There were times when she thought she would go mad. Everything about her brought to memory the image of her George, well groomed, and cared for by her with such fond and exaggerated attention. She had looked after his clothes, taking an interest in the respective merits of his tailors.
She had had to endure his masculine protests when she had tried to provide him with underwear of fine silk like her own. In the morning she used to go and surprise him, as he lay in bed, like a little child, and kiss her own flesh and blood, metamorphosed into an athlete. Everything seemed to her too mean and poor for that strong fellow, handsome as a G.o.d of old. She looked after his bed, his dresser, and his person with all the pa.s.sionate fondness of a sweetheart. She inspected his pockets in order continually to renew her gifts of money. Her Mexican mines were his, and so were the frontier lands, and everything she possessed. And later on--she hated to think when--she would see him married to some one after her own heart. Then his obscure birth was to be glorified by the splendor of enormous wealth. But suddenly the world, losing its balance, had been plunged into a furious madness, and this Prince of Fate, whose mother, in conference with the chef, had invented gastronomic surprises for him alone, was crying from some far off snow-swept plain in the icy north:
"Mother ... hungry. I"m hungry!"
"I went to Switzerland three times, Michael. I even proposed that in Paris they should provide me with means of getting into Germany, offering to go as a spy. But they laughed at me; and they were right!
What was I going to spy out? My son, of course ... what I wanted to do in Germany was to see my son. In Switzerland I met two crippled soldiers who had just been exchanged, and came from the camp where George was.
They knew the aviator Bach.e.l.lery. He had tried to escape five times. He enjoyed a certain fame among his companions in misery for the haughtiness with which he faced the cruelest guards. The latest news was uncertain. They had not seen him lately. They thought that he was then in another prison camp, a punishment camp, farther inland, near the Polish frontier, where the refractory and dangerous prisoners were forced to undergo a cruel disciplinary regime, and suffer terrible punishments."
Her voice trembled with anger as she said this. She could see her son dragging a chain, and being whipped like a slave. Oh, if she were only a man, and could be left alone for a moment with that tragi-comedian with the upturned mustache who had made many millions of women groan with sorrow!
"And to think that there have been fanatics who have killed good or insignificant kings! And not one of them has lifted a hand to do away with the Kaiser! Don"t talk to me about anarchists. They are idiots! I don"t believe in them."
This outburst of wrath vanished immediately. Once more grief and despair tore a sob from her. She remembered a photograph she had seen in one of the newspapers: the torture called "the post," applied by the Germans in their punishment camps; a Frenchman in a tattered uniform, fastened to a wooden stake, as though it were a cross, on an open snow-covered plain, suffering for hours and hours from the deadly cold. It was the death penalty, hypocritically applied, with savage refinements of torture. It was impossible to distinguish the features of the poor fellow suffering like Christ, with his head falling on his breast. Even if it wasn"t George, surely he had also suffered the same torture.
"How can I live in such endless anguish! They wouldn"t let me go back to Switzerland. They held up my pa.s.sports. I don"t know what"s happened to him. There are times when it seems as though my head would burst. That"s why I avoid living alone. That"s why I gamble, and have to see people, and talk, and get away from my thoughts. Since then I"ve only received one postcard from my son, without any date, and without any indication as to where he is. It says about the same as the other one. The writing is his, and nevertheless it seems to be in another hand. Oh, what that writing says! I see him like the other man, like the poor fellow fastened to the post covered with rags, as thin as a skeleton.... My son!"
Michael was obliged to take both her hands in a strong grip, and draw them towards him, holding her up, to keep her from falling on the bed in hysterical convulsions. He was sorry that he had come, and, by his curiosity, invited a confession that aroused the woman"s grief.
As for her, she looked at him with wide-open staring eyes, without seeing him. Finally, concentrating with an effort, she noticed Michael"s emotion. This calmed her somewhat.
"You can be glad you don"t know what such torture is like. There"s no end to it: there"s no help for it. When I think of him, I feel as though I were going to die. Not to know about him! Not to be able to do anything! I ought really to find some diversion and learn to think of something else. One must live: one can"t be always weeping. But whenever I succeed in getting interested in anything, I immediately feel remorse.
I call myself names: "You"re a bad mother, to forget your sorrows." A day seldom pa.s.ses that I eat without crying. I"m tormented by the thought that he would be happy with what is left from my table, with what the servants eat, or perhaps with what they give to the dog! And when Valeria and Clorinda see my tears, they can"t explain such constant grief. They don"t know my secret. They think like every one else, that it"s simply a question of a mere protege or a young lover. They can"t understand such despair over a mere man. That"s why I gamble so much.
It"s the only thing that really keeps my mind occupied, and makes me forget for a time; it"s my anaesthetic. Before, I used to play just for the excitement, for the pleasure of struggling with fate; and because I was flattered by the amazement of the curiosity seekers who watched me stake enormous sums with indifference. Now it"s on his account--and for no other reason."
Alicia"s mind reverted to her financial difficulties. As a matter of fact, her fortune had been seriously impaired some years earlier, but she had always had hopes of some sudden recuperation. Besides, the period before the war had been the happiest time of her life. She had her son and she lived her life, without any thought of business matters.
Later her financial ruin had come along with the loss of George.
"If only I had the wealth I used to have! I know the power of money. I could have moved men and even governments. I would have written to the Kaiser, or to Hindenburg, sending them a million, two million, or any amount they asked. "Now that you are reestablishing slavery and pillaging towns, here is money for you. Give me back my son." And now I would have him back at my side. But I"m poor! If you knew how I love money now, just for his sake! I dream of winning big stakes, five hundred thousand francs or maybe a million, in two or three days. How happy I am when I come back from the Casino with a few thousand francs to the good! "It"s to send my poor boy a box with something good to eat," I say to myself. Then I write to the stores, or go there myself, keeping in mind the things he liked best. You are rich and don"t understand how hard it is to get along now, how scarce things are getting, and how much they cost! I didn"t have any idea of such things before, either. And I send him boxes of the nicest things; and I feel proud that in my mind I can say to him: "It"s with the money mamma won for you ... it"s with my work!" Don"t smile, Michael. That"s what it is--work! Besides, what else could I work at? The one thing that worries me is how to address these shipments. "For the Aviator Bach.e.l.lery, prisoner in Germany." That"s all I know, and there are so many prisoners! Almost all my shipments must be lost; but some at least will reach him. Don"t you think he"ll get some of them?"
The Prince greeted this anxious question with a vague gesture of agreement. "Yes;--perhaps, almost certainly!"
Immediately Alicia showed a certain rea.s.surance. Eight months had gone by without her hearing anything about him; but other mothers were in the same situation. There was no use despairing. Men who had been given up for dead in the early battles of the war were returning home after a long period of captivity. Besides, did it seem reasonable to believe that a son of hers was going to die of hunger and want, like a beggar?
Lubimoff again nodded a.s.sent. "Really, it didn"t seem reasonable!"
"There are moments," she said, "when I feel an unexplainable joy, a mysterious intuition, that I"m going to receive good news,--the feeling I have on the days when I go to the Casino sure of winning,--and do win.
I wrote to the King of Spain, who is interested in ascertaining the fate of prisoners, and who often succeeds in getting them sent back to their homes. I have had a great number of friends write to him. If he could only give me back my George! At least I expect to learn good news; to find out where he is, and convince myself that he is alive. I would be satisfied if they interned him in Switzerland, the way they do with the seriously wounded, and I would go and live with him. How happy I would be if he were in Lausanne or Vevey, beside the lake, like my husband!"
There was a sad, kindly smile on her face as she thought of the Duke.
"Oh, I haven"t forgotten him, I a.s.sure you. Everything that"s left over from George"s boxes, I send to him by way of Geneva. "For Lieutenant-Colonel de Delille." Oh, it reaches _him_, without any difficulty! Poor fellow! His answers are almost love letters. I send him sausages and canned things, in memory of the twenty louis bouquets he used to send me when he was courting me. What are we coming to, Michael!
Who could ever have imagined that everything and everybody would be so topsy-turvy!"
Already she was talking more calmly, as though the memory of her son was no longer in the foreground of her thoughts.
"Everything seems to tell me I"m going to get good news. Misfortune can"t last so very much longer. Doesn"t it seem that way to you? It"s like bad luck in play: it finally goes away. The main thing is to save your strength in order to resist it. I ought to feel satisfied. I was so excited I could hardly sleep last night. I went above the thirty; you know: the thirty thousand francs that used to be the limit of my luck.
Last night I won eighty thousand. Your friend Lewis was furious. He says it takes a woman to do a thing like that: to win, playing haphazard, defying all the rules."
From the look on the Prince"s face she guessed his surprise at her merriment following so closely on her recent tears.
"I can"t stay by myself. I have such memories! Perhaps you heard me singing, as you came up-stairs. It"s an English song my son used to sing. In the morning I used to go and listen at his door like a sweetheart who, while waiting for him to appear, is glad to hear the voice of the man she loves. Whenever I"m alone I sing it over mechanically; I try to imagine it is George singing, and my eyes fill with tears, but with tears of tenderness that are very sweet. While I was making the bed it seemed as though I heard him, going back and forth in his bedroom, with me waiting and listening in the hall. My voice was his voice. That was why I fairly trembled when you came in. For a moment I supposed you were he. How wonderful it will be when I see him!... I"m sure I shall see him. Misfortune can"t last forever. Don"t you think I"ll see him?"
Her closed eyes seemed to smile on a far-off vision of hope. And Michael, who had remained silent for a long time, spoke to give her encouragement. Poor woman! Yes; she would see her son. At his age a man can stand any hardship. He would return; they would both be happy once more, talking over their present troubles, as though it had all been a bad dream.
"Besides, I will help you. We must get busy and take steps to have your son returned to you. I shall write to the King of Spain. I knew him. He had lunch on my yacht once when I was in San Sebastian. I have friends in Paris, men in politics, and diplomats; I shall write to all of them.
And if worse comes to worst, and there"s no other way out of it, I shall try through the medium of some neutral government to get a letter through to Wilhelm II. Perhaps he may pay some attention to me. He must remember me, and his visit to my boat."
Now it was her turn to look at him fixedly through a mist of tears, smiling, at the same time, to express her grat.i.tude.
"How kind you are!" she exclaimed after a long silence. "The day when I was in Villa Sirena for the first time I was convinced that I had made a great mistake. How little we knew each other! We needed adversity to see each other as we really are. First you offered to relieve my poverty, and now you are going to try to get me back my son!"
She let herself be carried away by an impulse of affection. Michael saw her bend her head, and suddenly felt the contact of her lips on his hand. He heard two loud kisses and a voice whispering: "Thanks ...
thanks." The Prince rose to his feet. He could not tolerate such expression of humility. But at the same time she too stood up; their eyes were on a level. As though desiring to complete the recent caress, she took his head impulsively in her hands, and kissed him on the brow.
A sudden wave of human fragrance, like that which had enveloped him when the sheet had been thrown on his face, once more stirred the depths of his being. He realized that the caress meant nothing: that it was merely a kiss of grat.i.tude, a sudden outburst of feeling on the part of a mother expressing her emotion with unusual impetuousness. In spite of this, he felt himself dominated by pa.s.sion, cruel and at the same time voluptuous, causing him to reach out his arms to master and embrace what he held within reach.... But his hands touched empty s.p.a.ce.
Repenting her act, she had stepped back, retreating a few steps. She was standing in the doorway, ready to continue her flight, mechanically straightening her hair, and drying her tears, as a deep blush spread over her features.
"I didn"t know what I was doing!" she murmured. "Forgive me. I was so grateful to learn that you wanted to help me!"
At the same time she pointed to the balcony. Below, in the garden, the voice of the gardener could be heard telling his dog to stop that barking all the time at the foot of the stairs, as though a thief were inside the villa.
"Let us go," she commanded gravely. "The servants will soon be coming back from ma.s.s. I shouldn"t like to have them find us here in my bedroom. They might think...."
Calming down, Lubimoff noted the unconscious modesty, and the evident uneasiness with which she said this. He suddenly recalled the woman of the "study" on the Avenue du Bois, and her daring theories. Was it really the same person?
As they went downstairs she turned her head to talk to him, as though she had read his thoughts.
"You must be amused at me. What a change from the Alicia of former times! I"m not so bad as I seem, that much is certain, isn"t it? Tell me you don"t think I"m so bad; tell me you think I"m only mad; mad, and always unlucky."
She opened the rooms downstairs to show how orderly they looked, but the chill of the deserted drawing room, the covers on the furniture, and the musty odor, like that of a damp cellar, prompted them to go out into the garden and, like two people prolonging their farewell, continue their conversation at the foot of the stairway.
The elderly maid of the d.u.c.h.ess, and the gardener"s wife who looked after the cooking, pa.s.sed them repeatedly on various pretexts. They bowed to the gentleman, with a look of adoration and a pleasant smile.
They seemed to be saying to themselves: "That nice fellow is Prince Lubimoff, the one that"s so much talked about." They had often heard his name in Villa Rosa, and they both venerated him as a providential being who could restore the vanished days of abundance with a mere wave of the hand.
Michael thought it best not to prolong his visit.
"Come and see me," she said in a low voice, as she accompanied him out to the gate. "Now you know everything. You"re the only one who does. It will seem very sweet to me to talk with you, and have you console and help me."
The Prince spent the next few hours, pensive and silent. So many new things had come up all at once! First there had been the revelation of a son, whose existence he never could have imagined; next, the untamable creature of love changed into a mother; her tears, her silent suffering, which she was bearing, like a convict"s chain, in expiation of her mad past. And the crowning surprise of all had been what he had felt within himself, the resurrection of his former being, his new surrender to the domination of the flesh, and the double lashing his nervous system had received in breathing the perfume of the soft linen and feeling the imprint of her lips on his brow.
This latter he wished to forget, and to succeed in doing so he concentrated all his attention on the revelations she had made, and on her maternal sorrows. Poor Alicia! Finding her impoverished and tearful, with no other help than that which he might give, he began to feel a lasting affection for her. It was the affection of the strong for the weak; a paternal love which did not take into account the similarity in their ages, nor the difference of s.e.x; a tenderness made up for the most part of a certain sweet pity. He was moved by the memory of the humble kiss with which she had caressed his hands. It was the kiss, almost of a beggar. Unhappy woman! This was enough to make him feel obliged never to abandon her.
Alicia"s pride, her desire to dominate, had formerly irritated him.
Accustomed to protecting women generously without ever submitting to their will, considering them in the light of something agreeable and inferior, he could not compromise with her haughty character. They were both people too strong and domineering to be able to tolerate each other. But now everything was changed.
He remembered her as he had seen her in the bedroom, sorrowful, weeping, with pearls hanging from the corners of her eyes, which were tragically beautiful, as in the images of the Virgin, where Mary is holding the body of the crucified Christ on her knees. _Mater Dolorosa!_
But there seemed to be another person within the Prince protesting with cold, clear-sightedness against this image. No, she was not the Mother of Sorrows. A mother never abandons her son. She renounces all of the vanities of this world for him. She gives up her present and her future, as though she had no other life than that of her son, part of her own flesh. At all hours she gives him the milk of her breast. Moment by moment she follows his development, fighting with illness, laughing at danger. To love him she does not have to wait for him to grow to the full splendor of adolescence. Whereas she...!