The Foolish Almanak.
by Anonymous.
HELPFUL HINT FOR JANUARY:
Do not give way to vain regrets because you did not keep the good resolves you made a year ago. It might be worse. You might have kept the resolutions and have had no incentive for leading a better life this year.
ECLIPSES FOR THE COMING YEAR
If there are as many Eclipses as during 1905-6, it will be a hard year on grafters and bosses. The editor is optimistic, however, believing that the sanitary revolution which swept the country has about blown over. Public confidence and laxity have been restored in a large measure and the time is now about ripe for us to get it in the neck again.
[Sidenote: _DRESS HINT_: The first costume on record was a hand-me-down from the fig tree.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
_AN ICE AGE_: Now is the time to cut ice. "Doc." Osler won"t like it if you wait until after you are 40.]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
SUNDAY
MONDAY Do not swear off anything. Wait "till tax time.
TUESDAY (1781) Baron Munchausen published his memoirs.
(1901) Andrew Carnegie started writing his autobiography.
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY Erroneously spelled Thursday. It should be spelled T-h-i-r-s-t-d-a-y (consult any of the reformed who have been clinging to the water wagon since Tuesday.)
FRIDAY
SAt.u.r.dAY (1906) There was no genius born in Indiana this day.
JANUARY
Reciprocity is the mother of contention.
UP IN MAINE
A thirsty, young sport, up in Me.
Pretended to suffer great Pe.
But when he"d imbibed What the druggist prescribed, He said he felt better Age.
Note: We demanded a diagram for the above and the author reluctantly provided it. He thinks that any one should know that _Me._ is the abbreviation for Maine and that to make the 2d and last lines rhyme you will readily read _Pe._ as abbreviation for _pain_ and _Age._ as abbreviation for _again_. We feel much better now and we hope you do, dear reader.--_The Editor._
[Sidenote: _Health Hint_: Those who are always having the hives should go into the bee business.]
[Sidenote: _Household Advice_: To keep the kitchen fire hot, keep it coaled.]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
SUNDAY
MONDAY Adam and Eve began housekeeping, and having neither prying neighbors nor troublesome servants they named their bungalow "Paradise."
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY A four-flush only wins political pots.
--Poker Proverbs.
THURSDAY
FRIDAY Rosa Bonheur born. Rosa painted animals and all of her compet.i.tors at the art shows said her work was "beastly."
SAt.u.r.dAY
JANUARY
There are as good fish in the sea as there are in the fish carts.
FORECAST FOR JANUARY
From January 1st until the 7th, and possibly in some cases until the 9th or 10th, it will be very DRY. This drouth will be followed by a long wet spell. The Zodiacal sharp who runs things during January is Aquarius, which being translated means "water-wagon." The only folks who never heard of Aquarius live in the corn-belt of Kentucky.
From January 10th to the 15th, the weather will devote its time to making up its mind what it is going to do. From the 15th to the 20th it will do it.