WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY (15,001 B.C.) Venus explains platonic friendship to Adonis.
FRIDAY
SAt.u.r.dAY (575 B.C.) Horatius beat Lars Porsena at a game of bridge.
OCTOBER
There"s many a cup "twixt the office and the ferry slip.
YOU NEVER CAN TELL
Sons of great men oft remind us That no matter what our fame, Offspring that we leave behind us May be lobsters, just the same.
[Ill.u.s.tration: Stage Entrance.]
[Sidenote: _Economical Hint_: A good imitation of soapsuds may be made by shaking a bottle of champagne and then opening the bottle.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Push those clouds away. He"s not the only one with a first quarter. Aw you know me.]
SUNDAY (1781) Battle of Eutaw.
(1906) W. C. T. U. tries to throw Smoot out of the Senate.
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY (673) Theodre, of England, calls first Council of Bishops.
(1906) Theodore, of Washington, calls Council of Muck-rakers.
THURSDAY
FRIDAY FIRST CANOE--Doesn"t it make you tired to be taken out by one of those fresh young men who doesn"t know how to paddle?
SECOND CANOE--Yes, it often quite upsets me.
SAt.u.r.dAY
OCTOBER
There is some good in every heart, some rubber in every neck.
HELPFUL HINT FOR OCTOBER
If you have carelessly left your ermine m.u.f.f and neck-piece where the moths have attacked it during the summer, an easy and simple way to remedy the damage will be--but wait! Maybe you haven"t any ermine m.u.f.f and neck-piece. Far be it from us to touch a tender spot.
She--(very decollete). How far do you think a girl ought to go toward revealing the secrets of her heart?
He--(sizing her up). Well, I should say you"d gone about the limit.
[Sidenote: _Footwear Advice_: Two empty bananas make a very good pair of slippers.]
[Sidenote: _Health Hint_: There is no sure cure for laziness, but a second wife may relieve it.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Now what"s to become of the Milky Way.]
SUNDAY There was a young man from St. Louis Who"d eat nothing else but chop souis, A habit he learned When his medals he earned In the fight at Manila with Douis!
MONDAY
TUESDAY (1196) Diet at Wurzburg--beer and pretzels.
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY "Half a suit of pajamas is better than no nightie." --Hindoo Proverb.
FRIDAY
SAt.u.r.dAY
OCTOBER
The easiest way to put a baby to sleep is the rockiest way.