"I couldn"t stand it; I"d probably murder Roland....
"Besides, I"ve no right there--an impostor--a contemptible low-lived pup like me!...
"Why the thunderation did I ever allow myself to be persuaded to come here? Why was I ever such a fool?...
"How _could_ I be such a fool?..."
He was walking, now, striding swiftly through the silent village streets, meeting few wayfarers and paying them no heed, whether they knew and greeted him or not. His entire consciousness was obsessed by regret, repentance and remorse. He had ruined everything, deceived everybody--even himself for a time--played the cad and the bounder with consummate address. There were no bounds to the contempt he felt for the man who had tricked these simple, kindly folk into believing him immaculate, impeccable; who had hoodwinked "that old prince, Graham,"
and under false pretences gained his confidence and affection; who had deliberately set out to snare an innocent and trusting girl for the sake of the filthy money her father owned; who had made another and a better girl love him, though that he had done so unconsciously, only to break her heart; who had sacrificed everything, honour and decency and self-respect, to his greed for money.
But it should go no further. He"d given what he called his word of honour to a despicable compact; there could be no dishonour so great as holding by that word, sticking to his bargain, maintaining the deception and--ruining the life of one woman--perhaps two: Josie Lockwood"s, for he could never love her; and possibly Betty Graham"s, for she was of that sort that loves once and once only. If she truly loved him...
But by his own act he had placed himself forever beyond the joy of her love. He could never accept it, desire it as pa.s.sionately as he might--and did. He could never consent to drag her down to his base level...
To-morrow--no, to-night, that very night, he would unmask himself, declare his character to them all, pillory himself that all might see how low a man could fall. And to-morrow he would go, leave Radville, lose himself to all that had come to be so dear to him, forever....
So, raving and ranting with the extravagance of youth, he pa.s.sed through the village, out into the open country, and in the course of an hour and a half, back--all blindly: circling back to the store, in the course of his wanderings, as instinctly as a carrier pigeon shapes its course for home.
It was with incredulity that he found himself again in that cheerful, cherished, homely place. But there he was when he came out of his abstraction: there in those familiar surroundings, with Tracey"s round red face beaming at him over the cigar-stand like a lively counterfeit of the round red moon he had watched lift up into the skies, back there in the still countryside, just as he paused to turn back to town.
He recollected his faculties and resumed command of himself sufficiently to acknowledge Tracey"s greeting with a moody word.
"All right, Tracey," he said abruptly. "You may go, now. I"ll shut up the store."
He looked at his watch, and was surprised to discover that it was no later than half-past eight. He seemed to have lived a lifetime in the last few hours.
"Thank you, sir," said Tracey with a gush of grat.i.tude. "I"ll be glad to get off. Angle"s waiting."
"Angle----?"
"Good-evening, Mr. Duncan."
"Oh, Miss Tuthill!" Nat discovered that little rogue, all smiles and dimples and blushes, not distant from his elbow. "I didn"t see you--I was thinking."
"Guess we know what you was thinkin" about," observed Tracey, bringing his hat round the counter. "Everybody in town"s talkin" about it."
"About what?"
"Ah, you know about what, and we"re mighty glad of it, and we want to congratulate you, don"t we, Angie."
"Oh, yes, indeed, Mr. Duncan. It"s just too sweet for anything."
"O Lord!" groaned Nat.
"I"m awful glad you done it when you did," pursued Tracey, oblivious to Nat in his own ecstatic temper. "I guess I wouldn"t never "ve got up the s.p.u.n.k to--to tell Angie what I did to-night, "f it hadn"t been we was talkin" "bout your engagement to Josie. Then, somehow, it just seemed to bust right out of me, like I couldn"t hold it no longer.
Didn"t it, Angie?"
"Oh, Tracey, how can you talk so!"
"Then you"re engaged, too?" Nat inquired, rousing himself a little and smiling feebly upon them.
"Yes, sir."
"I"m glad to hear it. It"s great news. Now run along, both of you, and don"t forget you"ll never be so happy again." With what he thought an expiring flash of humour he raised his hands above their heads. "Bless you, my children!" he said solemnly. "Now, for Heaven"s sake, beat it!"
Alone he went to the prescription desk and opening one of the drawers took out the firm"s books. After that for some fifteen minutes there was nothing to be heard in the store save Nat"s breathing and the scratching of his pen as he figured out a trial balance....
Brisk footfalls disturbed him. He sighed and moved out into the store to find Kellogg there, suave and easy as always, yet with that in his manner, perceptible perhaps only to a friend of long-standing like Nat, to betray a mind far from complacent.
"Oh, you"re here!" he cried, with a distinct start of relief. "I"ve been looking all over for you."
"I just got in." Nat brushed aside explanations curtly, intent upon his purpose. "Harry, I"ve got something to say to you: I"m not going through with this thing."
"You"re not?"
"No; and that"s final. I was just on the point of drawing you a cheque for three-hundred; that"s all my share of the profits of this concern, so far; and my note for the balance. I"ll pay that up as soon as I"m able--and I"ll work like a terrier until I do. But as for the rest of it, I"m through."
"Oh, you are?" Kellogg took a chair and tipped back, frowning gravely.
"But what about your word to me?"
"d.a.m.n that," said Duncan without heat. "The word of honour of a man who"d stoop to a trick as vile as I have doesn"t amount to a continental shinplaster. I"ll rather be dishonoured by breaking it than by ruining a woman"s life."
"Very well, if you feel that way about it," said Kellogg as coolly.
"And you may keep your cheque and note: I wouldn"t take them. You can pay me back when it"s convenient--I don"t care when. But what I want to know is what you mean to do?"
"I mean to do the only thing left to do. I"m going to shut up here and then see Lockwood and Josie and tell them the whole story."
"Hm," Kellogg reflected, quizzical. "You"ve got a pleasant little job ahead of you."
"I don"t care about that: I deserve all that"s coming to me. I owe Josie a duty. Why, it"s awful, Harry, to trick a girl into caring for you and then to--to----"
"Break her heart?" Kellogg"s tone was sardonic.
"That"s what I meant."
"Don"t flatter yourself, my boy. Josie Lockwood doesn"t love you; she just set herself to win you because you"re the best chance she"s seen."
Kellogg laughed quietly. "The system would have worked just as well if anyone else had tried it."
"Do you think so--honest?" Nat"s eagerness to believe him was undisguised.
"I"m sure of it. The trouble is that people will say you"ve thrown her over--there isn"t anyone in Radville who hasn"t heard the news by this time; and that"s going to make the girl feel pretty cheap. But only for a while: she"ll get over it and solace herself with the next best thing.... And don"t forget; you lose a fortune."
"No, I don"t," Duncan disclaimed. "I never had it and now I don"t want it."
"That"s true enough," Kellogg admitted evenly. "And I hope you"ll always feel that way about it; but, believe me, you"ll find plenty of money a great help if you want to live a happy life."
"There are better things than money to make a man happy; I"ll pa.s.s up the money and try for the others."