PRESS. [Absorbed] By Jove! This is a piece of luck! [He writes.]
POULDER. [Observing him] This won"t do--it won"t do at all!
PRESS. [Writing-absorbed] "Beginning of the British Revolution!"
POULDER. [To JAMES] Put it in the cooler. "Enry, "old up the cooler. Gently! Miss Anne, get be"ind the Press.
JAMES. [Grimly--holding the bomb above the cooler] It won"t be the Press that"ll stop Miss Anne"s goin" to "Eaven if one o" this sort goes off. Look out! I"m goin" to drop it.
[ALL recoil. HENRY puts the cooler down and backs away.]
L. ANNE. [Dancing forward] Oh! Let me see! I missed all the war, you know!
[JAMES lowers the bomb into the cooler.]
POULDER. [Regaining courage--to THE PRESS, who is scribbling in his note-book] If you mention this before the police lay their hands on it, it"ll be contempt o" Court.
PRESS. [Struck] I say, major domo, don"t call in the police!
That"s the last resort. Let me do the Sherlocking for you. Who"s been down here?
L. ANNE. The plumber"s man about the gas---a little blighter we"d never seen before.
JAMES. Lives close by, in Royal Court Mews--No. 3. I had a word with him before he came down. Lemmy his name is.
PRESS. "Lemmy!" [Noting the address] Right-o!
L. ANNE. Oh! Do let me come with you!
POULDER. [Barring the way] I"ve got to lay it all before Lord William.
PRESS. Ah! What"s he like?
POULDER. [With dignity] A gentleman, sir.
PRESS. Then he won"t want the police in.
POULDER. Nor the Press, if I may go so far, as to say so.
PRESS. One to you! But I defy you to keep this from the Press, major domo: This is the most significant thing that has happened in our time. Guy Fawkes is nothing to it. The foundations of Society reeling! By George, it"s a second Bethlehem!
[He writes.]
POULDER. [To JAMES] Take up your wine and follow me. "Enry, bring the cooler. Miss Anne, precede us. [To THE PRESS] You defy me?
Very well; I"m goin" to lock you up here.
PRESS. [Uneasy] I say this is medieval.
[He attempts to pa.s.s.]
POULDER. [Barring the way] Not so! James, put him up in that empty "ock bin. We can"t have dinner disturbed in any way.
JAMES. [Putting his hands on THE PRESS"S shoulders] Look here--go quiet! I"ve had a grudge against you yellow newspaper boys ever since the war--frothin" up your daily hate, an" makin" the Huns desperate. You nearly took my life five hundred times out there. If you squeal, I"m gain" to take yours once--and that"ll be enough.
PRESS. That"s awfully unjust. Im not yellow!
JAMES. Well, you look it. Hup.
PRESS. Little Lady-Anne, haven"t you any authority with these fellows?
L. ANNE. [Resisting Poulard"s pressure] I won"t go! I simply must see James put him up!
PRESS. Now, I warn you all plainly--there"ll be a leader on this.
[He tries to bolt but is seized by JAMES.]
JAMES. [Ironically] Ho!
PRESS. My paper has the biggest influence
JAMES. That"s the one! Git up in that "ock bin, and mind your feet among the claret.
PRESS. This is an outrage on the Press.
JAMES. Then it"ll wipe out one by the Press on the Public--an" leave just a million over! Hup!
POULDER. "Enry, give "im an "and.
[THE PRESS mounts, a.s.sisted by JAMES and HENRY.]
L. ANNE. [Ecstatic] It"s lovely!
POULDER. [Nervously] Mind the "87! Mind!
JAMES. Mind your feet in Mr. Poulder"s favourite wine!
[A WOMAN"S voice is heard, as from the depths of a cave, calling "Anne! Anne!"]
L. ANNE. [Aghast] Miss Stokes--I must hide!
[She gets behind POULDER. The three Servants achieve dignified positions in front of the bins. The voice comes nearer. THE PRESS sits dangling his feet, grinning. MISS STOKES appears.
She is woman of forty-five and terribly good manners. Her greyish hair is rolled back off her forehead. She is in a high evening dress, and in the dim light radiates a startled composure.]
MISS STOKES. Poulder, where is Miss Anne?
[ANNE lays hold of the backs of his legs.]
POULDER. [Wincing] I am not in a position to inform you, Miss.