"I would rather you cursed me than treat me with such cold politeness."
"I"m afraid you"re rather difficult to please," he said.
Lucy went up to him pa.s.sionately, but he drew back so that she might not touch him. Her outstretched hands dropped powerless to her side.
"Oh, you"re of iron," she cried pitifully. "Alec, Alec, I couldn"t let you go without seeing you once more. Even you would be satisfied if you knew what bitter anguish I"ve suffered. Even you would pity me. I don"t want you to think too badly of me."
"Does it much matter what I think? We shall be five thousand miles apart."
"You must utterly despise me."
He shook his head. And now his manner lost that affected calmness which had been so cruelly wounding. He could not now attempt to hide the pain that he was suffering. His voice trembled a little with his great emotion.
"I loved you far too much to do that. Believe me, with all my heart I wish you well. Now that the first bitterness is past I see that you did the only possible thing. I hope that you"ll be very happy. Robert Boulger is an excellent fellow, and I"m sure he"ll make you a much better husband than I should ever have done."
Lucy blushed to the roots of her hair. Her heart sank, and she did not seek to conceal her agitation.
"Did they tell you I was going to marry Robert Boulger?"
"Isn"t it true?"
"Oh, how cruel of them, how frightfully cruel! I became engaged to him, but he gave me my release. He knew that notwithstanding everything, I loved you better than my life."
Alec looked down, but he did not say anything. He did not move.
"Oh, Alec, don"t be utterly pitiless," she wailed. "Don"t leave me without a single word of kindness."
"Nothing is changed, Lucy. You sent me away because I caused your brother"s death."
She stood before him, her hands behind her back, and they looked into one another"s eyes. Her words were steady and quiet. It seemed to give her an infinite relief to say them.
"I hated you then, and yet I couldn"t crush the love that was in my heart. And it"s because I was frightened of myself that I told Bobbie I"d marry him. But I couldn"t. I was horrified because I cared for you still. It seemed such odious treachery to George, and yet love burnt up my heart. I used to try and drive you away from my thoughts, but every word you had ever said came back to me. Don"t you remember, you told me that everything you did was for my sake? Those words hammered away on my heart as though it were an anvil. I struggled not to believe them, I said to myself that you had sacrificed George, coldly, callously, prudently, but my love told me it wasn"t true. Your whole life stood on one side and only this hateful story on the other. You couldn"t have grown into a different man in one single instant. I"ve learnt to know you better during these three months of utter misery, and I"m ashamed of what I did."
"Ashamed?"
"I came here to-day to tell you that I don"t understand the reason of what you did; but I don"t want to understand. I believe in you now with all my strength. I believe in you as better women than I believe in G.o.d.
I know that whatever you did was right and just--because you did it."
Alec looked at her for a moment Then he held out his hand.
"Thank G.o.d," he said. "I"m so grateful to you."
"Have you nothing more to say to me than that?"
"You see, its come too late. Nothing much matters now, for to-morrow I go away for ever."
"But you"ll come back."
He gave a short, scornful laugh.
"They were so glad to give me that job on the Congo because no one else would take it. I"m going to a part of Africa from which Europeans seldom return."
"Oh, that"s too horrible," she cried. "Don"t go, dearest; I can"t bear it."
"I must now. Everything is settled, and there can be no drawing back."
She let go hopelessly of his hand.
"Don"t you care for me any more?" she whispered.
He looked at her, but he did not answer. She turned away, and sinking into a chair, began to cry.
"Don"t, Lucy," he said, his voice breaking suddenly. "Don"t make it harder."
"Oh, Alec, Alec, don"t you see how much I love you."
He leaned over her and gently stroked her hair.
"Be brave, darling," he whispered.
She looked up pa.s.sionately, seizing both his hands.
"I can"t live without you. I"ve suffered too much. If you cared for me at all, you"d stay."
"Though I love you with all my soul, I can"t do otherwise now than go."
"Then take me with you," she cried eagerly. "Let me come too."
"You!"
"You don"t know what I can do. With you to help me I can be very brave.
Let me come, Alec."
"It"s impossible. You don"t know what you ask."
"Then let me wait for you. Let me wait till you come back."
"And if I never come back?"
"I will wait for you still."
He placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes, as though he were striving to see into the depths of her soul. She felt very weak.
She could scarcely see him through her tears, but she tried to smile.
Then without a word he slipped his arms around her. Sobbing in the ecstasy of her happiness, she let her head fall on his shoulder.
"You will have the courage to wait?" he said.
"I know you love me, and I trust you."