That reply, and the inference to which it led, tried Catherine"s resolution to preserve her self-control, as nothing had tried it yet.
"If that other person," she began, "means Mr. Herbert Linley--"
Sydney interrupted her, in words which she was entirely unprepared to hear.
"I shall never see Mr. Herbert Linley again."
"Has he deserted you?"
"No. It is _I_ who have left _him._"
"You!"
The emphasis laid on that one word forced Sydney to a.s.sert herself for the first time.
"If I had not left him of my own free will," she said, "what else would excuse me for venturing to come here?"
Catherine"s sense of justice felt the force of that reply. At the same time her sense of injury set its own construction on Sydney"s motive.
"Has his cruelty driven you away from him?" she asked.
"If he has been cruel to me," Sydney answered, "do you think I should have come here to complain of it to You? Do me the justice to believe that I am not capable of such self-degradation as that. I have nothing to complain of."
"And yet you have left him?"
"He has been all that is kind and considerate: he has done everything that a man in his unhappy position could do to set my mind at ease. And yet I have left him. Oh, I claim no merit for my repentance, bitterly as I feel it! I might not have had the courage to leave him--if he had loved me as he once loved you."
"Miss Westerfield, you are the last person living who ought to allude to my married life."
"You may perhaps pardon the allusion, madam, when you have heard what I have still to say. I owe it to Mr. Herbert Linley, if not to you, to confess that his life with me has _not_ been a life of happiness. He has tried, compa.s.sionately tried, to keep his secret sorrow from discovery, and he has failed. I had long suspected the truth; but I only saw it in his face when he found the book you left behind you at the hotel. Your image has, from first to last, been the one living image in his guilty heart. I am the miserable victim of a man"s pa.s.sing fancy. You have been, you are still, the one object of a husband"s love. Ask your own heart if the woman lives who can say to you what I have said--unless she knew it to be true."
Catherine"s head sank on her bosom; her helpless hands lay trembling on her lap. Overpowered by the confession which she had just heard--a confession which had followed closely on the thoughts inspired by the appearance of the child--her agitation was beyond control; her mind was unequal to the effort of decision. The woman who had been wronged--who had the right to judge for herself, and to speak for herself--was the silent woman of the two!
It was not quite dark yet. Sydney could see as well as hear.
For the first time since the beginning of the interview, she allowed the impulse of the moment to lead her astray. In her eagerness to complete the act of atonement, she failed to appreciate the severity of the struggle that was pa.s.sing in Catherine"s mind. She alluded again to Herbert Linley, and she spoke too soon.
"Will you let him ask your pardon?" she said. "He expects no more."
Catherine"s spirit was roused in an instant. "He expects too much!" she answered, sternly. "Is he here by your connivance? Is he, too, waiting to take me by surprise?"
"I am incapable, madam, of taking such a liberty with you as that; I may perhaps have hoped to be able to tell him, by writing, of a different reception--" She checked herself. "I beg your pardon, if I have ventured to hope. I dare not ask you to alter your opinion--"
"Do you dare to look the truth in the face?" Catherine interposed. "Do you remember what sacred ties that man has broken? what memories he has profaned? what years of faithful love he has cast from him? Must I tell you how he poisoned his wife"s mind with doubts of his truth and despair of his honor, when he basely deserted her? You talk of your repentance.
Does your repentance forget that he would still have been my blameless husband but for you?"
Sydney silently submitted to reproach, silently endured the shame that finds no excuse for itself.
Catherine looked at her and relented. The n.o.ble nature which could stoop to anger, but never sink to the lower depths of malice and persecution, restrained itself and made amends. "I say it in no unkindness to you,"
she resumed. "But when you ask me to forgive, consider what you ask me to forget. It will only distress us both if we remain longer together,"
she continued, rising as she spoke. "Perhaps you will believe that I mean well, when I ask if there is anything I can do for you?"
"Nothing!"
All the desolation of the lost woman told its terrible tale in that one word. Invited to rest herself in the hotel, she asked leave to remain where she was; the mere effort of rising was too much for her now.
Catherine said the parting words kindly. "I believe in your good intentions; I believe in your repentance."
"Believe in my punishment!" After that reply, no more was said.
Behind the trees that closed the view at the further extremity of the lawn the moon was rising. As the two women lost sight of each other, the new light, pure and beautiful, began to dawn over the garden.
Chapter XLVI. Nil Desperandum.
No horror of her solitude, no melancholy recollections, no dread of the future disturbed Sydney"s mind. The one sense left in her was the sense of fatigue. Vacantly, mechanically, the girl rested as a tired animal might have rested. She saw nothing, heard nothing; the one feeling of which she was conscious was a dull aching in every limb. The moon climbed the heavens, brightened the topmost leaves of the trees, found the gloom in which Sydney was hidden, and cheered it tenderly with radiant light. She was too weary to sleep, too weary even to shade her face when the moonbeams touched it. While the light still strengthened, while the slow minutes still followed each other unheeded, the one influence that could rouse Sydney found her at last--set her faint heart throbbing--called her prostrate spirit to life again. She heard a glad cry of recognition in a child"s voice:
"Oh, Sydney, dear, is it you?"
In another instant her little pupil and playfellow of former days was in her arms.
"My darling, how did you come here?"
Susan answered the question. "We are on our way back from the Palace, miss. I am afraid," she said, timidly, "that we ought to go in."
Silently resigned, Sydney tried to release the child. Kitty clung to her and kissed her; Kitty set the nurse at defiance. "Do you think I am going to leave Syd now I have found her? Susan, I am astonished at you!"
Susan gave way. Where the nature is gentle, kindness and delicacy go hand-in-hand together, undisturbed by the social irregularities which beset the roadway of life. The nursemaid drew back out of hearing.
Kitty"s first questions followed each other in breathless succession.
Some of them proved to be hard, indeed, to answer truly, and without reserve. She inquired if Sydney had seen her mother, and then she was eager to know why Sydney had been left in the garden alone.
"Why haven"t you gone back to the house with mamma?" she asked.
"Don"t ask me, dear," was all that Sydney could say. Kitty drew the inevitable conclusion: "Have you and mamma quarreled?"
"Oh, no!"
"Then come indoors with me."
"Wait a little, Kitty, and tell me something about yourself. How do you get on with your lessons?"
"You dear foolish governess, do you expect me to learn my lessons, when I haven"t got you to teach me? Where have you been all this long while?
_I_ wouldn"t have gone away and left _you!_" She paused; her eager eyes studied Sydney"s face with the unrestrained curiosity of a child. "Is it the moonlight that makes you look pale and wretched?" she said. "Or are you really unhappy? Tell me, Syd, do you ever sing any of those songs that I taught you, when you first came to us?"
"Never, dear!"
"Have you anybody to go out walking with you and running races with you, as I did?"