Chapter 8, 1/2
Chen Xiao Zheng’s office was located right next to the Manager’s. Zheng Wei sat at the desk facing the door, and she could often see and hear him opening or locking the door. His footsteps were light, but she heard his every step extremely clearly. Sometimes he would be gradually getting closer; at others, the sound of his footsteps would slowly get farther and farther. Sometimes he would come in to report to Zhou Qu, or they met in the elevator, and Zheng Wei would smile a little at him, and he would slightly nod his head.
Several girls at the office were especially enthusiastic about him (like a fan), even though he did not really get along with others well the majority of the time. Whenever there was anything to do with him, everyone was always especially eager. When sending office supplies, they always deliberately sent them several times.
Zheng Wei was actually the only one who tried her best to avoid opportunity to to do anything with him the most, however, one was an a.s.sistant Manager, the other a secretary. It was very hard for them to avoid meeting at each other at work. She remembered the first time she knocked on his office door, Zhou Qu had asked him to sign a few doc.u.ments and gave them to him to look over. He (a.s.sistant Manager Chen) said to come in, but her hands on the door hesitated and would not work.
She said, “a.s.sistant Manager Chen, Manager Zhou gave me these doc.u.ments for you to look over, if there aren’t any problems, please sign them and I will turn them over to the technical development department.”
He sat in his seat, playing with his pen in his hand, and stared at her wordlessly. She remembered the words that those logistics people had said, that when a.s.sistant Manager Chen was silent he was especially s.e.xy, especially his eyes looking (at them), a person’s heart would skip a beat (literal translation: lightly tremble, I thought skip a beat would make more sense in english). To be honest, she knew that his silence wasn’t actually as cool as they said, but was just born not good at communicating with others, especially not with strangers. Silence is golden; if his temper/personality had not changed over these few years, then it was really hard for her to understand how he remained as such in such a complicated web/network (in the company) at Zhong Jian and still rapidly climbed to the position he was in today.
His eyes were deep-set, and very dark brown, similar to black. The past Zheng Wei had loved these eyes to most, even though they looked too calm/quiet, but it was not like she hadn’t seen his warm, smiling face before, with the smile reaching eyes, and his narrow eyes moving slightly higher. The him them definitely would’ve said, “Wei Wei, don’t (bother me, stop being noisy).” When she was in his arms, she always felt like the next moment, he would melt into a pool of spring water. (out of happiness)
But the current Zheng Wei facing him avoided his eyes silently gazing [at her], opening and placing the black A4 folder in front of him. If he payed attention, he would’ve noticed that on the rough, hard surface of the black folder there were her sweating fingerprint marks. But, he just lowered his head and flipped open the folder. Zheng Wei could not control herself from lingeringly looking at his ring finger. For her fear of her sorrowful feelings, even her breathing was low (quiet).
That pair of slim and light hards, other than gripping the black pen, they were bare.
After he finished reading the last page, and signed his name in the designated s.p.a.ce, he said, “Pa.s.s this on the Manager Zhou for me, I will urge the technical development departments to work according to his wishes as much as possible.”
“Okay, don’t worry.” She nodded her head, closed the folder and turned to leave. At the door, she heard him suddenly say, “Wait.”(it was written wait, wait, but in english that doesn’t really make sense so I took it out.)
Her figure froze there, suddenly losing the courage to look back. All she heard was the beating of her heart, every one rushed and panicky.
After a while, she heard the person behind her (a.s.sistant Manager Chen) say, “Secretary Zheng, you forgot your pen.”
She laughed and said, “a.s.sistant Manager Chen you remembered incorrectly, I didn’t bring a pen when I came.”
When she thought about it later, she realized when she opened the door she was too urgent, maybe she should’ve taken a few deep breaths, so she could leave looking more easygoing and unhurried. However, at that time she had no other choice. She could not stay there, because she was afraid that her disobedient tears would come falling down the next second.
Within any workplace, there would always be romance blooming. Some people would be seen as bear paws (desirable, popular) and some people would be considered a.r.s.enic (to stay away from at all costs). Zheng Wei couldn’t understand, within 8 hours, after the romance between 2 people who met frequently wilted, how were they supposed to pick up the broken pieces. Or, how could there people people who could act like nothing had happened, even enjoying the ambiguity of it. But, she clearly couldn’t do it, so she had always considered office romances to be a very silly/stupid thing. G.o.d was actually just playing a joke on her. (Because now Chen Xiao Zheng had come to the office, haha)
Curse all the soap opera drama, that is one way to describe the growing loss and embaressment. There is no one among them that will never understand, someone who had once experienced those green (happy, young) days with them, someone who had shared their happiest moments in the world with them, someone who firmly stayed by their side through dangerous times, when those trembling embraces and caresses were exchanged with handshakes, what had said promises of a lifetime, the lips that gave fierce hot kisses, now had turned into saying, with a polite smile, “h.e.l.lo, Secretary Zheng.”
A heart that had been settled (calm) for 3 years had become restless, and every single day, when she raised the corners of her lips (smiled) in front of him, not showing any vulnerability (emotion), that blunt and rusty saw slowly sawed away at her heart. Sometimes, she wished it were a sharp blade, like his last words before he left, drawing blood (figuratively, lol), immediately hurting until it stopped flowing, only that was a form of mercy. In “The Daughter of the Sea”, the mermaid princess climbed ash.o.r.e for love and changed into the 2 legs of a human, however [she felt] pain like from a sharp knife, not only because she forfeited her old self, but moreover because there was too much injustice being caused, and no one said anything [about it].
Ruan Ruan comforted her, saying, “If you can’t choose, then only look ahead (towards the future). Don’t think about why he returned, don’t care about that. You only need to know what you want (now).”
Zheng Wei said, “What do I want? The only thing I want is peace/calm.” But she loves him, so she cannot have peace.
As a result, she repeatedly asked, “Why are we like this, we clearly know [he] doesn’t deserve it, but we still hold hope within our hearts.”
[Even] the smart Ruan Ruan didn’t know how to reply to that.
Namely, it was during these lonely days, the most hopeless times, she still chose to remember the sweet moments of the past, forgetting the pain from afterwards. She constantly tried to put herself in his shoes, to understand his decision and respect it. Her hate was sometimes only because she still loved him.
How could she not love him, love wasn’t a dam, where if you said open, it would open, and if you said close, it closed. During that period of her love, she risked herself, [until] not even a sliver of energy was left [in her]. And he left abruptly, during her happiest time. In the middle, there was no quarrel, no period of silent treatment, not giving her a chance to adjust to the changes. Letting their pa.s.sionate love dissipate, like a song, once it was sung till the happiest, cheerfullest moment, it would suddenly stop.
That’s right, she loved Chen Xiao Zheng. She loved him before, she loved him now. However, he was right, people must love themselves first, tasting some bitterness once was enough. (She was already hurt once, should listen to his advice)
As a result, when she went back to the company, she got along with him indifferently (blandly polite). After that welcoming reception dinner in the past where he had been hesitant and had forgotten himself, he maintained a normal reaction around her all of the time, even his smile was distant, as if they’re past interactions weren’t serious and they were only colleagues, and everything was in the past. But this was only her own speculations. She secretly pitied her own unrequited love (as if she showered love on him, a.s.suming it was reciprocated when it actually wasn’t). Early on, he had said that there was no need for anyone to wait for the other. Zhong Jian was the country’s strongest construction corporation; him coming back, and also getting sent to Er Fen, it was only a small coincidence that was part of the inevitable. Previously, she had actually thought that he had come because of her.
Actually, the 3 years time had left a trace on Chen Xiao Zheng. Although his inherent qualities of antisocialness and aloofness were still there, but in the end, he knew a little more about the smooth-talking ways of the world than before. During meetings in the past, he always had a differing opinion with the violent tempered Manager Zhang Fu, who would always get very angry at the rude comments, even Zhou Qu had to speak up to break it up. In the past, the only thing to worry about with Chen Xiao Zheng’s temper was if he suddenly walked out, but now, he only laughed a bit, knowing fully well that he was right, not persistently insisting (trying to convince him). In the past, he had even met Rui Tong’s Manager Feng Desheng who had intentionally come to visit him. Manager Feng Desheng was very greedy, lecherous, and particular about his friends/acquaintances. These were all the character traits he despised the most, she observed him, and clearly saw his eyes were full of disdain and loathing, but his mouth (the words he said?) were still extremely polite.