CHAPTER x.x.xIII
REQUIESCAT IN PACE
Diana sat perfectly still, when she had finished reading David"s letter.
A year ago she would have flung herself upon her knees, sobbing: "David, David!" But the time for weeping and calling him had long gone by. These deeper depths of anguish neither moaned nor cried out. They just silently turned her to stone.
Every vestige of colour had left her face, yet she did not know she was pale. She sat, looking straight before her, and--realising.
David was dying; and David did not want her.
David was dying in Central Africa; yet his last request was that she should stay in England, until she heard of his death.
Every now and then her lips moved. She was repeating, quietly: "The merely nominal bond which has bound us together." And then, with a ghastly face, and eyes which widened with anguish: "I have called you my "wife," I know; but it has just been a courtesy t.i.tle. Hasn"t it?"
Hasn"t it! Oh, David, has it? Was it a courtesy t.i.tle at the top of the gangway? _Good-bye, my wife._ Was it a courtesy t.i.tle, when that deep possessive yearning voice rang in her ears for hours afterwards; teaching her at last what love, marriage, and wifehood might really have meant?
Was it a courtesy t.i.tle when his first letter arrived, and the words _my dear wife_ came round her in her shame, like strong protective arms?
All this time, had it meant even less to David than she had thought?
Often her punishment had seemed greater than she could bear. Often the branding-iron of vain regret had seared her quivering heart.
But this--this was indeed the cruel pincers of the Roman torture-chamber at her very b.r.e.a.s.t.s!
It had been just a courtesy t.i.tle; and she had hugged it to her, as the one thing which proved that--however little it might ever mean--at least she was more to David than any one else on earth.
On earth! How much longer would he be on earth? David, with his boyish figure, and little short coat. Ah! In the pocket of that coat was a letter for her--one more letter; his farewell. And she was not to receive it until it would be too late to send any answer.
Oh, David, David! Is all this mere accident, or are you deliberately punishing your wife for the slight she put upon your manhood? She did it in ignorance, David. She mounted the platform of her own ignorance, and spoke out of the depths of her absolute inexperience.
Too late to send any answer! Yes; but there was time to answer this one.
If she caught to-night"s mail, David might yet receive her reply, and learn the truth, before he died.
Pride and Courage stepped away, leaving, unsupported, the escutcheon of the pure true heart.
She took pen and paper and wrote her last letter to David.
Even had that letter been sent, so wonderful an outpouring of a woman"s pent up love and longing; so desperate a laying bare of her heart"s life, could only have been for the eye of the man for whom it was intended. To read it would have been desecration; to print it, sacrilege.
But the letter was not sent. Half way through, Diana suddenly remembered that when it reached David he would be ill and weak; perhaps, actually dying. She must not trouble his last moments, with such an outpouring of grief and remorse; of longing and of loneliness.
And here we see the mother in Diana, coming to the fore in tender thought for David, even in the midst of her own desperate need to tell him all. Nothing must trouble his peace at the last.
The pa.s.sionate outpouring was flung into a drawer.
Diana took fresh paper, and drew it toward her.
Courage came back to his place at the right of the escutcheon. Pride stayed away, forever slain. But, in his stead, there stepped to the left, the Madonna with eyes of love; the Infant in her arms.
Then Diana--thrusting back her own fierce agony, that David might die in peace--began her final letter.
"RIVERSCOURT.
"MY DEAR, DEAR DAVID,--I do not need to tell you how deeply I feel your letter; bringing the news it does, about yourself. But of course I understand it perfectly; and you must not worry at all over trying to make any further explanations. I will do exactly as you wish, in every detail.
"Of course, I should have come out directly your letter reached me, if you had not asked me not to do so. I long to be with you, David. If you should change your mind, and wish for me, a cable would bring me, by the next boat, and quickest overland route. Otherwise I will remain in England, until I receive your letter.
"I cannot stay at Riverscourt. It would be too lonely without any prospect of letters from you. But you remember the Hospital of the Holy Star of which I told you, where I was training when Uncle Falcon wrote for me? I have been there often lately, going up once a week for a day in the out-patients" department; and last week my friend, the matron, told me that the sister in one of the largest wards--my old ward--must, unexpectedly, return home for an indefinite time. This was placing them in somewhat of a difficulty.
"I shall now offer to take her place, and go there for three months or so; anyway until after Christmas. But Riverscourt will remain open, and all my letters will be immediately forwarded.
"You must not mind my going to the hospital. I shall find it easier to bear my sorrow, while working day and night for others. For, David--oh, David, it _is_ a terrible sorrow!
"I must not worry you now, with tales of my own poor heart; but ever since I lost you, David; ever since our wedding-day evening, I have loved you, and longed for you, more, and more, and more. When you called me your wife on the gangway, it revealed to me, suddenly, what it really meant to be your wife.
"Oh, my Boy, my Darling, when I lose you, I shall be a widow indeed! But you must not let the thought of my sorrow disturb your last moments. Perhaps, when you reach the Land that is very far off, I shall feel you less far away than in Central Africa. Be near me, sometimes, if you can, David.
"I shall go on striving to offer my gifts; though the gold and the frankincense will be overwhelmed by the myrrh. But the Star we have followed together, will still lead me on.
And perhaps it will guide me at last to the foot of the shining throne, where my Darling will sit in splendour. And I shall see his look call me to him, as it called in old St. Botolph"s; and I shall pa.s.s up the aisle of glory, and hear him say: "Come, my wife." Then I shall kneel at his feet, and lay my head on his knees. Oh, David, David!
"Your own wife, who loves you and longs for you,
"DIANA RIVERS."
There was much she would have expressed otherwise; there were some things she would have left unsaid; but there was no time to rewrite her letter. So Diana let it go as it was; and it caught the evening mail.
But even so, David never saw it; for it arrived, alas, just twenty-four hours too late.
_Here endeth_ FRANKINCENSE.
MYRRH
CHAPTER x.x.xIV
IN THE HOSPITAL OF THE HOLY STAR