His gaze flickered up to her. "The woman I was supposed to marry."
"Now, Governor," she purred. Her hands lowered once more to perch on his shoulders. "This story has become even more fascinating. Was she pretty?"
"Everyone in the empire knows this by now." He straightened and her hands slipped from him. "Shen and I have never been of the same mind. The August Emperor thought marriage to his daughter would repair the rift between us. I believed for a moment that the past could truly be forgotten. That I could raise sons, have a legacy."
She reached for him again after a pause. Tentatively, she worked her fingers at the base of his neck.
"Honour was everything to Shen Ai Li," he went on absently.
Suyin"s hands paused. "Ai Li?"
"She wouldn"t have anything to do with me. Our marriage would have been a disaster."
His betrothed had escaped from him and he"d hunted her to the very edge of the empire, defying several imperial sanctions in the process. But she hadn"t been one of the corrupt ministers he was famous for tracking down. Ai Li was a wilful, rebellious girl who saw him for what he was. A rogue who was loyal to no one.
"The wedding was one final chance to reconcile with Shen."
"Surely there are other ways to make peace with Emperor Shen."
Suyin ran her fingers through his hair, her nails soothing against his scalp. He let his eyes fall closed and willed himself to relax.
"Shen never trusted me," he said. "Even before he was Emperor."
"He needs allies like you. Especially while men like Gao continue to draw air."
His breathing slowed as she stroked his neck, her fingertips cool against his skin. Was this merely the clever tongue of an accomplished courtesan? Or did she truly believe it?
"The princess accused me of being responsible for the death of her brother, Shen"s fourth son. Another reason for the rift between us."
"Were you?" she asked.
"Was I...?"
"Were you responsible for his son"s death?"
The tension returned, coiling tight and refusing to let go. Suyin halted her skilful ministrations. He took hold of her hands and she grew still behind him.
"You do know how to charm a man out of his deepest secrets, Lady Ling."
He turned to watch her reaction. She stood looking down upon him, her hand resting on him.
She refused to be redirected. "Did you do it?"
He"d been called to answer this question before. "There"s no benefit to having the Emperor"s fourth son killed. If I truly wanted to attack Shen, I would have targeted the elder ones who hold more significant power."
"Benefit?" She dug her nails into his shoulders in agitation.
"No, I didn"t do it," he growled. "And Shen knows I didn"t."
"Then how can Gao use this against you?"
"Because Shen still has his doubts." The corner of his mouth lifted in a grim smile. "Wouldn"t you, with my reputation?"
His grip tightened on her wrists and her pulse jumped. He had been the August Emperor"s enforcer and he was brutally efficient at it.
She wet her lips. "It seems neither of us can escape such notoriety."
"I tried to send you away, for your sake and for mine, but I couldn"t."
He directed her to the chair beside him. They were face to face now, on even ground. He held on to her, extending her arm across the corner of the desk to clasp her hand. She stiffened in his grasp, but didn"t pull away.
"Perhaps I was tired of being cautious." His gaze travelled her face: the elegant cheekbones, her sensual mouth, and always, always those eyes that would not let him go.
"It occurred to me that if you were sent here to gain my trust, then you"ve been remarkably successful."
Her expression remained controlled, belied by only a minute tightening of her mouth. "I told you no one sent me."
Her eyes lit up whenever she was challenged. Whatever the mood, whatever her expression, she was exquisite, so beautiful he had to force his gaze away. He could see why the August Emperor would choose her for his deception. A man could easily become obsessed with her and forsake all others.
"I told myself that you might very well cut my throat in my sleep."
She flinched at his words, but he held her fast.
"If you did, I would deserve it," he continued. "I"d consider it a testimony to your talents. You have me convinced in every way. And if I"m wrong, I can"t say that I regret our nights together. This life might be worth it."
He was being deliberately cruel. When they lay together, he surrendered himself to her for a mindless, staggering moment with every joining, and he accepted it. But he didn"t like what she did to him when she looked at him in the glare of daylight, with that unbearable sadness in her eyes. She weakened him when he couldn"t risk any weakness.
She didn"t recoil as he expected. She leaned towards him, gripping his hand fervently in both of hers. "Tao, it doesn"t have to end in bloodshed. Shen isn"t your enemy. You wouldn"t send me to him if he was."
"Shen and I have a respect for one another, despite our differences," he said slowly.
"Then negotiate a peace with him. Is it so hard to recognise his authority? He wants what you want, for the empire to endure."
"We"ve moved beyond that point, Lady Ling. The armies are moving closer to the river by the day."
"So go directly to the Emperor. You must do it before his soldiers reach your borders. Don"t let this be decided by imperial subordinates and that demon Gao." Her pretty eyes held on to him, shining with a new fierceness. "Shen will listen to you."
"What makes you so certain?" he asked with dark amus.e.m.e.nt.
She let out a calming breath. "He owes you a debt. Emperor Shen promised you his daughter. He"ll feel the need to make amends. You know I"m right."
He had to admire Suyin"s perceptiveness, but her plan was madness. The days of strategy and planning were stealing away his strength. In the night, he lost himself to her softness and warmth whenever he could. Sleep was a distant memory. "Governor Li?"
So she had reverted back to his formal t.i.tle after her impa.s.sioned plea.
He folded his hands calmly in front of him, fingers knitted together. "I wish that what you propose was possible. But Emperor Shen is not strong enough to hold the empire together. We must all fend for ourselves and protect the borders for as long as we"re able. This has all been happening for a long time."
She stared at the dragon signet on his finger. "But you served the August Emperor without fail. You and Shen both. Loyalty must mean something to you."
"Loyalty means nothing to me, though it is very touching how pa.s.sionately you"ve defended me."
His patronising tone angered her and he could sense her desperation building, a distant echo of his own fears.
"You won"t consider another alternative. Not even to save yourself," she said, every word steeped in bitterness.
"If the Emperor and Gao don"t come for me, someone else will some day."
Her gaze darted to the cabinet against the wall before quickly shifting back. He knew that she had seen the collection of daggers. He had suspected when she avoided it in her explorations.
"Those are a constant reminder of my failure," he explained. "Another reason you can"t stay with me."
"What failure?"
"To kill Li Ming."
She jerked to her feet. The corner of the desk jarred against her hip as she staggered backwards.
"You are standing very far away, Lady Ling," he said mildly.
"But you were part of his inner circle. You have had plenty of opportunity to kill the Emperor," she said.
"If I had wanted to take his life, I could have. I"m a traitor to all sides."
He pushed his chair back and stood, approaching slowly. He stopped just short of touching her. "You see? All my secrets at your feet."
She had to tilt her head up to meet his eyes. "The mark on your back-"
"The mark of the An Ying clan."
The Shadows. He made no effort to hide the symbol inked on to his skin when they lay together. She never asked about it, but he knew she had a vague idea of what it meant, how it branded him for life. Every year, Lao Sou sent him a gift to remind him of his betrayal. The old man would never forget, would never let him rest.
"I"ve never heard of it," she said.
"You wouldn"t have."
His voice lowered until the tone was nearly intimate. "I want you to know everything, so you will stop with this talk of duty and loyalty and the glory of the empire."
"Do you-?" Her bottom lip trembled as she started to form the question. "Do you still belong to them?"
"No, but no one can leave such an organization. Not without repercussions."
Her breath came shallowly as she peered at him, eyes wide with fear and doubt. Yet still, she stayed. Her hands were clasped before her. He"d say her stance was demure, if he didn"t know her so well. He wanted to take her in his arms and a.s.sure her there was nothing to be afraid of at the moment. Not from him.
There would always be unspoken secrets between them. It was something they silently accepted, but he wanted her to know so she could come to him without any illusions.
He lifted his fingers to stroke her cheek, but let his hand drop before touching her. "Now you understand why there is no need to try to save me, Lady Ling. Death will come one way or another. This will never end."
Chapter Thirteen.
The faint glow of daybreak seeped through the windows as Suyin rolled on to her side beneath the quilt. Li Tao"s back was turned to her. The edge of the blanket had fallen, baring the coiled dragon on his shoulder blade. Last night, she had awoken to the familiar shift of his weight beside her. He"d managed only to undress before collapsing on to the bed, asleep before he laid his head upon the pillow.
The last days had been torture. Li Tao had disappeared for a week and, hour after hour, she"d been left to imagine the worst. He would be carried home with a dagger in his heart or he would never be found. She would never see him again.
The month was nearly spent and she hadn"t been able to convince Li Tao to negotiate. He had no reason to listen to her counsel, the advice of a woman he was using for his pleasure. Was that all she was? A last glimpse of beauty and warmth?
That was why he had asked only for a month. He was prepared to lay down everything in the impending confrontation. Li Tao was heading to his death and all she could do was watch the moon grow rounder with each pa.s.sing night.
She curled close, careful not to wake him. The dragon rippled with the rise and fall of his breathing. Many paintings showed the pearl in the dragon"s grasp, but here the dragon chased the orb, stretching out curved talons to capture its power. The markings and their hidden meaning frightened her.
Li Tao killed, not only in war or to defeat his enemies, but simply because he had been ordered, or paid. He had done so without regret, but hadn"t she done worse?
With a low murmur, he shifted on to his back and his hand came to rest against her pillow. She traced the vertical line of his palm with her fingertip, unable to hold back any longer. Once he rose, it could be days before he returned. Some mornings she would awaken to find him already gone. The emptiness would linger within her for the entire day. This call of yin to yang went beyond any reason. But he was here now, restful and still enough for her to touch.
"What are you doing?" His eyes remained closed and his voice sounded far away, drugged with sleep.
"Watching you." She stroked over the pad of his thumb. "Do you know I can read palms?"
"Can you?" His breathing deepened as if he was drifting once again. He must have been particularly drained that morning to remain in bed for so long. "What does mine show?"
"A strong life line and your head line curves downward. Your head will always rule your heart."
"Hmm."
His hand twitched reflexively as she drew an aimless pattern over it. His fingers were broad and long, the skin rough. He opened his eyes to gaze at her through heavy lids, the glint of his pupils tiger-like. They lay face to face. So close.
If he would only stay. If they could only remain like this, coc.o.o.ned together like two silkworms. Secure.
"Now I know all your secrets." She followed the outline of his arm, trailing over the sleek muscle of his shoulder. "All your weaknesses."
"I have no weaknesses."
"None?"
He squirmed as she explored his ribcage with a feather touch. Then she dug her fingers playfully into his side to make him jump. He jerked awake and surged over her, pinning her beneath his weight. Deep laughter filled her ears and she lifted her fingertips to the curve of his mouth.
He so rarely smiled.
Their bodies moulded together and she became keenly aware of the dangerous beauty of him: smooth, hard and strong. A perfectly tempered weapon. For a brief moment, she saw the longing in his eyes before they clouded with desire. The unexpected tenderness pierced deep into her heart.
Madame Ling had always warned her that these emotions were fabricated. She must never allow herself to believe the illusion. Never allow herself to fall in love. If she had lost her chast.i.ty in the pleasure den in Luoyang or in the Emperor"s court, then her courtesan sisters could have taught her how to shield herself.