13 years earlier
Suyin trembled as she approached the imperial apartments. The silk robe they"d put her in brushed the floor as she walked and seemed to grow heavier with each footstep. The head eunuch walked in front of her down the long corridor. In the silence, she could hear the unsteady ebb of her breathing. A cloud of perfume hung around her. Orange blossoms, the Emperor"s favourite scent.
She was sixteen, chosen into the court of women a year earlier. In that time, she had never been alone with the Emperor. After the selection ceremony, he hadn"t paid her any notice at all. It wasn"t uncommon for the chosen concubines to never know his favour. There were many poems of exquisite beauties left to languish untouched, their wasted youth a sacrifice to the whims of the Emperor. The Son of Heaven he might be, but he was only one man.
A man had only so many nights and while the Empress lived, she made sure those nights were with her. Now that the Empress was dead, the harem spent every hour pondering who would replace her in the Emperor"s bed. That afternoon, the wooden tile with Suyin"s name had been turned over. The first since the tragedy.
The other concubines cooed and sighed as Suyin was led away for the lengthy preparation. On their faces, she saw a mixture of curiosity, envy and fear. The Empress"s poisoning had been followed by a string of indictments and executions. The Emperor was not known as a cruel man, but he enacted justice swiftly and unerringly.
The harem had been spared his vengeance even though the Empress had been last seen alive within the inner court of women. Suyin recalled that detail as she stood in the centre of the vast bedchamber and her palms began to sweat. When the Emperor emerged through a curtain, she jumped with alarm.
"Is the sight of me that frightening?"
She bowed her head low, not knowing how to answer. When he came to stand directly before her, she stared obsessively at his shoes. The blue-embroidery pattern made her eyes swim. Her neck started to ache from being bent for so long.
He lifted her chin with his hand, turning her head this way and that for his scrutiny. "You have a face that haunts men"s dreams." The corners of his eyes creased in thought.
The Emperor appeared older than she remembered. Sad and grey. She prayed he couldn"t read those disparaging thoughts on her face. He was supposed to be perfect and G.o.d-like in everyone"s eyes. Her hands hung heavy by her sides while he continued to look her over. The first time he had seen her, he had asked her to play a song for him. That had been much easier. She had something to do to occupy her hands and her thoughts.
When he ordered the attendants from the room, her stomach lurched. Her heart pounded so forcefully it nearly drowned out the Emperor"s next words.
"Do not be frightened, little beauty."
It would be a long time before the sight of him didn"t make her tremble. The entire palace, the entire universe, revolved around the Emperor.
"Your Imperial Majesty should know..." her voice barely rose above a whisper "...this concubine has never been with a man."
"The Emperor knows," he replied and his tone held a hint of kindness that made her hopeful.
In Luoyang, she had been a performer in the Lotus Pavilion among the courtesans and prost.i.tutes. She wasn"t ashamed of her past other than the Emperor might expect her to be skilled in the bedroom arts.
He took down her hair, pulling the pins free with strong, methodical hands while he watched her with a pensive expression. She thought she saw a spark of longing, but none of the hunger she had come to recognise in a man"s eyes.
She flinched when he touched her cheek. Thankfully, he didn"t seem offended.
"Go to the bed."
Her thoughts raced as she pa.s.sed through the curtain into the inner apartment. She lay down with her shoulder blades pressed flat against the mattress, still fully clothed. Would he want to undress her? Did he expect her to undress herself?
She stared up at the dragon carving overhead and tried to follow its serpentine curve through the rain and the clouds. This is what the court of women longed for when they primped and preened, hoping to catch the eye of the Son of Heaven. The Emperor"s favour meant status and privilege. If she gave birth to a son, she might be elevated to imperial consort, her family showered with gifts-if they could still be found.
She didn"t dare dream of being named Empress. "Empress" had proven to be a deadly t.i.tle to hold.
By the time the candles in the chamber burned low, she was still on her back and waiting. She rolled on to her side and peered through the curtain. She couldn"t hear the Emperor or see his silhouette through the sheer material. He might be offended if she ventured out to search for him, but she grew tired of staring at the dragon above. The bearded, gaping mouth mocked her with its grotesque smile.
She didn"t know when she fell asleep, but the chamber was dark when she awoke. The layers of silk and gauze she wore itched against her skin. She could feel the warmth from the Emperor"s body beside her. He had not laid a finger on her. The only time the Emperor touched her that night was when his hand inadvertently grazed her shoulder while he turned.
The next evening, her tile was once again turned over. And again on the next.
After several nights in the Emperor"s bed, she stood before him and untied her sash. Keeping her eyes boldly on his, she peeled the silk from her shoulders and let it fall down her body. His pupils grew dark, but he said nothing. He did not move towards her.
She saw the longing. She knew how to read a man"s face and the tension in his body. The Emperor was not so old or unpleasant to look at. He had been unexpectedly kind. At that moment, she earnestly wanted to please him.
If she could give him a son, her sins would be absolved.
He looked at her for a long time while she stood with the silk dress pooled at her feet.
"Ling Suyin." He finally rose and took her gently by the shoulders. "You are very beautiful."
He kissed her forehead and she shivered, folding her arms over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Her nakedness before him embarra.s.sed her. It was only admiration she saw in his eyes, the way one appreciates a painting or the sky at dusk. She knew then that the Emperor"s yang essence had somehow been damaged. The Son of Heaven, flawed and imperfect.
From that moment, she held something of value. The Emperor had only fathered a daughter with the Empress. There was no heir to the throne. The knowledge could endanger his entire rule and he needed her to keep his secret. Her life depended on it.
That night, while the Emperor slept with his back turned, her tears soaked the pillow beneath her cheek. The Emperor would protect her. Her position as his favourite was secure, but she was still young. She had hoped that, with time, she might have been able to fall in love.
Chapter Ten.
Li Tao sat opposite the bed in his chair, keeping still so as not to wake her. Some time in the night, Suyin had rolled on to her side. Her fingers were curled beneath her cheek like a child, and her body rose and fell with each breath. It had taken hours before she had settled into slumber. At the first creep of the morning light, she was already stirring.
Her eyelashes fluttered open and her gaze trained onto him. "You didn"t sleep."
"I need very little."
She remained bundled in bed. His bed. A sultry murmur sounded in her throat and he grew hard. She didn"t need coy remarks or artful glances to entice him. If she only knew how many times he"d kept himself from going to her throughout the night.
"I have decided not to fulfil our bargain," he stated.
A dangerous glint lit in her eyes, followed by the ripple of tension down her spine. She snapped fully alert, with the watchfulness of a sleek cat preparing to pounce.
Her tone cut keenly. "Even thieves and murderers honour their agreements."
"I"m not a thief."
"You have no use for me." She held the sheet over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s as she glared at him. "I disagree."
"I already told you, I know nothing about Gao or your political entanglements."
He laughed. Pure laughter this time. Had she forgotten how she"d writhed against his tongue?
She blushed, pink and perfect. She hadn"t forgotten. Everything was changed, but the untouched consort couldn"t know how much until now. Her robe fell from her shoulders, leaving them bare except for the midnight cascade of her hair against the pale skin. He let out a slow, steady breath. No, he was certainly not ready to let her go.
"Where will you go? To that forsaken house by the river?"
"Yes." She dragged the sheet higher in defiance.
He stood and approached. "You would wait helplessly until Gao"s army marches through?"
She was too shrewd not to have considered all the risks. She knew Gao wanted her dead, but refused to tell him why.
"You begged for protection in your message to Emperor Shen. I have another proposal for you."
"Hardly a proposal when I"m still at your mercy," she remarked.
"Stay until the next full moon and I swear you"ll have my full protection."
"Your protection is worthless, Governor. In a month your head will no longer be attached to your shoulders."
Was that sadness that flickered in her eyes? Her mouth turned downwards and, for a scant moment, a stab of regret bore into him.
"In a month, I"ll deliver you into the Emperor"s protection." He lowered himself on to the bed and she didn"t shrink away. A small victory. "And I won"t need to constantly guard myself against your elegant scheming."
"And until then, I remain here for your pleasure?" she asked.
"The pleasure would be mutual."
She flushed as he inched closer. Her armour of seductive detachment was gone, but he wondered who it had protected. He grew heavy, hard. He would have his mouth roaming over that soft skin soon. Her hand shot forwards to brace against his chest. The imperiousness of the gesture only inflamed him more.
With a smile, he lifted her hand to his lips. "You were right all along. One night was not enough." He planted a kiss against her palm. "For either of us."
Indecision hovered in her eyes, but she didn"t pull away. She wanted this pa.s.sion between them as much as he did, though she remained cautious as ever. He knew what it was like to be constantly on guard. He stroked her wrist lightly and her breath caught.
"My answer is no," she whispered, unable to give the words any force. "I won"t stay."
"Until the next full moon." He lowered his mouth to press it softly against hers. "Let me convince you."
They hadn"t kissed since he"d brought her back inside. He kissed her now. Suyin"s grip loosened on the sheet between them as she responded, her lips warm and searching. The small surrender took away the last of his restraint and he pulled the sheet aside. She didn"t require more urging than that to fit herself to him, soft curves to hard muscle. Her arms wrapped around him to grip his shoulders. His arousal lifted fiercely against her and her thighs parted instinctively at the pressure. But her mind refused to surrender.
"Why?" she demanded.
"I need to know what this is between us."
He caressed her neck and stroked a reverent hand between her b.r.e.a.s.t.s down to the valley of her stomach.
"Desire." She spoke the word dismissively, but her breath hitched. "Yin and yang."
"You know there"s more."
"I see." Her cat"s eyes glittered wickedly. "You"ve discovered me untouched, so now you revel in being the only man to possess me."
She shouldn"t say things like that to him. Blood raged through his body, surging between his legs. "No one can ever possess you."
He had never allowed himself to desire anything with so much abandon. Certainly not any dream as sweet as this. His fingers dipped into the cleft of her legs. Her mouth parted in a silent moan as he drew small circles over her dampening flesh. Suyin could confound him, drive him to madness with her denials and half-truths, but the pa.s.sion that glazed her eyes was real. Her hips lifted restlessly against his hand. He wanted her to let go. With him.
His arousal grew painfully, eager to sink into her heat. But there was more. At the moment, he didn"t know what this feeling was that had taken hold of him. He only knew that he needed her to stay for as long as he could keep her. A month would have to be enough. A month set limits.
Watching her carefully, he pressed his fingers intimately to her.
"Tao."
With a shudder, her head fell back, neck exposed. He nipped at the pale skin of her throat and enjoyed the endless arch of her body into him. The blanket fell in a tangle about her legs and her toes curled tight into it. So beautiful.
Their first coupling had been rushed. He had been mad with waiting, lost the moment he buried himself inside her. This morning, he would hold back and take her to the heights of heaven. Then she could no longer question what held them together.
He stroked the smooth pearl of her s.e.x, opening her. Her legs unlocked with abandon. Slowly, carefully he slid the length of his finger into her. She was tight, so tight around him.
"Stay," he urged in a heated whisper. The same entreaty he"d given the night before. The only plea he"d ever uttered.
She shook her head, unthinking, lost in pure, mindless pleasure. She reached for him and cupped her hand over his swollen s.e.x.
His patience was gone. He needed her now.
Through misted eyes, she watched him shed his clothes and slant his body over her to position himself. He could feel the tension building in her limbs as she antic.i.p.ated his entry, bracing against the pain.
He kissed her throat as he angled his hips downwards and then forwards. Her flesh parted slowly and surrounded him, smooth heat tightening all around. She made a small sound in her throat and he slowed to stroke his hand through her hair.
She pressed her lips against the curve of his neck then. "Don"t stop."
He gathered her to him and sank deeper. Her knees lifted to accept him. He paused, adjusted his hips and filled her completely.
There was still pain, but a welcome sort. It sensitised her, made the pleasure sharper. Her legs wrapped around his thighs and she dug her fingers into the bundle of muscle in his lower back. She closed her eyes to concentrate on the feel of him filling her. The pillow books spoke of coupling in vague, poetic phrases. It was none of that. This was wet flesh and heated skin, sweat and salt, vulgar and beautiful.
The muscles of his neck strained upwards. "Suyin," he groaned.
She loved that she could render such a powerful man helpless with her body. Loved that he did the same to her as hard as she fought against the surrender. He was no longer careful as his climax approached. He pushed harder, deeper into her, his thrusts taking on a restrained violence as if he needed to give her as much of him as she could take.
He took on an almost desperate rhythm, digging his fingers into her hips. She was rising again, chasing after him. At the height of it, the man above her disappeared. All that was left were the sensations he pulled from deep within her, the heady, spiced scent of him and the laboured pant of his breath in her ear.
Her inner muscles convulsed around him, squeezing him until he let out an anguished cry. He was releasing into her. She joined him and they crashed together in completion. This would never end. Still she held him tight. Still he thrust into her. They drifted into sleep that way, with his body embedded inside her and their arms entwined. Li Tao"s skin glistened in the lantern light and she couldn"t resist running her hand down his back to a.s.sure herself that his magnificent body belonged to her in that moment.
The clouds and the rain and the heavens opening. All that and so much more.
Suyin slept in satiated exhaustion, turning often in the strange bed. The awareness that Li Tao was close permeated her slumbered thoughts. Once, he reached out to pull her close. She dozed off tucked against his shoulder, but they didn"t fit together as well as one would hope. They shifted apart in a haze of movement. When she finally opened her eyes, he was gone.
A hint of sandalwood and soap lingered on the pillow, combined with the unique scent of Li Tao"s skin. She stretched her fingers over the rumpled s.p.a.ce among the blankets where he had been. His absence was nearly palpable.