_Draw_. Yes, Sir.
_Shr_. What Wine does he drink?
_Draw_. Three and Six-penny, Sir.
_Shr_. I am his Servant, draw us the same.
_Tot._ Bring me some Sack. [_Exit Drawer._
_Shr._ Well, Master, what think you of _London_ now, is not the rattling of Coaches, the ringing of Bells, and the joyful Cry of _Great and good News from Holland_, preferrable to the Country, where you see nothing but Barns and Cow-houses, hear nothing but the grunting of Swine, and converse with nothing but the Justice, the Jack-daw, and your old Grand-mother.
_Tot._ Ay, marry is it, and if they ever get me there again, I"ll give "em leave to pickle and preserve me; here are Drums and Trumpets, Soldiers and Sempstresses, and fine Sights in ev"ry Street: In the Country we are glad to go four Miles to see a House o"fire. Nay, wou"d you believe it, we ha"n"t so much as a Tavern in our Town; Gentlemen are forc"d to use Gammer _Grimes"s_ Thatch"d Ale-house, except the Curate be with "em, and then they smoke, and drink in the Vestry.
[_Drawer enters with Wine._
_Knap._ Come, Master, here"s my hearty Service t"you.
_Tott._ Your hearty Servant thanks you, Sir--Mr. _Shrimp_, here"s the Respects of a Gudgeon t"you.
_Shr._ Ah! you"re an arch Wag.
_Tott._ But, pray, Mr. _Shrimp_, where may a body buy a little Wit, my Grand-mother charg"d me to get some; and, she says, bought Wit"s best; "tis a mighty scarce Commodity i"the Country; we have above two hundred Gentlemen near us that never heard on"t. Our Chaplain has a little, but they say "tis n"t the right sort.
_Shr._ Mr. _Knapsack_ can furnish you with five or ten Pounds worth when you please.
_Knap._ Mr. _Shrimp_, Master, has a much better Stock, but that you may n"t think I engross it to my self, as they say _Bull_ does Coffee, what I have is at your Service.
_Tott._ Sir, my Service t"you again, [_drinks_] This is much better than _Lincoln_ Ale, fegs.
_Knap._ What think you now, Master, of a pretty Wench to towze a little?
_Tott_. He, he, he, [_grins_] I don"t know what you mean, Sir.
_Knap_. Had you never any pleasant Thoughts o"the Fair s.e.x.
_Tott_. I never lay with any Body but my Grand-mother; when she was in a good humour, she"d tickle a Body sometimes, but if she never meddl"d mith me, I never meddl"d with her.
_Knap_. A sapless old Hen, you might as well have lain with a Paring-Shovel; but what think you of a young Woman, that"s warm, tender and inviting.
_Shr_. By this Light, here"s _Betty_ the Orange Woman from the Play-house.
_Enter_ Betty. [_They_ rise
_Bett_. Ah! you Devils are you here, why did n"t you come into the Pit to night, and eat an Orange,--who have you got with you, by my lost Maidenhead, a meer Country Widgeon, you sly Toads will bubble him finely; let me go snacks, or I"ll discover it. Come, Fellows, drink about; positively it"s very cold, fitting so behind at the Box Doors.
_Shr_. Honest _Betty_, here"s Success to thee in ev"ry thing.
_Bett_. Ay, Faith, but there"s little to do this Winter yet, now the Officers are come over, I hope, to have full Trade; I have had but one poor Shilling giv"n me to Night, and that was for carrying a Note from a Baronet in the Side Box to a Citizens Wife in the Gall"ry; but there was no harm in"t, "twas only to treat with her here by and by, about borrowing a hundred Pound of her Husband upon the Reversion of a Parsonage.
[_To_ Knap.] Red Coat your Inclinations. [_To_ Tott.] Sir, prosperity t"you, you are got into hopeful Company.
_Tott_. Thank you, Mrs. _Betty._
_Shr_. Prithee _Betty_ give us a Song.
_Bett_. A Song, Pigsneyes, why, I have been roaring all Night with Six _Temple_ Rakes at the _Dog_ and _Partridge_ Tavern in _Wild-street_, and am so hoa.r.s.e I cou"d not sing a Line, were the whole Town to subscribe for me.
_Knap_. Take t"other Gla.s.s, _Betty_.
_Bett_. T"other Gla.s.s, Fellow, by the Bishop of _Munster_, these Puppies have a Design upon me! but give it me, however, for all that know me, know I never baulk my Gla.s.s.
_Shr_. But the Song, the Song, _Betty_. [_She Sings_
SONG.
I.
_How happy are we, Who from Virtue are free, That curbing Disease of the Mind, Can indulge ev"ry Taste, Love where we like best, Not by dull Reputation confin"d_.
II.
_When were Young, fit to toy, Gay Delights we enjoy, And have Crouds of new Lovers wooing; When were old and decay"d, We procure for the Trade, Still in ev"ry Age we are doing_.
III.
_If a Cully we meet, We spend what we get Ev"ry Day, for the next never think, When we die, where we go, We have no Sense to know, For a Bawd always dies in drink_.
_Bett_. [_Aside to_ Shrimp.] Hark"e, Satan, where did you pick up this modest Youth; does he bleed?
_Shr_. Oh! abundantly.
_Bett_. That"s well, dress him up, and send him _to Will_"s Coffee-House and he"ll soon grow impudent. [_To_ Tott.] My dear, eat this Orange, and gi"me Half a Crown.
_Tott_. Half a Crown for an Orange! I can buy one in the Country for two Pence.
_Bett_. So you may in Town, lovely Swain, but ev"ry Smock I put upon my Back costs me nine Shillings an Ell.
_Knap_. But tell us, _Betty_, what Intrigues are going forward, your publick Post brings you into a world of private Business, d"you know ever an amorous Lady that would present me with a hundred Guineas to oblige her?
_Bett_. Thee, Child, Lord starve thee, a Foot Soldier! one o"the Infantry, a Lady that"s Fool enough to pay for her Pleasures, may provide her self better out o" the Guards.--Come, gi"me t"other b.u.mper, nothing"s to be got here, I find, and I must run.
_Shr_. Why in such hast, _Betty_?
_Bett_. Haste, Creature, why the Fourth Act is just done, and t"other bold Beast will run away with all the Money.
_Knap_. Hark"e, _Bess_, don"t stroddle over Peoples Backs so as you us"d to do.
_Bett_. Why, how now, Mr. Impudence, I think we do "em too great an Honour, and whoever affronts me for it I"ll have him kick"d as soon as the Play"s over. [_Exit._
_Shr_. Come, my dear Boy, let"s tope it about briskly; what think you of this La.s.s? is she not frank and free? If you had her in a Corner, she"d show you the way to _Lyme-house._