Mrs. _Lov._ In earnest, Madam! pray what have we been doing all this while.
_Nick._ Doing, _Precious_, does the chatt"ring over a few Words by her Ladyship"s spruce Footman, in his fine Head o" Hair signify any thing; don"t let your Faith intoxicate you neither.
Mrs. _Lov._ No, _Precious_, but the chattering over a few Words by a spruce Parson, in his fine Head o" Hair, which I took care to provide, and put into her Ladyship"s Livery, does signifie somewhat.
_Nick._ Ha!
La. _Rod._ What Cousin, have you depriv"d me of my Lover?
Mrs. _Lov._ I knew your Ladyship had a much superiour Aim, but my Ambition soars no higher than being an honest Citizen"s Wife.
_Nick._ Don"t it so, Mrs. _Ambush_? Methinks you ha" soar"d prodigiously in that; do you imagine the Ladies of _Billiter-Lane_, St. _Mary-Ax_, and _French-Ordinary-Court_ will think you their equal.
La. _Rod._ I must tell you, Mr. _Nicknack_, you have marry"d a Gentlewoman, whose Education equals the best; her Wit and Breeding will refine your City.
_Nick._ Will her Wit and Breeding new furnish my House, or buy a Thousand Pound Stock in the _Hollow-Blade-Company_. [_To Mrs._ Lov.] Well, Madam, since you have plaid me a t"other end o"the Town Trick, I shall prove a t"other end o"the Town Husband, and have nothing to say to you when I can get any body else.
Mrs. _Lov._ I then, Sir, shall prove a t"other end o"the Town Wife, and find a great many Persons that shall have a great deal to say to me.
Sir _Har._ [_Aside to Mrs._ Lov.] Have you kept the Secret, Madam?
Mrs. _Lov._ No, Sir _Harry_, But you"ll be oblig"d to me to keep another Secret, that you endeavour"d to debauch me.
Sir _Har._ You gave me such Hopes, Madam, that you"ll keep that for your own Reputation. [_To_ Nick.] Your pardon, Sir, for whispering your Lady.
_Nick._ Sir, I have more Manners than to be jealous, especially of what I don"t care two pinches of Snuff for.
_Enter Servant._
_Ser._ Madam, _Major Bramble_, and his Lady.
La. _Rod._ _Major Bramble_, and his Lady!
Sir _Har._ Oh! my Lady _Toss-up_, Madam, has marry"d the _Major_; I met "em coming from _Covent-Garden-Church_, with Five hundred Boys after "em.
_Enter_ Bramble, _and Lady_ Toss-up.
_Bram._ Hearing, Madam, your Ladyship had almost engag"d your self, I was resolv"d to lay aside all Animosities, and let you know, I have taken to Wife the most incomparable Lady _Toss-up_.
La. _Toss._ And that your Ladyship might not engross the whole s.e.x, I receiv"d the _Major_, to let you know I have room for one Lover.
La. _Rod._ I never knew a more surprizing Couple, such a Conjunction"s Policy indeed; State-Matches never have regard to Faces.
[_Noise without._] Bring "em along, bring "em along.
_Enter_ Constable, _and others, with_ Totty, Shrimp, _and_ Knapsack.
_Col._ What means this Intrusion?
_Con._ Is Sir _Harry Sprightly_ here?
Sir _Har._ I am he.
_Con._ An"t please your Baronetship, searching some Houses of ill repute, in one of "em we found these three Gentlemen, [_pointing to_ Totty _and_ Knapsack.] with three Women; and searching a little further, under a fat Wh.o.r.es Petticoats, we found this little Gentleman, [_Pointing to_ Shrimp.]
but saying they belong"d to your Honour, we brought "em hither before we went to the Justice.
Sir _Har_. They do belong to me; here"s a Crown for you to drink; pray leave us.
_Tot_. If you be Sir _Harry Sprightly_, my Grand-Mother will be very angry when she hears how these Fellows ha" daub"d my Cloaths.
Sir _Har_. [_To_ Shrimp.] Was that the Place I order"d you to carry the Boy to.
_Tot_. Boy, the Gentlewoman I ha" been with, did"n"t think mee a Boy.
Sir _Har_. What Gentlewoman?
_Tot_. Why, we ha been at the Tavern, where we drunk pure Sack, and saw Madam _Betty_, the Orange-Lady; and afterwards we went to fine Madam _Over-done_"s stately Lodgings in _Vinegar-Yard_, where we ha" been as merry as my Grand-Mother, when she gets drunk with _Plague-Water_. [_Feels his Pockets._] Ah Lard! Mr. _Shrimp_, where"s my Hundred Pound Bill?
Sir _Har_. The Lady you ha" been with, I guess, has pickt your Pocket, and these Fellows are to share it with her.
_Tot_. She pick my Pocket! why she had a Furbelow-Scarf on.
Sir _Har_. Come, come, I"ll reimburse you, and send you back into the Country; you are not sharp enough for the Profession design"d you; where you may boast among your ignorant Acquaintance, that you have a perfect Knowledge o" the Town, for you have met with two very great Rogues, got drunk at a Tavern, been at a common Brothel, and have had your Pocket pickt of a Hundred Pounds. [_To_ Knapsack.] For you, Friend, the _Collonel_ will take care of you; [_To_ Shrimp.] and for you, Rascal----
_Bram_. I profess, Sir _Harry_, a Couple of promising Youths; a Boy shou"d n"t be trusted with so much Money; these Persons have seen the World, and know how to employ it----Gentlemen, if your Masters discard you, I"ll entertain you. [_Aside_.] I find by their Phis"nomies they"ll be rising Men; and tho" they came sneaking into the World, like other People, and paid a Tax for their Births, they"ll go out of it a more sublime way, and cheat the Church of their Burials.
_Col_. Punish"d they shall be, but "tis now unseasonable; this Day I"d wish an universal _Jubilee_----What say you to a Dance, good People, my Lady"s Servants are all musical.
_A DANCE._
Col. _The Wav"ring Nymph, with Pride and Envy sir"d, Ranges the World, to be by all admir"d; Thro" distant Courts, and Climes, she bears her way, And like the Sun, wou"d course "em in a Day; At length Fatigu"d, she finds those Trifles vain, Meer empty Joys, repeated o"er again: But when by Nature urg"d, weak Fancy fails, And Reason dictating, sound Sense prevails; Wisely she takes the Lover to her Arms, And owns her self subdu"d by Love"s more potent Charms._
The EPILOGUE,
Spoken by Mrs. _Bradshaw_.
_Poets of late so scurrilous are grown, Instead of Courting, they abuse the Town: And when an_ Epilogue _entirely pleases, In thundering Jests, it takes the House to pieces; The_ Pit _smiles when the_ Gallery_"s misus"d, The_ Gallery _sn.i.g.g.e.rs when the_ Pit_"s abus"d_; Side-Boxes _wou"d with Ladies Foibles play, } But they themselves stand Buff to all we say, } For nothing strikes them Dead, but_--Please to pay: } _The_ Upper Regions _angry if pa.s.s"d by; But when some wond"rous_ Joke _shall thither fly._ Faith, _Jack_, here"s Sense and Learning in this Play, We"ll make our Ladies come the _Poet"s_ Day.
_This Author wou"d by gentler Means persuade you, And rather sooth your Follies than degrade you.
Parties may rail, and bully Courtiers Graces, But fawning, well-tim"d Ballads, shou"d get_ Poets _Places.
Your Absence lately, how we all have mourn"d; Some pray"d, some fasted too, till you return"d: But now those melancholly Days retire, And eager Wit restrain"d, darts fiercer Fire: Favours unlimited we hope you"ll grant us, And not let dear-bought_ Foreigners _supplant us.
This_ PLAY, _our Author hopes, may please the Town, } Not that He claims a Merit of his own,_ } But half our_ Comick Bards _are dead and gone. } Things scarce attainable more nice appear_; Coffee _was scarce a Treat, till very dear.
To raise his Genius, with some pains he strove, As we in Acting shou"d each Day improve.
But as Whims only seem to please this Age, } If Wit and Humour won"t your Hearts engage,_ } We"ll have a Moving-Picture on the Stage. }
_F I N I S._