"Why?" he asked, "I"ve got a funny thing about death: I don"t like to see people do it," I said. Then, "Who do you work for?" I asked. "Some sort of intelligence agency?" The shorter one smiled. The other said, "We are not permitted to say. You obviously understand these things, however. Our interest is only a certain curiosity as to why you kept quiet with respect to what was obviously sabotage."
"So, I"ve told you."
"Yes, but you are lying. People do not disobey orders the way you did."
"c.r.a.p! There were lives at stake!"
He shook his head.
"I fear that we must question you further, and in a different manner." Whenever I am awaiting the outcome of peril or reflecting upon the few lessons that can be learned in the course of a misspent life, a few bubbles of memory appear before me, are struck by all the color changes the skin of a bubble undergoes in the s.p.a.ce of an instant, burst then, having endured no longer than a bubble, and persist as feelings for a long while after. Bubbles ... There is one down in the Caribbean called New Eden. Depth, approximately 175 fathoms. As of the most recent census, it was home to over 100,000 people. A huge, illuminated geodesic dome it is, providing an overhead view with which Euclid would have been pleased. For great distances about this dome, strung lights like street lamps line avenues among rocks, bridges over canyons, thoroughfares through mountains. The bottom-going seamobiles move like tanks along these ways; minisubs hover or pa.s.s at various alt.i.tudes; slick-seeming swimmers in tight and colorful garb come and go, entering and departing the bubble or working about it.
I vacationed there for a couple of weeks one time, and although I discovered claustrophobic tendencies of which I had previously been unaware, it was still quite pleasant. The people were different from surface dwellers. They were rather like what I fancy the old explorers and frontiersmen to have been. Somewhat more individualistic and independent than the average topside citizen, but with a certain sense of community and the feelings of responsibility attendant thereto. This is doubtless because they are frontiersmen, having volunteered for combinations of programs involving both the relief of minor population pressures and the exploitation of the ocean"s resources. Whatever, they accept tourists. They accepted me, and I went there and swam with them, toured on their subs, viewed their mines and hydroponic gardens, their homes and their public buildings. I remember the beauty of it, I remember the people, I remember the way the sea hung overhead like the night sky as seen through the faceted eye of some insect. Or maybe like a giant insect on the other side, looking in. Yes, that seems more likely. Perhaps the personality of the place appealed to a certain rebellious tendency I occasionally felt stirring fathoms deep within my own psyche.
While it was not really an Eden Under Gla.s.s, and while those crazy and delightful little bubble cities are definitely not for me, there was something there that turned it into one of those funny, colorful things that sometimes come to me, bubblelike, whenever I am awaiting the outcome of peril or reflecting upon the few lessons that can be learned in the course of a misspent life.
I sighed, took a final drag on my cigarette and crushed it out, knowing that in a moment my bubble would burst.
What is it like to be the only man in the world who does not exist? It is difficult to say. It is not easy to generalize when you are only sure of the particulars in one case, your own. With me, it was a kind of unusual deal, and I doubt there is a parallel one, anywhere. I used to b.i.t.c.h and moan over progressive mechanization. No more.
It was strange, the way that it happened: Once I wrote programs for computers. That is how the whole thing got started.
One day, I learned an unusual and frightening piece of news ... I learned that the whole world was going to exist on tape. How?
Well, it"s tricky.
Everybody, nowadays, has a birth certificate, academic record, credit rating, a history of all his travels and places of residence and, ultimately, there is a death certificate somewhere on file. Once, all things of this sort existed in separate places. Then, some people set out to combine them. They called it a Central Data Bank. It resulted in ma.s.sive changes in the order of human existence. Not all of these changes, I am now certain, were for the better.
I was one of those people, and it was not until things were well along that I began to have second thoughts on the matter. By then, it was too late to do anything about it, I supposed.
What the people in my project were doing was linking every data bank in existence, so that public records, financial records, medical records, specialized technical records all existed and were available from one source, through key stations whose personnel had access to this information at various levels of confidentiality.
I have never considered anything to be wholly good or wholly evil. But this time, I came close to the former feeling. I had thought that it was going to be a very good thing indeed. I had thought that in the wonderful, electrified fin de siecle of McLuhan in which we lived, a thing like this was necessary: every home with closed-circuit access to any book ever written, or any play ever recorded on tape or in a crystal, or any college lecture in the past couple of decades, or any bits of general statistical knowledge desired (you can"t lie with statistics, theoretically, if everybody has access to your source, and can question it directly); every commercial and government outfit with access to your a.s.sets, your income, and a list of every expenditure you"ve ever made; every attorney with a court order with access to a list of every place you"ve ever resided, and with whom, and every commercial vehicle on which you"ve ever traveled, and with whom. Your whole life, all your actions, laid out like a chart of the nervous system in a neurology cla.s.s, this impressed me as good.
For one thing, it seemed that it would eliminate crime. Only a crazy man, I thought, would care to err with all that to stand against him; and since medical records were all on file, even the psychopath could be stopped.
... And speaking of medicine, how fine if the computer and medical people diagnosing you for anything had instant access to all your past medical history! Think of all the cures which could be effected! Think of the deaths prevented!
Think of the status of the world economy, when it is known where every dime exists and where it is headed.
Think of the solving of traffic-control problems, land, sea, and air, when everything is regulated.
Think of ... Oh, h.e.l.l!
I foresaw the coming of a Golden Era.
c.r.a.p!
A friend of mine having peripheral connections with the Mafia, it was, laughed at me, all starry in my eyes and just up from the university and into the federal service.
"Do you seriously believe that every a.s.set will be registered? Every transaction recorded?" he"d asked me.
"Eventually."
"They haven"t pierced Switzerland yet; and if they do, other places will be found."
"There will be a certain allowance for residuals."
"Then don"t forget mattresses, and holes in the backyard. n.o.body knows how much money there really is in the world, and no one ever will." So I stopped and thought and read up on economics. He was right. The things for which we were writing programs in this area were, basically, estimates and approximates, vis-a-vis that which got registered, a reconciliation factor included.
So I thought about travel. How many unregistered vessels? n.o.body knew. You can"t keep statistics on items for which you have no data. And if there is to be unregistered money, more vessels could be constructed. There is a lot of coastline in the world. So traffic control might not be as perfect as I had envisioned.
Medical? Doctors are as human and lazy as the rest of us. I suddenly realized that all medical reports might not get filed, especially if someone wanted to pocket the cash and not pay taxes on it, and was not asked for a receipt.
When it came to people, I had forgotten the human factor. There were the shady ones, there were people who just liked their privacy, and there were those who would honestly foul up the reporting of necessary information. All of them people who would prove that the system was not perfect.
Which meant that the thing might not work in precisely the fashion antic.i.p.ated. There might also be some resentment, some resistance, along with actual evasion. And perhaps these might even be warranted ... But there was not much overt resistance, so the project proceeded. It occurred over a period of three years. I worked in the central office, starting out as a programmer. After I"d devised a system whereby key weather stations and meteorological observation satellites fed their reports directly into the central system, I was promoted to the position of senior programmer and given some supervisory responsibility. By then, I had learned sufficient of the project so that my doubts had picked up a few small fears as companions. I found myself beginning to dislike the work, which made me study it all the more intensely. They kidded me about taking work home with me. No one seemed to realize that it was not dedication, but rather a desire, born of my fears, to learn all that I could about the project. Since my superiors misread my actions, they saw that I was promoted once more.
This was fine, because it gave me access to more information, at the policy level. Then, for a variety of reasons, there came a spate of deaths, promotions, resignations, retirements. This left things wide open for fair-haired boys, and I rose higher within the group. I came to be an adviser to old John Colgate, who was in charge of the entire operation.
One day, when we had just about achieved our mission, I told him of my fears and my doubts. I told the gray-haired, sallow-faced, spaniel-eyed old man that I felt we might be creating a monster and committing the ultimate invasion of human privacy.
He stared at me for a long while, fingering the pink coral paperweight on his desk; then, "You may be right," he said. "What are you going to do about it?"
"I don"t know," I replied. "I just wanted to tell you my feelings on the matter."
He sighed then and turned in his swivel chair and stared out the window. After a time, I thought he had gone to sleep, as he sometimes did right after lunch.
Finally, though, he spoke: "Don"t you think I"ve heard those arguments a thousand times before?"
"Probably," I replied, "and I"ve always wondered how you might have answered them."
"I have no answers," he said abruptly. "I feel it is for the better, or I would not be a.s.sociated with it. I could be wrong, though. I will admit that. But some means has to be found to record and regulate all the significant features of a society as complex as ours has become. If you think of a better way of running the show, tell me about it." I was silent. I lit a cigarette and waited for his next words. I did not know at the time that he only had about six months of life remaining to him.
"Did you ever consider buying out?" he finally asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Resigning. Quitting the system."
"I"m not sure that I understand ... "
"We in the system will be the last to have our personal records programmed in."
"Why?"
"Because I wanted it that way, in case anyone came to me as you have today and asked me what you have asked me."
"Has anyone else done it?"
"I would not say if they had, to keep the intended purity of the thing complete."
" "Buying out." By this, I take it that you mean destroying my personal data before someone enters it into the system?"
"That is correct," he said.
"But I would not be able to get another job, with no academic record, no past work history ... "
"That would be your problem."
"I couldn"t purchase anything with no credit rating."
"I suppose you would have to pay cash."
"It"s all recorded."
He swiveled back and gave me a smile. "Is it?" he asked me. "Is it really?"
"Well, not all of it," I admitted.
"So?"
I thought about it while he lit his pipe, smoke invading wide, white sideburns. Was he just kidding me along, being sarcastic? Or was he serious?
As if in answer to my thought, he rose from his chair, crossed the room, opened a file cabinet He rummaged around in it for a time, then returned holding a sheaf of punchcards like a poker hand. He dropped them onto the desk in front of me.
"That"s you," he said. "Next week, you go into the system, like everybody else," and he puffed a smoke ring and reseated himself.
"Take them home with you and put them under your pillow," he said. "Sleep on them. Decide what you want to do with them."
"I don"t understand."
"I am leaving it up to you."
"What if I tore them up? What would you do?"
"Nothing."
"Why not?"
"Because I do not care."
"That"s not true. You"re head of this thing." He shrugged.
"Don"t you believe in the value of the system yourself?" He dropped his eyes and drew on his pipe.
"I am no longer so certain as once I was," he stated.
"If I did this thing I would cease to exist, officially," I said.
"Yes."
"What would become of me?"
"That would be your problem."
I thought about it for a moment; then, "Give me the cards," I said. He did, with a gesture.
I picked them up, placed them in my inside coat pocket.
"What are you going to do now?"
"Sleep on them, as you suggested," I said.
"Just see that you have them back by next Tuesday morning."
"Of course."
And he smiled, nodded, and that was it.
I took them, went home with them. But I didn"t sleep. No, that"s not it. I wouldn"t sleep, couldn"t sleep.
I thought about it for centuries, well, all night long, pacing and smoking. To exist outside the system ... How could I do anything if it did not recognize my existence?
Then, about four in the morning, I decided that I should have phrased that question the other way around.
How could the system recognize me, no matter what I did?
I sat down then and made some careful plans. In the morning, I tore my cards through the middle, burned them, and stirred the ashes. Over a minute must have gone by; then, "All right, tell us the whole story," he said.
"I obtained this job through a placement bureau," I told him. "I accepted it, came to work, performed my duties, met you. That"s it."
"It has been said for some time, and we believe it to be true, that the government can obtain permission, for security reasons, to create a fict.i.tious individual in the central records. An agent is then fitted into that slot in life. If anyone is able to check on him, his credentials appear to be bona fide."
I didn"t answer him.
"Is that true?" he asked.
"Yes," I said. "It has been said that this can be done. I don"t know whether it"s true or not, though."
"You do not admit to being such an agent?"
"No."
Then they whispered to one another for a time. Finally, I heard a metal case click open.
"You are lying."
"No, I"m not. I maybe save a couple guys" lives and you start calling me names. I don"t know why, though I"d like to. What have I done that"s wrong?"