ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS
DIFFIDENT--The proper way to handle a lobster is to have him arrested.
ECONOMY--We know of no place where toothbrushes are laundered.
HISTORIAN--You are right. Noah was the largest individual holder of watered stock during his age.
SCIENCE--Yes, ice is slippery on both sides.
WELL WISHER--We return the $5 note. We cannot accept counterfeit money from admirers.
SPORT--You lose. Adam was born an orphan.
RECENT INVENTIONS
A charming addition to the safety razor is a little fountain attachment that sprinkles the user with Bay Rum.
Up-to-date bachelors are rapidly adopting the new unlosable collar b.u.t.ton. This collar b.u.t.ton is made of rubber with a little electric light attachment and is guaranteed to bounce for five minutes. Every time it strikes the floor, the impact causes the light to shine brilliantly, thus making it impossible to lose sight of even in the darkest corner.
[Sidenote: _A New Year Thought_: Now is the time to take your pen in hand--to meditate, to practise faithfully until you write with ease, one--nine--naught--EIGHT.]
[Sidenote: _To Develop the Calf_: Permit it to remain with its mother for two or three weeks. Then teach it to drink milk out of pail.]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
SUNDAY (1278) Ottocar died in Vienna.
(1895) Automobile born in France.
MONDAY
TUESDAY (1373) Leopold, archduke of Austria, named his son Rupert for the benefit of modern novelists.
WEDNESDAY (1340) Cannon first used in England.
(1906) Roosevelt uses Cannon in the House of Representatives.
THURSDAY CORRESPONDENT ANSWERED
Editor Foolish Almanack:-- What ails my hens? Every morning I find two or three lying on their backs, toes curled up, never to rise again.
CONSTANT READER.
Skowhegan, Me.
Answer:--Your hens are dead.--Ed.
FRIDAY
SAt.u.r.dAY
DECEMBER
Health Hint:--If you have a "broken bone" try to save the change.
_Number 1 in the "Foolish Series"_
_The_ Foolish Dictionary
_by_ GIDEON WURDZ
_Author of "Foolish Finance"_
Over fifty ill.u.s.trations by Wallace Goldsmith.
More than one hundred thousand copies of "_The Foolish Dictionary_" have been sold, and throughout the country its seven hundred witty definitions are quoted in every walk of life.
It is a book for everybody who loves fun in words--in fact it"s
A DICTIONARY _of_ HUMOR
_Uniform with "Foolish Finance." Cloth Price 75c_
JOHN W. LUCE _and_ COMPANY BOSTON _and_ LONDON
_Number 3 in the "Foolish Series"_
_Foolish Finance_
_by_ GIDEON WURDZ
_Author of "The Foolish Dictionary"_