_Lord._ By the word of a peer, I will not.
[_VAPID, coming forward, touching LORD SCRATCH on the Shoulder, and writing in common-place book._
_Vapid._ Master Brook, let me persuade you.
_Lord._ Flames and firebrands, the fiend again!
_Vapid._ Give consent, and I"ll give Neville a fortune--he shall have the entire profit of the different plays in which I intend to have the honour of introducing yourself and the old Lady Hurlothrumbo.
_Lord._ Oh, that I was not a peer! if I was any thing else--but, thank Heaven, Louisa is more averse to the match than myself.
_Vapid._ Is she?
_Lord._ Yes, she knows his falsehood, and despises him.
_Vapid._ What, you are confident of it?
_Lord._ Out of my way, sir,--I"ll not answer you,--I"ll go take her to town directly.--Out of my way, sir.
_Vapid._ Stop--you"re wrong, Master Brook--she"s in that room.
_Lord._ Where?--behind me?
_Vapid._ Yes--there--there! [_Pointing._] Now for it!--what an effect!
[_LORD S. opens the Gla.s.s Doors, and discovers NEVILLE kneeling to LOUISA. MARIANNE with them._
_Vapid._ There, Peter! there"s catastrophe!--Shakspeare"s invention nothing!--Applaud it, you dog--clap, clap, Peter, clap!
_Lord._ What are you at, you impudent rascal?--get out of the room.
[_Exit PETER._
_Vapid._ I should set this down--I may forget.
_Mari._ Lord! he has a very bad memory,--I hope he won"t forget our marriage.
_Nev._ Oh! Louisa, what am I to think?
_Louisa._ That I have wronged thee, Neville! [_Embracing._
_Flor._ My dear Harry, let this be my apology for not having seen you before. [_Giving him a Paper._] Miss Courtney, ten thousand joys;--could I have found my brother, you should have seen him sooner.
_Nev._ Why, here is a deed of gift of half your estate!
_Flor._ I know it, but say nothing. When you gave me money, five years ago, did I say any thing?--no, I forgot it as soon as it was over; and should never have recollected, at this moment, but for my lord"s inhumanity.--Uncle, I thank you,--you have made me the happiest man alive.
_Lord._ Don"t perplex me;--what a compound of folly and generosity!
_Mari._ Uncle-in-law, what are your feelings on this occasion?--as my aunt says.
_Lord._ Feelings!--I never knew a peer had any.
_Mari._ Didn"t you?
_Lord._ No; but now I find the contrary: I begin to think I"ve a heart like other men. It"s better to atone for an error, than persist in one--therefore give me that deed, Neville----there, sir, [_Giving it to FLORIVILLE._] do you think n.o.body has estates but yourself?--Louisa and her fortune are your own, Neville; and after my death, you shall have all mine:--and now there"s a cursed burden off my mind.
_Mari._ Now, you"re a dear creature! and I won"t marry,--that"s what I won"t, without consulting you.
_Lord._ You marry! why, who should you marry?--And pray, how came you here?
_Mari._ A gentleman run away with me;--he is now in the room.
_Lord._ In the room! what, Floriville?
_Mari._ No, behind you. [_Pointing to VAPID, who is writing at a Table._
_Lord._ Ghosts and spectres! my evil genius!
_Mari._ Come, my dear, haven"t you almost finished? [_VAPID rises._
_Vapid._ Yes, the denouement is complete, and now, Mrs Vapid, I resign myself to love and you.
_Mari._ Come, give consent, my lord,--my husband will get money, though I have none.
_Lord._ None!--I dare say he can tell you, you will have twelve thousand pounds in less than a year.
_Vapid._ That"s a new incident!
_Mari._ Shall I? then "faith, Mr Vapid, we"ll build a theatre of our own! you shall write plays, and I"ll act them.
_Enter ENNUI._
_Ennui._ I"ve an idea--I give you joy, Neville.--I mean to kill time, by living single; and, therefore, I hope, the lady and the borough may be yours.
_Mari._ Mr Ennui, I hope you"ll forgive me, and Sir Harry Hustle, the fatigue we occasioned you?
_Ennui._ Yaw, aw--don"t mention it.--The very recollection makes me faint.--In fact--my lord, I just met one of Lady Waitfor"t"s servants, who tells me she has left Bath in a rage.
_Flor._ I am afraid she has escaped too easily.
_Lord._ Oh, never think of her! I can answer for her punishment being adequate to her crimes--Willoughby has told me all her schemes,--and if ever I hear her name again, may I lose my peerage, and dress like a gentleman.
_Ennui._ My lord--I"ve an idea--
_Vapid._ Sir, I beg your pardon; but really, if you have an idea, I will trouble you to spare it me for my comedy.
_Ennui._ In fact--I don"t comprehend. I have read your "die-all"
epilogue, and--