CAUSES OF NIGHT EMISSIONS.--I have explained how nature makes a man out of a boy. During this maturing process the t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es are very active organs--their function is to manufacture or secrete the fertilizing fluid or s.e.m.e.n. This maturing process begins actively, as I stated, about the age of fifteen, though in some boys it frequently occurs earlier, sometimes as early as the twelfth year. When the t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e begins to grow at this time they manufacture more s.e.m.e.n than the little pockets can hold, so nature adopts the method of permitting the surplus to escape during sleep. These night emissions, therefore, are perfectly natural losses, and need cause absolutely no distress of mind whatever.
The frequency with which they may occur depends altogether upon the temperament of the boy. If the boy is a strong, active, athletic boy, they may not be so frequent in him as they may be in a quiet, studious boy. The system of the athletic boy seems to utilize more of this surplus than the quieter existence of the studious boy calls for. If the discharge does not occur oftener than once every two weeks, it may be regarded as normal and natural. Should they become more frequent than this, the boy should inform his mother or father and the family physician should be consulted. It may be that he is in need of a tonic, or special instructions regarding his method of living and his mode of exercising. Whatever the cause may be, it can be corrected, and the best plan is to give it attention as soon as it is noted that the losses are too frequent.
s.e.xUAL EXCESSES.--It is well known to the medical profession that the marital relation is frequently practiced to excess. The same indictment may be pa.s.sed on what may be termed extra-marital relations. No one has ever formulated a general s.e.xual standard which could be safely regarded as normal. Too many individual conditions of temperament and health enter into the proposition to permit of a standard being formulated. It must, therefore, be regarded as an individual question to be adjusted, if necessary, by the family physician. What may safely be regarded as normal and harmless in one, const.i.tutes, for many reasons, excess in another. When a man performs hard physical or mental labor, his s.e.xual apt.i.tude or capacity is limited, and this limitation cannot be exceeded without risk. Such a limitation may not const.i.tute an excess in a man whose occupation does not call for a great expenditure of physical or mental energy. Any indulgence which produces exhaustion is excessive.
The age of the individual has undoubtedly much to do with his s.e.xual endurance. A young, virile adult will tolerate a s.e.xual expenditure which would seriously affect the health and vigor of an older man.
Environment and inclination are factors in determining the standard of some people. If the marital relations are partic.i.p.ated in simply to preserve peace and harmony in the home, they are productive of harm even if indulged in moderately.
The symptoms of s.e.xual excess are much the same as those of self-abuse.
To a certain extent, however, they are favorably influenced, because the conditions under which the relationship is practiced are natural, because the partic.i.p.ants are matured physically, and because there is no element of worry over the probable effects.
s.e.xual excess defeats its own purpose, because it engenders a lack of desire and consequently it is to a certain extent a self-limiting process. We must also remember that excess entails consequences just as the breaking of any natural law is followed by retribution of some kind.
In these cases we find that discomfort follows excess. The parts become irritated and congested and disease of the prostate gland always follows.
TREATMENT.--Stop the excess by self-control and self-restraint. Employ all the aids dictated by an intelligent perusal of the laws of s.e.x hygiene. Preserve the general health. It may be necessary to resort to local treatment, because, if the parts have been abused by excessive indulgence, there is always more or less irritation and congestion present. This condition affects the nerves, suggestive reflex sensations are produced by a congested prostate and the patient becomes morbid. It is essential for such patients to consult a physician whose local treatment will stop the sensitiveness in the parts and relieve him so that he may carry out his programme of restoration unhampered by conditions which are only amenable to local treatment.
WHAT PARENTS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE SO-CALLED "SOCIAL EVIL" BEFORE SPEAKING WITH AUTHORITY TO "THE BOY."--To be qualified to speak with authority, or convincingly, to a boy upon s.e.x hygiene, the parents must be familiar with, and well versed in the subject. The facts related in the preceding pages must be thoroughly understood. No parent can study these facts intelligently without being impressed with the importance of the subject; without realizing that it is absolutely essential that the fundamental principles of s.e.x hygiene should be taught to the rising generation; without acknowledging the tremendous part for evil which prudery and ignorance play in the education of youth; and without being convinced that most of the evil is the product of ignorance on the part of the boy, and that parents are in a large sense to blame if they fail to impart the necessary knowledge in time.
The need for enlightenment in s.e.xual matters is a product of existing conditions. Civilization and the social environment are developing along a plane which subjects the youth to temptations that practically did not exist in the past. There is a broader and looser code of ethics.
Business monopolizes the entire time of the father, and social and political unrest and misdirected ambition distracts the mother. The son or daughter has a wider lat.i.tude and a freer reign than they once had.
The opportunities for promiscuous intimacies are easier, and the public conveniences and utilities lend themselves to the designs of evil-intentioned and loose-moraled women. The ease of travel, the laxity of laws, the theater, with its unchaste and indecent plays, the moving picture snows, the vaudeville resorts, whose highest priced "talent" is some voluptuous female, who has cultivated the art of draping nudity with suggestiveness and singing immoral songs, all tend to give youth a false impression of the reality of life and to make the path of the degenerate easy and profitable. The rich are growing richer, and their children are pampered and overfed and underrestrained. Time hangs heavily on their hands and their only mental effort is to devise new methods and new ways of satisfying the l.u.s.t of liberty and overstimulated desire. The poor are growing poorer, and to "keep in the ring," to live and dress beyond their means as many do, it is necessary to have an unexacting standard of morals. In this way the promiscuous libertine is evolved,--the most insidious and dangerous product of present day civilization, and the most pernicious factor in the spread of immoral impulses and indecent diseases.
Parents must accept these inst.i.tutions and agencies as necessary instruments of evil and adopt measures to nullify their attractiveness.
Eternal vigilance is the price of success, but the quality of the vigilance must be dictated by love, not by suspicion and distrust.
When the parent can convince the boy that the knowledge is imparted, not with the intention of depriving him of what he may construe as his natural liberties and rights, but with the single intention of adding to the sum total of his pleasure and success, he will look more kindly upon any proposition that suggests a course of conduct that leads to clean living. s.e.x hygiene will eventually find a natural place in the scheme of education. It will be taught to male and female alike. In the meantime, however, we must begin by educating the educators--the parents. In the beginning, their task will not be easy. There will be much to overcome, much ignorance, prudery, false modesty, hypocrisy; there will be much vicious teaching and evil example to live down. But we cannot hope to achieve results in the n.o.blest cause, save by patient, intelligent, and persistent effort and by self-sacrifice and a constant enthusiasm. The aim is to tell all,--all the truth,--so that we may never be a.s.sailed by the cry, "No one told me, I did not know," from the loved lips of son or daughter gone astray.
THE FATHER AND THE BOY.--The right kind of father can always find the time and the way to awaken in the heart of the boy the spirit of companionship. No boy living will resent the fellowship of the right kind of father. It depends upon the father! If the spirit of chumminess does not exist between you and your boy, you are at fault, you have made a mistake, you have missed your opportunity, you "did not go about it in the right way and in the right spirit." Try again--it may not be too late.
The father who adopts the habit of taking his boys (and his girls too) out for long walks, at least every Sunday, and who spends an hour with them every evening--is the right kind of father. One who has never tested the merit of walks with children cannot possibly appreciate the enjoyment and benefit that can accrue from them. It is not only the physical good that results, nor the inspiration which one may draw from nature, but the concrete advantages that come from the fellowship with the children are a new and a real experience--this is what counts. You will have opportunities of sewing seeds in their minds that will grow into a harvest that will astonish you. Children in the right mood--and they are in the right mood when they are happy, and they are happy out in the open with an interesting companion--are alert, and responsive, and eager to be told "things," and this mood can be put to marvelous use by the "right kind of father." The father who wanders forth with the fixed purpose of thinking out some business problem during the walk and permits the children to find their own amus.e.m.e.nt is the wrong kind of father. He must choose to be a child again, he must desire to please them, he must make an effort to be in harmony with them, he must draw on his experience to interest them, he must talk to them entertainingly of every interesting problem which the walk itself suggests or he must formulate a plan and select a subject with a definite educational scheme in view. We can, in a most effective way, begin to build their characters, and, by the right kind of talk and enthusiasm, he can determine their resolves to be honest, truthful, just, clean, sympathetic. He can instill into them, in a thousand different ways, the determination and inspiration to succeed. It is a wonderful and a precious chance, and it will make the "right kind of father" more just, more sympathetic, more optimistic, and it will make him young again and more successful. Try it.
Implant in the hearts of your children a love of home, make the evening meal and hour by the fireside a period of congenial fellowship, when all the little irritable ruffles of the day may be ironed out and swept away. The secret is to be intimate. Tell them the secret of success from your standpoint, how happiness is gained only by being efficient and successful, and that, to be efficient, one must be energetic and healthy. Drum into their ears the truth that life is a battle, and only the brave "win out," and health is the one essential necessity. It is astonishing how such talks will impress young minds. They will remind you of things you said, that made a lasting impression on them, long after you have forgotten the incident.
A father can, in this way, by talking of the future to his boy, convey to him the high hopes he entertains of the great success the boy is going to achieve--you establish a standard in the boy"s mind, and he unconsciously hopes to attain that standard. If you have impressed him with the necessity of preserving his health and strength, as an essential to success, he will be slow to yield to any temptation that may interfere with his plans. This reasoning may sound quixotic to some people, but it is the truth. Many a boy has been inspired to success by the knowledge that his mother or father believed in him, and was confident he would be a leader. He strove to justify the pride and confidence of those who held him dear, and he won out.
To retain his health, therefore, is the first impulse to be conveyed to the boy. When he recognizes this truth, it is an easy task to instill a love of exercise, gymnastics, swimming, fresh air, cleanliness and temperance in him. If these are attained, you will have tided him over the tendency to self-abuse, and you will have rendered him less likely to yield to evil suggestion or temptation. His confidence in you will be whole-hearted and implicit. You can do anything with him at the psychological moment. It is now time to talk of more intimate matters.
Carefully and tactfully, the father approaches the fundamental truths of s.e.x hygiene.
The selection of a subject for a text as a means from which to advance toward the real facts is sometimes of importance. It must not appear as though the subject was designedly chosen. If it follows in a natural way it will more thoroughly interest the boy and he will have swallowed a large dose of truth before he is impressed with the personal viewpoint.
A pa.s.sing trotting horse has served me a number of times for intimate talks with boys on heredity and kindred subjects. I invite the boy to watch how the horse uses his legs, and how rhythmically and beautifully he places his feet, and how his whole att.i.tude serves the end for which he is exerting himself--to gain speed. Tell the boy the story of how professional breeders have achieved such marvelous results; how for generations the "strain" has been kept clean and pure, how any descendant of a great sire, who showed any habit detrimental to the development of the highest racing qualities--no matter how trivial the disability might be--was cast aside, experience having taught that it does not pay to waste effort and time on any horse whose physical or mental characteristics are not up to the highest standard. Such a horse will not win, and it is only "wins" that count.
Change the subject to human beings. Tell him how the race maintains its standard; but show him the difference between the methods employed. How the horse has his mate selected because of the female"s good qualities, so that the offspring may possess like qualities, if not better, and that the selection is made by men who know their business, and have had long experience in the work. How, on the other hand, a young man with no experience is permitted to choose any woman he may fancy irrespective of her qualifications. As a consequence, we have all kinds of children, good and bad, feeble and strong, honest and dishonest, some degenerates from birth, some criminal, and many diseased and inefficient, few of them "winners." It is an easy matter to preach a little sermon from this text. Show him how essential it is to select the mother of one"s children wisely, to know if there is disease in the future wife"s blood, if her family history is good, if her temperament is suited to his, if her domestic qualities are satisfactory, if her principles are moral and normal, and if she understands and appreciates the true object and function of marriage. Show him also the element of justice involved in the marriage contract; that he must give what he exacts, that if he expects a healthy and normal wife, he must be healthy and normal himself; if he expects purity and cleanliness he must give purity and cleanliness; if he expects to mate with a fit female he must be an efficient and fit male. Remember that every act, deed, thought, and aspiration is regulated by laws which one cannot fool with, or disobey, without reaping a harvest which will conquer, crush and ruin you, no matter how clever or smart you may think yourself.
Show him the wisdom of the breeders" habit of never permitting s.e.xual liberties in a too young stallion. For the same reason the boy must conserve his strength and virility for the marriage state and for the function of procreation.
In a further talk, the father may extend this subject and gradually lead up to the "consequences" of the unclean life. The boy will be ready for this talk and will evince an interest in it that will be encouraging and promising.
The talk about the science of mating the horses he will understand readily and thoroughly, and he will not fail to see the point when you switch to man and apply the same principles. Then when you show how mismating is responsible for poor children quality and how disease accounts for feeble-minded and degenerate offspring, he will be fairly well posted, and he will be ready to imbibe more details, and you will have done much of your duty. His curiosity will be quickened and his interest is awakened. It depends upon the father. If your boy is honest and clean, open and decent, he will not fall without a fight, and while he is fighting he is maturing. If your picture of the consequences of the venereal diseases has been effective and vivid, he will grow up with a healthy horror of them. If your conduct as a father has been wise and exemplary, and if your home has the right kind of environment, and the right kind of mother in it, you have done all a father can do to help the boy over the rough spots. The proper kind of encouragement and the right kind of vigilance, and books which will satisfy the boy"s craving for more knowledge along this line is all that is needed to help the boy to "win out."
FAKE MEDICAL TREATMENT FOR VENEREAL DISEASES.--Parents should in every possible way discourage the use of patent medicines and fake medical methods of curing these diseases. Untold harm has been done to boys and to women by these nostrums.
In every instance the motive underlying the methods of people selling these things is to frighten the patients into the belief that their condition is more serious than it is in order to justify a long and expensive course of treatment.
Their work is carelessly performed, and frequently they are directly responsible for the development of complication and dangerous sequelae.
The promises of speedy cures are false, and, not infrequently, methods of black-mailing have been known to follow an expensive and unsuccessful course of treatment.
There is no cla.s.s of disease in which the help and honesty of the legitimate medical profession is needed more than in the treatment of the venereal diseases. Parents should see to it that the family physician is prescribing any strange medicine that may appear in the boy"s room, and not some unknown individual who may be an impostor and a blackmailer.
SOWING WILD OATS.--Writers of fiction and others of a more serious trend of thought have recognized the sowing of wild oats as an inst.i.tution which, if it does not merit the full approval of society"s moral code, is, at least, tolerated. No serious consequences befall the offender. On the contrary, the libertine is the type of hero who receives the commendatory quips of erotic dames and the questionable interest of hysterical maidens.
Women of easy morals are always willing to espouse the cause of the "black sheep," and to further the matrimonial success of the penitent _roue_. Many mothers are willing to marry their daughters to the polished villain of society, who is known as a rake and debauchee, if his family connections are desirable. It has been even held that a youth who did not "sow his wild oats" was of doubtful stamina.
That many able men have sown wild oats is indisputable, and that many men who are respectful husbands, have also gone "through the mill" is also true, but this need not blind us to the fact that thousands upon thousands, who could have been successful men of affairs and creditable husbands and fathers, have been utterly ruined, as a result of having sown wild oats. No man is a better man because of a past record of licentious habits. The man who sows and escapes the harvest is lucky.
The man who reaps, reaps in abundance. Most men regret the lapses of youth. Most of these lapses would never have occurred if the impulse could have been governed by the reasoning of maturity. These acts are the promptings of an impetuosity which may be entirely foreign to the individual"s innate character, but brought out by promiscuous circ.u.mstances and the ignorance and license of youth. If we can protect youth, by an adequate knowledge of the consequences, we will furnish the means to tide over the impressionable period. Until a healthy maturity of judgment will a.s.sume the task unaided.
The effects of the wild oats" theory are too tragically evident to need any argumentative refutation. The statistics of the prevalency of venereal diseases alone is sufficient; the results of these diseases are more than enough.
Study the records of the jails and prisons, courts and asylums, hospitals and health resorts, think of the hundreds of thousands of diseased and deformed and mentally inferior children, of the mult.i.tude of paretics, melancholies, ataxics, maniacs, syphilitics,--all the products of "wild oats,"--and ask if the wild oats" theory is justifiable.
Think of the ruined homes, the wretched lives of fallen women, the hopeless prayers of abandoned wives, the loneliness and misery of parents neglected and forgotten, the "b.a.s.t.a.r.ds" and fatherless children, the drunkards and criminals and tramps--all weeds of the wild oats"
harvest.
Then reflect upon the tragedies, the suicides of the betrayed and of the diseased, the bank thief, the broken hearts of deserted and hungry children, the army of inefficients--around whose necks hang wild oats"
medals, the men of big business, who constantly fight the effects of early incontinence and abuse, and the thousands who go to early graves, and then ask, in all justice, if the sowing of wild oats needs justification.
Who supports the thousands of prost.i.tutes? Who made them? Wherever you find pauperism, crime, drunkenness, insanity, idleness, immorality, vice and disease, you will find that the sower of wild oats has traveled the path and left his stain and his footprints there.
SHOULD CIRc.u.mCISION BE ADVISED?--The answer to the above question is "Yes," in every instance. If circ.u.mcision is done early,--during the first two weeks of life,--the operation is without danger and practically without pain. In quite a considerable percentage of all males, circ.u.mcision is an absolute necessity. For excellent medical reasons, about which your family physician can inform you, every boy should be circ.u.mcised.
CHAPTER XIV
A MOTHER"S DUTY TO HER DAUGHTER
What a Mother Should Tell Her Little Girl--Where Do Babies Come From--How Baby Birds and Fish Come from Eggs--How Other Animals Have Little Nests of Their Own--The Duty of Mothers to Instruct and Direct--What a Mother Should Tell Her Daughter--Every Mother Should Regard This Duty as Sacred--Every Female Child is a Possible Future Mother--Motherhood the Highest Function of the s.e.x--Health the One Necessary Essential--Symptoms of the First, or Beginning Menstruation--The Period of p.u.b.erty in the Female--Changes in the Reproductive Organs at p.u.b.erty--The Female Generative Organs--The Function of the Reproductive Organs--The Age of p.u.b.erty in the Female--The Function of the Ovary--The Function of the Womb--Why Menstruation Occurs Every Twenty-eight Days--The Male or Papa Egg--The Function of the Spermatozoa--"Tell the Whole Story"--"How do These Spermatozoa Get There"--The Union of the Species--"How Can a Baby Live in There for Such a Long Time"--How the Baby Gets its Nourishment in the Womb--Girls Must Not Become Mothers.
WHAT A MOTHER SHOULD TELL HER LITTLE GIRL.--Every little girl should be told the Story of Life by her mother. It should be told in simple language, so that the little girl will understand. Very early in life the little girl will be prompted to inquire of her mother "Where do babies come from?" It is wrong to give an evasive reply to this natural inquiry or to postpone telling the story, because they will be told it by playmates and will receive very wrong and very crude impressions of this wonderful subject.
Every mother knows enough of life to tell her little girl its story in a way that will impress her with the sacredness of G.o.d"s beautiful reproductive plan. She should begin by telling her a story about how the birds live. How at a certain season of the year they choose a mate and go housekeeping. They build a nest, and when it is all nicely finished, the mother bird lays her eggs. Then the papa and mamma bird take turns and sit on the eggs to keep them warm, and after a time the egg breaks and a little bird is born into the world. They feed the little baby birds until their feathers grow, and when they are old enough they fly away from their home and begin life by themselves.
Many questions will be asked as the mother tells the story in her own words, and the correct answers to these questions will fill in all the difficult-to-understand points. The story of how the fish lay eggs in shallow water so that the sun may keep them warm and hatch them out will interest also. Be careful to impress upon them that there is always a mamma and a papa, a male and a female bird and fish,--that this is necessary because G.o.d made it so, and we must obey His wish. When the little girl fully understands the story of the egg bird, and egg fish, the mother can tell how the Creator thought out a different plan for other animals like the dog, horse, lion, elephant, and cow. He knew that it would neither be safe nor possible for these animals to stay at home long enough to sit on eggs and hatch their babies, so he made a nest for them inside of their bodies. There they would be warm and would always be with their mammas no matter what they were doing. So we come to the answer to their question: "Where do babies come from?"
These interesting stories, according to the intelligence and sincerity of the mother, can be taken advantage of, to impress the little girl with the importance of many of the lessons of life. For example, her attention can be drawn to the fact that man and woman are the highest types of living things that G.o.d made. No other living thing, animal, or fish, or bird, or tree, or flower, can talk, and think, and reason as man and woman can. Because of this faculty--to think and reason--the human family are always trying to find out what can be done with all the other things G.o.d made. We try to find out what the different rocks are good for; what the different trees are good for, and the different kinds of earth, and animals, and birds, and fishes, and everything in the world. We study these, and we learn much, and we are made happier and more comfortable by what we learn. For example, by studying horses, and feeding and breeding them carefully, and training them, and caring for them, we can make stronger horses and better and faster horses; by studying trees, and planting them in soil best suited to them, and giving them plenty of water to drink, we can compel these trees to grow better apples and pears and peaches. In the same way we can produce better strawberries, and oranges, and grapes, and we can grow flowers with sweeter smells and prettier colors. We do all this by training these animals and trees to grow a certain way, to eat certain food, to drink pure water, and we protect them from the cold and sometimes from the sun if it is too hot. Our faculty to think and reason has taught us just what is good for them, and we compel them to obey our laws. As a result they become strong and more healthy. Now show the little girl how important she is; how much more precious she is than a tree, or animal, or flower, and how much more necessary it is that we, mammas and papas, should use our ability to think and reason in her interest. Show her how we have found out all about babies and little girls and how we know just what to do to make strong and healthy, and pure, and good, and clean men and women of all the little boys and girls in the world. Tell her that this is what mother is doing now, training her and compelling her to do the things that will make her a strong and a good mother when she grows older. Let her distinctly understand that it is the duty of mothers to instruct and to correct their little daughters when they do any wrong.
Mothers know, because they have had experience in these matters, and they know just how a little girl must live, and dress, and eat, and behave, in order to be strong and pure, and good. So when mother reproves and corrects, it is because she knows that what you are doing to merit a correction is not for your ultimate good. Show them that all young things, and young animals, and young babies, and young girls, must be compelled to obey certain rules and laws, otherwise they would not grow up to be strong and healthy. Sometimes a rose bush grows up among stones and weeds, but it never thrives, it is always more or less sick.
It does not grow strong, its flowers are poor little sickly things compared to the roses on a bush that is planted in proper soil, and carefully tended and pruned, and watered. So would the little girl turn out if she grew up in bad company and did not have a mother to guard and guide her,--to prune her when she was growing careless. Everything in this world has a meaning, and when mother tells you that you must not do a certain thing you very much want to do, she has a very good reason for telling you not to do it. You may not know the reason, but you should have confidence in your mother, you should believe that she knows what is best, and that she would not inflict pain or cause you suffering unless she knew it was for your good. The young horse does not understand why a halter is put around its neck and is made to run around in a circle until it is tired. It would much rather enjoy itself in its own care-free, and happy way. And when finally a full set of harness is put on, and it is put into the shafts of a wagon and tied there, and made to pull it and its driver many weary miles the horse does not like it, and he rebels strenuously. He is, however, compelled to obey in the end, and he finally consents to become a useful horse.