There was no picnic and nutting party the next day, owing to a downpour of rain. Betty had time to think quietly over what had happened the day before and her mind misgave her. What was it that so filled her heart and mind? That so stirred her imagination? Was it romance or love? She wished she knew how other girls felt who had lovers. Was it easy or hard for them to say yes? Should a girl let her lover kiss her the way Peter Junior had done? Some of the questions which perplexed her she would have liked to ask her mother, but in spite of their charming intimacy she could not bring herself to speak of them. She wished she had a friend with a lover, and could talk it all over with her, but although she had girl friends, none of them had lovers, and to have one herself made her feel much older than any of them.
So Betty thought matters out for herself. Of course she liked Peter Junior--she had always liked him--and he was masterful--and she had always known she would marry a soldier--and one who had been wounded and been brave--that was the kind of a soldier to love. But she was more subdued than usual and sewed steadily on gingham ap.r.o.ns for Janey, making the b.u.t.tonholes and binding them about the neck with contrasting stuff.
"Anyway, I"m glad there is no picnic to-day. The boys may eat up the cookies, and I didn"t get the cake made after all," she said to her mother, as she lingered a moment in the kitchen and looked out of the window at the pouring rain. But she did not see the rain; she saw again a gray-clad youth limping down the path between the lilacs and away along the gra.s.sy roadside.
Well, what if she had said yes? It was all as it should be, according to her dreams, only--only--he had not allowed her to say what she had meant to say. She wished her mother had not happened to come just then before she could explain to Peter Junior; that it was "yes" only if when he came back he still wanted her and still loved her, and was sure he had not made a mistake about it. It was often so in books. Men went away, and when they returned, they found they no longer loved their sweethearts. If such a terrible thing should happen to her! Oh, dear! Or maybe he would be too honorable to say he no longer loved her, and would marry her in spite of it; and she would find out afterward, when it was too late, that he loved some one else; that would be very terrible, and they would be miserable all their lives.
"I don"t think I would let the boys eat up the cookies, dear; it may clear off by sundown, and be fine to-morrow, and they"ll be all as glad as to go to-day. You make your cake."
"But Martha"s coming home to-morrow night, and I"d rather wait now until Sat.u.r.day; that will be only one day longer, and it will be more fun with her along." Betty spoke brightly and tried to make herself feel that no momentous thing had happened. She hated the constraint of it. "By that time Peter Junior will think that he can go, too. He"s so funny!" She laughed self-consciously, and carried the gingham ap.r.o.ns back to her room.
"Bless her dear little heart." Mary Ballard understood.
Peter Junior also profited by the rainy morning. He had a long hour alone with his mother to tell her of his wish to go to Paris; and her way of receiving his news was a surprise to him. He had thought it would be a struggle and that he would have to argue with her, setting forth his hopes and plans, bringing her slowly to think with quiescence of their long separation: but no. She rose and began to pace the floor, and her eyes grew bright with eagerness.
"Oh, Peter, Peter!" She came and placed her two hands on his shoulders and gazed into his eyes. "Peter Junior, you are a boy after my own heart. You are going to be something worth while. I always knew you would. It is Bertrand Ballard who has waked you up, who has taught you to see that there is much outside of Leauvite for a man to do. I"m not objecting to those who live here and have found their work here; it is only that you are different. Go! Go!--It is--has your father--have you asked his consent?"
"Oh, yes."
"Has he given it?"
"I think he is considering it seriously."
"Peter Junior, I hope you won"t go without it--as you went once, without mine." Never before had she mentioned it to him, or recalled to his mind that terrible parting.
"Why not, mother? It would be as fair to him now as it was then to you. It would be fairer; for this is a question of progress, and then it was a matter of life and death."
"Ah, that was different, I admit. But I never could retaliate, or seem to, even in the smallest thing. I don"t want him to suffer as I suffered."
It was almost a cry for pity, and Peter Junior wondered in his heart at the depth of anguish she must have endured in those days, when he had thrust the thought of her opposition to one side as merely an obstacle overcome, and had felt the triumph of winning out in the contest, as one step toward independent manhood. Now, indeed, their viewpoints had changed. He felt almost a sense of pique that she had yielded so joyously and so suddenly, although confronted with the prospect of a long separation from him. Did she love him less than in the past? Had his former disregard of her wishes lessened even a trifle her mother love for him?
"I"m glad you can take the thought of my going as you do, mother." He spoke coldly, as an only son may, but he was to be excused. He was less spoiled than most only sons.
"In what way, my son?"
"Why--in being glad to have me go--instead of feeling as you did then."
"Glad? Glad to have you go? It isn"t that, dear. Understand me. I"m sorry I spoke of that old time. It was only to spare your father. You see we look at things differently. He loves to have us follow out his plans. It is almost--death to him to have to give up; and with me--it was not then as it is now. I don"t like to think or speak of that time."
"Don"t, mother, don"t!" cried Peter, contritely.
"But I must to make you see this as you should. It was love for you then that made me cling to you, and want to hold you back from going; just the same it is love for you now that makes me want you to go out and find your right place in the world. I was letting you go then to be shot at--to suffer fatigue, and cold, and imprisonment, who could know, perhaps to be cruelly killed--and I did not believe in war. I suppose your father was the n.o.bler in his way of thinking, but I could not see it his way. Angels from heaven couldn"t have made me believe it right; but it"s over. Now I know your life will be made broader by going, and you"ll have scope, at least, to know what you really wish to do with yourself and what you are worth, as you would not have, to sit down in your father"s bank, although you would be safer there, no doubt. But you went through all the temptations of the army safely, and I have no fear for you now, dear, no fear."
Peter Junior"s heart melted. He took his mother in his arms and stroked her beautiful white hair. "I love you, mother, dear," was all he could say. Should he tell her of Betty now? The question died in his heart. It was too much. He would be all hers for a little, nor intrude the new love that she might think divided his heart. He returned to the question of his father"s consent. "Mother, what shall I do if he will not give it?"
"Wait. Try to be patient and do what he wishes. It may help him to yield in the end."
"Never! I know Dad better than that. He will only think all the more that he is in the right, and that I have come to my senses. He never takes any viewpoint but his own." His mother was silent. Never would she open her lips against her husband. "I say, mother, naturally I would rather go with his consent, but if he won"t give it--How long must a man be obedient just for the sake of obedience? Does such bondage never end? Am I not of age?"
"I will speak to him. Wait and see. Talk it over with him again to-day after banking hours."
"I--I--have something I must--must do to-day." He was thinking he would go out to the Ballards" in spite of the rain.
The dinner hour pa.s.sed without constraint. In these days Peter Junior would not allow the long silences to occur that used often to cast a gloom over the meals in his boyhood. He knew that in this way his mother would sadly miss him. It was the Elder"s way to keep his thoughts for the most part to himself, and especially when there was an issue of importance before him. It was supposed that his wife could not take an interest in matters of business, or in things of interest to men, so silence was the rule when they were alone.
This time Peter Junior mentioned the topic of the wonderful new railroad that was being pushed across the plains and through the unexplored desert to the Pacific.
"The mere thought of it is inspiring," said Hester.
"How so?" queried the Elder, with a lift of his brows. He deprecated any thought connecting sentiment with achievement. Sentiment was of the heart and only hindered achievement, which was purely of the brain.
"It"s just the wonder of it. Think of the two great oceans being brought so near together! Only two weeks apart! Don"t they estimate that the time to cross will be only two weeks?"
"Yes, mother, and we have those splendid old pioneers who made the first trail across the desert to thank for its being possible. It isn"t the capitalists who have done this. It"s the ones who had faith in themselves and dared the dangers and the hardships. They are the ones I honor."
"They never went for love of humanity. It was mere love of wandering and migratory instinct," said his father, grimly.
Peter Junior laughed merrily. "What did old grandfather Craigmile pull up and come over to this country for? They had to cross in sailing vessels then and take weeks for the journey."
"Progress, my son, progress. Your grandfather had the idea of establishing his family in honorable business over here, and he did it."
"Well, I say these people who have been crossing the plains and crawling over the desert behind ox teams in "prairie schooners" for the last twenty or thirty years, braving all the dangers of the unknown, have really paved the way for progress and civilization. The railroad is being laid along the trail they made. Do you know Richard"s out there at the end of the line--nearly?"
"He would be likely to be. Roving boy! What"s he doing there?"
"Poor boy! He almost died in that terrible southern prison. He was the mere shadow of himself when he came home," said Hester.
"The young men of the present day have little use for beaten paths and safe ways. I offered him a position in the bank, but no--he must go to Scotland first to make the acquaintance of our aunts. If he had been satisfied with that! But no, again, he must go to Ireland on a fool"s errand to learn something of his father." The Elder paused and bit his lip, and a vein stood out on his forehead. "He"s never seen fit to write me of late."
"Of course such a big scheme as this road across the plains would appeal to a man like Richard. He"s doing very well, father. I wouldn"t be disturbed about him."
"Humph! I might as well be disturbed about the course of the Wisconsin River. I might as well worry over the rush of a cataract. The lad has no stability."
"He never fails to write to me, and I must say that he was considered the most dependable man in the regiment."
"What is he doing? I should like to see the boy again." Hester looked across at her son with a warm, loving light in her eyes.
"I don"t know exactly, but it"s something worth while, and calls for lots of energy. He says they are striking out into the dust and alkali now--right into the desert."
"And doesn"t he say a word about when he is coming back?"
"Not a word, mother. He really has no home, you know. He says Scotland has no opening for him, and he has no one to depend on but himself."
"He has relatives who are fairly well to do in Ireland."
The Elder frowned. "So I"ve heard, and my aunts in Scotland talked of making him their heir, when I was last there."
"He knows that, father, but he says he"s not one to stand round waiting for two old women to die. He says they"re fine, decorous old ladies, too, who made a lot of him. I warrant they"d hold up their hands in horror if they knew what a rough life he"s leading now."