WILLIS: "And then you say, "I hadn"t put it on when I went out, and when I got after that fellow and took it back, I was simply getting somebody else"s watch!" Then you hold out both watches to her, and laugh again. Everybody laughs, and crowds round you to examine the watches, and you make fun and crack jokes at your own expense all the time, and pretty soon old Bemis says, "Why, this is MY watch, NOW!" and you laugh more than ever--"
ROBERTS: "I"m afraid I couldn"t laugh when he said that. I don"t believe I could laugh. It would make my blood run cold."
WILLIS: "Oh no, it wouldn"t. You"d be in the spirit of it by that time."
ROBERTS: "Do you think so? Well?"
WILLIS: "And then you say, "Well, this is the most remarkable coincidence I ever heard of. I didn"t get my own watch from the fellow, but I got yours, Mr. Bemis;" and then you hand it over to him and say, "Sorry I had to break the chain in getting it from him," and then everybody laughs again, and--and that ends it."
ROBERTS, with a profound sigh: "Do you think that would end it?"
WILLIS: "Why, certainly. It"ll put old Bemis in the wrong, don"t you see? It"ll show that instead of letting the fellow escape to go and rob HIM, you attacked him and took Bemis"s property back from him yourself. Bemis wouldn"t have a word to say. All you"ve got to do is to keep up a light, confident manner."
ROBERTS: "But what if it shouldn"t put Bemis in the wrong? What if he shouldn"t say or do anything that we"ve counted upon, but something altogether different?"
WILLIS: "Well, then, you must trust to inspiration, and adapt yourself to circ.u.mstances."
ROBERTS: "Wouldn"t it be rather more of a joke to come out with the facts at once?"
WILLIS: "On you it would; and a year from now--say next Christmas-- you could get the laugh on Bemis that way. But if you were to risk it now, there"s no telling how he"d take it. He"s so indignant he might insist upon leaving the house. But with this plan of mine--"
ROBERTS, in despair: "I couldn"t, Willis. I don"t feel light, and I don"t feel confident, and I couldn"t act it. If it were a simple lie--"
WILLIS: "Oh, lies are never simple; they require the exercise of all your ingenuity. If you want something simple, you must stick to the truth, and throw yourself on Bemis"s mercy."
ROBERTS, walking up and down in great distress: "I can"t do it; I can"t do it. It"s very kind of you to think it all out for me, but"--struck by a sudden idea--"Willis, why shouldn"t YOU do it?"
WILLIS: "I?"
ROBERTS: "You are good at those things. You have so much aplomb, you know. YOU could carry it off, you know, first-rate."
WILLIS, as if finding a certain fascination in the idea: "Well, I don"t know--"
ROBERTS: "And I could chime in on the laugh. I think I could do that if somebody else was doing the rest."
WILLIS, after a moment of silent reflection: "I SHOULD like to do it. I should like to see how old Bemis would look when I played it on him. Roberts, I WILL do it. Not a word! I should LIKE to do it. Now you go on and hurry up your toilet, old fellow; you needn"t mind me here. I"ll be rehearsing."
MRS. ROBERTS, knocking at the door, outside: "Edward, are you NEVER coming?"
ROBERTS: "Yes, yes; I"ll be there in a minute, my dear."
WILLIS: "Yes, he"ll be there. Run along back, and keep it going till we come. Roberts, I wouldn"t take a thousand dollars for this chance."
ROBERTS: "I"m glad you like it."
WILLIS: "Like it? Of course I do. Or no! Hold on! Wait! It won"t do! No; you must take the leading part, and I"ll support you, and I"ll come in strong if you break down. That"s the way we have got to work it. You must make the start."
ROBERTS: "Couldn"t you make it better, Willis? It"s your idea."
WILLIS: "No; they"d be sure to suspect me, and they can"t suspect you of anything--you"re so innocent. The illusion will be complete."
ROBERTS, very doubtfully: "Do you think so?"
WILLIS: "Yes. Hurry up. Let me unb.u.t.ton that collar for you."
PART THIRD
SCENE I: MRS. ROBERTS, DR. LAWTON, MRS. CRASHAW, MR. BEMIS, YOUNG MR. AND MRS. BEMIS
MRS. ROBERTS, surrounded by her guests, and confronting from her sofa Mr. Bemis, who still remains sunken in his armchair, has apparently closed an exhaustive recital of the events which have ended in his presence there. She looks round with a mixed air of self-denial and self-satisfaction to read the admiration of her listeners in their sympathetic countenances.
DR. LAWTON, with an ironical sigh of profound impression: "Well, Mrs. Roberts, you are certainly the most lavishly hospitable of hostesses. Every one knows what delightful dinners you give; but these little dramatic episodes which you offer your guests, by way of appetizer, are certainly unique. Last year an elevator stuck in the shaft with half the company in it, and this year a highway robbery, its daring punishment and its reckless repet.i.tion--what the newspapers will call "A Triple Mystery" when it gets to them--and both victims among our commensals! Really, I don"t know what more we could ask of you, unless it were the foot-padded footpad himself as a commensal. If this sort of thing should become de rigueur in society generally, I don"t know what"s to become of people who haven"t your invention."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Oh, it"s all very well to make fun now, Dr. Lawton; but if you had been here when they first came in--"
YOUNG MRS. BEMIS: "Yes, indeed, I think so too, Mrs. Roberts. If Mr. Bemis--Alfred, I mean--and papa hadn"t been with me when you came out there to prepare us, I don"t know what I should have done.
I should certainly have died, or gone through the floor." She looks fondly up into the face of her husband for approval, where he stands behind her chair, and furtively gives him her hand for pressure."
YOUNG MR. BEMIS: "Somebody ought to write to the Curwens--Mrs.
Curwen, that is--about it."
MRS. BEMIS, taking away her hand: "Oh yes, papa, DO write!"
LAWTON: "I will, my dear. Even Mrs. Curwen, dazzling away in another sphere--hemisphere--and surrounded by cardinals and all the other celestial lights there at Rome, will be proud to exploit this new evidence of American enterprise. I can fancy the effect she will produce with it."
MRS. ROBERTS: "And the Millers--what a shame they couldn"t come!
How excited they would have been!--that is, Mrs. Miller. Is their baby very bad, Doctor?"
LAWTON: "Well, vaccination is always a very serious thing--with a first child. I should say, from the way Mrs. Miller feels about it, that Miller wouldn"t be able to be out for a week to come yet."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Oh, how ridiculous you are, Doctor!"
BEMIS, rising feebly from his chair: "Well, now that it"s all explained, Mrs. Roberts, I think I"d better go home; and if you"ll kindly have them telephone for a carriage--"
MRS. ROBERTS: "NO, indeed, Mr. Bemis! We shall not let you go.
Why, the IDEA! You must stay and take dinner with us, just the same."
BEMIS: "But in this state--"
MRS. ROBERTS: "Oh, never mind the STATE. You look perfectly well; and if you insist upon going, I shall know that you bear a grudge against Edward for not arresting him. Wait! We can put you in perfect order in just a second." She flies out of the room, and then comes swooping back with a needle and thread, a fresh white necktie, a handkerchief, and a hair-brush. "There! I can"t let you go to Edward"s dressing-room, because he"s there himself, and the children are in mine, and we"ve had to put the new maid in the guest-chamber--you ARE rather cramped in flats, that"s true; that"s the worst of them--but if you don"t mind having your toilet made in public, like the King of France--"