"For several days I kept my room and scarcely touched any food. At last I went out, but came home again immediately after dinner. Only in the evening I wandered about the dark streets like Cain, the murderer of his brother. My father"s house appeared to me a dreadful phantom, and I avoided it most carefully. But once, staring vacantly before me, I found myself unexpectedly in the vicinity of the dreaded house. My knees trembled so that I was obliged to seek support. Leaning against the wall behind me, I recognized the door of the grocery store. Barbara was sitting inside, a letter in her hand, the light upon the counter beside her, and standing up straight close by was her father, who seemed to be urging something upon her. I should have entered, even though my life had been at stake. You have no idea how awful it is to have no one to pour out one"s heart to, no one to look to for sympathy. The old man, I knew very well, was angry with me, but I thought the girl would say a kind word to me. But it turned out just the other way. Barbara rose as I entered, looked at me haughtily, and went into the adjoining room, locking the door behind her. The old man, however, shook hands with me, bade me sit down and consoled me, at the same time intimating that I was now a rich man and my own master. He wanted to know how much I had inherited. I couldn"t tell him. He urged me to go to court about it, which I promised to do. He was of the opinion that no fortune could be made in a chancery. He then advised me to invest my inheritance in a business, a.s.sured me that gallnuts and fruit would yield a good profit and that a partner who understood this particular business could turn dimes into dollars, and said that he himself had at one time done well in that line.
"While he was telling me all this, he repeatedly called for the girl, who gave no sign of life, however, although it seemed to me as though I sometimes heard a rustling near the door. But since she did not put in an appearance, and since the old man talked of nothing but money, I finally took my leave, the grocer regretting that he could not accompany me, as he was alone in the store. I was grievously disappointed that my hopes had not been fulfilled, and yet I felt strangely consoled. As I stopped in the street and looked over toward my father"s house, I suddenly heard a voice behind me saying in a subdued and indignant tone: "Don"t be too ready to trust everybody; they"re after your money."
Although I turned quickly, I saw no one. Only the rattling of a window on the ground floor of the grocer"s house told me, even if I had not recognized the voice, that the secret warning had come from Barbara. So she had overheard what had been said in the store! Did she intend to warn me against her father? Or had it come to her knowledge that immediately after my father"s death colleagues of the chancery as well as utter strangers had approached me with requests for support and aid, and that I had promised to help them as soon as I should be in possession of the money? My promises I was obliged to keep, but I resolved to be more careful in future. I applied for my inheritance. It was less than had been expected, but still a considerable sum, nearly eleven thousand gulden. The whole day my room was besieged by people demanding financial a.s.sistance. I had almost become hardened, however, and granted a request only when the distress was really great. Barbara"s father also came. He scolded me for not having been around for three days, whereupon I truthfully replied that I feared I was unwelcome to his daughter. But he told me with a malicious laugh that alarmed me, not to worry on that score; that he had brought her to her senses. Thus reminded of Barbara"s warning, I concealed the amount of the inheritance when the subject came up in the course of the conversation and also skilfully evaded his business proposals.
"As a matter of fact, I was already turning other prospects over in my mind. In the chancery, where I had been tolerated only on account of my father, my place had already been filled by another, which troubled me little, since no salary was attached to the position. But my father"s secretary, whom recent events had deprived of his livelihood, informed me of a plan for the establishment of a bureau of information, copying, and translation. For this undertaking I was to advance the initial cost of equipment, he being prepared to undertake the management. At my request the field of copying was extended so as to include music, and now I was perfectly happy. I advanced the necessary sum, but, having grown cautious, demanded a written receipt. The rather large bond for the establishment, which I likewise furnished, caused me no worry, since it had to be deposited with the court, where it was as safe as though it were locked up in my strong-box.
"The affair was settled, and I felt relieved, exalted; for the first time in my life I was independent--I was a man at last. I scarcely gave my father another thought. I moved into a better apartment, procured better clothes, and when it had become dark, I went through familiar streets to the grocery store, with a swinging step and humming my song, although not quite correctly. I never have been able to strike the B flat in the second half. I arrived in the best of spirits, but an icy look from Barbara immediately threw me back into my former state of timidity. Her father received me most cordially; but she acted as if no one were present, continued making paper bags, and took no part whatever in our conversation. Only when we touched upon the subject of my inheritance, she rose in her seat and exclaimed in an almost threatening tone, "Father!" Thereupon the old man immediately changed the subject.
Aside from that, she said nothing during the whole evening, didn"t give me a second look, and, when I finally took my leave, her "good-night"
sounded almost like a "thank heaven."
"But I came again and again, and gradually she yielded--not that I ever did anything that pleased her. She scolded me and found fault with me incessantly. Everything I did she considered clumsy; G.o.d had given me two left hands; my coat fitted so badly, it made me look like a scarecrow; my walk was a cross between that of a duck and c.o.c.k. What she disliked especially was my politeness toward the customers. As I had nothing to do until the opening of the copying bureau, where I should have direct dealings with the public, I considered it a good preliminary training to take an active part in the retail business of the grocery store. This often kept me there half the day. I weighed spices, counted out nuts and prunes for the children, and acted as cashier. In this latter capacity I was frequently guilty of errors, in which event Barbara would interfere by forcibly taking away whatever money I had in my hand, and ridiculing and mocking me before the customers. If I bowed to a customer or recommended myself to his kind consideration, she would say brusquely, even before he had left the store, "The goods carry their own recommendation," and turn her back upon me. At other times, however, she was all kindness; she listened to me when I told her what was going on in the city, or when I spoke of my early years, or of the business of the chancery, where we had first met. But at such times she let me do all the talking and expressed her approval or--as happened more frequently--her disapproval only by casual words.
"We never spoke of music or singing. In the first place, she believed one should either sing or keep quiet, that there was no sense in talking about it. But it was not possible to do any singing--the store was not the proper place for it, and the rear room, which she occupied with her father, I was not allowed to enter. Once, however, when I entered unnoticed, she was standing on tip-toe, her back turned toward me, with her hands raised above her head, groping along one of the upper shelves as if looking for something. At the same time she was singing softly to herself--it was the song, my song! She was warbling like a hedge-sparrow when it bathes its breast in the brook, tosses its head, ruffles its feathers, and smoothes them again with its little beak. I seemed to be walking in a green meadow. I crept nearer and nearer, and was so close that the melody seemed no longer to come from without, but out of my own breast--a song of souls. I was unable to contain myself any longer, and as she stood there straining forward, her shoulders thrown slightly back towards me, I threw both arms around her body. But then the storm broke.
She whirled around like a top. Her face livid with rage, she stood before me; her hand twitched, and before I could utter a word of apology, the blow came.
"As I have said before, my colleagues in the chancery used to tell a story of a box on the ear, which Barbara, when she was still vending cakes, had dealt out to an impertinent fellow. What they then said of the strength of this rather small girl and of the power of her hand, seemed greatly and humorously exaggerated. But it was a fact; her strength was tremendous. I stood as though I had been struck by a thunderbolt. The lights were dancing before my eyes, but they were the lights of heaven. It seemed like sun, moon and stars, like angels playing hide-and-seek and singing at the same time. I had visions; I was entranced. She, however, scarcely less astonished than I, pa.s.sed her hand gently over the place she had struck. "I"m afraid I struck more violently than I intended," she said, and, like a second thunderbolt, I suddenly felt her warm breath and her lips upon my cheeks. She kissed me--only gently, but it was a kiss, a kiss upon this very cheek." As he said this, the old man put his hand to his cheek, and tears came to his eyes. "What happened after that I do not know," he continued. "I only remember that I rushed toward her and that she ran into the sitting room and threw herself against the gla.s.s door, while I pushed against it from the other side. As she pressed forward with all her might against the gla.s.s panel, I took courage, dear sir, and returned her kiss with great fervor--through the gla.s.s!
""Well, this is a jolly party," I heard some one call out behind me. It was the grocer, just returning home. "People who love each other are fond of teasing each other," he said. "Come out, Barbara, don"t be foolish. There"s naught amiss in an honest kiss." But she didn"t come out. I took my leave after having stammered a few words of apology, scarcely knowing what I was saying. In my confusion I took the grocer"s hat instead of my own, and he laughingly corrected the mistake. This was, as I called it before, the happiest day of my life--I had almost said, the only happy day. But that wouldn"t be true, for man receives many favors from G.o.d.
"I didn"t know exactly what the girl"s feelings toward me were. Was she angry or had I conciliated her? The next visit cost me a great effort.
But I found her amiable. She sat over her work, humble and quiet, not irritable as usual, and motioned with her head toward a stool standing near, intimating that I should sit down and help her. Thus we sat and worked. The old man prepared to go out. "You needn"t go, Father," she said, "what you want to do has already been attended to." He stamped his foot on the floor and remained. Walking up and down he talked of different things, but I didn"t dare take part in the conversation.
Suddenly the girl uttered a low scream. She had cut her finger slightly and, although she didn"t usually pay any attention to such trifles, she shook her hand back and forth. I wanted to examine the cut, but she beckoned to me to continue my work. "There is no end to your tomfoolery," the old man grumbled; and, stepping before the girl, he said in a loud voice, "What I was going to do hasn"t been attended to at all," and with a heavy tread he went out of the door. Then I started to make apologies for the day before, but she interrupted me and said, "Let us forget that, and talk of more sensible things."
"She raised her head, looked at me from head to foot, and continued in a calm tone of voice, "I scarcely remember the beginning of our acquaintance, but for some time you have been calling more and more frequently, and we have become accustomed to you. n.o.body will deny that you have an honest heart, but you are weak and always interested in matters of secondary importance, so that you are hardly capable of managing your own affairs. It is therefore the duty of your friends and acquaintances to look out for you, in order that people may not take advantage of you. Frequently you sit here in the store half the day, counting and weighing, measuring and bargaining, but what good does that do you? How do you expect to make your living in future?" I mentioned the inheritance from my father. "I suppose it"s quite large,"
she said. I named the amount. "That"s much and little," she replied.
"Much to invest, little to live upon. My father made you a proposition, but I dissuaded you. For, on the one hand, he has lost money himself in similar ventures, and on the other hand," she added with lowered voice, "he is so accustomed to take advantage of strangers that it"s quite possible he wouldn"t treat friends any better. You must have somebody at your side who has your interests at heart." I pointed to her. "I am honest," she said, laying her hand upon her heart. Her eyes, which were ordinarily of a greyish hue, shone bright blue, the blue of the sky.
"But I"m in a peculiar position. Our business yields little profit, and so my father intends to set himself up as an innkeeper. Now that"s no place for me, and nothing remains for me, therefore, but needlework, for I will not go out as a servant." As she said this she looked like a queen. "As a matter of fact I"ve had another offer," she continued, drawing a letter from her ap.r.o.n and throwing it half reluctantly upon the counter. "But in that case I should be obliged to leave the city."
"Would you have to go far away?" I asked. "Why? What difference would that make to you?" I told her I should move to the same place. "You"re a child," she said. "That wouldn"t do at all, and there are quite different matters to be considered. But if you have confidence in me and like to be near me, buy the millinery store next door, which is for sale. I understand the business, and you can count on a reasonable profit on your investment. Besides, keeping the books and attending to the correspondence would supply you with a proper occupation. What might develop later on, we"ll not discuss at present. But you would have to change, for I hate effeminate men." I had jumped up and seized my hat.
"What"s the matter? Where are you going?" she asked. "To countermand everything!" I said breathlessly. "Countermand what?" I then told her of my plan for the establishment of a copying and information bureau.
"There isn"t much in that," she suggested. "Information anybody can get for himself, and everybody has learned to write in school." I remarked that music was also to be copied, which was something that not everybody could do. "So you"re back at your old nonsense?" she burst out. "Let your music go, and think of more important matters. Besides, you"re not able to manage a business yourself." I explained that I had found a partner. "A partner?" she exclaimed. "You"ll surely be cheated. I hope you haven"t advanced any money?" I was trembling without knowing why.
"Did you advance any money?" she asked once more. I admitted that I had advanced the three thousand gulden for the initial equipment. "Three thousand gulden!" she exclaimed; "as much as that?" "The rest," I continued, "is deposited with the court, and that"s safe at all events."
"What, still more?" she screamed. I mentioned the amount of the bond.
"And did you pay it over to the court personally?" "My partner paid it."
"But you have a receipt for it." "I haven"t." "And what is the name of your fine partner?" she asked. It was a relief to be able to mention my father"s secretary.
""Good heavens!" she cried, starting up and wringing her hands. "Father!
Father!" The old man entered. "What was that you read in the papers today?" "About the secretary?" he asked. "Yes, yes!" "Oh, he absconded, left nothing but debts, and swindled everybody. A warrant for his arrest has been issued." "Father," she cried, "here"s one of his victims. He intrusted his money to him. He is ruined!"
""Oh, you blockhead! The fools aren"t all dead yet," cried the old man.
"Didn"t I tell her so? But she always found an excuse for him. At one time she ridiculed him, at another time he was honesty itself. But I"ll take a hand in this business! I"ll show you who"s master in this house.
You, Barbara, go to your room, and quickly. And you, sir, get out, and spare us your visits in future. We"re not in the charity business here." "Father," said the girl, "don"t be harsh with him; he"s unhappy enough as it is!" "That"s the very reason I don"t want to become unhappy too," cried the old man. "There, sir," he continued, pointing to the letter Barbara had thrown upon the table a short time before, "there"s a man for you! He"s got brains in his head and money in his purse. He doesn"t swindle any one, but he takes good care at the same time not to let any one swindle him. And that"s the main thing in being honest!" I stammered something about the loss of the bond not being certain. "Ha, ha," he cried, "that secretary was no fool, the sly rascal! And now you"d better run after him, perhaps you can still catch him." As he said this, he laid the palm of his hand on my shoulder and pushed me toward the door. I moved to one side and turned toward the girl, who was standing with her hands resting on the counter and her eyes fixed on the ground. She was breathing heavily. I wanted to approach her, but she angrily stamped her foot upon the floor; and when I held out my hand, hers twitched as though she were going to strike me again. Then I went, and the old man locked the door behind me.
"I tottered through the streets out of the city gate into the open fields. Sometimes despair gripped me, but then hope returned. I recollected having accompanied the secretary to the commercial court to deposit the bond. There I had waited in the gateway while he had gone upstairs alone. When he came down he told me that everything was in order and that the receipt would be sent to my residence. As a matter of fact I had received none, but there was still a possibility. At daybreak I returned to the city, and made straightway for the residence of the secretary. But the people there laughed and asked whether I hadn"t read the papers? The commercial court was only a few doors away. I had the clerks examine the records, but neither his name nor mine could be found. There was no indication that the sum had ever been paid, and thus the disaster was certain. But that wasn"t all, for inasmuch as a partnership contract had been drawn up, several of his creditors insisted upon seizing my person, which the court, however, would not permit. For this decision I was profoundly grateful, although it wouldn"t have made much difference in the end.
"I may as well confess that the grocer and his daughter had, in the course of these disagreeable developments, quite receded into the background. Now that things had calmed down and I was considering what steps to take next, the remembrance of that last evening came vividly back to my mind. The old man, selfish as he was, I could understand very well; but the girl! Once in a while it occurred to me that if I had taken care of my money and been able to offer her a comfortable existence, she might have even--but she wouldn"t have accepted me." With that he surveyed his wretched figure with hands outstretched. "Besides, she disliked my courteous behavior toward everybody."
"Thus I spent entire days thinking and planning. One evening at twilight--it was the time I had usually spent in the store--I had transported myself in spirit to the accustomed place. I could hear them speaking, hear them abusing me; it even seemed as though they were ridiculing me. Suddenly I heard a rustling at the door; it opened, and a woman entered. It was Barbara. I sat riveted to my chair, as though I beheld a ghost. She was pale, and carried a bundle under her arm. When she had reached the middle of the room she remained standing, looked at the bare walls and the wretched furniture, and heaved a deep sigh. Then she went to the wardrobe which stood on one side against the wall, opened her bundle containing some shirts and handkerchiefs--she had been attending to my laundry during the past few weeks--and pulled out the drawer. When she beheld the meagre contents she lifted her hands in astonishment, but immediately began to arrange the linen and put away the pieces she had brought, whereupon she stepped back from the bureau.
Then she looked straight at me and, pointing with her finger to the open drawer, she said, "Five shirts and three handkerchiefs. I"m bringing back what I took away." So saying she slowly closed the drawer, leaned against the wardrobe, and began to cry aloud. It almost seemed as though she were going to faint, for she sat down on a chair beside the wardrobe and covered her face with her shawl. By her convulsive breathing I could see that she was still weeping. I had approached her softly and took her hand, which she willingly left in mine. But when, in order to make her look up, I moved my hand up to the elbow of her limp arm, she rose quickly, withdrew her hand, and said in a calm voice, "Oh, what"s the use of it all? You"ve made yourself and us unhappy; but yourself most of all, and you really don"t deserve any pity"--here she became more agitated--"since you"re so weak that you can"t manage your own affairs and so credulous that you trust everybody, a rogue as soon as an honest man--and yet I"m sorry for you! I"ve come to bid you farewell. You may well look alarmed. And it"s all your doing. I"ve got to go out among common people, something that I"ve always dreaded; but there"s no help for it. I"ve shaken hands with you, so farewell, and forever!" I saw the tears coming to her eyes again, but she shook her head impatiently and went out. I felt rooted to the spot. When she had reached the door she turned once more and said, "Your laundry is now in order. Take good care of it, for hard times are coming!" And then she raised her hand, crossed herself, and cried, "G.o.d be with you, James! Forever and ever, Amen!"
she added in a lower voice, and was gone.
"Not until then did I regain the use of my limbs. I hurried after her and called to her from the landing, whereupon she stopped on the stairway, but when I went down a step she called up, "Stay where you are," descended the rest of the way, and pa.s.sed out of the door.
"I"ve known hard days since then, but none to equal this one. The following was scarcely less hard to bear, for I wasn"t quite clear as to how things stood with me. The next morning, therefore, I stole over to the grocery store in the hope of possibly receiving some explanation. No one seemed to be stirring, and so I walked past and looked into the store. There I saw a strange woman weighing goods and counting out change. I made bold to enter, and asked whether she had bought the store. "Not yet," she said. "And where are the owners?" "They left this morning for Langenlebarn." [63] "The daughter, too?" I stammered. "Why, of course," she said, "she went there to be married."
"In all probability the woman told me then what I learned subsequently from others. The Langenlebarn butcher, the same one I had met in the store on my first visit, had been pursuing the girl for some time with offers of marriage, which she had always rejected until finally, a few days before, pressed by her father and in utter despair, she had given her consent. Father and daughter had departed that very morning, and while we were talking, Barbara was already the butcher"s wife.
"As I said, the woman no doubt told me all this, but I heard nothing and stood motionless, till finally customers came, who pushed me aside. The woman asked me gruffly whether there was anything else I wanted, whereupon I took my departure.
"You"ll believe me, my dear sir," he continued, "when I tell you that I now considered myself the most wretched of mortals, but it wasn"t for long, for as I left the store and looked back at the small windows at which Barbara no doubt had often stood and looked out, a blissful sensation came over me. I felt that she was now free of all care, mistress of her own home, that she did not have to bear the sorrow and misery that would have been hers had she cast in her lot with a homeless wanderer--and this thought acted like a soothing balm, and I blessed her and her destiny.
"As my affairs went from bad to worse, I decided to earn my living by means of music. As long as my money lasted, I practised and studied the works of the great masters, especially the old ones, copying all of the music. But when the last penny had been spent, I made ready to turn my knowledge to account. I made a beginning in private circles, a gathering at the house of my landlady furnishing the first opportunity. But as the compositions I rendered didn"t meet with approval, I visited the courtyards of houses, believing that among so many tenants there must be a few who value serious music. Finally, I even stood on public promenades, where I really had the satisfaction of having persons stop and listen, question me and pa.s.s on, not without a display of sympathy.
The fact that they left was the very object of my playing, and then I saw that famous artists, whom I didn"t flatter myself I equaled, accepted money for their performances, sometimes very large sums. In this way I have managed to make a scanty, but honest, living to this day.
"After many years another piece of good fortune was granted to me.
Barbara returned. Her husband had prospered and acquired a butcher shop in one of the suburbs. She was the mother of two children, the elder being called James, like myself. My profession and the remembrance of old times didn"t permit me to intrude; but at last they sent for me to give the elder boy lessons on the violin. He hasn"t much talent to be sure, and can play only on Sundays, since his father needs him in his business during the week. But Barbara"s song, which I have taught him, goes very well, and when we practise and play in this way, the mother sometimes joins in with her voice. She has, to be sure, changed greatly in these many years; she has grown stout, and no longer cares much for music; but the melody still sounds as sweet as of old."
With these words the old man took up his violin and began to play the song, and kept on playing and playing without paying any further attention to me. At last I had enough. I rose, laid a few pieces of silver upon the table near me, and departed, while the old man continued fiddling eagerly.
Soon after this incident I set out on a journey, from which I did not return until the beginning of winter. New impressions had crowded out the old, and I had almost forgotten my musician. It wasn"t until the ice broke up in the following spring and the low-lying suburbs were flooded in consequence, that I was again reminded of him. The vicinity of Gardener"s Lane had become a lake. There seemed to be no need of entertaining fears for the old man"s life, for he lived high up under the roof, whereas death had claimed its numerous victims among the residents of the ground floor. But cut off from all help, how great might not his distress be! As long as the flood lasted, nothing could be done. Moreover, the authorities had done what they could to send food and aid in boats to those cut off by the water. But when the waters had subsided and the streets had become pa.s.sable, I decided to deliver at the address that concerned me most my share of the fund that had been started for the benefit of the sufferers and that had a.s.sumed incredible proportions.
The Leopoldstadt was in frightful condition. Wrecked boats and broken tools were lying in the streets, while the cellars of some houses were still filled with water covered with floating furniture. In order to avoid the crowd I stepped aside toward a gate that stood ajar; as I brushed by it yielded, and in the pa.s.sageway I beheld a row of dead bodies, which had evidently been picked up and laid out there for official inspection. Here and there I could even see unfortunate victims inside the rooms, still clinging to the iron window bars. For lack of time and men it was absolutely impossible to take an official census of so many fatalities.
Thus I went on and on. On all sides weeping and tolling of funeral bells, anxious mothers searching for their children and children looking for their parents. At last I reached Gardener"s Lane. There also the mourners of a funeral procession were drawn up, seemingly at some distance, however, from the house I was bound for. But as I came nearer I noticed by the preparations and the movements of the people that there was some connection between the funeral procession and the gardener"s house. At the gate stood a respectable looking man, somewhat advanced in years, but still vigorous. In his high top-boots, yellow leather breeches, and long coat, he looked like a country butcher. He was giving orders, but in the intervals conversed rather indifferently with the bystanders. I pa.s.sed him and entered the court. The old gardener"s wife came toward me, recognized me at once, and greeted me with tears in her eyes. "Are you also honoring us?" she said, "Alas, our poor old man!
He"s playing with the angels, who can"t be much better than he was here below. The good man was sitting up there safe in his room; but when the water came and he heard the children scream, he jumped down and helped; he dragged and carried them to safety, until his breathing sounded like a blacksmith"s bellows. And when toward the very last--you can"t have your eyes everywhere--it was found that my husband had forgotten his tax-books and a few paper gulden in his wardrobe, the old man took an axe, entered the water which by that time reached up to his chest, broke open the wardrobe and fetched everything like the faithful creature he was. In this way he caught a cold, and as we couldn"t summon aid at once, he became delirious and went from bad to worse, although we did what we could and suffered more than he did himself. For he sang incessantly, beating time and imagining that he was giving lessons. When the water had subsided somewhat and we were able to call the doctor and the priest, he suddenly raised himself in bed, turned his head to one side as though he heard something very beautiful in the distance, smiled, fell back, and was dead. Go right up stairs; he often spoke of you. The lady is also up there. We wanted to have him buried at our expense, but the butcher"s wife would not allow it."
She urged me to go up the steep staircase to the attic-room. The door stood open, and the room itself had been cleared of everything except the coffin in the centre, which, already closed, was waiting for the pall-bearers. At the head sat a rather stout woman no longer in the prime of life, in a colored cotton dress, but with a black shawl and a black ribbon in her bonnet. It seemed almost as though she could never have been beautiful. Before her stood two almost grown-up children, a boy and a girl, whom she was evidently instructing how to behave at the funeral. Just as I entered she was pushing the boy"s arm away from the coffin, on which he had been leaning in rather awkward fashion; then she carefully smoothed the projecting corners of the shroud. The gardener"s wife led me up to the coffin, but at that moment the trombones began to play, and at the same time the butcher"s voice was heard from the street, "Barbara, it"s time." The pall-bearers appeared and I withdrew to make room for them. The coffin was lifted and carried down, and the procession began to move. First came the school children with cross and banner, then the priest and the s.e.xton. Directly behind the coffin marched the two children of the butcher, and behind them came the parents. The man moved his lips incessantly, as if in devout prayer, yet looked constantly about him in both directions. The woman was eagerly reading in her prayer-book, but the two children caused her some trouble. At one time she pushed them ahead, at another she held them back; in fact the general order of the funeral procession seemed to worry her considerably. But she always returned to her prayer-book. In this way the procession arrived at the cemetery. The grave was open. The children threw down the first handful of earth, being followed by their father, who remained standing while their mother knelt, holding her book close to her eyes. The grave-diggers completed their business, and the procession, half disbanded, returned. At the door there was a slight altercation, as the wife evidently considered some charge of the undertaker too high. The mourners scattered in all directions. The old musician was buried.
A few days later--it was a Sunday--I was impelled by psychological curiosity and went to the house of the butcher, under the pretext that I wished to secure the violin of the old man as a keepsake. I found the family together, showing no token of recent distress. But the violin was hanging beside the mirror and a crucifix on the opposite wall, the objects being arranged symmetrically. When I explained the object of my visit and offered a comparatively high price for the instrument, the man didn"t seem averse to concluding a profitable bargain. The woman, however, jumped up from her chair and said, "Well, I should say not. The violin belongs to James, and a few gulden more or less make no difference to us." With that she took the instrument from the wall, looked at it from all sides, blew off the dust, and laid it in the drawer, which she thereupon closed violently, looking as though she feared some one would steal it. Her face was turned away from me, so that I couldn"t see what emotions were pa.s.sing over it. At this moment the maid brought in the soup, and as the butcher, who didn"t allow my visit to disturb him, began in a loud voice to say grace, in which the children joined with their shrill voices, I wished them a good appet.i.te and left the room. My last glance fell upon the wife. She had turned around and the tears were streaming down her cheeks.
MY JOURNEY TO WEIMAR[64]
TRANSLATED BY ALFRED REMY, A.M.
Professor of Modern Languages. Brooklyn Commercial High School.
A journey is an excellent remedy for a perplexed state of mind. This time the goal of my journey was to be Germany. The German geniuses had, indeed, almost all departed from this life, but there was still one living, Goethe, and the idea of speaking with him or even of merely seeing him made me happy in antic.i.p.ation. I never was, as was the fashion at that time, a blind worshipper of Goethe, any more than I was of any other one poet. True poetry seemed to me to lie where they met on common ground; their individual characteristics lent them, on the one hand, the charm of individuality, while, on the other hand, they shared the general propensity of mankind to err. Goethe, in particular, had, since the death of Schiller, turned his attention from poetry to science. By distributing his talents over too many fields, he deteriorated in each; his latest poetic productions were tepid or cool, and when, for the sake of pose, he turned to the cla.s.sical, his poetry became affected. The impa.s.siveness which he imparted to that period contributed perhaps more than anything else to the decadence of poetry, inasmuch as it opened the door to the subsequent coa.r.s.eness of Young Germany, of popular poetry, and of the Middle-high German trash. The public was only too glad to have once again something substantial to feed upon. Nevertheless, Goethe is one of the greatest poets of all time, and the father of our poetry. Klopstock gave the first impulse, Lessing blazed the trail, Goethe followed it. Perhaps Schiller means more to the German nation, for a people needs strong, sweeping impressions; Goethe, however, appears to be the greater poet. He fills an entire page in the development of the human mind, while Schiller stands midway between Racine and Shakespeare. Little as I sympathized with Goethe"s most recent activity, and little as I could expect him to consider the author of _The Ancestress_ and _The Golden Fleece_ worthy of any consideration, in view of the dispa.s.sionate quietism which he affected at the time, I nevertheless felt that the mere sight of him would be sufficient to inspire me with new courage. _Dormit puer, non mortuus est_. (The boy sleeps, he is not dead.)
At last I arrived in Weimar and took quarters in "The Elephant," a hostelry at that time famous throughout Germany and the ante-room, as it were, to the living Valhalla of Weimar. From there I dispatched the waiter with my card to Goethe, inquiring whether he would receive me.
The waiter returned with the answer that His Excellency, the Privy-councilor, was entertaining some guests and could not, therefore, receive me at the moment. He would expect me in the evening for tea.