A dark sense of peace had washed over him that morning when he"d signed the decree swearing his army over to the imperial prince. Soon he would be done.
But he"d been wrong. Murdering Gao would only send the opposition charging forth under a banner of righteous outrage. Their confrontation would come soon enough, once the battle lines had been redrawn.
"Go," he told Gao. "Before I remember that list."
The old wolf stared at him before rising from the table. "An army of thousands is easy to find."
The b.a.s.t.a.r.d bowed before leaving.
Suyin held her breath beside him as they watched Gao"s withdrawal through the windows of the tea house. His men helped him on to his horse to return to his troops. Gao would continue to work his schemes, but the warlord"s secrets were exposed. He would have to face them out in the open.
Suyin turned to him with a gasp. Her arms curved around him, squeezing tight. Relief poured from her.
"Tao," she whispered.
Her curves fit against him and he could smell the faint perfume in her hair.
He remained unmoving. "You"re with child?"
"I am."
His chest tightened unbearably, and he could hear each individual beat of his heart in the silence. There would be a son or a daughter.
Wordlessly, his arm tightened around her waist to lead her from the tea house. Once outside, he kept her close. Gao had departed, but danger continued to lurk in every shadow. His bodyguards waited for them at the bridge. Somehow Suyin had been smuggled past them.
He would think of a suitable punishment for such carelessness, but he was more concerned about getting Suyin as far from there as possible. The knowledge that she was with child left him vulnerable. The feeling was new and decidedly unwelcome.
Her hand curved warm over his stiff fingers. She shouldn"t look so relieved. Part of him would live on once his life was over, but that knowledge was all he could have of this dream. He would never see their child take his first breath.
"You"re not happy," Suyin said as they neared the riverbank.
"Nothing has been resolved."
"But you"ve sworn allegiance to Emperor Shen."
She didn"t yet understand. The threat was still very much with them. Gao would gather his followers and attempt to denounce Emperor Shen. The Emperor would go on the offensive. He would need his strongest generals behind him. And that was only part of the danger. Li Tao could never let down his guard, not even for her. She was his one weakness and it had nearly destroyed everything.
Li Tao looked to the two guardsmen. "Now is not the time to discuss-"
"Now is the time." She shook free of him and stood her ground. Pain and anger radiated through her. She"d thrown herself between him and Gao Shiming. He owed her an explanation. He owed her more.
It took only a minute to order the guardsmen to take the horses. They moved slightly ahead on the path, just out of hearing range. These were matters that couldn"t be spoken of in the open.
"How did you get free of Lao Sou?" he asked.
When she didn"t answer, he knew his suspicion was correct. She had put herself in the Old Man"s debt to come to him.
"What does the Old Man want from you?"
"It"s not like that-"
He took hold of her arm to pull her close, speaking only in a fierce whisper. "I"ve failed Lao Sou twice now and I can"t protect you. I can"t protect our child. Nothing means more to me than that."
"Nothing means more to me." Suyin tried to cradle his face in her hands.
He pulled away from her. Every touch pained him. Her words held so much hope and faith.
"You made a deal with him. Suyin, you shouldn"t have."
"You were going to your death. It was the only way."
He"d always known that someone would come for him one day. It was useless to fear the inevitable, but everything had changed. The a.s.sa.s.sins knew that and they"d taken her to force his hand. They would never stop. Then there were the countless other enemies. Gao, even Shen himself. No one was truly an ally among the jiedushi. He"d already endangered her too many times. He wouldn"t do it again.
"Does Lao Sou know you"re with child?" he asked.
She shook her head. It was only a small mercy.
"You need to go away. Far," he insisted. "No one can know about the child."
"Our child."
An indescribable emotion coursed through him. Suyin seized on it.
"We may never be safe and we may never be free." Her fingers gripped the collar of his robe. She was a fox spirit, a sorceress, a G.o.ddess. "I don"t want to hide any more. I want to live openly. I want to see your hair go grey. I"ll grow old and ugly beside you."
"You"ll never be old and ugly." His voice grew rough with emotion and he finally did hold her, running his hands from her shoulders down the length of her arms. His eyes never left her face. "Lao Sou will never forgive this second act of defiance. You don"t know what he"s capable of. He"ll come for my soul. He"ll come for you."
"I will die without you," she insisted.
"You won"t."
Her eyes flashed with anger. She bit down to keep from lashing out.
"You"ll survive and care for our child," he went on. "Tell him my name when he"s grown."
"You want me to leave? After all that has happened?"
"This is the only way." The words were more difficult than he"d antic.i.p.ated. He had to force them out. "I am doing this-for you."
Her nearness and everything about her tempted him, but this was not his happiness to claim.
Suyin looked ready to claw his eyes out. "I"ll tell your child his father was a coward for abandoning his own flesh and blood. And you know what it is like for a woman alone."
The pulse in his neck throbbed. "You can be quite wicked."
She shoved him away with a frustrated sound. "You already tried to send me away once. We can"t hide. You should know that by now."
He braced himself, giving her nothing to strike at. No anger, no pa.s.sion, no emotion at all. It was too easy to be persuaded to take the few hours, days, or even years they could steal for themselves.
"After I join my army with Shen"s, there will be war among the jiedushi. It is inevitable."
"Men have lived with the threat of war for ages," she argued.
She was right, but she didn"t understand the whole of why he couldn"t give in to her now.
"Death will follow me," he said bluntly. "In one way or another."
That was the final truth. He was a killer who had defied the most dangerous men in the empire. From his very first night in the alleyways of Luoyang, he was never meant to have a future. Every moment since then had been stolen. Suyin needed to take their child and go far away where she would be safe. That was all he could give.
"I won"t go." Like a stubborn child, she wouldn"t look at him. "What will you do then?"
The commotion came first from the guards. He looked quickly to them, saw the movement bursting through the trees. He only had time to grab Suyin and pull her behind him.
At first he thought the attacker had punched him. Sharp pressure struck his side, knocking the breath from him. But the pain continued. It spread as he fell back with a hand clutched to his abdomen.
A stream of heated blood seeped between his fingers.
His hands had become nerveless. His sword. He was under attack and needed a weapon, but shock and pain overtook him as he reached for his sword. He staggered and crashed to the ground. Ru Shan appeared above him. Suyin cried out, but the rebel soldier held her back.
"Lady Ling, you must come with me."
"Get away from me!"
Ru Shan"s hair was unkempt, his jaw scraggly with a growth of beard. Suyin clawed at him until he let go of her. Li Tao watched each action while his heart pounded. With each beat, he bled, his strength draining quickly. His gaze narrowed as Suyin collapsed beside him. She pressed both of her hands over his, over the wound. She was trembling. Frightened. He needed to say something.
His lip curled. "Fitting."
All of Suyin"s clever manipulations, all the deaths he"d inflicted.
"Please," she whispered. "What do I need to do?"
Her face was wet with tears, but he couldn"t brush them away. He didn"t want to get blood on her. There was blood everywhere. She was going to watch him die if he didn"t do something.
His chest heaved. It took a surprising effort to speak, but he was only searching for one word.
"Suyin."
She leaned close. With his free hand, he stretched out his fingers to touch her cheek. So soft. She always felt like an indulgence, an undeserved kindness. He didn"t want to look away.
The upstart Ru Shan was careless. He"d missed the vital organs. This wound would bleed him towards a slow death. Ru Shan had swooped in on the wings of righteousness, honourable and unwavering. He"d wanted to save the beautiful consort from the tyrant. All things came around and back again, didn"t they?
"Go with Ru Shan," Li Tao said.
"No."
He met Ru Shan"s eyes briefly. "He"ll protect you," he urged.
"This was my doing," she cried.
It tortured him to see Suyin weeping and broken. She laid her cheek against his. Her breath fanned against his ear. "Tell me," she demanded through her tears. "Tell me what you"ve been refusing to say."
His mouth curved involuntarily. Imperious to the last. He couldn"t help but obey.
"I love you," he said. "I will never love anyone else-in this life or the next."
She sank against him, her face buried against his neck. "I will die without you."
"You won"t."
Her body shook with each sob. He looked up to see Ru Shan watching them. The knife lay slack in his hand, dull with blood.
"Take her," Li Tao said.
The soldier could finish him easily, if that had been his true intent. Almost obediently, Ru Shan reached out to pull Suyin away.
She shoved him aside. "Don"t touch me!"
Footsteps padded swiftly in the distance. An Ying, winding like shadows and smoke through the trees.
Li Tao tried to warn her. "They"re coming."
His eyes fell closed. His body sagged heavy against the earth. So this was how his victims must have felt: the shock of pain, this creeping numbness, the exhaustion of a lifetime pressing down on his bones. The last thing he knew was Suyin pulling him close. The enticing scent of jasmine wrapped around him.
Chapter Twenty-Four.
Li Tao awoke with a start. He remembered the numbness, the blood, the salt of Suyin"s tears against his cheek.
"Suyin-"
He choked out her name. A firm hand pressed against his chest to guide him back down on to the mattress.
"Slowly or your wound will open."
He opened his eyes to the sight of a strange bedchamber, but the reproachful tone was familiar. It had grown raspy with time. His former master sat by the bedside, struggling to fix his sightless eyes on to him.
Li Tao pushed himself to sitting position. The quilt fell from his chest and he slid his hand to the dull throb in his side. His wound had been bound.
"You did this?"
"Do you think I only enlist butchers like you?" Lao Sou asked gruffly.