"The sun"s out," said Josephine, as though it really mattered.
A perfect fountain of bubbling notes shook from the barrel-organ, round, bright notes, carelessly scattered.
Constantia lifted her big, cold hands as if to catch them, and then her hands fell again. She walked over to the mantelpiece to her favourite Buddha. And the stone and gilt image, whose smile always gave her such a queer feeling, almost a pain and yet a pleasant pain, seemed to-day to be more than smiling. He knew something; he had a secret. "I know something that you don"t know," said her Buddha. Oh, what was it, what could it be? And yet she had always felt there was... something.
The sunlight pressed through the windows, thieved its way in, flashed its light over the furniture and the photographs. Josephine watched it.
When it came to mother"s photograph, the enlargement over the piano, it lingered as though puzzled to find so little remained of mother, except the earrings shaped like tiny paG.o.das and a black feather boa. Why did the photographs of dead people always fade so? wondered Josephine. As soon as a person was dead their photograph died too. But, of course, this one of mother was very old. It was thirty-five years old. Josephine remembered standing on a chair and pointing out that feather boa to Constantia and telling her that it was a snake that had killed their mother in Ceylon... Would everything have been different if mother hadn"t died? She didn"t see why. Aunt Florence had lived with them until they had left school, and they had moved three times and had their yearly holiday and... and there"d been changes of servants, of course.
Some little sparrows, young sparrows they sounded, chirped on the window-ledge. "Yeep--eyeep--yeep." But Josephine felt they were not sparrows, not on the window-ledge. It was inside her, that queer little crying noise. "Yeep--eyeep--yeep." Ah, what was it crying, so weak and forlorn?
If mother had lived, might they have married? But there had been n.o.body for them to marry. There had been father"s Anglo-Indian friends before he quarrelled with them. But after that she and Constantia never met a single man except clergymen. How did one meet men? Or even if they"d met them, how could they have got to know men well enough to be more than strangers? One read of people having adventures, being followed, and so on. But n.o.body had ever followed Constantia and her. Oh yes, there had been one year at Eastbourne a mysterious man at their boarding-house who had put a note on the jug of hot water outside their bedroom door! But by the time Connie had found it the steam had made the writing too faint to read; they couldn"t even make out to which of them it was addressed.
And he had left next day. And that was all. The rest had been looking after father, and at the same time keeping out of father"s way. But now?
But now? The thieving sun touched Josephine gently. She lifted her face.
She was drawn over to the window by gentle beams...
Until the barrel-organ stopped playing Constantia stayed before the Buddha, wondering, but not as usual, not vaguely. This time her wonder was like longing. She remembered the times she had come in here, crept out of bed in her nightgown when the moon was full, and lain on the floor with her arms outstretched, as though she was crucified. Why? The big, pale moon had made her do it. The horrible dancing figures on the carved screen had leered at her and she hadn"t minded. She remembered too how, whenever they were at the seaside, she had gone off by herself and got as close to the sea as she could, and sung something, something she had made up, while she gazed all over that restless water. There had been this other life, running out, bringing things home in bags, getting things on approval, discussing them with Jug, and taking them back to get more things on approval, and arranging father"s trays and trying not to annoy father. But it all seemed to have happened in a kind of tunnel.
It wasn"t real. It was only when she came out of the tunnel into the moonlight or by the sea or into a thunderstorm that she really felt herself. What did it mean? What was it she was always wanting? What did it all lead to? Now? Now?
She turned away from the Buddha with one of her vague gestures. She went over to where Josephine was standing. She wanted to say something to Josephine, something frightfully important, about--about the future and what...
"Don"t you think perhaps--" she began.
But Josephine interrupted her. "I was wondering if now--" she murmured.
They stopped; they waited for each other.
"Go on, Con," said Josephine.
"No, no, Jug; after you," said Constantia.
"No, say what you were going to say. You began," said Josephine.
"I... I"d rather hear what you were going to say first," said Constantia.
"Don"t be absurd, Con."
"Really, Jug."
"Connie!"
"Oh, Jug!"
A pause. Then Constantia said faintly, "I can"t say what I was going to say, Jug, because I"ve forgotten what it was... that I was going to say."
Josephine was silent for a moment. She stared at a big cloud where the sun had been. Then she replied shortly, "I"ve forgotten too."
4. MR. AND MRS. DOVE.
Of course he knew--no man better--that he hadn"t a ghost of a chance, he hadn"t an earthly. The very idea of such a thing was preposterous.
So preposterous that he"d perfectly understand it if her father--well, whatever her father chose to do he"d perfectly understand. In fact, nothing short of desperation, nothing short of the fact that this was positively his last day in England for G.o.d knows how long, would have screwed him up to it. And even now... He chose a tie out of the chest of drawers, a blue and cream check tie, and sat on the side of his bed.
Supposing she replied, "What impertinence!" would he be surprised? Not in the least, he decided, turning up his soft collar and turning it down over the tie. He expected her to say something like that. He didn"t see, if he looked at the affair dead soberly, what else she could say.
Here he was! And nervously he tied a bow in front of the mirror, jammed his hair down with both hands, pulled out the flaps of his jacket pockets. Making between 500 and 600 pounds a year on a fruit farm in--of all places--Rhodesia. No capital. Not a penny coming to him. No chance of his income increasing for at least four years. As for looks and all that sort of thing, he was completely out of the running. He couldn"t even boast of top-hole health, for the East Africa business had knocked him out so thoroughly that he"d had to take six months" leave. He was still fearfully pale--worse even than usual this afternoon, he thought, bending forward and peering into the mirror. Good heavens! What had happened? His hair looked almost bright green. Dash it all, he hadn"t green hair at all events. That was a bit too steep. And then the green light trembled in the gla.s.s; it was the shadow from the tree outside.
Reggie turned away, took out his cigarette case, but remembering how the mater hated him to smoke in his bedroom, put it back again and drifted over to the chest of drawers. No, he was dashed if he could think of one blessed thing in his favour, while she... Ah!... He stopped dead, folded his arms, and leaned hard against the chest of drawers.
And in spite of her position, her father"s wealth, the fact that she was an only child and far and away the most popular girl in the neighbourhood; in spite of her beauty and her cleverness--cleverness!--it was a great deal more than that, there was really nothing she couldn"t do; he fully believed, had it been necessary, she would have been a genius at anything--in spite of the fact that her parents adored her, and she them, and they"d as soon let her go all that way as... In spite of every single thing you could think of, so terrific was his love that he couldn"t help hoping. Well, was it hope? Or was this queer, timid longing to have the chance of looking after her, of making it his job to see that she had everything she wanted, and that nothing came near her that wasn"t perfect--just love?
How he loved her! He squeezed hard against the chest of drawers and murmured to it, "I love her, I love her!" And just for the moment he was with her on the way to Umtali. It was night. She sat in a corner asleep.
Her soft chin was tucked into her soft collar, her gold-brown lashes lay on her cheeks. He doted on her delicate little nose, her perfect lips, her ear like a baby"s, and the gold-brown curl that half covered it.
They were pa.s.sing through the jungle. It was warm and dark and far away.
Then she woke up and said, "Have I been asleep?" and he answered, "Yes.
Are you all right? Here, let me--" And he leaned forward to... He bent over her. This was such bliss that he could dream no further. But it gave him the courage to bound downstairs, to s.n.a.t.c.h his straw hat from the hall, and to say as he closed the front door, "Well, I can only try my luck, that"s all."
But his luck gave him a nasty jar, to say the least, almost immediately.
Promenading up and down the garden path with Chinny and Biddy, the ancient Pekes, was the mater. Of course Reginald was fond of the mater and all that. She--she meant well, she had no end of grit, and so on.
But there was no denying it, she was rather a grim parent. And there had been moments, many of them, in Reggie"s life, before Uncle Alick died and left him the fruit farm, when he was convinced that to be a widow"s only son was about the worst punishment a chap could have. And what made it rougher than ever was that she was positively all that he had. She wasn"t only a combined parent, as it were, but she had quarrelled with all her own and the governor"s relations before Reggie had won his first trouser pockets. So that whenever Reggie was homesick out there, sitting on his dark veranda by starlight, while the gramophone cried, "Dear, what is Life but Love?" his only vision was of the mater, tall and stout, rustling down the garden path, with Chinny and Biddy at her heels...
The mater, with her scissors outspread to snap the head of a dead something or other, stopped at the sight of Reggie.
"You are not going out, Reginald?" she asked, seeing that he was.
"I"ll be back for tea, mater," said Reggie weakly, plunging his hands into his jacket pockets.
Snip. Off came a head. Reggie almost jumped.
"I should have thought you could have spared your mother your last afternoon," said she.
Silence. The Pekes stared. They understood every word of the mater"s.
Biddy lay down with her tongue poked out; she was so fat and glossy she looked like a lump of half-melted toffee. But Chinny"s porcelain eyes gloomed at Reginald, and he sniffed faintly, as though the whole world were one unpleasant smell. Snip, went the scissors again. Poor little beggars; they were getting it!
"And where are you going, if your mother may ask?" asked the mater.
It was over at last, but Reggie did not slow down until he was out of sight of the house and half-way to Colonel Proctor"s. Then only he noticed what a top-hole afternoon it was. It had been raining all the morning, late summer rain, warm, heavy, quick, and now the sky was clear, except for a long tail of little clouds, like duckings, sailing over the forest. There was just enough wind to shake the last drops off the trees; one warm star splashed on his hand. Ping!--another drummed on his hat. The empty road gleamed, the hedges smelled of briar, and how big and bright the hollyhocks glowed in the cottage gardens. And here was Colonel Proctor"s--here it was already. His hand was on the gate, his elbow jogged the syringa bushes, and petals and pollen scattered over his coat sleeve. But wait a bit. This was too quick altogether.
He"d meant to think the whole thing out again. Here, steady. But he was walking up the path, with the huge rose bushes on either side. It can"t be done like this. But his hand had grasped the bell, given it a pull, and started it pealing wildly, as if he"d come to say the house was on fire. The housemaid must have been in the hall, too, for the front door flashed open, and Reggie was shut in the empty drawing-room before that confounded bell had stopped ringing. Strangely enough, when it did, the big room, shadowy, with some one"s parasol lying on top of the grand piano, bucked him up--or rather, excited him. It was so quiet, and yet in one moment the door would open, and his fate be decided. The feeling was not unlike that of being at the dentist"s; he was almost reckless.
But at the same time, to his immense surprise, Reggie heard himself saying, "Lord, Thou knowest, Thou hast not done much for me... " That pulled him up; that made him realize again how dead serious it was. Too late. The door handle turned. Anne came in, crossed the shadowy s.p.a.ce between them, gave him her hand, and said, in her small, soft voice, "I"m so sorry, father is out. And mother is having a day in town, hat-hunting. There"s only me to entertain you, Reggie."
Reggie gasped, pressed his own hat to his jacket b.u.t.tons, and stammered out, "As a matter of fact, I"ve only come... to say good-bye."
"Oh!" cried Anne softly--she stepped back from him and her grey eyes danced--"what a very short visit!"
Then, watching him, her chin tilted, she laughed outright, a long, soft peal, and walked away from him over to the piano, and leaned against it, playing with the ta.s.sel of the parasol.
"I"m so sorry," she said, "to be laughing like this. I don"t know why I do. It"s just a bad ha--habit." And suddenly she stamped her grey shoe, and took a pocket-handkerchief out of her white woolly jacket. "I really must conquer it, it"s too absurd," said she.
"Good heavens, Anne," cried Reggie, "I love to hear you laughing! I can"t imagine anything more--"
But the truth was, and they both knew it, she wasn"t always laughing; it wasn"t really a habit. Only ever since the day they"d met, ever since that very first moment, for some strange reason that Reggie wished to G.o.d he understood, Anne had laughed at him. Why? It didn"t matter where they were or what they were talking about. They might begin by being as serious as possible, dead serious--at any rate, as far as he was concerned--but then suddenly, in the middle of a sentence, Anne would glance at him, and a little quick quiver pa.s.sed over her face. Her lips parted, her eyes danced, and she began laughing.