"That I would agree with. I"ve no doubt most of your grays are from me."
"Did you just make a joke?"
"Maybe." I couldn"t help it, hope was filling me where the grief had been. A dangerous thing, hope was, but I couldn"t stop myself from believing in the mother G.o.ddess"s words.
We reached the sh.o.r.e and I slogged out. The clothes I"d shed were filthy, not to mention human clothes, and I left them on the ground, bending only to pick up my spear.
"Lark, what happened? You seem . . . better," Peta said.
"Ash is alive. I"m sure of it." I strode up the stairs, the water beading on my skin and dripping off which left me s.h.i.+vering, but I barely took note of it. Ash was alive, and I would find him.
"Lark, I want it to be true as much as you but-"
"The mother G.o.ddess," I struggled with how to explain my certainty. I knew why the mother G.o.ddess had done it-she knew me as well as I knew myself. "Just, trust me. Ash is not dead. I think . . . I have to prove it, though. To be sure."
"Why?" Peta padded along beside me. "Why do you have to prove it?"
My jaw ticked. "I won"t take Viv at her word, I can"t trust her. This could be another game, another manipulation. But how the h.e.l.l do I prove he isn"t dead?"
Peta paused at the top of the stairs and I stopped with her. She tipped her head to one side. "I saw . . . an old charge of mine delve a grave once using Spirit. He said he could tell if the person was the person actually in the grave or not."
Two guards went by as I stood there, breathing hard, soaking wet, completely naked. Their eyes widened. I didn"t recognize either of them. "What are you looking at?"
The one on the left grinned. I pointed my spear at him. "One wrong word, boy, and I"ll see you on latrine duty for the rest of your life."
His grin faltered. "I was going to tell you where to find clothes."
"I know where to find the d.a.m.n clothes," I snapped and strode away. Other Terralings all but leapt out of my way as I headed toward the kitchen. Not that the kitchen was where the clothes were, but the storehouse off to the side was.
The kitchens were quiet this time of day, and I wasn"t stopped as I headed for the storeroom.
Everyone knew who I was, and my reputation for destruction. For once, it played in my favor to be known as a bad a.s.s.
Clothing was a necessity, but it took all I had not to rush out to the graveyard on the southeast side of the Rim. I hadn"t been there in years, not since my mother and brother were laid to rest.
The storeroom held several sets of Rim Ender uniforms. The leather vest and snug-fitting dark brown pants were tucked away at the bottom of a chest. I pulled them out. The vest I chose had a score mark across the chest. I ran a finger over it. "This was Ash"s."
"Are you sure?"
"When we were in the Pit the first time, he got this mark from our first fight with the other Enders." I pulled the vest on, lacing the sides up so it fit me. Pants next and then a leather belt that I hung two smaller bags from. I turned, and Peta sat in the doorway, blocking my way.
"Peta, move."
"Not until you tell me what the mother G.o.ddess asked of you. She gives nothing free, Lark. I know that." Her green eyes narrowed.
"Not here. I will tell you, but not here."
"What if she is wrong? What if he is dead? Have you thought that through?" She followed me out of the storeroom and up the stairs.
"Yes. No. I don"t know, Peta. I will not even consider that she is wrong at this point."
"That is dangerous," Peta shook her head, "but I understand."
I dropped a hand and ran it down the length of her back. "Thank you, my friend."
We hurried and were outside of the Spiral in a matter of minutes. I took a deep breath, drawing in the smells around me. Redwoods, ferns, budding flowers, the smell of someone cooking. This place should have felt like home. Yet I knew it wasn"t, not really. Not anymore.
Home was wherever Ash was.
Someone b.u.mped me from behind and I spun, instantly angry, expecting Cactus. Shazer snorted on me, snot flying from his flaring nostrils. "Lark, I have been looking for you. We must talk. There is something I have to tell you."
I placed a hand on his neck. "Yes, we will talk. But not right now."
His dark eyes narrowed and he pawed at the earth. "When?"
"Soon, just not right now."
"It"s important."
Peta shook her head. "She won"t hear you no matter how important you might believe it is. There is a chance Ash is alive."
His head snapped up. "Truly?"
"Yes." Just the one word and I was off and running. Through the Rim with Shazer galloping alongside my left, and Peta flanking me on my right. Running with those I trusted, feeling their heartbeats and strength roll through me.
I would need it all if I were wrong, if the mother G.o.ddess was wrong, and I had to fully accept that Ash was dead and gone. I slid to a stop at the edge of the Terraling graveyard, my feet suddenly leaden.
The edges were hugged with blackberry vines, thick and tangled, fifteen feet high and curled around the trees. The only opening lay in front of me, an archway of vines. Blackberry blossoms filled the gaps between thorn and vine, a promise of life to come.
I took one step and paused. There was someone already in the yard, someone I did not expect in the least. The man who"d caused me more grief and pain than any other, the man I still wanted to be what I"d imagined as a little girl. My hero, the one who would love me unconditionally, the one who would protect me. Instead he"d become one of my greatest opponents, casting me into the oubliette the second time as though I were trash to be buried and forgotten.
My heart beat harder, thumping and fighting as if it would leap out of my chest. I loved him as much as I hated him, and I did not know if I could reconcile the two emotions. Not now certainly, and maybe not ever.
"Isn"t that . . ." Peta whispered.
"Yes," I nodded. "That"s my father."
CHAPTER 5.
he former king of the Rim sat on a stone bench next to a grave I knew all too well, a red hawk on his shoulder I also knew rather well.
My mother had been buried in the center of the graveyard, as a place of honor. To her left rested Bramley, a sleeping baby forever. For just a moment, I saw his smiling, laughing face and chubby cheeks, his bright eyes. The way he"d clung to me in his last moments.
Old grief, pain I thought I"d left behind curled up and cut through the hope that had buoyed me. I put a fist to my belly, doing what I could to quell the roll of emotions.
"Shazer," I put a hand on his neck, "stay at the gate, keep watch."
He snorted and bobbed his head as I stepped through the archway. Peta kept tightly to my side, her unwavering support about all that kept me moving through the memories that surrounded me, filling my mind and making my steps slow.
The hawk turned, saw me and tipped his head in acknowledgment. Red had been my companion in the desert, not that he"d wanted to be there. But as one of my father"s three familiars, he"d been sent to watch over me.
I lifted a hand to him. I would not slight him. He was a good familiar, even if he was not one of mine. And he"d helped me, knowing I did what I thought was best and supporting me as much as he was able at the time, even against my father"s wishes.
The newest graves were closest to the gate, and if I kept quiet, perhaps my father wouldn"t notice me. Though his betrayal was not truly his, with his mind manipulated by Ca.s.sava and then Blackbird, I could never truly allow myself to feel for him again. He was just a pitiful old man now, broken and weak, his family lost to him. I refused to let myself believe he would ever be anything else.
I bent beside the grave closest to me. Persimmon, Simmy, my old friend from the planting fields. She"d died when the lung burrowers had gone through our family, and her daughter blamed me.
Another old hurt; I"d not saved more of my family.
I moved past her grave and to the next and the next, until I came to the far right side of the graveyard. I glanced over at my father. He was still oblivious to my presence. That or he was ignoring me.
Enough stalling. I looked at the grave I"d come to see. Against the th.o.r.n.y wall, his name was etched into a flat piece of obsidian.
Ash, loyal Ender of the Rim.
Rest in the mother G.o.ddess"s embrace.
My throat tightened and fear made me stumble. He would not be in the grave, I had to believe. I dropped to my knees, the soft ground giving way with a poof of dust that rose around me. Pausing, I glanced at Peta who hadn"t moved from my side.
"You can do this. No matter the outcome, I am here. I am with you." Her words were all I needed. Even if I lost Ash, I had Peta, and she would see me through this darkness too.
Closing my eyes, I buried my hands into the soil of the grave. "I am afraid, Peta. Spirit, you said it is getting wild and-"
"Then do it fast, Lark. Do not hesitate," she whispered.
I opened myself to Spirit and it roared awake, like a beast inside me. It tangled itself with Earth as if it would take hold of my other element again. I held my connection to the earth tightly to me and Spirit slid away and down my arms like nothing more than a petulant child.
But it was not trying to take control, not this time.
Twenty feet deep, Spirit fell and then wrapped around a body. Images and flickers of what Spirit felt came back to me. An Ender vest, a short sword, nothing else. Yet even that was enough to confirm for me that the mother G.o.ddess had lied to me yet again.
And her lie broke me.
I couldn"t stop the cry that escaped me, the budding hope dashed as though slammed with a sudden frost. A trembling set of hands touched mine.
"Death is not the end, my girl."
I blinked up, and found myself staring into my father"s face. He"d aged since I"d seen him last, and not well. He"d not been at the battle against the demons, and now I knew why. His once-robust frame had thinned and become gaunt, his hair had gone completely gray, hanging down in a knotted mess to the middle of his back. But the second his hand touched my skin, his eyes, fogged with confusion, cleared. These were the eyes of the father I recalled from my childhood. Dark forest green and full of kindness, full of strength and wisdom.
A sob escaped me. "I cannot keep losing those I love."
He caught me against his chest, crus.h.i.+ng me to him as I"d longed for him to do for years.
No more words pa.s.sed between us and yet the forgiveness was there. He held me as I sobbed, unable to stop the grief from pouring out of me, finally finding some refuge in my father.
Peta put a paw on my hand, adding to the love that surrounded me.
"Child, why do you grieve so hard?" My father set me back from him but I made sure to keep some contact on his skin.
"Ash, he"s in the grave, and I thought maybe . . . maybe he wasn"t." Stupid, stupid words, I couldn"t help them.
Red fluttered his wings. "There are more ways than one to find out if the body is truly that of Ash."
Basileus frowned. "Red is right. If there is any doubt, bring the body up."
I swallowed hard. "I do not know if I could stand seeing him half eaten by worms."
My father nodded. "That I understand all too well. I brought your mother up not long after she was buried. I couldn"t believe she was gone, I had to see her with my own eyes again." He grimaced, pain shooting across his face like a falling star. "While it was one of the most difficult things I have done, it allowed me to move on."
I bit back the retort that perhaps instead of moving on he should have killed the one who"d murdered my mother.
I kept a hand on him.
"Lark." He smiled at me. "You are so like your mother. When she put her hand on me, my mind cleared, just like now."
I gave him a smile, though it slid from my face quickly. "Basileus. When I let go of you, I want you to go back to the Spiral. Please."
"I have to tell you something first." He leaned in close to me, so our foreheads touched. "There is a story I remember from when I was very, very small. Barely to my mother"s knees. Whispers of a legend I didn"t recall until now, yet I think you must hear it."
I wasn"t sure what to think. Was it a true clearing of his mind or had he slipped further into his madness? I glanced up at Red who ruffled his feathers. "I"ve not got a clue of what he speaks."
My father touched my face, drawing my attention back to him. "A legend, a story. That the mother G.o.ddess we know, she is not what she seems. That she is . . . mortal, like we are. Long-lived, but mortal, a wolf in sheep"s clothing."
I blinked several times, his words settling in my head. "That is not possible, Basileus. She is the mother G.o.ddess, I have felt her power."
He tightened his hold on my face, breathing shallow gulps. "I am not long for this world and I would tell you this. I am one of the oldest of any elemental left. I have seen rulers come and go. I waited until I thought the world was safe to have my children, and even now they are torn from me, killed by each other and by themselves."
I gritted my teeth, knowing I was one of the reasons his children had been harmed.
"Basil-"
"No, I have to say it." His eyes were intense and he didn"t blink once. "I believe the legend; the mother G.o.ddess is not a G.o.ddess. She is an elemental. Like you and me and all the others. And she will destroy you if she can. I have seen in her mind, in my madness I have walked with her. She will make Ca.s.sava look like the sweetest peach in the garden if you see the truth of what she is."
His words s.h.i.+vered along my spine, but I knew them for what they were. Madness, pure and simple.
I looked again to Red. "You"ve been with him a long time, my friend. What say you?"
Red shook his head, his eyes sad. "It is as you fear: madness. I stay with him now out of loyalty. The other two have disappeared."
The other two. Red had to mean the bear s.h.i.+fter, Karhu, and the husky, Hercules. I let go of my father, and kissed him on the forehead. "Go to the Spiral. I cannot be sure you will be safe when I bring up the body." I couldn"t say his name, even now. Ash"s body. That was what I would raise, not the man I loved.