"Haven"t I?"
"No, you haven"t."
"Well if that"s the way you feel about it I suppose I haven"t. I don"t see it that way."
"Well, it doesn"t make any difference to me how you see it."
"Oh, doesn"t it?"
"No, it doesn"t." Her head was up and she was angry.
"Well I"m sure then it doesn"t to me."
There was another silence which endured until they were almost home.
"Are you coming to the sociable next Thursday?" he inquired. He was referring to a Methodist evening entertainment which, although he cared very little about it, was a convenience as it enabled him to see her and take her home. He was prompted to ask by the fear that an open rupture was impending.
"No," she said. "I don"t think I will."
"Why not?"
"I don"t care to."
"I think you"re mean," he said reprovingly.
"I don"t care," she replied. "I think you"re too bossy. I don"t think I like you very much anyhow."
His heart contracted ominously.
"You can do as you please," he persisted.
They reached her gate. It was his wont to kiss her in the shadow--to hold her tight for a few minutes in spite of her protests. Tonight, as they approached, he thought of doing it, but she gave him no chance. When they reached the gate she opened it quickly and slipped in. "Good-night," she called.
"Good-night," he said, and then as she reached her door, "Stella!"
It was open, and she slipped in. He stood in the dark, hurt, sore, oppressed. What should he do? He strolled home cudgelling his brain whether never to speak to or look at her again until she came to him, or to hunt her up and fight it all out with her. She was in the wrong, he knew that. When he went to bed he was grieving over it, and when he awoke it was with him all day.
He had been gaining rather rapidly as a student of type-setting, and to a certain extent of the theory of reporting, and he worked diligently and earnestly at his proposed trade. He loved to look out of the window and draw, though of late, after knowing Stella so well and coming to quarrel with her because of her indifference, there was little heart in it. This getting to the office, putting on an ap.r.o.n, and starting in on some local correspondence left over from the day before, or some telegraph copy which had been freshly filed on his hook, had its constructive value. Williams endeavored to use him on some local items of news as a reporter, but he was a slow worker and almost a failure at getting all the facts. He did not appear to know how to interview anybody, and would come back with a story which needed to be filled in from other sources. He really did not understand the theory of news, and Williams could only make it partially clear to him. Mostly he worked at his case, but he did learn some things.
For one thing, the theory of advertising began to dawn on him. These local merchants put in the same ads. day after day, and many of them did not change them noticeably. He saw Lyle and Summers taking the same ads. which had appeared unchangingly from month to month in so far as their main features were concerned, and alter only a few words before returning them to the forms. He wondered at the sameness of them, and when, at last, they were given to him to revise he often wished he could change them a little. The language seemed so dull.
"Why don"t they ever put little drawings in these ads?" he asked Lyle one day. "Don"t you think they"d look a little better?"
"Oh, I don"t know," replied Jonas. "They look pretty good. These people around here wouldn"t want anything like that. They"d think it was too fancy." Eugene had seen and in a way studied the ads. in the magazines. They seemed so much more fascinating to him. Why couldn"t newspaper ads. be different?
Still it was never given to him to trouble over this problem. Mr. Burgess dealt with the advertisers. He settled how the ads were to be. He never talked to Eugene or Summers about them, not always to Lyle. He would sometimes have Williams explain just what their character and layout was to be. Eugene was so young that Williams at first did not pay very much attention to him, but after a while he began to realize that there was a personality here, and then he would explain things,--why s.p.a.ce had to be short for some items and long for others, why county news, news of small towns around Alexandria, and about people, was much more important financially to the paper than the correct reporting of the death of the sultan of Turkey. The most important thing was to get the local names right. "Don"t ever misspell them," he once cautioned him. "Don"t ever leave out a part of a name if you can help it. People are awfully sensitive about that. They"ll stop their subscription if you don"t watch out, and you won"t know what"s the matter."
Eugene took all these things to heart. He wanted to see how the thing was done, though basically it seemed to be a little small. In fact people seemed a little small, mostly.
One of the things that did interest him was to see the paper put on the press and run off. He liked to help lock up the forms, and to see how they were imposed and registered. He liked to hear the press run, and to help carry the wet papers to the mailing tables and the distributing counter out in front. The paper hadn"t a very large circulation but there was a slight hum of life about that time and he liked it. He liked the sense of getting his hands and face streaked and not caring, and of seeing his hair tousled, in the mirror. He tried to be useful and the various people on the paper came to like him, though he was often a little awkward and slow. He was not strong at this period and his stomach troubled him. He thought, too, that the smell of the ink might affect his lungs, though he did not seriously fear it. In the main it was interesting but small; there was a much larger world outside, he knew that. He hoped to go to it some day; he hoped to go to Chicago.
CHAPTER III.
Eugene grew more and more moody and rather restless under Stella"s increasing independence. She grew steadily more indifferent because of his moods. The fact that other boys were crazy for her consideration was a great factor; the fact that one particular boy, Harvey Rutter, was persistently genial, not insistent, really better looking than Eugene and much better tempered, helped a great deal. Eugene saw her with him now and then, saw her go skating with him, or at least with a crowd of which he was a member. Eugene hated him heartily; he hated her at times for not yielding to him wholly; but he was none the less wild over her beauty. It stamped his brain with a type or ideal. Thereafter he knew in a really definite way what womanhood ought to be, to be really beautiful.
Another thing it did was to bring home to him a sense of his position in the world. So far he had always been dependent on his parents for food, clothes and spending money, and his parents were not very liberal. He knew other boys who had money to run up to Chicago or down to Springfield--the latter was nearer--to have a Sat.u.r.day and Sunday lark. No such gaieties were for him. His father would not allow it, or rather would not pay for it. There were other boys who, in consequence of amply provided spending money, were the town dandies. He saw them kicking their heels outside the corner book store, the princ.i.p.al loafing place of the elite, on Wednesdays and Sat.u.r.days and sometimes on Sunday evenings preparatory to going somewhere, dressed in a luxury of clothing which was beyond his wildest dreams. Ted Martinwood, the son of the princ.i.p.al drygoods man, had a frock coat in which he sometimes appeared when he came down to the barber shop for a shave before he went to call on his girl. George Anderson was possessed of a dress suit, and wore dancing pumps at all dances. There was Ed Waterbury, who was known to have a horse and runabout of his own. These youths were slightly older, and were interested in girls of a slightly older set, but the point was the same. These things hurt him.
He himself had no avenue of progress which, so far as he could see, was going to bring him to any financial prosperity. His father was never going to be rich, anybody could see that. He himself had made no practical progress in schoolwork--he knew that. He hated insurance--soliciting or writing, despised the sewing machine business, and did not know where he would get with anything which he might like to do in literature or art. His drawing seemed a joke, his writing, or wish for writing, pointless. He was broodingly unhappy.
One day Williams, who had been watching him for a long time, stopped at his desk.
"I say, Witla, why don"t you go to Chicago?" he said. "There"s a lot more up there for a boy like you than down here. You"ll never get anywhere working on a country newspaper."
"I know it," said Eugene.
"Now with me it"s different," went on Williams. "I"ve had my rounds. I"ve got a wife and three children and when a man"s got a family he can"t afford to take chances. But you"re young yet. Why don"t you go to Chicago and get on a paper? You could get something."
"What could I get?" asked Eugene.
"Well, you might get a job as type-setter if you"d join the union. I don"t know how good you"d be as a reporter--I hardly think that"s your line. But you might study art and learn to draw. Newspaper artists make good money."
Eugene thought of his art. It wasn"t much. He didn"t do much with it. Still he thought of Chicago; the world appealed to him. If he could only get out of here--if he could only make more than seven or eight dollars a week. He brooded about this.
One Sunday afternoon he and Stella went with Myrtle to Sylvia"s home, and after a brief stay Stella announced that she would have to be going; her mother would be expecting her back. Myrtle was for going with her, but altered her mind when Sylvia asked her to stay to tea. "Let Eugene take her home," Sylvia said. Eugene was delighted in his persistent, hopeless way. He was not yet convinced that she could not be won to love. When they walked out in the fresh sweet air--it was nearing spring--he felt that now he should have a chance of saying something which would be winning--which would lure her to him.
They went out on a street next to the one she lived on quite to the confines of the town. She wanted to turn off at her street, but he had urged her not to. "Do you have to go home just yet?" he asked, pleadingly.
"No, I can walk a little way," she replied.
They reached a vacant place--the last house a little distance back--talking idly. It was getting hard to make talk. In his efforts to be entertaining he picked up three twigs to show her how a certain trick in balancing was performed. It consisted in laying two at right angles with each other and with a third, using the latter as an upright. She could not do it, of course. She was not really very much interested. He wanted her to try and when she did, took hold of her right hand to steady her efforts.
"No, don"t," she said, drawing her hand away. "I can do it."
She trifled with the twigs unsuccessfully and was about to let them fall, when he took hold of both her hands. It was so sudden that she could not free herself, and so she looked him straight in the eye.
"Let go, Eugene, please let go."
He shook his head, gazing at her.
"Please let go," she went on. "You mustn"t do this. I don"t want you to."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Well, because I don"t."
"Don"t you like me any more, Stella, really?" he asked.
"I don"t think I do, not that way."
"But you did."
"I thought I did."
"Have you changed your mind?"
"Yes, I think I have."
He dropped her hands and looked at her fixedly and dramatically. The att.i.tude did not appeal to her. They strolled back to the street, and when they neared her door he said, "Well, I suppose there"s no use in my coming to see you any more."
"I think you"d better not," she said simply.
She walked in, never looking back, and instead of going back to his sister"s he went home. He was in a very gloomy mood, and after sitting around for a while went to his room. The night fell, and he sat there looking out at the trees and grieving about what he had lost. Perhaps he was not good enough for her--he could not make her love him. Was it that he was not handsome enough--he did not really consider himself good looking--or what was it, a lack of courage or strength?
After a time he noticed that the moon was hanging over the trees like a bright shield in the sky. Two layers of thin clouds were moving in different directions on different levels. He stopped in his cogitations to think where these clouds came from. On sunny days when there were great argosies of them he had seen them disappear before his eyes, and then, marvel of marvels, reappear out of nothingness. The first time he ever saw this it astonished him greatly, for he had never known up to then what clouds were. Afterward he read about them in his physical geography. Tonight he thought of that, and of the great plains over which these winds swept, and of the gra.s.s and trees--great forests of them--miles and miles. What a wonderful world! Poets wrote about these things, Longfellow, and Bryant, and Tennyson. He thought of "Thanatopsis," and of the "Elegy," both of which he admired greatly. What was this thing, life?
Then he came back to Stella with an ache. She was actually gone, and she was so beautiful. She would never really talk to him any more. He would never get to hold her hand or kiss her. He clenched his hands with the hurt. Oh, that night on the ice; that night in the sleigh! How wonderful they were! Finally he undressed and went to bed. He wanted to be alone--to be lonely. On his clean white pillow he lay and dreamed of the things that might have been, kisses, caresses, a thousand joys.
One Sunday afternoon he was lying in his hammock thinking, thinking of what a dreary place Alexandria was, anyhow, when he opened a Chicago Sat.u.r.day afternoon paper, which was something like a Sunday one because it had no Sunday edition,--and went gloomily through it. It was as he had always found, full of a subtle wonder, the wonder of the city, which drew him like a magnet. Here was the drawing of a big hotel someone was going to build; there was a sketch of a great pianist who was coming to play. An account of a new comedy drama; of a little romantic section of Goose Island in the Chicago river, with its old decayed boats turned into houses and geese waddling about; an item of a man falling through a coal hole on South Halstead street fascinated him. This last was at sixty-two hundred and something and the idea of such a long street seized on his imagination. What a tremendous city Chicago must be. The thought of car lines, crowds, trains, came to him with almost a yearning appeal.
All at once the magnet got him. It gripped his very soul, this wonder, this beauty, this life.
"I"m going to Chicago," he thought, and got up.
There was his nice, quiet little home laid out before him. Inside were his mother, his father, Myrtle. Still he was going. He could come back. "Sure I can come back," he thought. Propelled by this magnetic power he went in and upstairs to his room, and got a little grip or portmanteau he had. He put in it the things he thought he would immediately need. In his pocket were nine dollars, money he had been saving for some time. Finally he came downstairs and stood in the door of the sitting room.
"What"s the matter?" asked his mother, looking at his solemn introspective face.
"I"m going to Chicago," he said.
"When?" she asked, astonished, a little uncertain of just what he meant.
"Today," he said.
"No, you"re joking." She smiled unbelievingly. This was a boyish prank.
"I"m going today," he said. "I"m going to catch that four o"clock train."
Her face saddened. "You"re not?" she said.
"I can come back," he replied, "if I want to. I want to get something else to do."
His father came in at this time. He had a little work room out in the barn where he sometimes cleaned machines and repaired vehicles. He was fresh from such a task now.
"What"s up?" he asked, seeing his wife close to her boy.
"Eugene"s going to Chicago."
"Since when?" he inquired amusedly.
"Today. He says he"s going right now."
"You don"t mean it," said Witla, astonished. He really did not believe it. "Why don"t you take a little time and think it over? What are you going to live on?"
"I"ll live," said Eugene. "I"m going. I"ve had enough of this place. I"m going to get out."
"All right," said his father, who, after all, believed in initiative. Evidently after all he hadn"t quite understood this boy. "Got your trunk packed?"
"No, but mother can send me that."
"Don"t go today," pleaded his mother. "Wait until you get something ready, Eugene. Wait and do a little thinking about it. Wait until tomorrow."
"I want to go today, ma." He slipped his arm around her. "Little ma." He was bigger than she by now, and still growing.
"All right, Eugene," she said softly, "but I wish you wouldn"t." Her boy was leaving her--her heart was hurt.
"I can come back, ma. It"s only a hundred miles."
"Well, all right," she said finally, trying to brighten. "I"ll pack your bag."
"I have already."
She went to look.
"Well, it"ll soon be time," said Witla, who was thinking that Eugene might back down. "I"m sorry. Still it may be a good thing for you. You"re always welcome here, you know."
"I know," said Eugene.
They went finally to the train together, he and his father and Myrtle. His mother couldn"t. She stayed to cry.
On the way to the depot they stopped at Sylvia"s.
"Why, Eugene," she exclaimed, "how ridiculous! Don"t go."
"He"s set," said Witla.
Eugene finally got loose. He seemed to be fighting love, home ties, everything, every step of the way. Finally he reached the depot. The train came. Witla grabbed his hand affectionately. "Be a good boy," he said, swallowing a gulp.