MOTHER.
Have you had a quarrel? Otherwise I think I might like him--he is so steady! If he only amounted to something! In my time he would not have had to wait long. Then gentlemen were eager for a good penman, as lame people are for their crutch, for they were rare. Even we humble people could use one. Today he would compose for a son a New Year"s greeting to his father and receive for the gilded initials alone enough to buy a child"s doll with. Tomorrow the father would give him a sly wink and have him read the greeting aloud, secretly and behind closed doors, so as not to be surprised and have his ignorance discovered. That meant double pay. Then penmen were jolly people and made the price of beer high. It is different now. Now we old folks, not knowing anything about reading and writing, must allow ourselves to be made fun of by nine-year-old children. The world is steadily growing wiser; perhaps the time is yet to come when people who can"t walk a tight-rope will have to feel ashamed of it!
CLARA.
The bell is ringing!
MOTHER.
Well, child, I will pray for you. And as far as Leonard is concerned, love him as he loves G.o.d--no more and no less. That is what my old mother said to me when she died and gave me her blessing. I have kept it long enough; now you have it!
CLARA (_hands her a nosegay_).
There!
MOTHER.
That certainly comes from Carl.
CLARA (_nods; then aside_.)
Would it were so! Anything that is to give her real pleasure has to come from him!
MOTHER.
Oh, he is so good--and he likes me! [_Exit_.]
CLARA (_looks after her through the window_).
There she goes! Three times I have dreamt that she was lying in her coffin, and now--oh, these awful dreams! I am not going to care about dreams any more; I will take no pleasure in a good dream, and then I shall not have to worry about the bad one that follows it. How firmly and confidently she steps out! She is already close to the church-yard.
I wonder who will be the first person she meets? It would signify nothing--no, I mean only [_she shudders_]--the gravedigger! He has just finished digging a grave and is climbing out of it! She greets him and glances smilingly down into the dismal hole! She throws the nosegay into it and enters the church!
[_A choir is heard_.]
They are singing: _Praise ye the Lord_.
[_She folds her hands_.]
Yes! yes! If my mother had died, I should never have recovered from it, for--[_Glances toward Heaven_.] But Thou art kind, Thou art merciful! I would that I believed with the Catholics, so that I might offer Thee something! I would empty the whole of my little box of savings and buy Thee a beautiful gilded heart, and twine it with roses. Our pastor says that sacrifices mean nothing to Thee, because everything is Thine, and one should not offer Thee something Thou already hast. And yet everything in the house belongs to my father too; and still he likes it when I buy a piece of cloth with his money and embroider it and put it on his plate for his birthday. Yes, and he honors me by wearing it only on great holidays, at Christmas or Whitsuntide. Once I saw a little mite of a Catholic girl carrying some cherries up to the altar. They were the first the child had had that year, and I could see how she longed to eat them. Still she resisted the innocent desire, and, in order to put an end to the temptation, hurriedly threw them down. The priest, who was just about to pick up the chalice, looked on with a scowl, and the child hastened timidly away. But the Mary above the altar smiled gently, as if she would have liked to step out of her frame and overtake the child and kiss her.--I did it for her! Here comes Leonard. Oh, dear!
SCENE IV
LEONARD (_outside the door_).
Are you dressed?
CLARA.
Why so polite, so considerate? I am no princess, you know.
LEONARD (_enters_).
I thought you were not alone! In pa.s.sing by I thought I saw your neighbor Babbie standing by the window.
CLARA.
And so that is why--
LEONARD.
You are forever so irritable! One can stay away from here for two weeks, rain and sunshine can have alternated ten times, and, when one does finally come again, he finds the same old cloud darkening your face!
CLARA.
Things used to be different!
LEONARD.
Correct! If you had always looked as you do now, we should never have become good friends!
CLARA.
What of it?
LEONARD.
So you feel yourself as free of me as that, do you? Perhaps it serves me right! Then [_significantly_] your recent toothache was a mere pretext!
CLARA.
Oh, Leonard, it was not right of you!
LEONARD.
Not right for me to seek to bind to me the greatest treasure that I have--for that is what you are to me--with the firmest of all bonds? And especially at a time when I stood in danger of losing it? Do you think I did not see the furtive glances you exchanged with the Secretary? That was a triumphant day of joy for me! I take you to the dance and-- CLARA.
You never stop saying things that hurt me! I looked at the Secretary, why should I deny it? But only on account of the moustache he had grown at the University, and which--
[_She checks herself_.]
LEONARD.
Becomes him so well--isn"t that it? Isn"t that what you started to say?
Oh, you women! Anything that looks like a soldier, even a caricature of one, you like. To me the fop"s ridiculous little oval face, with that tuft of hair in the middle of it, looked like a little white rabbit hiding behind a bush. I am bitter toward him--I won"t try to conceal it.
He held me back from you long enough!