Mrs. _Lov._ Those Ladies, Madam, that want Mony to pay "em, wou"d gladly excuse their Attendance.
L. _Rod._ Cozen, "tis Ill-breeding to suppose People o" Quality want Mony, they have Business, Visits, Company, and very often are not in a Humour to part with it; when we have Mony, we are easie, whether we pay it or no; and "tis affronting the n.o.bility, not to observe their Decorums.
_The Trades-People Enter._
[_To the Mercer._] Mr. _Farendine_, this Silk has so glaring a Mixture of preposterous Colours, I shall be taken for a North Country Bride; and so very substantial, I believe you design"d it for my Heirs and Successours.
_Mer._ Madam, "tis a very well wrought Silk.
L. _Rod._ So well wrought, it may serve one in a Family for twenty Generations.--Have you sold any Wedding Suits lately?
_Mer._ Yes, Madam, I sold a yellow and white Damask, lin"d with a Cherry and blew Sattin, and a Goslin green Petticoat to Mrs. _Winifred Widgeon_ i"the Peak, that marry"d Squire _Hog_ o" _Darby_,--"twas her Grandmother _Trott_"s Fancy.
L. _Rod._ Nay, those old Governants, that were Dames of Honour to Queen _Bess_, make their Daughters appear as monstrous in this Age, as they themselves did in that.--Well, Mr. _Farendine_, when you have any thing slight and pretty, let me see it. [_To the Manto-Maker_] Mrs. _Flounce_, this Sleeve is most abominably cut.
_Mant. Mak._ Madam, "tis exacly the Shape of my Lady _Snipe"s_, and she s allow"d to be the Pink o"the Mode.
L. _Rod._ My Lady _Snipe_, who ever heard of her?
Mrs. _Lov._ Oh! Madam, that"s the over-dress"d Lady in _Fuller"s Rents_, the first in _England_, that wore Flow"rs in her Hair; She has 5000_l._ indeed, but they say "tis in bad Hands, and the Town has neglected her these ten Years.
L. _Rod._ And wou"d you have me appear like a Turn-stile Creature? why d"you work for such Trumpery? have you not Business enough from Court.
_Mant. Mak._ Truly, Madam, I"m glad to accept of a Gown from any Body; for the Ladies, now-a-days, are grown so saving, they make all their Petticoats themselves.
L. _Rod._ Don"t you work into the City too?
_Mant. Mak._ Yes, Madam, I have eleven Gowns to finish against Sunday, for very good Customers, and very religious People.
L. _Rod._ Religious People! This Creature is so employ"d by the _Canaille_, I shall have my Cloths cut to pieces, dear Cozen, let _Buda_ make me a Suit with Expedition, I"ll present this to the Play-House.
_Semp._ Does your Ladyship like your Head, Madam?
L. _Rod._ The Lace, Mrs. _Taffety_, is so course and so heavy, I"m ready to sink beneath the weight of it.
_Semp._ Madam, "tis right _Mechlin_, cost me Six Guineas a Yard, and I bought it too of a Merchant, that has smuggl"d many a hundred Pounds worth.
L. _Rod._ There you please me, English People are extremely fond of what"s forbid, we commonly obey our Parents, and the Government much a-like; and tho" the State prohibits _Flanders_ Lace, French Alamodes, and India Sattins, we have "em all by the way of _Holland_.--These Ruffles too are so furiously starch"d, I shall throw People down as I move along.
_Semp._ The Ladies, Madam, love a stiff Ruffle, for shou"d the Wind blow it aside, your Ladyship"s Elbow might catch cold, but I"ll slacken my Hand i"the next.--Does your Ladyship want a very fine short Ap.r.o.n?
L. _Rod._ Women o" Quality, Mrs. _Taffety_ have left "em off, and those Ladies that do wear "em, generally make "em of their old Top-knots [_to the India Woman_] Mrs. _j.a.pan_, you are a Stranger here, I hav"n"t seen you since I paid off your last Bill,
_Ind. Wom._ Oh, Madam! I have been at Death"s Door, the Hypocondriacks have so prey"d upon my Spirits, they have destroy"d my Const.i.tution, such Rotations i"my Head, such an Oppression at my Stomach--but I ha" brought you a Pound of Bohee, so purifying, "twill give your Ladyship a new Ma.s.s of Blood in a Quarter of an Hour.
L. _Rod._ Mrs. _Chince_ has much better.
_Ind. Wom._ Then will I eat Mrs. _Chince_.--Shall I show you some fine India Pictures?
L. _Rod._ I hate those Shadows o" Men half finish"d.
_Ind Wom._ I must own the Substance of a Man well finish"d is much better,--but here"s a Set o"_j.a.pan_ Cups will ravish your Ladyship, a Tradesman"s Wife long"d, and miscarry"d about "em.
L. _Rod._ I"m overstock"d with _China_, and they say "tis grown so common.
I intend to sacrifice mine to my Monkey.
_Ind. Wom._ Nay, pray, my Lady, buy somewhat of me, you know I"m in great Tribulation, I trusted a couple of Trollops, that were turn"d out of the Play-House, for having too much a.s.surance for the Stage, and set up a little Shop in _Spring Garden_; and the bold Jades are gone a stroling Fifty Pounds in my Debt. Besides, I have just now a lazy Trull of a Daughter, that run away with a Foot Soldier, return"d big with the Lord knows what, and that"s no small Charge to me, that am forc"d to pad it about for a Livelihood.
L. _Rod._ Well, you may leave a Pound of Powder.
_Ind. Wom._ [_Aside._] A Pound of Powder, pox o"your Generosity, these great Ladies are grown as stingy as if they paid one ready Mony, were it not for a City-bubble now and then, I might e"en go dance with the Dogs in _May-Fair_.
L. _Rod._ [_To the Toy-Man._] Mr. _Gimcrack_, what new Fancies have you brought this Morning?
_Toy-M._ A Pair of nice _Genoa_ Gloves for your Ladyship, curiously made up in a gilt Wallnut Sh.e.l.l.
L. _Rod_ A Wallnut Sh.e.l.l! they can"t be large enough.
_Toy-M._ Madam, I sold six Pair to my Lady _Strammell_, and her Arm"s nine Inches Diameter.
L. _Rod._ What else have you?
_Toy-M._ A choice Comb for your Eye-brows, Madam, an acute Pair o"
Pinchers for your Hair, and a most ingenious French Knife to slice the Powder of your Ladyship"s Forehead, with Tongs, Shovels, Grates, and Fenders for your Ladyship"s Tea-Table.
L. _Rod._ Well, carry the things in, let your Bills be deliver"d to the Steward, and I"ll order some part of your Mony.
_All._ We humbly thank your Ladyship. [_Exeunt._
L. _Rod._ Now, Cozen, we have dispatch"d these necessary Animals; pray, tell me how the Town relishes my Appearance.
Mrs. _Lov._ Your Ladyship"s inimitable Graces, and our vast Successes abroad are the Topicks that furnish all Conversation; one Lady cries at the gilt Chariot, another swoons at the prancing Horses; and my old Lady _Lack-it_, swears you have so handsom a Set of Foot-men, the dreams of nothing else; then your Ladyship"s Furniture is most surprizing, ev"ry thing was so admir"d, and handl"d last Visiting-day, the Ladies left little of it behind "em.
L. _Rod. Bagatelle_! Ladies steal from one another, not for the Value of the thing, but to make an Alteration in their Closets.--But what do the Malitious say, am I envy"d, Cozen, I wou"d n"t ha" the Fatigue of an Estate, unless I cou"d make the World uneasie about it.
Mrs. _Lov._ Oh! Spleen, Spleen, Madam, to the last Degree--my Lady _Testy_ has tore fifty Fans about you, broke all her China, and beat her Foot-man"s Eye out; she says, "tis a burning Shame, you monopolize all the Fellows in the Town; and truly, there"s a Statute against ingrossing.--My Lady _Prudence Maxim_, cries, _A fine Estate is a fine Thing, finely manag"d, but to overdo at first, to undo at last_. And Mrs. _Indigo_, the Merchant"s Wife, says, _If you knew the getting on"t, you wou"d n"t spend it so fast_.
L. _Rod._ I have six thousand a Year, and resolve to live single, and enjoy it; I have made the Tour of _Italy_ and _France_, have given my self the Accomplishment of both s.e.xes, and design to Visit, Game, Revel, dust the Park, haunt the Theatres, and out-flutter e"er a Fop i"the Nation; and I know not why a Lady that has the best Estate i"the County shou"d n"t represent "em in Parliament.
Mrs. _Lov._ But launching out too far, Madam, may draw Reflections on your Conduct, the English Ladies are more reserv"d than Foreigners.
L. _Rod._ The English Ladies! Shall a Corner of _Europe_ teach me Decorums, that have travers"d the whole. The French Ladies admire my Gayety; the Italians are ravish"d with my Grandeur, and if the English Ladies do blame my Conduct, who values the Censure of a little Island.-- Oh! what Transports do I feel, to provoke the Eyes and Whispers of the Mult.i.tude,--Whose Equipage is that--My Lady _Rodomont_"s?--Whose Visiting-day is it--My Lady _Rodomont_"s?--Who bespoke the Play to Night-- My Lady _Rodomont_?--But when she"s once marry"d--What "Gentlewoman"s that with the great Belly--Sir _Marmaduke Mortgage_"s Wife, that"s come to Town to buy Clouts, her Husband lost his Estate at Roly-poly.--She"s mighty Big indeed, I"m afraid she"ll ha" two. Unless one cou"d find out some Plant of a Husband, with Life and no Soul; a governable, drudging Creature, that wou"d love, honour and obey his Wife; and know so little of his own Prerogative, as to change his Name for her.
Mrs. _Lov._ Really, Madam, I"m o" your Opinion, I"d have Petticoat- Government pa.s.s thro" the Nation; the Ladies shou"d possess the Estates, and make their Husbands a Jointure.
L. _Rod._ While a Woman o" Fortune remains unmarry"d, she"s a Petty-Queen; Lovers innumerable trace her Steps; each c.o.xcomb thinks to be the happy Man, and ev"ry were her Presence makes a Court--but when her Reason"s once subdu"d by Love, and the fond, foolish Nymph resigns her Pow"r, she"s but a meer _Appendix_ to a Fellow.
_No more her darling Liberty can boast, Lovers no more her_ quondam _Beauties toast, But all her Pleasure, Pride and Charms are lost._