"I-hope I"m not disturbing your meal," he said, a self-conscious gesture indicating the bowl my spoon still hovered over. "I-just came to apologize for what I said to you earlier. For a minute there 1 thought I"d lost all our lives by not being able to handle the situation, and instead of being relieved when you did it, I just got mad. I"ve never been in a situation before where I couldn"t take care of myself and everyone else with me, and feeling that helpless just made something-snap. It took me a while to understand that you were just doing what you"re here to do, and I was a d.a.m.ned fool to see it any other ^vay.
I"m-also not used to being jealous, which seems to make you imagine things that aren"t there. Are you willing to accept my apology?"
This time those bronze eyes were directly on me, with even more hesitation showing than his speech had had. I could see that the spell was in control of him again, and I really did feel sorry for him. He"d be very embarra.s.sed once the spell was gone for good, and there was no need to make it any worse.
"You don"t have to apologize to me," 1 said, turning back to what was left of my soup. "I can understand that you were upset, and it really doesn"t matter. At this point 1 can"t even remember what you said, so why make a fuss about it? And being jealous of me is a waste of time. I may have the talent to do magic, but I won"t be using that
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talent to become expedition leader. I stopped wanting that job quite a number of worlds ago."
"But I"m not jealous of your talent," he said with what sounded like a small, incredulous laugh as I sipped at my soup. "Laciel-don"t you understand that what"s driving me crazy is the fact that we found something very special together, but now you won"t even look at me? I keep telling myself that you"re ent.i.tled to make your own choice in a man, but something inside won"t let me accept that!
d.a.m.n it, I"m the man for you, no matter how much more money Zail has than I do! Or how important his family is!
From now on I"m going to spend my rime proving it, starting with tonight. You said you were tired, so let"s go to bed."
I nearly dropped my spoon as I quickly turned my head back to him, but I wasn"t mistaken. He was beginning to stride toward me, his bronze eyes glowing like molten metal, and I was so fl.u.s.tered I almost didn"t get my left hand up in time. That stopped him, right in the middle of a step, and then 1 was able to leave the chair he was already so close to. That whole thing was absolutely crazy, and I wanted no part of it.
I took a minute to study the "frozen determined look on bis face as I calmed down, and then the reason for his behavior finally came to me- The spell he was under must have been a reflexive one, the sort that gets stronger the harder you fight against it, and he"d been fighting awfully hard earlier. Because of that he was now determined to "prove" that he was the man for me, the exact opposite of what he would want to prove if the spell was canceled. I couldn"t allow anything like that to happen, of course, not when I knew how he really felt-and maybe not even under other circ.u.mstances. I had never seen a man act like that before, as though nothing I said or did was likely to discourage him, and it made me vaguely uneasy. Just how determined did some men get?
I shook my head to dislodge the useless question and tightened the robe around me again, then gestured away the freeze I had on him while softly speaking another word. Being released caused him to stumble as normal motion was restored, his gaze still on the chair where I"d
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been sitting, and then he was standing still and frowning around, confused about what was happening.
"You were right to begin with," I told him when his eyes finally found me, faint surprise showing in them. "I am ent.i.tled to make my own choice in a man, and that"s exactly what I intend doing. If you ever happen to be it, I"ll let you know. Right now you"d better go back to your tent-while you still have a tent to go back to." "
"So you are angry at me for what I said to you," he decided, nodding a little at the conclusion. "Well, 1 can"t very well blame you for feeling that way, but I also can"t let it stand. The only way I can get myself back to something like normal is to do what 1 said I would-prove to you that I"m the choice for you to make. Suppose 1 start with apologizing again, only this time make it more- heartfelt. What do you say?"
He started toward me again, this time with a faint grin, his arms beginning to rise as though he were going to put them around me-and promptly bounced off the invisible wall I"d created. One of his hands went immediately to his face, cupping a nose that had taken the brunt of the unseen encounter, and I couldn"t help smiling a little to myself.
Some men, it seemed, were very sure of themselves, but running nose-first into a blank wall was enough to dampen anyone"s self-possession.
"What I say is what 1 said earlier: I don"t need any apologies, nor do I want them," I informed him with what I hoped was the proper chill. "I don"t care what you do to bring yourself back to normal, as long as you do it away from me. Now, are you leaving this tent-or do I have to throw you out?"
"You couldn"t throw me out without using magic, but I suppose that would be enough to do it," he grudged, his hand still to his face. "You"re a hard woman, Laciel, but if you think I"ll let little things like invisible walls stop me, you"re kidding yourself. I"m going to keep working on you until you see things my way-even if it takes longer than this quest. You can"t keep a wall between us forever, and once it comes down I"ll make you see things my way.
Don"t say I didn"t warn you."
Those eyes pinned me with one last stare before he
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turned to the entrance silk, and once he was gone I moved to my bed and sat down on the edge of it. The best thing that could be said about that situation was that he didn"t seem determined to die for the cause any longer, but I wasn"t entirely certain how good a thing that was. In his condition he didn"t realize how much he hated me, so he was fully determined to prove that he loved me and that he could make me love him back. I wasn"t about to be silly enough to fall in love with him, of course, but somehow I had the feeling that the following days would not be that easy to dismiss.
CHAPTER 12.
The following "morning" brought no let-up in the snow- storm, and while I ate InThig told me what its scouting of the night before had produced. I"d been asleep when it had gotten back, and there hadn"t been anything serious enough that it felt it had to wake me.
". . . so if the gate I found is the next one we have to use, it isn"t very far-under normal conditions," it said.
"I have the distinct impression, however, that normal conditions here mean a constant snowstorm, and the result- ing terrain is not what one might think of as reliable. If you all try to walk, even roped together, you"re most likely to end up in one of those hidden creva.s.ses."
"So I"ll have to take us to the next gate with magic," I said, chewing thoughtfully as I considered the situation.
"You know, InThig, it occurs to me that the last few worlds have required the use of an awful lot of magic, even more than being on magic-based worlds should ac- count for. I have the feeling this route was chosen with a good deal of deliberation, and not simply because of what we have and will run into. There"s a dual purpose working here that seems to go like this: if the party following the trail had no magic user, it would fall victim to any one of a number of contrived or natural disasters. If it did have a magic user, that Sighted would be burdened more and more with the need to provide protection, possibly to the extent of running out of strength at the worst possible
in
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time. I"ve made sure that I won"t run out of strength, but my method isn"t what might be considered orthodox, so it probably wasn"t antic.i.p.ated. Aside from that, I don"t see any flaw in the theory."
"You"re most likely correct," InThig agreed, its blaz- ing red eyes appearing distracted as it considered the facts.
"The enemy was clearly hoping that you would find it impossible to escape the clutches of the G.o.d-king on that blind world, but didn"t rule out the possibility that the rest of the group would manage to leave that world, perhaps by having the gate opened by me from the other side. By those standards, however, he would also have provided for your escape as well, so your theory seems quite fitting."
"It"s nice to know what the enemy has in mind, but I wish we also knew where the thread was leading us," I fretted, up to the point of stuffing down the food mechan- ically instead of enjoying what 1 was eating. "There"s something waiting for us at the very end of the trail, I"m so sure of it I can taste it. but it isn"t going to be some- thing we can antic.i.p.ate, I"m even more sure of that. How do you find a way to think of something you can"t antic.i.p.ate?"
"Laciel, even demons can"fdo miracles," InThig said with a growl of amus.e.m.e.nt, not in the least disturbed over what was ahead of us. "We"ll simply have to cope with it when we come to it. In the interim, I have a question I meant to ask you, concerning that wall I encountered when I returned and tried to reach the foot of your bed. I also discovered then that your carpeting was wet, and checking scents told me who your visitor had been. I do hope you erected that wall to be certain that no one else was able to enter, and simply forgot to banish it once he had left."
"InThig!" I said with a good deal of indignation-and quite a bit more embarra.s.sment. "I don"t know what you think I am, but I did not entertain a man in here last night.
And most certainly not that particular man. How could you say such a thing?"
"1 said it from fatigue," the demon answered dryly, stretching out in long cat-comfort on the carpeting. "I"m tired of dropping hints you persist in misunderstanding or ignoring, and what I think you are is a woman old enough
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to find a man to share her life with. Rik strikes me as the perfect candidate for that position, and I"d like to know why you refuse to even consider him.""
"Why would I consider someone who hates me?" I asked with impatience, leaving the table to go to the heavy cold-clothes I"d created after awakening. "I"d rather not go into the details of how I know he hates me, but take my word for it that he does. Is that who you want me 1o share my life with? Someone who hates me?"
"He-did speak to you rather vitriolically," the demon admitted, this time looking and sounding disturbed. "At times it"s difficult to keep vapor from drifting, which is why I happened to overhear your conversation at me last gate. Laciel-why did he come here last evening?"
I stopped getting into the cold-clothes when I heard the growling edge to InThig"s voice, an unexpected reaction that gave me a rather good idea. The demon had more than enjoyed the suggestion that he help keep Zail away from me, but Zail was no longer my biggest problem. If I could get it to look at Rik the way it apparently looked at Zail, I"d not only have all the help I needed against unwanted intrusion, I"d also have an end to all the advertising InThig had been doing on the bronze-eyed man"s behalf. It was at least worth a try. and if it worked I"d be in a much stronger position.
"He-said he had decided to prove who the best man was by taking me to bed," 1 admitted in an appropriately low voice without looking at the demon, speaking nothing but the truth but neglecting to mention that one or two things had been left out. "He wasn"t asking me, he was telling me, and the wall was the only way I could keep him at a distance. He-also said he wasn"t going to stop trying."
"How well will he try once I"ve turned both of his bodies into pretty red ribbons?" InThig rumbled in the growliest voice I"d ever heard, the words accompanied by the sound of its claws breaking through into the wooden floor under the carpeting. I couldn"t help flinching when I saw how blazing hot its eyes had grown, and knew imme- diately that I"d gone a little too far.
"Please, InThig, don"t forget that we still need him for
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