~225~~Here"s Brother Blackmantle of Brazen-nose." "A speech, a speech!"
vociferated all the party. "Yes, worthy brother _cracks_," replied I, "you shall have a speech, the very acme of oratory; a brief speech, composed by no less a personage than the great Lexicographer himself, and always used by him on such occasions at the club in Ivy-lane. Here"s all your healths, and _Esto perpetua_." "Bravo!" said Eglantine;" the boy improves. Now a toast, a university la.s.s--come, boys, The Doctor"s Daughter; and then a song from Crotchet C--ss."{4}
BURTON ALE.
AN ANCIENT OXFORD DITTY.
Of all the belles who Christ Church bless, None"s like the doctor"s daughter{5}; Who hates affected squeamishness Almost as much as water.
Unlike your modern dames, afraid Of Bacchus"s caresses; She far exceeds the stoutest maid Of excellent queen Bess"s.
Hers were the days, says she, good lack, The days to drink and munch in; When b.u.t.ts of Burton, tuns of sack, Wash"d down an ox for luncheon.
Confound your _nimpy-pimpy_ la.s.s, Who faints and fumes at liquor; Give me the girl that takes her gla.s.s Like Moses and the vicar.
4 Mr. C--ss, otherwise Crotchet C--ss, bachelor of music, and organist of Christ Church College, St. John"s College, and St. Mary"s Church. An excellent musician, and a jolly companion: he published, some time since, a volume of chants.
5 A once celebrated university toast, with whose eccentricities we could fill a volume; but having received an intimation that it would be unpleasant to the lady"s feelings, we gallantly forbear.
~226~~
True emblem of immortal ale, So famed in British lingo; Stout, beady, and a little _stale_-- Long live the Burton stingo!
"A vulgar ditty, by my faith," said the exquisite, "in the true English style, all _fol de rol_, and a vile chorus to split the tympanum of one"s auricular organs: do, for heaven"s sake, Echo, let us have some _divertiss.e.m.e.nt_ of a less boisterous character." "Agreed," said Eglantine, winking at Echo; "we"ll have a _round of sculls_. Every man shall sing a song, write a poetical epitaph on his right hand companion, or drink off a double dose of rum booze."{6} "Then I shall be confoundedly _cut_," said d.i.c.k Gradus, "for I never yet could chant a stave or make a couplet in my life." "And I protest against a practice,"
said Lionise, "that has a tendency to trifle with one"s _transitory tortures_." "No appeal from the chair," said Eglantine: "another b.u.mper, boys; here"s The Fair _Nuns of St. Clement"s_." "To which I beg leave to add," said Echo, "by way of rider, their favourite pursuit, _The Study of the Fathers_." By the time these toasts had been duly honoured, some of the party displayed symptoms of being _moderately cut_, when Echo commenced by reciting his epitaph on his next friend, Bob Transit:--
Here rests a wag, whose pencil drew Life"s characters of varied hue, Bob Transit--famed in humour"s sphere For many a transitory year.
Though dead, still in the "English Spy"
He"ll live for ever to the eye.
Here uncle White{7} reclines in peace, Secure from nephew and from niece.
6 Rum booze--Flip made of white or port wine, the yolks of eggs, sugar and nutmeg.
7 Uncle White, a venerable bed-maker of All Souls" College, eighty-three years of age; has been in the service of the college nearly seventy years: is always dressed in black, and wears very largo silver knee and shoe-buckles; his hair, which is milk-white, is in general tastefully curled: he is known "to, and called uncle by, every inhabitant of the university, and obtained the cog-nomen from his having an incredible number of nephews and nieces in Oxford. In appearance he somewhat resembles a clergyman of the old school.
~227~~
Of All-Souls" he, alive or dead; Of milk-white name, the milk-white head.
By Uncle White.
Here lies Billy Chadwell,{8} Who perform"d the duties of a dad well.
BY BILLY CHADWELL.
Ye maggots, now"s your time to crow: Old Boggy Hastings{9} rests below.
BY BOGGY HASTINGS.
A grosser man ne"er mix"d with stones Than lies beneath--"Tis Figgy Jones.{10}
BY FIGGY JONES.
Here Marquis Wickens{11} lies incrust, In clay-cold consecrated dust: No more he"ll brew, or pastry bake; His sun is set--himself a cake.
8 Billy Chadwell, of psalm-singing notoriety, since dead; would imitate syncope so admirably, as to deceive a whole room full of company--in an instant he would become pale, motionless, and ghastly as death; the action of his heart has even appeared to be diminished: his sham fits, if possible, exceeded his fainting. He was very quarrelsome when in his cups; and when he had aggravated any one to the utmost, to save himself from a severe beating would apparently fall into a most dreadful fit, which never failed to disarm his adversary of his rage, and to excite the compa.s.sion of every by-stander.
9 Old Boggy Hastings supplies members of the university and college servants who are anglers with worms and maggots.
10 Tommy J***s, alias Figgy Jones, an opulent grocer in the High-street, and a common-councilman in high favour with the lower orders of the freemen; a sporting character.
11 Marquis Wickens formerly a confectioner, and now a common brewer. He acc.u.mulated considerable property as a confectioner, from placing his daughters, who were pretty genteel girls, behind his counter, where they attracted a great many gownsmen to the shop. No tradesman ever gained a fortune more rapidly than this man: as soon as he found himself inde-pendent of the university, he gave up his shop, bought the Sun Inn, built a brewhouse, and is now gaining as much money by selling beer as he formerly did by confectionery.
~228~~
BY MARQUIS WICKENS.
Ye _roues_ all, be sad and mute; Who now shall cut the stylish suit?
_Buck_ Sheffield"s{12 }gone--Ye Oxford men, Where shall ye meet his like again?
BY BUCK SHEFFIELD.
MacLean{13} or _Tackle_, which you will, In quiet sleeps beneath this hill.
Ye anglers, bend with one accord; The stranger is no more abroad.
BY MACLEAN.
Here rests a punster, Jemmy Wheeler{14} In wit and whim a wholesale dealer; Unbound by care, he others bound, And now lies gathered underground.
12 Sheffield, better known by the name of Buck Sheffield, a master tailor and a member of the common council.
13 MacLean, an old baccha.n.a.lian Scotchman, better known by the name of Tackle: a tall thin man, who speaks the broad Scotch dialect; makes and mends fishing-tackle for members of the university; makes bows and arrows for those who belong to the Archery Society; is an indifferent musician, occasionally amuses under-graduates in their apartments by playing to them country dances and marches on the flute or violin. He published his Life a short time since, in a thin octavo pamphlet, ent.i.tled "The Stranger Abroad, or The History of Myself," by MacLean.
14 Jemmy Wheeler of Magpie-lane, a bookbinder, of punning celebrity; has published two or three excellent versified puns in the Oxford Herald. He is a young man of good natural abilities, but unfortunately applies them occasionally to a loose purpose.
~229~~
BY JEMMY WHEELER.
A speedy-man, by nimble foe, Lies buried in the earth below: The Baron Perkins,{15} Mercury To all the university.
Men of New College, mourn his fate, Who _early_ died by drinking _late_.
BY BARON PERKINS.
Ye Oxford _duns_, you"re done at last; Here Smiler W----d{16} is laid fast.
No more his _oak_ ye need a.s.sail; He"s book"d inside a wooden jail.
BY SMILER W---- OF C---- COLLEGE.
A thing called exquisite rests here: For human nature"s sake I hope, Without uncharitable trope, "Twill ne"er among us more appear.
15 William Perkins, alias Baron Perkins, alias the Baron, a very jovial watchman of Holywell, the New College speedy- man,{*} and factotum to New College.
16 Mr. W----d, alias Smiler W----d, a commoner of ----. This gentleman is always laughing or smiling; is long-winded, and consequently pestered with _duns_, who are sometimes much chagrined by repeated disappointments; but let them be ever so crusty, he never fails in laughing them into a good humour before they leave his room.
It was over Smiler"s oak in----, that some wag had printed and stuck up the following notice:
Men traps and spring guns Set here to catch _duns_.
* A _speedy-man_ at New College is a person employed to take a letter to the master of Winchester school from the warden of New College, acquaint-ing him that a fellowship or scholarship is become vacant in the college, and requiring him to send forthwith the next senior boy. The speedy-man always performs his journey on foot, and within a given time.
~230~~