The Fading Away of Our Youth (So Young)

Part 1 ends here. Ah it really wasn’t helping when I was listening to sad music while translating

“I suddenly wanted to come and see you.” She single handedly stroked her chest, trying to make her breathing normal, “A Zheng, you wouldn’t be preparing your luggage to go to Wu Yuan so early right?”

He turned his head to continue to carefully organize his belongings. She went to his side, and laughingly said, “You know, just now I heard Li Wei Juan say a joke, she actually said you were going to go out of the country, and it was even America, haha, do you think it’s funny or not?”

Chen Xiao Zheng quieted and suddenly threw the things in his hands down, and turned his head to grab her hands, “Wei Wei, first come with me, let’s go somewhere else to speak.”

She didn’t speak as he dragged her down the stairs. They arrived at the basketball court by the boy’s dormitory, it was lunch time, so the basketball court was empty. There was  only them and the sound of the wind.

He stood still, and let go of her hand, and deeply breathed, “Wei Wei, sorry.”

“Why do you have to be sorry, did you do something wrong again?” She had her usual bright smile.

For a moment, Chen Xiao Zheng felt his heart tighten. He thought he would have no way to continue on with his words, but it turned out he was firmer than he thought, “They were all right. I thought I could go with you to Wu Yuan, but I didn’t think that the visa would come so quickly.”

“Them? You mean what Li Wei Juan said? A Zheng, April Fool’s Day has already pa.s.sed for twenty days, you’re still playing around?” She pulled at his hand and still smiled. But he only lowered his head, and kept on lowering his head, suddenly afraid seeing her smile at this moment.

Finally, she let go of his hand, and with a bit of loss, she began to talk crazily, “Then, I am the last one to know?”

“I thought for a long time, but I couldn’t find another way, to let you be not so sad.”

“I’m not said. You hid this from me, and only acknowledged it when you couldn’t hide it anymore, how can I not be sad like this? Chen Xiao Zheng, what is the logic in this?” Her disappointed tears began to circle around in her eyes.

Can’t cry, she absolutely couldn’t cry. If tears began to come down, then that would be equivalent to acknowledging that sadness was a definite conclusion. She didn’t want this type of a conclusion so she looked at the sky, and could tears could backflow?

“I said it before, my life is a building that I can only make once, so I can’t make any mistakes. Wei Wei, I cannot even afford one centimeter of error.”

Who said that men’s lips were brutal and coldblooded?

“So only now after you awaken, you quickly try to fix your one centimeter of error? Of all the exchange students, the one that I like turns out to be the most promising one. It’s only that I don’t understand, your future and I don’t coexist? Even if you confessed early to me, I wouldn’t have held you back. Is it because, your blueprint never had me in it?”

He didn’t speak, and thus she pushed him, struggling, “Explain, you can explain, I want you to explain…..” She began to cry out, which changed into begging, “A Zheng, give me an explanation, say anything, but just say you were forced into this, or that you are doing this for my benefit, say something I can accept.”

He held her hand that was in front of his chest, “Wei Wei, one day you will understand. People should first love themselves. I have no way to love you with nothing left.”

“So you want to go back to loving yourself?”

“Maybe you will never understand when I say it. I’m used to poverty but I have no way to let the girl I love become impoverished.”

“You just determined that if I was with you we would definitely be lowly? Why didn’t you even ask me once, maybe I am willing to suffer with you.”

“But I’m not willing!” His words had some emotional ups and downs for the first time.

(Talking to herself) The words were like this, Zheng Wei, but you still have a little backbone. You will be flung out of love, and unable to hold your love, but at least you were be able to have some dignity.

But this was a moment when Zheng Wei told herself, if I cannot escape my love, can my dignity allow me to be not as sad?

So at the last moment, she finally took back her tears and anger, “A Zheng, wait for me, I will return and tell my parents, then I will check my support, and go to be with you, even if I am incompetent, I can still wait.”

He watched her, and said, “No no, don’t wait, because I may not wait.”

When Ruan Ruan finally walked over, Chen Xiao Zheng had already turned to leave. She grabbed Zheng Wei’s hand, “Wei Wei, let’s go.”

On an April day, after the Tomb Sweeping day, the horizon came with the clouds, and the sky quickly darkened. The wind quickly darkened, the wind rolled up dust, easily confusing one’s eyes.

Zheng Wei broke away from Ruan Ruan’s hand, “Look, the wind has begun. Why don’t I feel cold at all?”

This was the path that she had chosen, the boy that she had chosen, so it was also herself who had chosen to stand alone in this type of wind, cold, but she could not say a word.

Ruan Ruan reached out her hand to block the sand, “The day is too dark, I can pretend that I don’t see you crying.”

Zheng Wei shook her head, “I won’t cry, Ruan Ruan, I’ve lost my bet.”

She had been in university for four years. Zheng Wei was used to other people’s eyes, but it was still her first time getting used to the eyes with a little sympathy, the laughing eyes, the center of public attention. The perfect match had finally come to an end, and an end was nothing more than the outcome.

She ate when she ate and slept accordingly. Sometimes she would laugh heartily at Zhu Xiao Bei’s jokes that weren’t funny. What else could she do. The second day after he told her farewell, the moment she woke up, she felt the whole sky was falling, but when she opened the window, it was such a sunny day after the big rain. The people outside her window were busy and looked different. Maybe it was sadness, or it was happiness. On this world, there wouldn’t be anyone whose nature completely changed because of someone else who hurt them. She couldn’t believe there would be light again in her dreams. As the sun rose the same way everyday, life still continued on.

When she really couldn’t continue on, she would secretly call her mom in her blanket. When the phone was connected immediately, a sound of silent sobs would emerge from that side. Uncle Lin’s body was originally not good. After all the emotional ups and downs and his work conflicts, he died on a day a week before. When he died, he was still his wife’s husband, a married man. Even though he had promised so many things to Zheng Wei’s mom, to divorce, steeling his heart, after he died, even going to see him in the hall was a luxury. After death, Lin Jing’s mom, Sun Auntie had finally been victorious in the war, she had finally defended her perfect marriage. Never again would anyone ever take away her husband.

Zheng Wei didn’t know how she stopped talking to her mom. A few days afterwards, she packed up, bringing the two train tickets along with her, and went to Wu Yuan all by herself. When the train began, she didn’t dare look at the sky. If he was in the clouds at that moment, would he lower his head to look for the place he had promised to go with her?

The big tree by Li Zhuang city was just like the general old flourishing tree she had always imagined. Senile. She didn’t know how many years it had stood there, witnessing pain and happiness, accustomed to watching partings. That type of silence and watching through a wooden state made Zheng Wei feel sentimental.

Farther away– Zheng Wei hired a tourguide for fifteen dollars in the village, who dutifully accompanied her. Here, there were foxes- the laughing, beautiful and super skinny girl told her. The old trees at the village entrance came from many many generations ago……and it was yesterday, there was someone from the city, who followed the dead person’s wishes and buried his father’s ashes at that old tree.

Zheng Wei thought of that story, before the man died, he gave his house and belongings to his wife, but he gave his most favorite tree to his lover. Love’s weight, wasn’t anything more than fallen leaves and the dust after death.

She asked a favor, could she dig a hole that was a foot deep but not so deep. The tourguide agreed readily for 20 RMB, but she said, if Zheng Wei gave her 50 RMB, she was willing to protect the thing in the pit forever.

Zheng Wei felt that this was a good deal, so under the old tree, she finally little by little buried her “Anderson’s Fairy Tales” and the wooden dragons.Standing on top of a hill, she could see the old tree, and shouted distantly, “I want to get rich!”

She also put two hands in front of her mouth, and used the rest of her strength to yell: “America, evil capitalist country, return my men to me……”

The echoes from faraway: “Get rich…..get rich…..return them to me…..return my men to me.”

She laughed emotionlessly like the distant echos. Then, in a place where she could have only dreamed of, in front of a stranger she didn’t know, the 22 year old Zheng Wei finally burst into tears.