"Then tell me." Tell me that you want your ring. Tell me what I can do to rescue my son. "Tell me how you"re going to save the Land."
She wanted to speak more strongly; ached for the simple self-a.s.surance to jar him out of his lethargy. But he baffled her. And the eroded look in Jeremiah"s eyes seemed to leach away her determination. She had no firm ground under her: yearning weakened her wherever she tried to place her feet.
Covenant squinted, apparently trying to bring his glazed vision into focus. That depends on you."
"How?" She gripped the Staff with both hands so that they would not quaver. "All I have is questions. I don"t have any answers."
"But you have this one," he said like a sigh. His gaze drifted to the hearth; filled itself with reflected flames. "That ring under your shirt belongs to me. Are you going to give it to me or not"?"
Linden lowered her head to hide her sudden chagrin. She had expected his request; had practically demanded it. But now she realized that she did not know how to respond. How could she make such a choice? His ring was all that she had left of the man whom she had loved: it meant too much to her. And she wanted it; wanted every sc.r.a.p of power or effectiveness that she could obtain. Through Anele, Covenant himself had told her that she would need it.
But if Covenant had indeed been perfected in death, so that he could wield wild magic without fear, she had no right to refuse him. He might be capable of recreating the entire Earth in any image that he desired. If she kept his wedding band, she would bear the blame for all of the Land"s peril and Jeremiah"s suffering and her own plight.
"Just hand it over," Covenant continued as reasonably as his sleepy voice allowed. "Then you can stop worrying about everything. Even Jeremiah. I"m already part of the Arch. With my ring, there won"t be anything I can"t do. Send the Demondim back where they belong? No problem. Finish off Kastenessen so he and the skurj and Kevin"s Dirt can"t bother us anymore? Consider it done. Create a cyst in time around Foul to make him helpless forever? I won"t even break a sweat.
All you have to do," he insisted with more force, "is stop dithering and give me the d.a.m.n ring. You"ll get your son back, and your troubles will be over."
He held out his halfhand, urging her to place his ring in his palm.
The Thomas Covenant who had spoken to her in her dreams would not have asked for his ring in that way. He would have explained more and demanded less; would have been more gentle- Almost involuntarily, she looked to Jeremiah for help, guidance. But his attention was focused on Covenant: he did not so much as glance at her.
And in the background of Covenant"s voice, she heard Roger saying outside Joan"s room in Berenford Memorial, It belongs to me. I need it.
Once before, Linden had restored a white gold ring. Directly or indirectly, that mistake had led her to her present straits. It had made possible her son"s imprisonment in agony.
"Covenant, this is hard for me." A tremor of supplication and dread marred her voice: she could not control it. "I need to know more about what it means.
"You swore to me. After the Banefire. You swore that you were never going to use power again."
"That was then." His brief intensity faded as the springwine seemed to renew its numbness. "This is now. In case you haven"t noticed, everything"s changed. Just being here uses staggering amounts of power. And how do you suppose I stopped Foul after I surrendered my ring? For something like forever, I"ve done nothing but use power."
Linden could not argue with him. But his response was not enough. "Then tell me this," she said, groping for knowledge that might shed light on her dilemma. "Where did Jeremiah get the force to push me away"?" As far as she knew, her son had no lore-and no instrument of theurgy. His only inherent magic was his need for her; his ability to inspire her love. When did he become powerful"?"
"Oh, that." Covenant flapped his halfhand dismissively. "He has talents you can"t imagine. All he needs is the right stuff to work with. In this case, folding time-being in two places at once-I"m bending a lot of Laws. There"s bound to be a certain amount of leakage. Think of it like blood from a wound. Your kid is using it. As long as I can keep him here-as long as you don"t erase us"-for an instant, his eyes flickered redly-"he"s pretty strong."
Again his voice conveyed the impression that it was out of tune; that he could not find the right notes for what he said.
Without looking away from Covenant, Jeremiah put in, "I"ve been visiting the Land for a long time, Mom. I learned a lot about magic. But it didn"t do me any good until Covenant brought me here." His smile was not for Linden. "I mean to Revelstone. Until he gave me my mind back.
"I can"t make something out of nothing. But when I have the right materials, I can build all kinds of doors. And walls."
Both of them were trying to rea.s.sure her, but her alarm increased nonetheless. She could not doubt them, and did not know how to believe them. Her son had become a kind of mage, incomprehensible to her. And Covenant sounded- Doom seemed to ride on all of her choices, and she had not been convinced.
"So what happens," she asked, still trembling, if I don"t give up your ring? What will you do if I refuse? Take it?"
Had he changed that much?
If she spurned Covenant"s aid, she might spend days or weeks or months hunting for Jeremiah"s prison. She would almost certainly fail to reach him in time to save his tortured mind.
Covenant dropped his hand; looked down to drink from his flagon, then turned his head to meet Jeremiah"s silted gaze. "I told you that, too, didn"t 17" His voice was full of dreary bitterness. "I told you she wouldn"t trust me."
Jeremiah nodded. "Yes, you did."
Still facing the boy, Covenant informed Linden sourly, "Of course I"m not going to take it. I can"t get that close to you. But I know you, so I came prepared. I still know what to do."
Slowly he swung back toward her; but he did not meet her gaze. His head hung at a defeated angle, and the firelight cast shadows across his eyes. A faint red heat like embers glowed in the depths of his darkened eyes.
If you won"t let me have my ring, what will you do? What do you think you can accomplish? You"ve got Esmer and a hundred or so ur-viles on one side, and the Demondim with the II!earth Stone on the other. Kevin"s Dirt is going to blind you over and over again. You don"t know where to look for Jeremiah.
Joan will keep making caesures. Kastenessen and the skurj are out there, not to mention the Elohim and who knows how many other powers. The Masters don"t like you, and your only friends are three Ramen, a crazy old man, a kid who"s as ignorant as a stone, and one outcast Haruchai.
"What exactly do you propose to do about all that?"
Linden hardly knew how to face him; yet she did not fall or falter. Instead she held up her head, drew back her shoulders. If Covenant thought to daunt her with his recitation of dangers, he had forgotten their time together, forgotten who she had become. And he could not weaken her by disdaining her friends. She knew them better than he did.
He was asking her about decisions which she had already made.
Searching his hidden eyes for embers, she announced as though she were certain, "I"ll put a stop to the Demondim. Then I"m going to take my friends and ride like h.e.l.l to Andelain. I want to talk to the Dead. They helped you once when you had no idea how to save the Land. Maybe they"ll do the same for me."
And it was conceivable that the krill of Loric still remained where Sunder had left it, stabbed deep into the blasted tree stump of Caer-Caveral"s body. Such a weapon might enable her to channel the combined force of Covenant"s ring and the Staff of Law safely.
Groaning, Jeremiah buried his face in his hands as if he were ashamed of his mother.
"h.e.l.lfire!" Abruptly Covenant slammed the front legs of his stool down onto the floor. With his halfhand, he covered his eyes as if to mask a burst of flame. Then he dragged his touch down his features; and as he did so, every vestige of his drunkenness was pulled away. Almost without transition, he became the man who had ridden a failing horse into the forehall of Revelstone: commanding and severe, beyond compromise.
Through his teeth, he rasped, "Linden Avery, you d.a.m.n idiot, that is a truly terrible idea."
"Is it?" She held his glare without flinching; did not let her son"s reaction diminish her. "Tell me why."
Vehemently Covenant flung his flagon against the wall. The wood cracked: chips and splinters fell to the floor: springwine splashed across the rug. "Oh, I"ll tell you," he growled. "b.l.o.o.d.y d.a.m.nation, Linden! And I won"t even mention the fact that you have no idea how powerful the Demondim really are, or what you"ll have to go through just to slow them down. And I won"t talk about the Dead because they don"t really exist anymore. Not the way you remember them. Too many Laws have been broken. The definitions are blurred. Spirits as vague as the Dead can"t hold themselves together. They certainly can"t give you advice.
"No, ignore all that." With both hands, he seemed to ward off wasted explanations. "Going to Andelain is a terrible idea because that"s where Kastenessen is. And he commands the skurj."
Linden stared at him, stricken mute by the force of his revelations. Every solution that she had imagined for her dilemma-and for Jeremiah"s "You"ll recognize them when you see them," continued Covenant trenchantly. "Foul showed you what they"re like." Dire serpents of magma with the crushing jaws of krakens and the destructive hunger of kresh: monsters which emerged from chancres to devour the earth. "But he didn"t tell you they serve Kastenessen now because that sonofab.i.t.c.h set them free.
"He hasn"t brought very many of them down from the north yet. But he can get more whenever he wants them. And he always knows where you are. He can feel you through that loony old man. So no matter what you try to do, the skurj will be in your way. He"ll send them wherever you are, and they"ll eat you alive. You may think you"re powerful enough to take care of yourself, but you"ve never fought those monsters before. And your friends don"t have any magic. They don"t have any lore. You"ll lose them all."
Harshly Covenant finished, "Going to Andelain right now is just about the only purely suicidal thing you could do."
Without lifting his face from his hands, Jeremiah muttered in a m.u.f.fled voice, "He"s telling the truth, Mom. I swear to G.o.d, I don"t know why you have so much trouble believing him. He"s the only real friend I"ve ever had. Can"t you understand that?"
He had called Covenant the best-For that alone, Linden owed Covenant a debt too vast to be repaid.
Now it seemed that all of her choices and desires had been wrong from the beginning. Misguided and fatal.
And yet- Her heart could not be torn in so many directions and remain whole.
-her impression of disharmony persisted. Covenant was like a man who knew the words but could not remember the song. Her nerves were unable to discern truth or falsehood.
And she trusted Jeremiah.
Nevertheless her instincts cried at her that she was being misled in some way.
Her Staff was the only thing that still belonged to her beyond question. Holding it tightly, she asked in a small voice, "What should we do instead?"
Covenant sighed as though he had gained an important concession; and his ire seemed to fall away. More quietly, he answered, "Like I said, I know another way to make this mess turn out right." Again his eyes gave out a brief red glint like a glimpse of ready embers. "But I don"t exactly enjoy being treated this way. Like I"m some d.a.m.n Raver in disguise. Sure, I"m not how you remember me. But I deserve better than this. I"ve given you a lot here, even if you don"t realize it.
"I need something in return. A little bit of trust.
"Meet us up on the plateau tomorrow. Maybe an hour after dawn. Over on the south edge, near Furl Falls. Then I won"t have to explain what I"m going to do. I can show you."
Studying him for some hint of what had caused that momentary molten gleam in his eyes, Linden observed cautiously, "You don"t think that I"ll approve of what you"re planning."
He sighed again. "I don"t know. You might. You might not. It depends on how badly you want to get your son back in one piece."
There Linden found a small place of clarity in the wide landscape of her hurt and self-doubt. She recognized emotional blackmail when she heard it. Perhaps Covenant was as benign as Jeremiah believed, and as necessary; but to suggest that her love for her son could be measured by her acquiescence to Covenant"s desires was patently manipulative.
No doubt inadvertently, he restored her conviction that there was something wrong with him; or in him.
Jeremiah had raised his head to watch her in the firelight as though his life depended on her. He seemed to plead with her mutely, beseeching her to let Covenant prove himself.
The need in her son"s muddied eyes tapped a source of tears that she was barely able to contain. He had already endured too much-No matter what she thought of Covenant, she did not know how to refuse Jeremiah.
Stiffly she rose to her feet.
"All right," she said to Covenant. "I"ll meet you there." If she did not concede at least that much, she might never learn the truth. "You can show me what you have in mind."
Then, for the last time in that room, she stood her ground. "But you should know-" Do something they don"t expect. "Between now and then, I"m going to use the Staff.
"I"m telling you because I don"t want to take you by surprise. And I"ll stay as far away as I can. I don"t mean to threaten you." She absolutely did not wish to disrupt the theurgy which enabled their presence. "But there are some things about our situation that I do understand. I won"t shirk them."
She did not wait for Covenant"s reply. She had come to the end of her self-control. "Jeremiah, honey," she said thickly, "I"ll see you in the morning." On the verge of weeping, she promised, "And I"ll find a way to help you. Even if I"m too confused to make the right choices."
In response, Jeremiah offered her a smile that filled her throat with grief. At once, she headed for the door as if she had been routed, so that he would not see her lose herself.
A Defense of Revelstone In the corridor outside Covenant"s rooms, Linden found Stave waiting for her.
He stood among the three Humbled as though they were all still Masters together; as though his true purposes were in tune with theirs. But as soon as she emerged from the doorway, he moved toward her like a man who meant to catch her before she collapsed. The tumult of her emotions, the torn gusts of confusion and dismay and sorrow, must have been as plain as wind-whipped banners to his senses. Ignoring Clyme, Galt, and Branl, he gripped her quickly by one arm and guided her along the pa.s.sage, away from bewilderment and loss.
Without his support, she might have fallen. Tears crowded her heart: she could hardly contain them. Only Stave"s firm hand, and her clenched grasp on the Staff of Law, enabled her to take one step after another, measuring her paltry human sorrows and needs against Revelstone"s bluff granite.
She was not Anele: she had no friend in stone. Lord"s Keep had never offered her anything except distrust, imprisonment, bloodshed, malice. She could only be consoled by gra.s.s and trees; by Andelain"s loveliness and Glimmermere"s lacustrine potency; by the unharmed rightness of the Land.
Or by her son, who sided with Covenant.
Nevertheless she allowed Stave to steer her through Revelstone"s convoluted intentions toward the rooms which his kinsmen had set aside for her. Where else could she go? The clouds brewing over the upland held no malevolence; but they would bring darkness with them, concealment and drenching rain. Her own storm was already too much for her.
Be cautious of love. There is a glamour upon it which binds the heart to destruction.
Covenant and Jeremiah were altered almost beyond recognition. They had not simply refused Linden"s touch: they had rebuffed her heart.
Why had Covenant sounded false when he so obviously wished to persuade her, win her confidence? G.o.d, she thought, oh, G.o.d, he might have been a ventriloquist"s dummy, his every word projected onto him, off-key and stilted, from some external source.
From Jeremiah? From the power, the leakage, that her son had acquired by being in two places at the same time? Or were they both puppets? The playthings of beings and forces which she could not begin to comprehend?
Or were they simply telling her as much of the truth as they could? Did the fault lie in her? In her reluctance to trust anyone who contradicted her? In her unwillingness to surrender Covenant"s ring?
Anele had said that the stone of the Close spoke of Thomas Covenant, whose daughter rent the Law of Death, and whose son is abroad in the Land, seeking such havoc that the bones of the mountains tremble to contemplate it. For the wielder also this stone grieves, knowing him betrayed.
Covenant and Jeremiah were the two people whom she had loved most in all the world. Now she felt that they had broken her.
But she was not broken. She knew that, even though her distress filled her with unuttered wailing. She was only in pain; only baffled and grieved, flagrantly bereft. Such things she understood. She had spent the past ten years studying the implications of what she had learned from Thomas Covenant and the Despiser. Her former lover"s attempts to manipulate her now might hurt like a scourge, but they could not lash her into surrender.
Her desire to weep was merely necessary. It did not mean that she had been undone. When Stave brought her at last to her rooms and opened the door for her, she found the strength to swallow her grief so that she could speak.
"We need to talk," she said, hoa.r.s.e with self-restraint. "You and me. Mahrtiir and Liand. All of us. Can you get them for me? If Covenant is right, the Demondim won"t attack before tomorrow. We should have time."
The Haruchai appeared to hesitate. "Chosen," he replied after a moment, "I am loath to leave you thus."
"I understand." With the sleeve of her shirt, she rubbed some of the tears from her face. "I don"t like sending you away. But I"m in no condition to go with you. And we need to talk. Tomorrow morning, Covenant wants to show me how he plans to solve our problems.
But there"s something that I have to do first. I"m going to need all of you," every one of her friends. "And-" She paused while she struggled to suppress a fresh burst of sorrow. "And you should all hear what Covenant and Jeremiah told me."
Stave would stand by her to the best of his abilities; but he could not give her solace.
He nodded without expression. "As you wish." Then he bowed to her and obeyed.
Still stifling sobs, Linden entered her rooms and closed the door.
She felt that she had been absent from her small sanctuary for a long time, and did not know what to expect. Who would provide for her, if the Mandoubt had left Revelstone? During the day, however, more firewood had been piled beside the hearth, and the lamps had been refilled and lit. In addition, a fresh tray of food awaited her. It was as bountifully laden as Covenant"s had been: like his, it included pitchers of water and springwine.
The Masters may well have elected to side with the Unbeliever, but clearly the servants of Revelstone made no distinction between their guests.
Clinging to the Staff, Linden poured a little springwine into a flagon and drank it. When she could feel that small hint of aliantha extend its delicate nourishment through her, she went into her bedroom and opened the shutters to look out at the weather.
A light drizzle was falling from the darkened sky: the seepage of leaden clouds. It veiled the Westron Mountains, and she was barely able to see the foothills far below her, the faint hue of the White River some distance off to her right. Behind the spring rain, dusk had closed over Revelstone. Full night would cover the plateau and the Keep and the threatening horde of the Demondim before Stave returned with her friends.
The thought of darkness disturbed her. Dangers which she did not know how to confront lurked where there was no light. Abruptly she closed the shutters, then returned to her sitting room, to the kind illumination of the lamps, and knelt to build a fire in the hearth.
The wood took flame quickly, aided by a splash of oil from one of the lamps. Soon a steady blaze began to warm the room.
But light and heat alone could not denature the midnight in her mind. Her head was full of echoes. I deserve better than this. That"s my Mom. They repeated themselves obsessively, feeding her tears. Pain is worse when you have something to compare it to. I need something in return. Their reiteration was as insistent and compulsory as keening. A little bit of trust. Ask that callow puppy who follows you around- The sound of Covenant"s voice, and of Jeremiah"s, haunted her.
Trying to protect herself, she went back into her bedroom and stretched out fully dressed on her strict bed. Hugging the Staff against her chest, she concentrated as well as she could on the numinous wood"s cleanliness.
She had never seen Berek"s original Staff of Law, but she knew enough to be sure that hers was not identical to his. His had been crafted by lore and earned wisdom from a limb of the One Tree: she had formed hers with urgency and wild magic, melding Findail and Vain. And her own understanding of Law might well differ from Berek"s. For all she knew, the two Staffs had little in common except the iron heels which Berek had forged. The magic which had transformed Vain"s forearm may have arisen from the Worm of the World"s End rather than from the One Tree.