She held herself with slender shoulders pulled back regally. Her hands were folded over one knee. Elegant to her very fingertips, even in these less than luxurious surroundings.
He refrained from going to her. "Women are a rare sight in camp."
"Would I really have anything to fear amongst your disciplined soldiers?"
"No." He was certain of that. "But why torment them needlessly?"
The way every glimpse of her tormented him. Each time they parted, the reunion was always like this. A small bit of diplomacy exchanged to renegotiate the terms between them. He was in complete control. She was a glorious and mysterious woman. He was not in complete control. His heart took a running leap, falling just a drop faster. Rising just a bit more.
"Your army must be tens of thousands. Large enough to challenge the Emperor," she said.
"That would be rash. An attack against imperial forces would only incite the other warlords."
"That wasn"t what I was asking." There was more sadness than accusation in her tone.
He went and seated himself beside her. "Only the strong survive amongst the jiedushi. Gao has been looking to the south for years, gradually poisoning the court with rumours. I knew I had to strengthen my hold. If I wasn"t a threat, then I would have been destroyed long ago."
Her knee brushed against his leg as she turned to him. He still couldn"t absorb the incongruity of having this enchanted creature here with him, among the dusty barracks.
"Don"t you see? Gao pushed you to this," she insisted. "You played into the rumours."
"There was nothing that could be done for that. Gao"s family is of n.o.ble birth, intermarried with the imperial line in past generations. He"s always shunned those of the lower cla.s.s who were elevated in rank."
"You"re wrong." She shook her head for emphasis. "Perhaps some of the other warlords feel that way, but not Gao. The reason is never personal for him. He"s very much like you, in that respect."
His eyes found hers. "You seem to know much about Gao."
A look of pain crossed her face and she started to make her escape, but he caught her gently. As gently as she would allow.
"Do you think I would turn you away because of a past a.s.sociation?" His arms closed around her. "I know you were somehow a.s.sociated with Gao. It"s not unexpected, the way alliances are made and broken within the court."
But now she was by his side. His.
Suyin finally ceased struggling and he lowered her on to the mattress of rugs and furs, laying himself alongside her. The discussion about Gao had stolen away her poise.
She lay stiff in his arms. "I escaped from Gao"s grasp long ago. He hoped to use me when I became the Emperor"s favourite. But I freed myself. I found a protector more powerful than Gao. I escaped."
And now, years later, Gao wanted her dead. Anger flowed hot through his veins. Suyin was wrong. His reasons could be very personal.
"Gao won"t ever come near you again," he vowed.
"He uses others to achieve his goals. He never acts himself." Her voice sounded drained, listless. She blinked up, focusing on nothing in particular. "It"s madness to go to Shen, but it"s madness not to. I"m not certain this was the right path."
"I don"t know either," he said after a pause.
The men who served him were loyal, steadfast and followed orders impeccably. Suyin was the only person who ever questioned him without fear. She had made him realise that there was no way to win if he stayed in the south, barricaded in a defensive position. He"d defeat Gao"s first wave, only to be attacked by imperial forces as well as the other warlords who would swoop in like vultures for their share of the kill.
Gao was too powerful. Li Tao needed to do something unexpected to challenge him.
Suyin turned in his hold to nestle against his shoulder, and he pushed the thoughts of war to the corners of his mind. He fought these battles in his head all day and in his dreams. These moments of peace were his only luxury.
"Tao, what made you change your mind?"
"Isn"t it clear?" His hand trailed a soothing path along her spine.
"No," she whispered mournfully. "No, it"s never clear with you."
He didn"t know what else she demanded. He shifted and took her face in his hands, kissing her with his lips pressed earnestly to hers.
She broke away. "You"ll never say the words."
His muscles wound tight, as if he was readying himself for impending battle. He didn"t have an answer for her.
He kissed her again with a growing urgency, tasting her as she opened herself to him. He"d make love to her if he could. They could lose themselves in each other. The roughness of the bed would fade quickly.
But the warmth didn"t quicken into pa.s.sion as it always did between them. Gradually Suyin sank against him, too exhausted to stay awake. He was weary as well. The day had been full of changes. Instead of removing her clothes, he brushed back her hair and pressed his lips to her forehead. Her breathing had grown heavy and he imagined she was already asleep.
Chapter Sixteen.
The city of Chengdu stood on the bank of the Jin River, which divided the southern province from the central empire. A st.u.r.dy wall of grey brick and mortar enclosed the provincial capital. Within the gates, the streets were paved and rows of buildings lined either side of the crowded avenues.
It had been a long time since Suyin had been around so much activity. The babble of the crowd left her dizzy and disoriented. The military installations had increased as they travelled closer, yet the citizens of Chengdu wandered through the markets buying and bartering as usual.
Li Tao handed the reins to one of the bodyguards and they continued through the streets on foot. "w.a.n.g told me you barely ate last night."
w.a.n.g, the head guardsman, had been tasked with taking vigilant care of her "All I wanted to do was sleep," Suyin said.
"I forget that you"re not accustomed to such travel."
"I am not helpless."
The reply came out more abruptly than she intended. She wasn"t helpless, but she was weary. Suyin wasn"t used to riding on horseback the entire day. She wasn"t used to riding at all. At night, they slept at roadside inns or in tents that were hastily erected at sundown. The gruelling routine drained the last of her strength. The continued uncertainty drained the last of her patience.
Li Tao directed the party towards the busiest thoroughfare to search for a tavern. He ignored her protests and insisted on a proper meal before heading to the river crossing. Soon they would be in imperial territory, outside his jurisdiction.
"I didn"t expect to be so tired," she said, her tone conciliatory.
"You"ll feel better after eating."
She took his arm and he surprised her by resting his hand against the small of her back, urging her closer just so. Such a subtle suggestion of possession, of intimacy. He was being uncommonly attentive. She forgot the thick of the crowd and the armed men on every side of them. For this moment, she floated content.
The simple affection in his touch hinted at something she hadn"t felt before in all of their heated nights. Perhaps there could be peace. There could be happiness like this, side by side.
His bodyguards surrounded them, taking positions at the front and back. Her uncertainty returned. Li Tao had become more withdrawn as they neared the capital, so much so that the mere touch of his hand brought forth all of her hidden longing. He had never mentioned anything as ephemeral as happiness. Li Tao only spoke to her of survival.
They needed to be free of Gao before there could be any peace. She had bested the old warlord once before, but that was another era, another emperor. And her victory had only been temporary.
A set of red and green banners hanging from the second floor marked the restaurant almost as clearly as the spiced scents floating from the open windows. Li Tao guided her inside.
"Governor, welcome!"
The proprietor recognised Li Tao right away. He ushered them to the upper floor, spouting a list of the kitchen"s specialties as they climbed the stairs. On the ground floor, a group talking loudly in the corner hushed as they pa.s.sed by. A thread of tension spun from guardsman to guardsman.
"Rumours about Ru Shan," Li Tao explained when she looked to him.
She didn"t expect to hear that name again. "But you released him."
From behind them she heard w.a.n.g and the others conferring. The word "traitor" emerged from the murmuring.
Li Tao guided her upwards. "It"s nothing. A minor concern."
But his gaze turned inwards. Ru Shan"s release was another decision she had coerced upon him, against Li Tao"s judgement. Was he regretting his show of mercy?
A private banquet room awaited them at the top of the staircase. Servants appeared with trays of wine and tea, eager to serve before the party was even settled. Li Tao seated her beside him and w.a.n.g stayed close. The threat of danger was always present. Suyin was never allowed to forget that.
She waited until the servers left before speaking. "Will we continue with only your guards?"
Li Tao smiled ruefully. "You advocated a grand gesture, Lady Ling."
"Perhaps a few more men would be appropriate."
"Marching a sizeable army against Changan would look like an open challenge, would it not? We"ll join a small escort at the crossing."
She nodded, but a sick feeling curdled her stomach. The forces of Shen and Gao were closing in on them like the two claws of a black scorpion. These men led armies in the thousands and tens of thousands while she knew nothing about warfare. Yet she had directed Li Tao into the path of danger.
"I"ve sent messengers ahead to notify Shen of our intentions," he said.
"I imagine that the ill.u.s.trious Emperor Shen would respect an appeal for peace."
"Emperor Shen," Li Tao corrected himself with some distaste.
Suyin had to remind him of such nuances. Any offence would be scrutinised and worked over by the court until it resembled high treason. If anything, she believed that Li Tao held a begrudging respect for Shen. If she could only guide him when he stood before the Emperor, but Li Tao wouldn"t be schooled and controlled. Not the way she"d allowed herself to be controlled when she had lived in the palace.
An arrangement of cold plates was brought before them. The proprietor himself took the dishes from the serving trays to place them on to the table.
"Please enjoy," he urged.
Suyin lifted a set of wooden chopsticks from the bamboo container. It had been fifteen years since she"d been in a public place, sitting out in the open. She was stunned by the novelty of it: the diners in their drab grey-and-brown clothing, the sc.r.a.pe of the dishes, the worn edges of the tables. Every detail took on an uncustomary significance.
Li Tao was looking down at her curiously. A smile formed on her lips.
"You wouldn"t understand," she said.
But perhaps he did understand. Li Tao had lived his own sheltered existence for so long. Something inside him had reached out to her, long before they could speak so freely. She still hadn"t found the right words to penetrate the armour around him.
She started to comment about the ordinary becoming remarkable, but a sharp, frantic knocking came from outside.
"Governor!"
The conversation in the banquet room halted. Li Tao continued drinking his tea, but he edged closer to her. His shoulders raised slightly, muscles tensed. Two of the guardsmen moved to the door and opened it. Li Tao glanced briefly at the new arrival before beckoning him forwards with a curl of his fingers.
The messenger bowed as he entered. His clothes were covered with dust. "Governor Li," he greeted. The man appeared haggard, as if he"d ridden a great distance. He looked uncertainly at her.
Li Tao confirmed with a short nod. His men were so attuned to Li Tao that his commands were expressed with the most efficient of gestures, no effort wasted.
"We"ve captured a group of men attempting to slip past the western barricade," the messenger reported.
"And?"
He looked uncertain. "They"ll speak only to you."
Apprehension filled the room. She couldn"t comprehend the unspoken signals between them, but there was obviously danger-danger and something more insidious.
She touched her hand to Li Tao"s arm. "Who are these men?"
"I don"t know, but there"s more." His expression grew cold, unreadable.
The messenger bowed again, almost an apology. He took a letter from the fold of his tunic and placed it on to the table. Li Tao read it in the stark silence of the room.
"Why was this not given to me sooner?"
More silence. Finally the messenger, whom Suyin surmised had to be one of Li Tao"s trusted men, spoke in a lowered tone.
"It was taken and suppressed by Governor Chou."
A muscle ticked along Li Tao"s jaw. He regarded her for a long time before he finally spoke. "Lady Ling, it seems we must put a stop to our journey."
A feeling of dread stopped her breath. "We have to go to the Emperor before it"s too late."
Li Tao had a way of turning away from her when he absolutely would not answer. The gesture was final, the decision was made. He did it now.
"Tao, you must reconsider."
She could talk until her mouth ran dry and it wouldn"t move him, but she had to try. She wanted to stand and order the men from the room. She would demand to see that letter and insist that Li Tao listen to reason. This was their one chance, the one time he"d given her his trust, at least enough to take her counsel.
But he didn"t give her another opportunity. He took hold of her arm, not cruelly, but without any warmth. They stood and he pulled her close as he led her back through the streets. The guards parted the crowd before them and they moved past the shops at a determined pace. Li Tao"s grip on her was no longer rea.s.suring.
The horses were ready and waiting for them by the city gate. w.a.n.g and half of the guards separated from the others. Hope dwindled inside her. The men knew. They already knew and she didn"t.
"What"s happening, Tao?"