Chapter 116Poliana focused on her hands, which were held by Lady Bika. Poliana felt the kind warmth from the lady, similar to what she felt whenever she entered the lady"s quarters.
These past days have been so peaceful, it was something Poliana had never experienced before. This must"ve been the kind of life her stepsister, Liana, lived all her life.
The life of a n.o.blewoman...
Poliana never felt envious of such a life. She never even tried to compare it to her own life. She didn"t try to a.n.a.lyze their differences even as a young girl.
Poliana admitted that up until a certain point in her life, happiness was not an option for her. She knew this very well, but after she met Lucius the First, Poliana became closer to happiness.
The happiness she felt wasn"t the kind that a normal lady considered true contentment, but nonetheless, Poliana was happy.
She was happy.
And she would continue to be happy.
Lucius the First visited her out of the blue with an excuse of wanting to see her. He was worried that Poliana might have been feeling down and uncertain. He wanted to rea.s.sure her. Sir Wook and Donau have been reporting to her often, but the emperor wanted to talk to her in person.
Lady Bika wasn"t wrong in her reasoning behind Poliana"s marriage plan. Most male soldiers considered their retirement starting at the age of 40. Poliana was weaker than men, which meant that it wasn"t odd for her to think about retiring at this age.
But this usually only applied to foot soldiers and low-ranking knights. Those who were promoted to higher ranks, of course, were more of administrators and this meant they decided when they wanted to retire. They were usually not involved in physical training and fights, so they could work even at an old age.
This was what Poliana wanted. She planned to stay by Lucius the First"s side as long as possible.
Lady Bika must"ve a.s.sumed that Poliana was going to retire sometime soon. Once a man retires from military life, they would return to their home life. Lady Bika was being kind because she knew Poliana had no home life to return to, but such kindness was useless to Poliana. Some might have even been offended by such offers, but Poliana wasn"t insulted.
In fact, the peaceful warm life she experienced in Lady Bika"s home was enticing.
Just a little anyway.
Poliana said to the lady, "Lady Bika, I am thankful for your kindness, but I am a knight. I do not plan to get married."
It was true that Poliana felt envious of Sir Rabi"s warm family. And only a few days ago, she accepted Sir Baufallo"s invitation and visited his home. Recently, it was announced that Sir Baufallo was going to retire this year, which meant that he received many guests lately.
Lady Ribo was much colder and gruffer than Lady Bika, probably because she had been working hard through receiving so many guests. But despite it, Poliana still clearly felt the peace and warmth of a family in Sir Baufallo"s home.
She was envious. If she could, Poliana wanted to have it too.
But…
She didn"t want it at the expense of losing her knighthood.
Losing her name.
Poliana Winter.
Her emperor said to her once that her presence beside him was what made him s.h.i.+ne. If this was really the case, Poliana would gladly give up her life for her emperor.
Poliana explained to Lady Bika, "I am a knight, my lady. I will live for the rest of my life as a knight and die as a knight, that is my decision."
"But why would you choose such a hard life? Sir Pol, you are still young! You still have 40 years to live, and of that time, you will only be allowed to live as a knight for a few more years from now. You know this. You know how a knight"s career can be so short. You also know that a woman can"t be a knight!"
"The Acreian law does not specifically prohibit a woman from being a knight."
"But think about it this way, there isn"t any law that specifically prohibits men from having babies."
On this continent, Acreia allowed the least amount of rights for women. Because it was so common sense for a woman not to become a knight, there were no such laws stating the obvious.
So, what if his highness rewards her accordingly but asks her to retire?
Poliana knew many people who were wondering the same thing, but she wasn"t worried. She replied, "I understand that you are worried about me, Lady Bika, but despite the impossibility of it, his highness still gave me a new last name and allowed me to be an Acreian knight. I take this as the greatest honor and luck in my life. Unless his highness throws me away because he finds me useless, I cannot leave my position."
"But Sir Poliana, his highness will understand if you retire."
"I know. Of course, his highness would be very understanding of me, but Lady Bika…"
Poliana had to choose her words carefully. She usually found it easier to deal with people who were angry at her or who were trying to insult her. When she was faced with people who were trying to be kind, Poliana found it harder to respond to them. These kind-hearted people made her feel like a poor unfortunate woman. These people, who meant well, couldn"t understand the kind of happiness Poliana enjoyed as a knight. They made her into an unhappy and hopeless woman who didn"t even know that she led a miserable life.
Perhaps they were right, maybe Poliana really didn"t know how unfortunate her life was because she was so used to it. She couldn"t want what she never had. Many people have said to her that she had no ambition.
But what these people didn"t know was that ambition was Poliana"s middle name. She didn"t have the normal womanly ambition of being a good wife and a mother, but she was greedy for power and control.
Poliana knew very well how sweet power could be. She could order the sons of the greatest families to bow down to her. In her blue uniform with the golden stripe, no one could disrespect her. Even those who used to be kings had to treat her courteously.
Oh, the sweet sweet power!
Poliana loved it.
Poliana didn"t serve Lucius the First just out of loyalty. Her emperor was truly wise and rewarded his loyal knights well. As long as she did her job well and worked hard, the sky was the limit. Even if they said that a sense of greed for power could be deadly, Poliana didn"t care. If she could die as a powerful woman, she would consider her life very well lived.
Just the chance of being able to climb the political ladder excited her.
Poliana said to Lady Bika, "So, I am very happy as I am."
"But!"
"Lady Bika, you are happy with your life, right? I am too. I am very content with the way things are. There are many different forms of happiness in this world, my lady. Just because my idea of happiness is different than yours, it doesn"t mean I am living an unhappy life. You are correct in saying that I led a strange and traumatic life. But even I, who are ignorant of the normal life of a lady, could see how content you are. I am very certain that your life is the happiest one I have seen so far. So I perfectly understand that you want to offer me the same kind of happiness that you have, and I understand that such a life would be welcomed by any normal woman. But Lady Bika, I am telling you that I am happy with my current life."
Poliana patted Lady Bika"s hands gently. The lady looked disappointed, but she had no choice but to drop the subject.