"Why, Nat, don"t you suppose I have any memory? You began making me a better girl the very first day we met here in the store, by the things you said to me. And ever since I"ve been watching you, while you were making life a Heaven for father and me, and thinking that if I were a man I"d try to be as near like you as I could."
"Oh, don"t say that," he pleaded wretchedly.
"It"s true.... And when you sent me away to school I promised myself I"d try to repay you for the sacrifice you must be making for me; that I"d follow your example as nearly as ever I could; that I"d work hard and try to treat people the way you do--kindly, Nat, and considerately, and bravely and tenderly and honestly----"
He dropped into a chair near her and buried his head in his hands.
"Don"t!" he begged huskily. "Please, Betty, don"t!"
But she wouldn"t stop, little guessing how she was racking his heart in her innocent desire to make him understand how deeply she appreciated all he had done for her. "And, O Nat, it"s worked so wonderfully! It"s made all the girls at school like me, and it"s made me understand and like everybody else better; and now, what"s ten thousand times the best of all, you notice an improvement the minute you see me! And I--I never was so happy in all my life." She bent forward and took one of his hands, patting it softly. "Nat, I think you"re the very best man in the whole world!"
"Don"t!" he groaned. "Don"t, for Heaven"s sake!"
"Oh, I know, Nat--I know you don"t like me to say this, but I must, just the same, tell you the truth about yourself. It"s so splendid to live the life you do. You"re all unconscious of it, but I want you to realise it and know that I do, too. You"ve made everybody love you and..."
But confusion silenced her, and she gently replaced his hand. For several moments neither spoke. Then Nat broke the tension with a short, hard laugh.
"That"s right," he said inscrutably; "that was the idea...."
"Nat, what do you mean?"
He turned to her. "Betty, does it make you--feel that way toward me?"
She coloured divinely. "Why, Nat, of course ... Why, everyone..."
"That"s why I came here, Betty," he pursued, blind to her embarra.s.sment. "I came here with the idea... of getting married...."
He was staring gloomily at the floor and could not see the light that dawned upon the girl"s face. Absorbed in the struggle with his conscience he had no least suspicion of how his words were affecting her. He knew only that he must somehow make a confession to her, that to own her regard and grat.i.tude on the terms that then existed between them was utterly intolerable.
"You never guessed that, did you?"
"No," she breathed brokenly. "No, Nat, I--"
"Well, it"s the truth and...." He rose and moved away. "But I can"t tell you just now--not now...."
"No, not now, Nat." Betty, too, got up. "I think I"d better go home and see father--I mustn"t forget--" she faltered, half blinded by the mist of the happiness before her eyes.
"No--wait." She stopped to find his gaze full upon her; for the first time he comprehended that she had not understood, that, worst of all, she had misunderstood. "I must tell you," he blurted desperately, "I must."
Instinctively she moved a step toward him. He hung his head.
"To-night, Betty--this evening, just a little while ago, I became engaged to Josie Lockwood."
She stood as if petrified throughout a wait that seemed to both interminable. Then he heard her catch her breath sharply. He looked up, frightened, but she was smiling steadily into his face. Somehow he found her hand in his.
"Oh, Nat dear," she said, "I"m so glad for you.... I wish you all the happiness in the world. I ... Good-night."
The hand slipped out of Nat"s. He did not move, but waited there with his empty palm outstretched, despair in his eyes and h.e.l.l in his heart, while she walked quietly from the store.
After some time he awoke to the knowledge that she was gone.
"Blithering fool!" he growled. "Why didn"t I know I loved her like this?" He took a turn to and fro, distracted. "And now I"ve made a mess of everything! Good Lord! what can I do? I must do something or go mad!" He swung round behind the soda-fountain counter and seized a bottle. "I know what! The rules are off! I can have a drink! I can have two drinks! I can have a million drinks if I want "em!"
Pouring a generous dose of raw whiskey into the gla.s.s he lifted it to his lips and threw back his head. But the heavy bouquet of the liquor was stifling in his nostrils, and the first mouthful of it almost choked him. In a fury he flung the gla.s.s from him, so that it crashed and splintered upon the floor. "Great Heavens!" he cried. "I don"t like the stuff any more.... But"--his gaze fell upon the cigar case--"I can have a smoke. That"ll help some!"
With feverish haste he s.n.a.t.c.hed a cigar from the nearest box, gnawed off one end, and thrusting the other into the alcohol lighter, puffed vigorously. But to his renovated palate the potent fumes of the tobacco were no less repugnant than the whiskey had been. Half strangled, he plucked the cigar from his mouth and stamped on it.
"Oh," he cried wildly, "I"ll be--I"ll be d.a.m.ned!"
He paused, staring vacantly at nothing. "And even that doesn"t do any good! G.o.d help me, I"ve forgotten how to swear!"
To him, in this overwrought state, came Tracey, lumbering cheerfully in, his mouth shaped for a whistle. At sight of Nat he pulled up as if hit by a club.
""Evenin", Mister Duncan. What"s the matter?"
By an effort Nat brought his gaze to bear upon the boy and comprehended his existence.
"Ain"t you feeling well, Mr. Duncan?"
"No--rotten!"
"What"s the matter?"
"_Nothing_!" Nat shouted ferociously.
"Anything I kin----"
"_No_!"
At that instant Kellogg appeared. "h.e.l.lo, Nat! What"s been keeping you?
I came down to bring you home to supper."
"Go to blazes with your supper! Keep away from me! Don"t talk to me! I don"t want anything to do with you, d"you understand? You and your confounded systems have got me into all this----"
He caught sight of his hat abruptly, ceased talking, grabbed the hat and jammed it on his head, muttering; then started on a run for the door.
"But what"s the matter?" demanded Kellogg, thunderstruck. "Here! Hold on! Where are you going?"
"To the only place I can get any consolation--church!"
XXII
ROLAND"S TRIUMPH
But at the doorstep of the Methodist Church Nat hesitated. The building was dimly lighted, for it was choir practise night, and the door was ajar; but he couldn"t bring himself to enter. He would not long have peace and quiet in which to think, there; presently would come Angle and Josie and Roland and...