He had said he had--yes, but he did not want to be a murderer. No, no! Angela had been good to him. She had worked for him. Why, G.o.d d.a.m.n it, she had actually suffered for him in times past. He had treated her badly, very badly, and now in her pathetic little way she had put herself in this terrific position. It was her fault, to be sure it was. She had been trying as she always had to hold him against his will, but then could he really blame her? It wasn"t a crime for her to want him to love her. They were just mis-mated. He had tried to be kind in marrying her, and he hadn"t been kind at all. It had merely produced unrest, dissatisfaction, unhappiness for him and for her, and now this--this danger of death through pain, a weak heart, defective kidneys, a Caesarian operation. Why, she couldn"t stand anything like that. There was no use talking about it. She wasn"t strong enough--she was too old.
He thought of Christian Science pract.i.tioners, of how they might save her--of some eminent surgeon who would know how without the knife. How? How? If these Christian Scientists could only think her through a thing like this--he wouldn"t be sorry. He would be glad, for her sake, if not his own. He might give up Suzanne--he might--he might. Oh, why should that thought intrude on him now?
When he reached the hospital it was three o"clock in the afternoon, and he had been there for a little while in the morning when she was comparatively all right. She was much worse. The straining pains in her side which she had complained of were worse and her face was alternately flushed and pale, sometimes convulsed a little. Myrtle was there talking with her, and Eugene stood about nervously, wondering what he should do--what he could do. Angela saw his worry. In spite of her own condition she was sorry for him. She knew that this would cause him pain, for he was not hard-hearted, and it was his first sign of relenting. She smiled at him, thinking that maybe he would come round and change his att.i.tude entirely. Myrtle kept rea.s.suring her that all would be well with her. The nurse said to her and to the house doctor who came in, a young man of twenty-eight, with keen, quizzical eyes, whose sandy hair and ruddy complexion bespoke a fighting disposition, that she was doing nicely.
"No bearing down pains?" he asked, smiling at Angela, his even white teeth showing in two gleaming rows.
"I don"t know what kind they are, doctor," she replied. "I"ve had all kinds."
"You"ll know them fast enough," he replied, mock cheerfully. "They"re not like any other kind."
He went away and Eugene followed him.
"How is she doing?" he asked, when they were out in the hall.
"Well enough, considering. She"s not very strong, you know. I have an idea she is going to be all right. Dr. Lambert will be here in a little while. You had better talk to him."
The house surgeon did not want to lie. He thought Eugene ought to be told. Dr. Lambert was of the same opinion, but he wanted to wait until the last, until he could judge approximately correctly.
He came at five, when it was already dark outside, and looked at Angela with his grave, kindly eyes. He felt her pulse, listened to her heart with his stethoscope.
"Do you think I shall be all right, doctor?" asked Angela faintly.
"To be sure, to be sure," he replied softly. "Little woman, big courage." He smoothed her hand.
He walked out and Eugene followed him.
"Well, doctor," he said. For the first time for months Eugene was thinking of something besides his lost fortune and Suzanne.
"I think it advisable to tell you, Mr. Witla," said the old surgeon, "that your wife is in a serious condition. I don"t want to alarm you unnecessarily--it may all come out very satisfactorily. I have no positive reason to be sure that it will not. She is pretty old to have a child. Her muscles are set. The princ.i.p.al thing we have to fear in her case is some untoward complication with her kidneys. There is always difficulty in the delivery of the head in women of her age. It may be necessary to sacrifice the child. I can"t be sure. The Caesarian operation is something I never care to think about. It is rarely used, and it isn"t always successful. Every care that can be taken will be taken. I should like to have you understand the conditions. Your consent will be asked before any serious steps are taken. Your decision will have to be quick, however, when the time comes."
"I can tell you now, doctor, what my decision will be," said Eugene realizing fully the gravity of the situation. For the time being, his old force and dignity were restored. "Save her life if you can by any means that you can. I have no other wish."
"Thanks," said the surgeon. "We will do the best we can."
There were hours after that when Eugene, sitting by Angela, saw her endure pain which he never dreamed it was possible for any human being to endure. He saw her draw herself up rigid time and again, the color leaving her face, the perspiration breaking out on her forehead only to relax and flush and groan without really crying out. He saw, strange to relate, that she was no baby like himself, whimpering over every little ill, but a representative of some great creative force which gave her power at once to suffer greatly and to endure greatly. She could not smile any more. That was not possible. She was in a welter of suffering, unbroken, astonishing. Myrtle had gone home to her dinner, but promised to return later. Miss De Sale came, bringing another nurse, and while Eugene was out of the room, Angela was prepared for the final ordeal. She was arrayed in the usual open back hospital slip and white linen leggings. Under Doctor Lambert"s orders an operating table was got ready in the operating room on the top floor and a wheel table stationed outside the door, ready to remove her if necessary. He had left word that at the first evidence of the genuine childbearing pain, which the nurse understood so well, he was to be called. The house surgeon was to be in immediate charge of the case.
Eugene wondered in this final hour at the mechanical, practical, business-like manner in which all these tragedies--the hospital was full of women--were taken. Miss De Sale went about her duties calm, smiling, changing the pillows occasionally for Angela, straightening the disordered bedclothes, adjusting the window curtains, fixing her own lace cap or ap.r.o.n before the mirror which was attached to the dresser, or before the one that was set in the closet door, and doing other little things without number. She took no interest in Eugene"s tense att.i.tude, or Myrtle"s when she was there, but went in and out, talking, jesting with other nurses, doing whatever she had to do quite undisturbed.
"Isn"t there anything that can be done to relieve her of this pain?" Eugene asked wearily at one point. His own nerves were torn. "She can"t stand anything like that. She hasn"t the strength."
She shook her head placidly. "There isn"t a thing that anyone can do. We can"t give her an opiate. It stops the process. She just has to bear it. All women do."
"All women," thought Eugene. Good G.o.d! Did all women go through a siege like this every time a child was born? There were two billion people on the earth now. Had there been two billion such scenes? Had he come this way?--Angela? every child? What a terrible mistake she had made--so unnecessary, so foolish. It was too late now, though, to speculate concerning this. She was suffering. She was agonizing.
The house surgeon came back after a time to look at her condition, but was not at all alarmed apparently. He nodded his head rather rea.s.suringly to Miss De Sale, who stood beside him. "I think she"s doing all right," he said.
"I think so, too," she replied.
Eugene wondered how they could say this. She was suffering horribly.
"I"m going into Ward A for an hour," said the doctor. "If any change comes you can get me there."
"What change could come," asked Eugene of himself, "any worse than had already appeared?" He was thinking of the drawings, though, he had seen in the book--wondering if Angela would have to be a.s.sisted in some of the grim, mechanical ways indicated there. They ill.u.s.trated to him the deadly possibilities of what might follow.
About midnight the expected change, which Eugene in agonized sympathy was awaiting, arrived. Myrtle had not returned. She had been waiting to hear from Eugene. Although Angela had been groaning before, pulling herself tense at times, twisting in an aimless, unhappy fashion, now she seemed to spring up and fall as though she had fainted. A shriek accompanied the movement, and then another and another. He rushed to the door, but the nurse was there to meet him.
"It"s here," she said quietly. She went to a phone outside and called for Dr. Willets. A second nurse from some other room came in and stood beside her. In spite of the knotted cords on Angela"s face, the swollen veins, the purple hue, they were calm. Eugene could scarcely believe it, but he made an intense effort to appear calm himself. So this was childbirth!
In a few moments Dr. Willets came in. He also was calm, business like, energetic. He was dressed in a black suit and white linen jacket, but took that off, leaving the room as he did so, and returned with his sleeves rolled up and his body incased in a long white ap.r.o.n, such as Eugene had seen butchers wear. He went over to Angela and began working with her, saying something to the nurse beside him which Eugene did not hear. He could not look--he dared not at first.
At the fourth or fifth convulsive shriek, a second doctor came in, a young man of Willets" age, and dressed as he was, who also took his place beside him. Eugene had never seen him before. "Is it a case of forceps?" he asked.
"I can"t tell," said the other. "Dr. Lambert is handling this personally. He ought to be here by now."
There was a step in the hall and the senior physician or obstetrician had entered. In the lower hall he had removed his great coat and fur gloves. He was dressed in his street clothes, but after looking at Angela, feeling her heart and temples, he went out and changed his coat for an ap.r.o.n, like the others. His sleeves were rolled up, but he did not immediately do anything but watch the house surgeon, whose hands were b.l.o.o.d.y.
"Can"t they give her chloroform?" asked Eugene, to whom no one was paying any attention, of Miss De Sale.
She scarcely heard, but shook her head. She was busy dancing attendance on her very far removed superiors, the physicians.
"I would advise you to leave the room," said Dr. Lambert to Eugene, coming over near him. "You can do nothing here. You will be of no a.s.sistance whatsoever. You may be in the way."
Eugene left, but it was only to pace agonizedly up and down the hall. He thought of all the things that had pa.s.sed between him and Angela--the years--the struggles. All at once he thought of Myrtle, and decided to call her up--she wanted to be there. Then he decided for the moment he would not. She could do nothing. Then he thought of the Christian Science pract.i.tioner. Myrtle could get her to give Angela absent treatment. Anything, anything--it was a shame that she should suffer so.
"Myrtle," he said nervously over the phone, when he reached her, "this is Eugene. Angela is suffering terribly. The birth is on. Can"t you get Mrs. Johns to help her? It"s terrible!"
"Certainly, Eugene. I"ll come right down. Don"t worry."
He hung up the receiver and walked up and down the hall again. He could hear mumbled voices--he could hear m.u.f.fled screams. A nurse, not Miss De Sale, came out and wheeled in the operating table.
"Are they going to operate?" he asked feverishly. "I"m Mr. Witla."
"I don"t think so. I don"t know. Dr. Lambert wants her to be taken to the operating room in case it is necessary."
They wheeled her out after a few moments and on to the elevator which led to the floor above. Her face was slightly covered while she was being so transferred, and those who were around prevented him from seeing just how it was with her, but because of her stillness, he wondered, and the nurse said that a very slight temporary opiate had been administered--not enough to affect the operation, if it were found necessary. Eugene stood by dumbly, terrified. He stood in the hall, outside the operating room, half afraid to enter. The head surgeon"s warning came back to him, and, anyhow, what good could he do? He walked far down the dim-lit length of the hall before him, wondering, and looked out on a s.p.a.ce where was nothing but snow. In the distance a long lighted train was winding about a high trestle like a golden serpent. There were automobiles honking and pedestrians laboring along in the snow. What a tangle life was, he thought. What a pity. Here a little while ago, he wanted Angela to die, and now,--G.o.d Almighty, that was her voice groaning! He would be punished for his evil thoughts--yes, he would. His sins, all these terrible deeds would be coming home to him. They were coming home to him now. What a tragedy his career was! What a failure! Hot tears welled up into his eyes, his lower lip trembled, not for himself, but for Angela. He was so sorry all at once. He shut it all back. No, by G.o.d, he wouldn"t cry! What good were tears? It was for Angela his pain was, and tears would not help her now.
Thoughts of Suzanne came to him--Mrs. Dale, Colfax, but he shut them out. If they could see him now! Then another m.u.f.fled scream and he walked quickly back. He couldn"t stand this.
He didn"t go in, however. Instead he listened intently, hearing something which sounded like gurgling, choking breathing. Was that Angela?
"The low forceps"--it was Dr. Lambert"s voice.
"The high forceps." It was his voice again. Something clinked like metal in a bowl.
"It can"t be done this way, I"m afraid," it was Dr. Lambert"s voice again. "We"ll have to operate. I hate to do it, too."
A nurse came out to see if Eugene were near. "You had better go down into the waiting room, Mr. Witla," she cautioned. "They"ll be bringing her out pretty soon. It won"t be long now."
"No," he said all at once, "I want to see for myself." He walked into the room where Angela was now lying on the operating table in the centre of the room. A six-globed electrolier blazed close overhead. At her head was Dr. Willets, administering the anaesthetic. On the right side was Dr. Lambert, his hands encased in rubber gloves, b.l.o.o.d.y, totally unconscious of Eugene, holding a scalpel. One of the two nurses was near Angela"s feet, officiating at a little table of knives, bowls, water, sponges, bandages. On the left of the table was Miss De Sale. Her hands were arranging some cloths at the side of Angela"s body. At her side, opposite Dr. Lambert, was another surgeon whom Eugene did not know. Angela was breathing stertorously. She appeared to be unconscious. Her face was covered with cloths and a rubber mouth piece or cone. Eugene cut his palms with his nails.
So they have to operate, after all, he thought. She is as bad as that. The Caesarian operation. Then they couldn"t even get the child from her by killing it. Seventy-five per cent. of the cases recorded were successful, so the book said, but how many cases were not recorded. Was Dr. Lambert a great surgeon? Could Angela stand ether--with her weak heart?
He stood there looking at this wonderful picture while Dr. Lambert quickly washed his hands. He saw him take a small gleaming steel knife--bright as polished silver. The old man"s hands were encased in rubber gloves, which looked bluish white under the light. Angela"s exposed flesh was the color of a candle. He bent over her.
"Keep her breathing normal if you can," he said to the young doctor. "If she wakes give her ether. Doctor, you"d better look after the arteries."
He cut softly a little cut just below the centre of the abdomen apparently, and Eugene saw little trickling streams of blood spring where his blade touched. It did not seem a great cut. A nurse was sponging away the blood as fast as it flowed. As he cut again, the membrane that underlies the muscles of the abdomen and protects the intestines seemed to spring into view.
"I don"t want to cut too much," said the surgeon calmly--almost as though he were talking to himself. "These intestines are apt to become unmanageable. If you just lift up the ends, doctor. That"s right. The sponge, Miss Wood. Now, if we can just cut here enough"--he was cutting again like an honest carpenter or cabinet worker.
He dropped the knife he held into Miss Wood"s bowl of water. He reached into the bleeding, wound, constantly sponged by the nurse, exposing something. What was that? Eugene"s heart jerked. He was reaching down now in there with his middle finger--his fore and middle fingers afterwards, and saying, "I don"t find the leg. Let"s see. Ah, yes. Here we have it!"
"Can I move the head a little for you, doctor?" It was the young doctor at his left talking.
"Careful! Careful! It"s bent under in the region of the coccyx. I have it now, though. Slowly, doctor, look out for the placenta."
Something was coming up out of this horrible cavity, which was trickling with blood from the cut. It was queer a little foot, a leg, a body, a head.
"As G.o.d is my judge," said Eugene to himself, his eyes br.i.m.m.i.n.g again.
"The placenta, doctor. Look after the peritoneum, Miss Wood. It"s alive, all right. How is her pulse, Miss De Sale?"
"A little weak, doctor."
"Use less ether. There, now we have it! We"ll put that back. Sponge. We"ll have to sew this afterwards, Willets. I won"t trust this to heal alone. Some surgeons think it will, but I mistrust her recuperative power. Three or four st.i.tches, anyhow."
They were working like carpenters, cabinet workers, electricians. Angela might have been a lay figure for all they seemed to care. And yet there was a tenseness here, a great hurry through slow sure motion. "The less haste, the more speed," popped into Eugene"s mind--the old saw. He stared as if this were all a dream--a nightmare. It might have been a great picture like Rembrandt"s "The Night Watch." One young doctor, the one he did not know, was holding aloft a purple object by the foot. It might have been a skinned rabbit, but Eugene"s horrified eyes realized that it was his child--Angela"s child--the thing all this horrible struggle and suffering was about. It was discolored, impossible, a myth, a monster. He could scarcely believe his eyes, and yet the doctor was striking it on the back with his hand, looking at it curiously. At the same moment came a faint cry--not a cry, either--only a faint, queer sound.
"She"s awfully little, but I guess she"ll make out." It was Dr. Willets talking of the baby. Angela"s baby. Now the nurse had it. That was Angela"s flesh they had been cutting. That was Angela"s wound they were sewing. This wasn"t life. It was a nightmare. He was insane and being bedeviled by spirits.
"Now, doctor, I guess that will keep. The blankets, Miss De Sale. You can take her away."
They were doing lots of things to Angela, fastening bandages about her, removing the cone from her mouth, changing her position back to one of lying flat, preparing to bathe her, moving her to the rolling table, wheeling her out while she moaned unconscious under ether.
Eugene could scarcely stand the sickening, stertorous breathing. It was such a strange sound to come from her--as if her unconscious soul were crying. And the child was crying, too, healthily.
"Oh, G.o.d, what a life, what a life!" he thought. To think that things should have to come this way. Death, incisions! unconsciousness! pain! Could she live? Would she? And now he was a father.
He turned and there was the nurse holding this littlest girl on a white gauze blanket or cushion. She was doing something to it--rubbing oil on it. It was a pink child now, like any other baby.
"That isn"t so bad, is it?" she asked consolingly. She wanted to restore Eugene to a sense of the commonplace. He was so distracted looking.
Eugene stared at it. A strange feeling came over him. Something went up and down his body from head to toe, doing something to him. It was a nervous, t.i.tillating, pinching feeling. He touched the child. He looked at its hands, its face. It looked like Angela. Yes, it did. It was his child. It was hers. Would she live? Would he do better? Oh, G.o.d, to have this thrust at him now, and yet it was his child. How could he? Poor little thing. If Angela died--if Angela died, he would have this and nothing else, this little girl out of all her long, dramatic struggle. If she died, came this. To do what to him? To guide? To strengthen? To change? He could not say. Only, somehow, in spite of himself, it was beginning to appeal to him. It was the child of a storm. And Angela, so near him now--would she ever live to see it? There she was unconscious, numb, horribly cut. Dr. Lambert was taking a last look at her before leaving.
"Do you think she will live, doctor?" he asked the great surgeon feverishly. The latter looked grave.
"I can"t say. I can"t say. Her strength isn"t all that it ought to be. Her heart and kidneys make a bad combination. However, it was a last chance. We had to take it. I"m sorry. I"m glad we were able to save the child. The nurse will give her the best of care."
He went out into his practical world as a laborer leaves his work. So may we all. Eugene went over and stood by Angela. He was tremendously sorry for the long years of mistrust that had brought this about. He was ashamed of himself, of life--of its strange tangles. She was so little, so pale, so worn. Yes, he had done this. He had brought her here by his lying, his instability, his uncertain temperament. It was fairly murder from one point of view, and up to this last hour he had scarcely relented. But life had done things to him, too. Now, now---- Oh, h.e.l.l, Oh, G.o.d d.a.m.n! If she would only recover, he would try and do better. Yes, he would. It sounded so silly coming from him, but he would try. Love wasn"t worth the agony it cost. Let it go. Let it go. He could live. Truly there were hierarchies and powers, as Alfred Russel Wallace pointed out. There was a G.o.d somewhere. He was on His throne. These large, dark, immutable forces, they were not for nothing. If she would only not die, he would try--he would behave. He would! he would!
He gazed at her, but she looked so weak, so pale now he did not think she could come round.
"Don"t you want to come home with me, Eugene?" said Myrtle, who had come back some time before, at his elbow. "We can"t do anything here now! The nurse says she may not become conscious for several hours. The baby is all right in their care."
The baby! the baby! He had forgotten it, forgotten Myrtle. He was thinking of the long dark tragedy of his life--the miasma of it.
"Yes," he said wearily. It was nearly morning. He went out and got into a taxi and went to his sister"s home, but in spite of his weariness, he could scarcely sleep. He rolled feverishly.
In the morning he was up again, early, anxious to go back and see how Angela was--and the child.
CHAPTER XXVIII.
The trouble with Angela"s system, in addition to a weak heart, was that it was complicated at the time of her delivery by that peculiar manifestation of nervous distortion or convulsions known as eclampsia. Once in every five hundred cases (or at least such was the statistical calculation at the time), some such malady occurred to reduce the number of the newborn. In every two such terminations one mother also died, no matter what the antic.i.p.atory preparations were on the part of the most skilled surgeons. Though not caused by, it was diagnosed by, certain kidney changes. What Eugene had been spared while he was out in the hall was the sight of Angela staring, her mouth pulled to one side in a horrible grimace, her body bent back, canoe shape, the arms flexed, the fingers and thumbs bending over each other to and fro, in and out, slowly, not unlike a mechanical figure that is running down. Stupor and unconsciousness had immediately followed, and unless the child had been immediately brought into the world and the womb emptied, she and it would have died a horrible death. As it was she had no real strength to fight her way back to life and health. A Christian Science pract.i.tioner was trying to "realize her ident.i.ty with good" for her, but she had no faith before and no consciousness now. She came to long enough to vomit terribly, and then sank into a fever. In it she talked of Eugene. She was in Blackwood, evidently, and wanted him to come back to her. He held her hand and cried, for he knew that there was never any recompense for that pain. What a dog he had been! He bit his lip and stared out of the window.
Once he said: "Oh, I"m no d.a.m.ned good! I should have died!"
That whole day pa.s.sed without consciousness, and most of the night. At two in the morning Angela woke and asked to see the baby. The nurse brought it. Eugene held her hand. It was put down beside her, and she cried for joy, but it was a weak, soundless cry. Eugene cried also.
"It"s a girl, isn"t it?" she asked.
"Yes," said Eugene, and then, after a pause, "Angela, I want to tell you something. I"m so sorry, I"m ashamed. I want you to get well. I"ll do better. Really I will." At the same time he was wondering, almost subconsciously, whether he would or no. Wouldn"t it be all the same if she were really well--or worse?
She caressed his hand. "Don"t cry," she said, "I"ll be all right. I"m going to get well. We"ll both do better. It"s as much my fault as yours. I"ve been too hard." She worked at his fingers, but he only choked. His vocal cords hurt him.
"I"m so sorry. I"m so sorry," he finally managed to say.
The child was taken away after a little while and Angela was feverish again. She grew very weak, so weak that although she was conscious later, she could not speak. She tried to make some signs. Eugene, the nurse, Myrtle, understood. The baby. It was brought and held up before her. She smiled a weak, yearning smile and looked at Eugene. "I"ll take care of her," he said, bending over her. He swore a great oath to himself. He would be decent--he would be clean henceforth and for ever. The child was put beside her for a little while, but she could not move. She sank steadily and died.
Eugene sat by the bed holding his head in his hands. So, he had his wish. She was really dead. Now he had been taught what it was to fly in the face of conscience, instinct, immutable law. He sat there an hour while Myrtle begged him to come away.
"Please, Eugene!" she said. "Please!"
"No, no," he replied. "Where shall I go? I am well enough here."
After a time he did go, however, wondering how he would adjust his life from now on. Who would take care of of---- "Angela" came the name to his mind. Yes, he would call her "Angela." He had heard someone say she was going to have pale yellow hair.
The rest of this story is a record of philosophic doubt and speculation and a gradual return to normality, his kind of normality--the artistic normality of which he was capable. He would--he thought--never again be the maundering sentimentalist and enthusiast, imagining perfection in every beautiful woman that he saw. Yet there was a period when, had Suzanne returned suddenly, all would have been as before between them, and even more so, despite his tremulousness of spirit, his speculative interest in Christian Science as a way out possibly, his sense of brutality, almost murder, in the case of Angela--for, the old attraction still gnawed at his vitals. Although he had Angela, junior, now to look after, and in a way to divert him,--a child whom he came speedily to delight in--his fortune to restore, and a sense of responsibility to that abstract thing, society or public opinion as represented by those he knew or who knew him, still there was this ache and this non-controllable sense of adventure which freedom to contract a new matrimonial alliance or build his life on the plan he schemed with Suzanne gave him. Suzanne! Suzanne!--how her face, her gestures, her voice, haunted him. Not Angela, for all the pathos of her tragic ending, but Suzanne. He thought of Angela often--those last hours in the hospital, her last commanding look which meant "please look after our child," and whenever he did so his vocal cords tightened as under the grip of a hand and his eyes threatened to overflow, but even so, and even then, that undertow, that mystic cord that seemed to pull from his solar plexus outward, was to Suzanne and to her only. Suzanne! Suzanne! Around her hair, the thought of her smile, her indescribable presence, was built all that substance of romance which he had hoped to enjoy and which now, in absence and probably final separation, glowed with a radiance which no doubt the reality could never have had.