"Oh, nothing like that," replied Eugene jestingly.
"Yes, she did. And I think Mrs. Witla likes me. I can meet you sometimes when I"m there, but we must be so careful. I mustn"t stay out long today. I want to think things out, too. You know I"m having a real hard time thinking about this."
Eugene smiled. Her innocence was so delightful to him, so nave.
"What do you mean by thinking things out, Suzanne?" asked Eugene curiously. He was interested in the workings of her young mind, which seemed so fresh and wonderful to him. It was so delightful to find this paragon of beauty so responsive, so affectionate and helpful and withal so thoughtful. She was somewhat like a delightful toy to him, and he held her as reverently in awe as though she were a priceless vase.
"You know I want to think what I"m doing. I have to. It seems so terrible to me at times and yet you know, you know----"
"I know what?" he asked, when she paused.
"I don"t know why I shouldn"t if I want to--if I love you."
Eugene looked at her curiously. This attempt at a.n.a.lysis of life, particularly in relation to so trying and daring a situation as this, astonished him. He had fancied Suzanne more or less thoughtless and harmless as yet, big potentially, but uncertain and vague. Here she was thinking about this most difficult problem almost more directly than he was and apparently with more courage. He was astounded, but more than that, intensely interested. What had become of her terrific fright of ten days before? What was it she was thinking about exactly?
"What a curious girl you are," he said.
"Why am I?" she asked.
"Because you are. I didn"t think you could think so keenly yet. I thought you would some day. But, how have you reasoned this out?"
"Did you ever read "Anna Karenina"?" she asked him meditatively.
"Yes," he said, wondering that she should have read it at her age.
"What did you think of that?"
"Oh, it shows what happens, as a rule, when you fly in the face of convention," he said easily, wondering at the ability of her brain.
"Do you think things must happen that way?"
"No, I don"t think they must happen that way. There are lots of cases where people do go against the conventions and succeed. I don"t know. It appears to be all a matter of time and chance. Some do and some don"t. If you are strong enough or clever enough to "get away with it," as they say, you will. If you aren"t, you won"t. What makes you ask?"
"Well," she said, pausing, her lips parted, her eyes fixed on the floor, "I was thinking that it needn"t necessarily be like that, do you think? It could be different?"
"Yes, it could be," he said thoughtfully, wondering if it really could.
"Because if it couldn"t," she went on, "the price would be too high. It isn"t worth while."
"You mean, you mean," he said, looking at her, "that you would." He was thinking that she was deliberately contemplating making a sacrifice of herself for him. Something in her thoughtful, self-debating, meditative manner made him think so.
Suzanne looked out of the window and slowly nodded her head. "Yes," she said, solemnly, "if it could be arranged. Why not? I don"t see why."
Her face was a perfect blossom of beauty, as she spoke. Eugene wondered whether he was waking or sleeping. Suzanne reasoning so! Suzanne reading "Anna Karenina" and philosophizing so! Basing a course of action on theorizing in connection with books and life, and in the face of such terrible evidence as "Anna Karenina" presented to the contrary of this proposition. Would wonders ever cease?
"You know," she said after a time, "I think mama wouldn"t mind, Eugene. She likes you. I"ve heard her say so lots of times. Besides I"ve heard her talk this way about other people. She thinks people oughtn"t to marry unless they love each other very much. I don"t think she thinks it"s necessary for people to marry at all unless they want to. We might live together if we wished, you know."
Eugene himself had heard Mrs. Dale question the marriage system, but only in a philosophic way. He did not take much stock in her social maunderings. He did not know what she might be privately saying to Suzanne, but he did not believe it could be very radical, or at least seriously so.
"Don"t you take any stock in what your mother says, Suzanne," he observed, studying her pretty face. "She doesn"t mean it, at least, she doesn"t mean it as far as you are concerned. She"s merely talking. If she thought anything were going to happen to you, she"d change her mind pretty quick."
"No, I don"t think so," replied Suzanne thoughtfully. "You know, I think I know mama better than she knows herself. She always talks of me as a little girl, but I can rule her in lots of things. I"ve done it."
Eugene stared at Suzanne in amazement. He could scarcely believe his ears. She was beginning so early to think so deeply on the social and executive sides of life. Why should her mind be trying to dominate her mother"s?
"Suzanne," he observed, "you must be careful what you do or say. Don"t rush into talking of this pellmell. It"s dangerous. I love you, but we shall have to go slow. If Mrs. Witla should learn of this, she would be crazy. If your mother should suspect, she would take you away to Europe somewhere, very likely. Then I wouldn"t get to see you at all."
"Oh, no, she wouldn"t," replied Suzanne determinedly. "You know, I know mama better than you think I do. I can rule her, I tell you. I know I can. I"ve done it."
She tossed her head in an exquisitely pretty way which upset Eugene"s reasoning faculties. He could not think and look at her.
"Suzanne," he said, drawing her to him. "You are exquisite, extreme, the last word in womanhood for me. To think of your reasoning so--you, Suzanne."
"Why, why," she asked, with pretty parted lips and uplifted eyebrows, "why shouldn"t I think?"
"Oh, yes, certainly, we all do, but not so deeply, necessarily, Flower Face."
"Well, we must think now," she said simply.
"Yes, we must think now," he replied; "would you really share a studio with me if I were to take one? I don"t know of any other way quite at present."
"I would, if I knew how to manage it," she replied. "Mama is queer. She"s so watchful. She thinks I"m a child and you know I am not at all. I don"t understand mama. She talks one thing and does another. I would rather do and not talk. Don"t you think so?" He stared. "Still, I think I can fix it. Leave it to me."
"And if you can you"ll come to me?"
"Oh, yes, yes," exclaimed Suzanne ecstatically, turning to him all at once and catching his face between her hands. "Oh!"--she looked into his eyes and dreamed.
"But we must be careful," he cautioned. "We musn"t do anything rash."
"I won"t," said Suzanne.
"And I won"t, of course," he replied.
They paused again while he watched her.
"I might make friends with Mrs. Witla," she observed, after a time. "She likes me, doesn"t she?"
"Yes," said Eugene.
"Mama doesn"t object to my going up there, and I could let you know."
"That"s all right. Do that," said Eugene. "Oh, please do, if you can. Did you notice whose name I used today?"
"Yes," she said. "You know Mr. Witla, Eugene, I thought you might call me up?"
"Did you?" he asked, smiling.
"Yes."
"You give me courage, Suzanne," he said, drawing close to her. "You"re so confident, so apparently carefree. The world hasn"t touched your spirit."
"When I"m away from you, though, I"m not so courageous," she replied. "I"ve been thinking terrible things. I get frightened sometimes."
"But you mustn"t, sweet, I need you so. Oh, how I need you."
She looked at him, and for the first time smoothed his hair with her hand.
"You know, Eugene, you"re just like a boy to me."
"Do I seem so?" he asked, comforted greatly.
"I couldn"t love you as I do if you weren"t."
He drew her to him again and kissed her anew.
"Can"t we repeat these rides every few days?" he asked.
"Yes, if I"m here, maybe."
"It"s all right to call you up if I use another name?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Let"s choose new names for each, so that we"ll know who"s calling. You shall be Jenny Lind and I Allan Poe." Then they fell to ardent love-making until the time came when they had to return. For him, so far as work was concerned, the afternoon was gone.
CHAPTER IX.
There followed now a series of meetings contrived with difficulty, fraught with danger, destructive of his peace of mind, of his recently acquired sense of moral and commercial responsibility, of the sense of singleness of purpose and interest in his editorial and publishing world, which had helped him so much recently. The meetings nevertheless were full of such intense bliss for him that it seemed as though he were a thousand times repaid for all the subtlety and folly he was practicing. There were times when he came to the ice house in a hired car, others when she notified him by phone or note to his office of times when she was coming in to town to stay. He took her in his car one afternoon to Blue Sea when he was sure no one would encounter him. He persuaded Suzanne to carry a heavy veil, which could be adjusted at odd moments. Another time--several, in fact she came to the apartment in Riverside Drive, ostensibly to see how Mrs. Witla was getting along, but really, of course, to see Eugene. Suzanne did not really care so much for Angela, although she did not dislike her. She thought she was an interesting woman, though perhaps not a happy mate for Eugene. The latter had told her not so much that he was unhappy as that he was out of love. He loved her now, Suzanne, and only her.
The problem as to where this relationship was to lead to was complicated by another problem, which Eugene knew nothing of, but which was exceedingly important. For Angela, following the career of Eugene with extreme pleasure and satisfaction on the commercial side, and fear and distrust on the social and emotional sides, had finally decided to risk the uncertain outcome of a child in connection with Eugene and herself, and to give him something which would steady his life and make him realize his responsibilities and offer him something gladdening besides social entertainment and the lure of beauty in youth. She had never forgotten the advice which Mrs. Sanifore and her physician had given her in Philadelphia, nor had she ever ceased her cogitations as to what the probable effect of a child would be. Eugene needed something of this sort to balance him. His position in the world was too tenuous, his temperament too variable. A child--a little girl, she hoped, for he always liked little girls and made much of them--would quiet him. If she could only have a little girl now!
Some two months before her illness, while Eugene was becoming, all unsuspected by her, so frenzied about Suzanne, she had relaxed, or rather abandoned, her old-time precautions entirely, and had recently begun to suspect that her fears, or hopes, or both, were about to be realized. Owing to her subsequent illness and its effect on her heart, she was not very happy now. She was naturally very uncertain as to the outcome as well as to how Eugene would take it. He had never expressed a desire for a child, but she had no thought of telling him as yet, for she wanted to be absolutely sure. If she were not correct in her suspicions, and got well, he would attempt to dissuade her for the future. If she were, he could not help himself. Like all women in that condition, she was beginning to long for sympathy and consideration and to note more keenly the drift of Eugene"s mind toward a world which did not very much concern her. His interest in Suzanne had puzzled her a little, though she was not greatly troubled about her because Mrs. Dale appeared to be so thoughtful about her daughter. Times were changing. Eugene had been going out much alone. A child would help. It was high time it came.
When Suzanne had started coming with her mother, Angela thought nothing of it; but on the several occasions when Suzanne called during her illness, and Eugene had been present, she felt as though there might easily spring up something between them. Suzanne was so charming. Once as she lay thinking after Suzanne had left the room to go into the studio for a few moments, she heard Eugene jesting with her and laughing keenly. Suzanne"s laugh, or gurgling giggle, was most infectious. It was so easy, too, for Eugene to make her laugh, for his type of jesting was to her the essence of fun. It seemed to her that there was something almost overgay in the way they carried on. On each occasion when she was present, Eugene proposed that he take Suzanne home in his car, and this set her thinking.
There came a time when, Angela being well enough from her rheumatic attack, Eugene invited a famous singer, a tenor, who had a charming repertoire of songs, to come to his apartment and sing. He had met him at a social affair in Brooklyn with which Winfield had something to do. A number of people were invited--Mrs. Dale, Suzanne, and Kinroy, among others; but Mrs. Dale could not come, and as Suzanne had an appointment for the next morning, Sunday, in the city, she decided to stay at the Witlas. This pleased Eugene immensely. He had bought a sketching book which he had begun to fill with sketches of Suzanne from memory and these he wanted to show her. Besides, he wanted her to hear this singer"s beautiful voice.
The company was interesting. Kinroy brought Suzanne early and left. Eugene and Suzanne, after she had exchanged greetings with Angela, sat out on the little stone balcony overlooking the river and exchanged loving thoughts. He was constantly holding her hand when no one was looking and stealing kisses. After a time the company began to arrive, and finally the singer himself. The trained nurse, with Eugene"s a.s.sistance, helped Angela forward, who listened enraptured to the songs. Suzanne and Eugene, swept by the charm of some of them, looked at each other with that burning gaze which love alone understands. To Eugene Suzanne"s face was a perfect flower of hypnotic influence. He could scarcely keep his eyes off her for a moment at a time. The singer ceased, the company departed. Angela was left crying over the beauty of "The Erlking," the last song rendered. She went back to her room, and Suzanne ostensibly departed for hers. She came out to say a few final words to Mrs. Witla, then came through the studio to go to her own room again. Eugene was there waiting. He caught her in his arms, kissing her silently. They pretended to strike up a conventional conversation, and he invited her to sit out on the stone balcony for a few last moments. The moon was so beautiful over the river.
"Don"t!" she said, when he gathered her in his arms, in the shadow of the night outside. "She might come."
"No," he said eagerly.
They listened, but there was no sound. He began an easy pretence to talk, the while stroking her pretty arm, which was bare. Insanity over her beauty, the loveliness of the night, the charm of the music, had put him beside himself. He drew her into his arms in spite of her protest, only to have Angela suddenly appear at the other end of the room where the door was. There was no concealing anything she saw. She came rapidly forward, even as Suzanne jumped up, a sickening rage in her heart, a sense of her personal condition strong in her mind, a sense of something terrible and climacteric in the very air, but she was still too ill to risk a great demonstration or to declare herself fully. It seemed now once more the whole world had fallen about her ears, for because of her plans and in spite of all her suspicions, she had not been ready to believe that Eugene would really trespa.s.s again. She had come to surprise him, if possible, but she had not actually expected to, had hoped not to. Here was this beautiful girl, the victim of his wiles, and here was she involved by her own planning, while Eugene, shame-faced, she supposed, stood by ready to have this ridiculous liaison nipped in the bud. She did not propose to expose herself to Suzanne if she could help it, but sorrow for herself, shame for him, pity for Suzanne in a way, the desire to preserve the sh.e.l.l of appearances, which was now, after this, so utterly empty for her though so important for the child, caused her to swell with her old-time rage, and yet to hold it in check. Six years before she would have raged to his face, but time had softened her in this respect. She did not see the value of brutal words.
"Suzanne," she said, standing erect in the filtered gloom of the room which was still irradiated by the light of the moon in the west, "how could you! I thought so much better of you."
Her face, thinned by her long illness and her brooding over her present condition, was still beautiful in a spiritual way. She wore a pale yellow and white flowered dressing gown of filmy, lacy texture, and her long hair, done in braids by the nurse, was hanging down her back like the Gretchen she was to him years before. Her hands were thin and pale, but artistic, and her face drawn in all the wearisome agony of a mater dolorosa.
"Why, why," exclaimed Suzanne, terribly shaken out of her natural fine poise for the moment but not forgetful of the dominating thought in her mind, "I love him; that"s why, Mrs. Witla."
"Oh, no, you don"t! you only think you love him, as so many women have before you, Suzanne," said Angela frozenly, the thought of the coming child always with her. If she had only told him before! "Oh, shame, in my house, and you a young, supposedly innocent girl! What do you suppose your mother would think if I should call her up and tell her now? Or your brother? You knew he was a married man. I might excuse you if it weren"t for that if you hadn"t known me and hadn"t accepted my hospitality. As for him, there is no need of my talking to him. This is an old story with him, Suzanne. He has done this with other women before you, and he will do it with other women after you. It is one of the things I have to bear for having married a man of so-called talent. Don"t think, Suzanne, when you tell me you love him, that you tell me anything new. I have heard that story before from other women. You are not the first, and you will not be the last."
Suzanne looked at Eugene inquiringly, vaguely, helplessly, wondering if all this were so.
Eugene hardened under Angela"s cutting accusation, but he was not at all sure at first what he ought to do. He wondered for the moment whether he ought not to abandon Suzanne and fall back into his old state, dreary as it might seem to him; but the sight of her pretty face, the sound of Angela"s cutting voice, determined him quickly. "Angela," he began, recovering his composure the while Suzanne contemplated him, "why do you talk that way? You know that what you say isn"t true. There was one other woman. I will tell Suzanne about her. There were several before I married you. I will tell her about them. But my life is a sh.e.l.l, and you know it. This apartment is a sh.e.l.l. Absolutely it means nothing at all to me. There has been no love between us, certainly not on my part, for years, and you know that. You have practically confessed to me from time to time that you do not care for me. I haven"t deceived this girl. I am glad to tell her now how things stand."
"How things stand! How things stand!" exclaimed Angela, blazing and forgetting herself for the moment. "Will you tell her what an excellent, faithful husband you have made me? Will you tell her how honestly you have kept your word pledged to me at the altar? Will you tell her how I have worked and sacrificed for you through all these years? How I have been repaid by just such things as this? I"m sorry for you, Suzanne, more than anything else," went on Angela, wondering whether she should tell Eugene here and now of her condition but fearing he would not believe it. It seemed so much like melodrama. "You are just a silly little girl duped by an expert man, who thinks he loves you for a little while, but who really doesn"t. He will get over it. Tell me frankly what do you expect to get out of it all? You can"t marry him. I won"t give him a divorce. I can"t, as he will know later, and he has no grounds for obtaining one. Do you expect to be his mistress? You have no hope of ever being anything else. Isn"t that a nice ambition for a girl of your standing? And you are supposed to be virtuous! Oh, I am ashamed of you, if you are not! I am sorry for your mother. I am astonished to think that you would so belittle yourself."
Suzanne had heard the "I can"t," but she really did not know how to interpret it. It had never occurred to her that there could ever be a child here to complicate matters. Eugene told her that he was unhappy, that there was nothing between him and Angela and never could be.
"But I love him, Mrs. Witla," said Suzanne simply and rather dramatically. She was tense, erect, pale and decidedly beautiful. It was a great problem to have so quickly laid upon her shoulders.
"Don"t talk nonsense, Suzanne!" said Angela angrily and desperately. "Don"t deceive yourself and stick to a silly pose. You are acting now. You"re talking as you think you ought to talk, as you have seen people talk in plays. This is my husband. You are in my home. Come, get your things. I will call up your mother and tell her how things stand, and she will send her auto for you."
"Oh, no," said Suzanne, "you can"t do that! I can"t go back there, if you tell her. I must go out in the world and get something to do until I can straighten out my own affairs. I won"t be able to go home any more. Oh, what shall I do?"
"Be calm, Suzanne," said Eugene determinedly, taking her hand and looking at Angela defiantly. "She isn"t going to call up your mother, and she isn"t going to tell your mother. You are going to stay here, as you intended, and tomorrow you are going where you thought you were going."
"Oh, no, she isn"t!" said Angela angrily, starting for the phone. "She is going home. I"m going to call her mother."
Suzanne stirred nervously. Eugene put his hand in hers to rea.s.sure her.
"Oh, no, you aren"t," he said determinedly. "She isn"t going home, and you are not going to touch that phone. If you do, a number of things are going to happen, and they are going to happen quick."
He moved between her and the telephone receiver, which hung in the hall outside the studio and toward which she was edging.
Angela paused at the ominous note in his voice, the determined quality of his att.i.tude. She was surprised and amazed at the almost rough manner in which he put her aside. He had taken Suzanne"s hand, he, her husband, and was begging her to be calm.
"Oh, Eugene," said Angela desperately, frightened and horrified, her anger half melted in her fears, "you don"t know what you are doing! Suzanne doesn"t. She won"t want anything to do with you when she does. Young as she is, she will have too much womanhood."
"What are you talking about?" asked Eugene desperately. He had no idea of what Angela was driving at, not the faintest suspicion. "What are you talking about?" he repeated grimly.
"Let me say just one word to you alone, not here before Suzanne, just one, and then perhaps you will be willing to let her go home tonight."
Angela was subtle in this, a little bit wicked. She was not using her advantage in exactly the right spirit.
"What is it?" demanded Eugene sourly, expecting some trick. He had so long gnawed at the chains which bound him that the thought of any additional lengths which might be forged irritated him greatly. "Why can"t you tell it here? What difference can it make?"
"It ought to make all the difference in the world. Let me say it to you alone."