"No, I must be free. As soon as my father is released I must be ready to live with him. And I can"t take an honest man"s name. It looks as if I were running away from my own and taking shelter elsewhere."
She hesitated for a while, since it made her very shy to say what she had in mind. When she spoke it was in a low and trembling voice.
"You don"t know how proud I was of my name and my family. For centuries they"ve been honest, decent people, and I felt that we"d had a part in the making of England. And now I feel utterly ashamed. d.i.c.k Lomas laughed at me because I was so proud of my family. I daresay I was stupid. I never paid much attention to rank and that kind of thing, but it did seem to me that family was different. I"ve seen my father, and he simply doesn"t realise for a moment that he"s done something horribly mean and shameful. There must be some taint in our nature. I couldn"t marry you; I should be afraid that my children would inherit the rottenness of my blood."
He listened to what she said. Then he went up to her and put his hands on her shoulders. His calmness, and the steadiness of his voice seemed to quieten her.
"I think you will be able to help your father and George better if you are my wife. I"m afraid your position will be very difficult. Won"t you give me the great happiness of helping you?"
"We must stand on our own feet. I"m very grateful, but you can do nothing for us."
"I"m very awkward and stupid, I don"t know how to say what I want to. I think I loved you from that first day at Court Leys. I did not understand then what had happened; I suddenly felt that something new and strange had come into my life. And day by day I loved you more, and then it took up my whole soul. I"ve never loved anyone but you. I never can love anyone but you. I"ve been looking for you all my life."
She could not stand the look of his eyes, and she cast hers down. He saw the exquisite shadow of her eyelashes on her cheek.
"But I didn"t dare say anything to you then. Even if you had cared for me, it seemed unfair to bind you to me when I was starting on this expedition. But now I must speak. I go in a week. It would give me so much strength and courage if I knew that I had your love. I love you with all my heart."
She looked up at him now, and her eyes were shining with tears, but they were not the tears of a hopeless pain.
"I can"t marry you now. It would be unfair to you. I owe myself entirely to my father."
He dropped his hands from her shoulders and stepped back.
"It must be as you will."
"But don"t think I"m ungrateful," she said. "I"m so proud that I have your love. It seems to lift me up from the depths. You don"t know how much good you have done me."
"I wanted to help you, and you will let me do nothing for you."
On a sudden a thought flashed through her. She gave a little cry of amazement, for here was the solution of her greatest difficulty.
"Yes, you can do something for me. Will you take George with you?"
"George?"
He remained silent for a moment, while he considered the proposition.
"I can trust him in your hands. You will make a good and a strong man of him. Oh, won"t you give him this chance of washing out the stain that is on our name?"
"Do you know that he will have to undergo hunger and thirst and every kind of hardship? It"s not a picnic that I"m going on."
"I"m willing that he should undergo everything. The cause is splendid.
His self-respect is wavering in the balance. If he gets to n.o.ble work he will feel himself a man."
"There will be a good deal of fighting. It has seemed foolish to dwell on the dangers that await me, but I do realise that they are greater than I have ever faced before. This time it is win or die."
"The dangers can be no greater than those his ancestors have taken cheerfully."
"He may be wounded or killed."
Lucy hesitated for an instant. The words she uttered came from unmoving lips.
"If he dies a brave man"s death I can ask for nothing more."
Alec smiled at her infinite courage. He was immensely proud of her.
"Then tell him that I shall be glad to take him."
"May I call him now?"
Alec nodded. She rang the bell and told the servant who came that she wished to see her brother. George came in. The strain of the last fortnight, the horrible shock of his father"s conviction, had told on him far more than on Lucy. He looked worn and ill. He was broken down with shame. The corners of his mouth drooped querulously, and his handsome face bore an expression of utter misery. Alec looked at him steadily. He felt infinite pity for his youth, and there was a charm of manner about him, a way of appealing for sympathy, which touched the strong man. He wondered what character the boy had. His heart went out to him, and he loved him already because he was Lucy"s brother.
"George, Mr. MacKenzie has offered to take you with him to Africa," she said eagerly. "Will you go?"
"I"ll go anywhere so long as I can get out of this beastly country," he answered wearily. "I feel people are looking at me in the street when I go out, and they"re saying to one another: there"s the son of that swindling rotter who was sentenced to seven years."
He wiped the palms of his hands with his handkerchief.
"I don"t mind what I do. I can"t go back to Oxford; no one would speak to me. There"s nothing I can do in England at all. I wish to G.o.d I were dead."
"George, don"t say that."
"It"s all very well for you. You"re a girl, and it doesn"t matter. Do you suppose anyone would trust me with sixpence now? Oh, how could he?
How could he?"
"You must try and forget it, George," said Lucy, gently.
The boy pulled himself together and gave Alec a charming smile.
"It"s awfully ripping of you to take pity on me."
"I want you to know before you decide that you"ll have to rough it all the time. It"ll be hard and dangerous work."
"Well, as far as I"m concerned it"s Hobson"s choice, isn"t it?" he answered, bitterly.
Alec held out his hand, with one of his rare, quiet smiles.
"I hope we shall pull well together and be good friends."
"And when you come back, George, everything will be over. I wish I were a man so that I might go with you. I wish I had your chance. You"ve got everything before you, George. I think no man has ever had such an opportunity. All our hope is in you. I want to be proud of you. All my self-respect depends on you. I want you to distinguish yourself, so that I may feel once more honest and strong and clean."
Her voice was trembling with a deep emotion, and George, quick to respond, flushed.
"I am a selfish beast," he cried. "I"ve been thinking of myself all the time. I"ve never given a thought to you."
"I don"t want you to: I only want you to be brave and honest and steadfast."
The tears came to his eyes, and he put his arms around her neck. He nestled against her heart as a child might have done.