decision," he murmured close to her ear before ordering the men to ready a tent for the night She aimed a piercing look at him. "Later," she promised.
This was not the time to question his authority, but he was certain she would interrogate him until dawn when she had the chance. He left her with his head guardsman and went to inspect the camp. He trusted her opinion on matters of the court. For now, she would have to trust him when it came to commanding an army.
When he finally retired to his tent, Suyin was seated on the cot that const.i.tuted a bed in the field. A lantern flickered beside it.
"Your bodyguards wouldn"t allow me outside."