She saw Uncle John, his white hair and happy smile and large rather shapeless body, his way of laughing with his head flung back, the look of him when he was thinking, his face precisely that of a puzzled pig--simply to see him there across the room brought back to her a flood of memories.
She knew that she had avoided him lately and she knew, too, that he was unhappy about her. He was unhappy, poor Uncle John, about a number of things--always behind his laughter and cheerful greetings there was the little restless distress as though Life were offering him, just now, more than he could control.
Rachel looked and then turned her eyes away.
"Yes," she said to Lady Darrant, "I hope it won"t be very much. They say that a week or two will see the end of it."
Truly, for herself, this afternoon was almost too difficult for her. She had received, that morning, a letter from Francis Breton asking her to go to tea with him in his rooms, one day within the following week.
She had never been to his room; she had not met him once during the whole year.
She had known, during all these last twelve months, that meeting him had nothing at all to do with the especial claim that they had upon one another. That claim had existed since that day of their first coming face to face and nothing now could ever alter it.
But the next time that they met must be, for both of them, a definite landmark. She might either decide, now, once and for all, never to see him again, or grasp, quite definitely, the possible result of her going to him.
The writing of this letter brought, at last, upon her the climax that she had been avoiding during the last year.
Sitting there in the Beaminster camp it was difficult to act without prejudice. With the exception of Uncle John and Roddy she hated them all.
After all if she were to refuse to see Francis Breton did it solve the question? Did it help her--and that was the great need of her present life--to love Roddy any better?
And if she went to his rooms and saw him, would not the truth emerge from that meeting and the miserable doubts and temptations that had shadowed her since her marriage be cleared away for ever?
She liked Roddy and did not love him--nothing could alter that.
Breton and she belonged to a world that was hostile to this world that she was now in--nothing could alter that.
Yes, she would go and see Breton. She got up, smiled at Lady Darrant and went across the room to talk to Uncle John.
On this afternoon she had a great overpowering longing for someone to love her, to care for her, to pity her, to take her into their arms and whisper comfort to her. It was so long--oh! so long, since Dr. Chris and Uncle John had done that.
And yet--the irony of it--there was Roddy eager to do it all: and from him, the fates had decreed that it should mean nothing to her.
"Why can"t he touch me? Why can"t he give me what I want? Is it my fault? Whose fault is it?"
And when she came to Uncle John she was almost afraid to look at him lest he should see the unhappiness in her eyes.
But, in spite of her unhappiness, she could be satirically observant.
Her grandmother, up there on the wall, controlled, like the moon, this tide of human beings. They flowed forward, they retreated. About them, around them, behind and in front of them hovered this War....
Rachel knew that it was the Beaminster doctrine that anything that occurred to the nation was to be attributed, in the main, to Beaminster principles. She could tell at once that they had seized upon this war as an example of Beaminster government. Had diplomacy prevented it, behold the triumph of Beaminster diplomacy; now, as it had not been prevented, a swift and total triumph would a.s.sert the genius of Beaminster militancy.
"A week out there ought to be enough.... It"s tiresome, of course, but they"ll soon have had enough of it...."
Even Rachel, looking up at the portrait, might, not too fantastically, imagine that this war presented the last great manifestation of power on the part of that old woman.
Everyone in the room, perhaps, felt the same.
II
Many eyes were upon her as she moved across to Lord John. This girl, with the foreign colour and bearing, having, apparently, so little of the Beaminster about her and making so quickly so conventional a marriage ("One hadn"t expected her to care about a man like Seddon"), stirred their curiosity.
Monty Carfax, licensed transmitter of public opinion, reported her unpopular. "Met her one week-end at the Ma.s.siters"--that very time when Seddon proposed. Didn"t like her and, really, can"t find anyone who does. Conceited, farouche. It"s my opinion Roddy Seddon finds her difficult." "Yes, but she"s interesting," someone would reply, "unusual.
Dissatisfied-looking--not at all happy, I should say."
Lady Adela, stiff, awkward but important, in an ugly grey dress found Lord Crewner the only helpful person in the room. He seemed to understand the way that worries acc.u.mulated about one and yet refused to be defined.... He stayed near her throughout the afternoon. She saw Rachel moving across to her brother and the sight of her stirred all her discomfort.
"Why need she look as though she hated everyone?" she thought.
Rachel came at length to Uncle John and found him talking to Maurice Garden. That large and prosperous gentleman hastily proclaimed his delight in meeting Rachel again, but she had very little to say to him.
He left them, secretly determined that he would never speak to the girl again if he could help it.
Uncle John regarded her with an air of supplicating nervousness.
"Come along, my dear," he said. "We haven"t had a talk for weeks. Let"s find a corner somewhere----"
They found a corner and then were both of them uncomfortable. The girl whom Uncle John had known and loved had had her tempers and intolerances, but she had also had her wonderful spontaneous affections and tendernesses.
Now she sat there looking straight before her and replying only in monosyllables to his questions.
She was saying to herself: "Shall I go? Shall I go?"
At last he said timidly:
"You"ll see mother before you leave?"
"Yes," Rachel said.
"I"m afraid she"s not very well."
"Not very well?" Rachel looked up at him sharply, Lord John stared away from her. No one had ever said that publicly before, Lord John himself wondered at his words when he had spoken them.
"Of course she doesn"t admit it," he said hurriedly. "No one _says_ anything about it--even Christopher. I oughtn"t perhaps to have said anything myself--but I thought----" He broke off. Rachel knew that he meant that she should be kind and considerate on this visit.
Before she could say anything the Duke came up and joined them.
It always amused Rachel to see her two uncles together. The Duke was a little dried-up wasp of a man, absolutely selfish, with a satirical tongue and a self-conceit that nothing could pierce. He wore high white collars, over which his brown sharp face searched for compliments. He walked on his toes, his hands were most wonderfully manicured and his trousers were so stiff and rigid over his thin little legs that they looked like iron. The one soft spot in him was a strangely tender affection for his sister Adela which was in no way returned; for her, and for her alone, he would forget his selfishness. Richard and John he despised.
"Well, John," he said. "Well, Rachel?"
"Well, Uncle Vincent," she said. The Duke was afraid of Rachel because her tongue was as sharp as his, but he respected her for that.
"Going up to see mother?"
"Yes," said Rachel. Should she go? Should she go?