Chapter 3.III.
But, after all, it was not long now, and then she"d be gone for good.
And there was no getting over the fact that she had been very kind to father. She had nursed him day and night at the end. Indeed, both Constantia and Josephine felt privately she had rather overdone the not leaving him at the very last. For when they had gone in to say good-bye Nurse Andrews had sat beside his bed the whole time, holding his wrist and pretending to look at her watch. It couldn"t have been necessary.
It was so tactless, too. Supposing father had wanted to say something--something private to them. Not that he had. Oh, far from it!
He lay there, purple, a dark, angry purple in the face, and never even looked at them when they came in. Then, as they were standing there, wondering what to do, he had suddenly opened one eye. Oh, what a difference it would have made, what a difference to their memory of him, how much easier to tell people about it, if he had only opened both! But no--one eye only. It glared at them a moment and then... went out.
Chapter 3.IV.
It had made it very awkward for them when Mr. Farolles, of St. John"s, called the same afternoon.
"The end was quite peaceful, I trust?" were the first words he said as he glided towards them through the dark drawing-room.
"Quite," said Josephine faintly. They both hung their heads. Both of them felt certain that eye wasn"t at all a peaceful eye.
"Won"t you sit down?" said Josephine.
"Thank you, Miss Pinner," said Mr. Farolles gratefully. He folded his coat-tails and began to lower himself into father"s arm-chair, but just as he touched it he almost sprang up and slid into the next chair instead.
He coughed. Josephine clasped her hands; Constantia looked vague.
"I want you to feel, Miss Pinner," said Mr. Farolles, "and you, Miss Constantia, that I"m trying to be helpful. I want to be helpful to you both, if you will let me. These are the times," said Mr Farolles, very simply and earnestly, "when G.o.d means us to be helpful to one another."
"Thank you very much, Mr. Farolles," said Josephine and Constantia.
"Not at all," said Mr. Farolles gently. He drew his kid gloves through his fingers and leaned forward. "And if either of you would like a little Communion, either or both of you, here and now, you have only to tell me. A little Communion is often very help--a great comfort," he added tenderly.
But the idea of a little Communion terrified them. What! In the drawing-room by themselves--with no--no altar or anything! The piano would be much too high, thought Constantia, and Mr. Farolles could not possibly lean over it with the chalice. And Kate would be sure to come bursting in and interrupt them, thought Josephine. And supposing the bell rang in the middle? It might be somebody important--about their mourning. Would they get up reverently and go out, or would they have to wait... in torture?
"Perhaps you will send round a note by your good Kate if you would care for it later," said Mr. Farolles.
"Oh yes, thank you very much!" they both said.
Mr. Farolles got up and took his black straw hat from the round table.
"And about the funeral," he said softly. "I may arrange that--as your dear father"s old friend and yours, Miss Pinner--and Miss Constantia?"
Josephine and Constantia got up too.
"I should like it to be quite simple," said Josephine firmly, "and not too expensive. At the same time, I should like--"
"A good one that will last," thought dreamy Constantia, as if Josephine were buying a nightgown. But, of course, Josephine didn"t say that. "One suitable to our father"s position." She was very nervous.
"I"ll run round to our good friend Mr. Knight," said Mr. Farolles soothingly. "I will ask him to come and see you. I am sure you will find him very helpful indeed."
Chapter 3.V.
Well, at any rate, all that part of it was over, though neither of them could possibly believe that father was never coming back. Josephine had had a moment of absolute terror at the cemetery, while the coffin was lowered, to think that she and Constantia had done this thing without asking his permission. What would father say when he found out? For he was bound to find out sooner or later. He always did. "Buried. You two girls had me buried!" She heard his stick thumping. Oh, what would they say? What possible excuse could they make? It sounded such an appallingly heartless thing to do. Such a wicked advantage to take of a person because he happened to be helpless at the moment. The other people seemed to treat it all as a matter of course. They were strangers; they couldn"t be expected to understand that father was the very last person for such a thing to happen to. No, the entire blame for it all would fall on her and Constantia. And the expense, she thought, stepping into the tight-b.u.t.toned cab. When she had to show him the bills. What would he say then?
She heard him absolutely roaring. "And do you expect me to pay for this gimcrack excursion of yours?"
"Oh," groaned poor Josephine aloud, "we shouldn"t have done it, Con!"
And Constantia, pale as a lemon in all that blackness, said in a frightened whisper, "Done what, Jug?"
"Let them bu-bury father like that," said Josephine, breaking down and crying into her new, queer-smelling mourning handkerchief.
"But what else could we have done?" asked Constantia wonderingly. "We couldn"t have kept him, Jug--we couldn"t have kept him unburied. At any rate, not in a flat that size."
Josephine blew her nose; the cab was dreadfully stuffy.
"I don"t know," she said forlornly. "It is all so dreadful. I feel we ought to have tried to, just for a time at least. To make perfectly sure. One thing"s certain"--and her tears sprang out again--"father will never forgive us for this--never!"
Chapter 3.VI.
Father would never forgive them. That was what they felt more than ever when, two mornings later, they went into his room to go through his things. They had discussed it quite calmly. It was even down on Josephine"s list of things to be done. "Go through father"s things and settle about them." But that was a very different matter from saying after breakfast:
"Well, are you ready, Con?"
"Yes, Jug--when you are."
"Then I think we"d better get it over."
It was dark in the hall. It had been a rule for years never to disturb father in the morning, whatever happened. And now they were going to open the door without knocking even... Constantia"s eyes were enormous at the idea; Josephine felt weak in the knees.
"You--you go first," she gasped, pushing Constantia.
But Constantia said, as she always had said on those occasions, "No, Jug, that"s not fair. You"re the eldest."
Josephine was just going to say--what at other times she wouldn"t have owned to for the world--what she kept for her very last weapon, "But you"re the tallest," when they noticed that the kitchen door was open, and there stood Kate...
"Very stiff," said Josephine, grasping the doorhandle and doing her best to turn it. As if anything ever deceived Kate!
It couldn"t be helped. That girl was... Then the door was shut behind them, but--but they weren"t in father"s room at all. They might have suddenly walked through the wall by mistake into a different flat altogether. Was the door just behind them? They were too frightened to look. Josephine knew that if it was it was holding itself tight shut; Constantia felt that, like the doors in dreams, it hadn"t any handle at all. It was the coldness which made it so awful. Or the whiteness--which? Everything was covered. The blinds were down, a cloth hung over the mirror, a sheet hid the bed; a huge fan of white paper filled the fireplace. Constantia timidly put out her hand; she almost expected a snowflake to fall. Josephine felt a queer tingling in her nose, as if her nose was freezing. Then a cab klop-klopped over the cobbles below, and the quiet seemed to shake into little pieces.
"I had better pull up a blind," said Josephine bravely.
"Yes, it might be a good idea," whispered Constantia.
They only gave the blind a touch, but it flew up and the cord flew after, rolling round the blind-stick, and the little ta.s.sel tapped as if trying to get free. That was too much for Constantia.
"Don"t you think--don"t you think we might put it off for another day?"
she whispered.
"Why?" snapped Josephine, feeling, as usual, much better now that she knew for certain that Constantia was terrified. "It"s got to be done.
But I do wish you wouldn"t whisper, Con."