The light on the ceiling was somewhat glaring. Qiong Dafang stared at it for a moment as his eyes squinted and he could not open them fully.
Thus, he decided to close his eyes, slid his body down and laid on the sofa.
His two hands rested behind his head, and his mind was full of unclear emotions.
It was not like he did not regret it. As soon as Zhen Xiaoqi showed a sad expression, Qiong Dafang knew that he had said the wrong thing. He wanted to explain, but he didn"t know what to say.
How do I put it? I did not mean it that way. You have every right to control me okay?
The words were simple but Qiong Dafang did not have the courage to say them.
Zhen Xiaoqi was his best friend and his brother for more than ten years.
He used to share everything with Zhen Xiaoqi. The first time he confessed to a girl, the first time he fell in love, how he broke up, all his happy or sad news, every little thing in his youth, was shared with Zhen Xiaoqi.
At that time, Qiong Dafang had no idea, in this word, feelings were the hardest to carve. One day he hoped that Zhen Xiaoqi and him were never friends, their past friendship could be completely ignored.
When did it start, that his gaze towards Zhen Xiaoqi was no longer one that was looking at a buddy?
It was probably years ago. On an extremely normal afternoon.
Qiong Dafang remembered, as usual, Zhen Xiaoqi and him played a few rounds of ball near the playground. Then, they sat under the monkey bar to rest.
Zhen Xiaoqi held the sports bottle he brought with him and gulped water down.
Perhaps he had received too huge of a shock that day, Qiong Dafang still remembered every detail that happened. He recalled that after Zhen Xiaoqi finished drinking his water, he screwed the lid back on and wiped his sweat.
Then, Zhen Xiaoqi turned to look at him before turning back. Without warning, Zhen Xiaoqi casually said, "Actually, I like guys."
Zhen Xiaoqi finished talking and that seemed to be it for him. It seemed as though he was completely unaware he had just uttered something shocking. Zhen Xiaoqi got up, propped his hand up on the monkey bars and played around. He left Qiong Dafang there, staring at him with his head blank and mouth opened like a fool.
Qiong Dafang remembered it all vividly. The loud beating of his heart and his ears were buzzing. His eyes were helplessly watching Zhen Xiaoqi"s legs dangling from the bars.
He was so nervous that his tongue felt numb. He though that at the next second, Zhen Xiaoqi would tell him, that Zhen Xiaoqi liked him.
But Zhen Xiaoqi said nothing. After playing for a while, he asked Qiong Dafang, "Why don"t you come and play?"
Looking at Zhen Xiaoqi"s clear eyes, Qiong Dafang felt as though he had fallen into an ice cave. Only did he realize that he didn"t even care that Zhen Xiaoqi had come out to him, he only cared about who Zhen Xiaoqi liked.
What best friend, what brother for more than ten years… after that day, all of that turned into an unspeakable question: Zhen Xiaoqi, can you like me?
Qiong Dafang turned over on the sofa and buried his head in a soft cushion. He raised his hands to cover his ears. As if doing so, he would not be able to hear the dull sound from the heart.
The so-called brotherhood became a reason why he was hesitant but Zhen Xiaoqi had not give him a chance to advance either.
A few days after Zhen Xiaoqi said those words, he started chasing another guy from their department. Actually it was not really considered chasing. He just deliberately looked for opportunities to invite people to hang out with in a group.
At that time, Qiong Dafang had already been dumped by his second girlfriend. He was very free and was often caught by Zhen Xiaoqi to be used as a shield.
He saw how Zhen Xiaoqi smiled at others, how he made excuses to approach others, and finally how he left them alone. Since then, the list of people that Zhen Xiaoqi liked kept getting longer and longer. And Qiong Dafang who had some feelings, wanted to try.
Zhen Xiaoqi told Qiong Dafang that he would like to have a relationship, but it was not easy for a gay to find partner so, he was willing to take the initiative.
Qiong Dafang wanted to ask him: Since you want a relationship, do you want to date me?
But in the end he didn"t ask. Regardless, he was still Zhen Xiaoqi"s best friend. When Zhen Xiaoqi was emotionally frustrated, he would come to Qiong Dafang for comfort and complain to him.
If Qiong Dafang asked that question, could he still maintain the position of being the closest in Zhen Xiaoqi"s heart?
Qiong Dafang kept turning round and round on the narrow sofa. Then, he accidentally fell down. After this fall, his mind became clearer a little. No matter what, it was wrong of him to let Xiaoqi rush out in anger.
He rubbed his face with his hands, regained his nerves, reached out his cell phone and called Zhen Xiaoqi.
"Buzz buzz buzz"
There was something vibrating on the sofa. Qiong Dafang saw that Zhen Xiaoqi had dropped his phone here. He reached out and took Zhen Xiaoqi"s phone but he accidentally turned on the volume. The phone switched from vibrating mode to ring.
"The backpack was filled with trophies and worries, with patterns of conflicts imprinted as a mark. Your backpack is still safe on my back, on my back, the bag is already a part of my body…."
(T/N it is the song My Backpack by Eason Chan. Omg d.a.m.n sweet because QDF gave him a backpack…)
For a moment, Qiong Dafang froze like a stone sculpture. He couldn"t believe it as he listened to the ringtone of Zhen Xiaoqi"s phone.
"The familiar scent of my sweat is not for sale. On my back, the bag is the wedding ring around my shoulders…."
The screen of the mobile phone was bright, and the three characters "Qiong Dafang" was flashing. In the end, no one answered and the phone became silent again.
In the empty room, Qiong Dafang took a big, heavy breath. Suddenly, he came back from being a stone sculpture and frantically rummaged around the room.
No, there was no landline, no other mobile phone. It was like he woke up from a dream as he held Zhen Xiaoqi"s phone and his own before dashing out of his home.
On the streets, there were people coming and coming. Qiong Dafang was holding two mobile phones while trying to borrow another phone from pa.s.ser-bys.
"I beg you, can I borrow your mobile phone for just awhile?" He begged everywhere, but people looked at him as though he was either a lunatic or a liar, and no one would help him.
He begged from this street to another street, and finally saw a public telephone in a small shop. Seeing that Qiong Dafang looked silly and stupid, the shop owner seemed to be afraid of causing trouble and allowed him to use the phone with a stern face.
Qiong Qiong dazedly pressed the eleven numbers that he memorized. The mobile phone, which was gripped tightly, rang, and it was a string of boring "ring ring ring".
He hung up the public phone, and dialed the phone number of Zhen Xiaoqi with his mobile phone again. He could finally confirm that it was his unique ringtone.
"If you are willing to lend,I shall be happy to take care. My pals said it"s old but it"s charm. Too bad my knapsack has nothing to do.."
Before the shocked eyes of the store owner, Qiong Dafang"s face twisted up.
Zhen Xiaoqi, how could it have nothing to do with me? Obviously, obviously, it has always got to do with me. I thought you always carried that ugly big backpack because you were always frugal. I thought you always silent your phone because of habit. I thought you always regarded me as a friend…
All those that I thought, perhaps was never what it truly was...